FicWad

"So, when did you decide to get help?" Frank asked, sitting at a table with his coffee, Emmett sitting across from him.

"When I took my position as a resident nurse at a children's hospital." He said, sipping a little from his coffee. "My duties are in the burn center." Emmett looked at his cup. "They all have these horrific burns on their skins; altering their outer appearance. Yet somehow, they managed to have shining faces and saying that their wounds were merely on the outside. It made me think about how I could cause wounds on purpose when these kids have them by mistakes and they still manage to be happier than I am. I knew I needed help."

"Wow." Frank said, drinking some of his own coffee. "My decision came when I realized how I've fucked everything up between myself and Gerard." He looked to his own cup as Emmett looked at him, listening to him. "I want to prove to him that I can get better."

"Do it for yourself; not for anyone else." Emmett told him softly but it still felt sharp to Frank. He understood what Emmett meant, Ray had told him the same thing, but he wanted so bad to prove it to Gerard. "If you do it for yourself, you're more likely to succeed." He drank some more of the coffee before him. "And when you succeed, you can shove it in Gerard's face."

"Yeah; I guess so." Frank smiled a little as he thought about it. He didn't want to rub it in Gerard's face exactly, but he would be ecstatic when he could show Gerard he really did get better and that the two could have a life together. "Can I ask you something personal and off topic?"

"Sure." Emmett set the cup down and looked right into Frank's eyes.

"When you found out you were positive, what did it feel like?" He asked quietly.

"It felt like the end of the world; well my life at least." Frank nodded, understanding exactly how that felt. "I tried to end my life; multiple times." He looked to the table as though he was trying to erase some horrible memory. "Then I found Chris, my ex, and he said he didn't care about the HIV because it wasn't who I was; who I am. He said it was just a minor complication but as long as we were careful, it would all be alright."

"That's pretty much what Gerard told me." Frank replied, looking to the table as well.

"It's hard though; being with someone who isn't positive. You always worry about infecting them and ruining their life; no matter how careful you are." Emmett stuck a small red straw in his drink, swirling it around as he played with it. "Like I said though, Chris couldn't put up with the blades."

"Gerard snapped after I was brought to the ICU from running away because I kept trying to keep the wounds on my arms from healing. Even when I had my chest bandaged, Gerard would take the time to change my bandages and tell me everything would be ok." Frank took deep breaths to prevent himself from crying.

"If you don't mind, what happened with your chest?" Emmet inquired and Frank was hesitant at first but Emmett was really sweet and seemed to go through everything Frank did.

"My prom; Gerard was my date even though he's like 4 years older than me. We shared this amazing dance then I went to the bathroom before we left where I got jumped. My attacker tried to kill me but just missed my heart. I was in a coma when I swear Gerard's voice, he has this heavenly voice that he would sing to me with, pulled me back to reality. When my bitch mother found out about our relationship, she told him to leave me alone and he listened to her. I almost killed myself with refusing pain medication. The wound on my chest burst open right as Gerard burst through the door. I had to have surgery but I still managed to survive. When I went home he would change the bandages and message the scar every day for me." Again Frank fought to hold back tears.

"And I thought I had it rough." Emmett put his hand on top of Frank's which rested on the table; rubbing his hand gently with his fingers. "But you're still alive and you're getting help now."

"Gerard even killed the bastard that attacked me." Frank said with a smile and Emmett laughed nervously. "He didn't tell me though; I found out from others."

"Relationships only work when there aren't secrets." Emmett smiled at Frank who nodded. "Chris never told me about his smoking habits; like non stop smoking. He agreed to do it outside though which kind of made me feel better but still." It wasn't quite the same but Frank still knew Emmett understood.

"Gerard smokes like that but I already knew about the drinking and smoking. We've been friends practically all our lives." Frank smiled, a little uncomfortable with Emmett's hand on his.

"Are you two still friends at least?"

"I have no idea." Frank pulled his hand to his lap, trying not to make a big deal out of it. "I don't think he plans on talking to me anytime soon." He looked to his coffee again, thinking about Gerard and picturing Gerard smiling at him, singing a sweet melody.

"Well if he's a true friend, he'll look past this and stay your friend." Emmett assured Frank who just smiled and nodded in some disbelief.

"I want him to be more than my friend again." Frank mumbled, putting the cup to his mouth to finish it before it got cold. Coffee was not something Frank liked to waste.

"That's for you two to decide amongst yourselves." Emmett said a little disappointed. "It's good that he doesn't mind you being positive; it seems hard to come by guys like that now."

"He wanted to become positive." Frank said grimly and Emmett looked at him with shock.

"That's not cool." Emmett said. "You told him 'no', right?"

"Of course." Frank said, setting the empty cup down. "There is no way I would let him ruin his life by having to put up with this shit disease like I am." Emmett's beeper began to suddenly go off so he looked at it and sighed.

"I'm on call." He said, putting it back in his pocket. "And duty calls unfortunately." Frank nodded knowing that hospitals came before coffee. "I would love to talk to you again." He said.

"Give me your phone and I'll put my number in it; you can do the same with mine." The two exchanged phones, typing in their names and numbers before switching back and Emmett leaving. Alone, Frank sat and thought about everything for a few minutes before throwing out his empty cup and calling Ray to come and get him. He liked Emmett; a bit more than he thought he should.

*****************************

Gerard sat on the bathroom floor, head resting on his arm which was extended across the toilet seat as the other one had its hand on the handle. He had just thrown up; multiple times. The acid in his stomach made his throat burn and he felt really weak after throwing up so he just sat there and rested until he could pick himself up again.

It wasn't until about a half hour later that he was able to do so. When Gerard finally stopped shaking enough to hold himself up, he brushed his teeth to rid himself of the acidic taste then looked at himself in the mirror, realizing that he didn't look good at all. Going back to his bedroom, Gerard grabbed his cellphone and called Mikey. "Hey it's me. I think I probably should go to the hospital." Mikey, relieved, said he would pick Gerard up in a matter of minutes.

Miserable that he was giving in, Gerard pulled a hoodie on since he was still freezing then laid on the couch, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, waiting for Mikey to come. He didn't want to go but there was no way he could put up with puking, shaking, being dizzy and light headed for who knows how long. Not to mention he felt so weak that he couldn't really do much.

When Mikey arrived, he freaked out about Gerard for a bit until they both ended up in the car and Mikey went to the hospital. Gerard left his blanket in the car and went inside to the ER, where he froze some more, until they had a clear spot for him. In the ER they put him in a room to wait for an available doctor, giving him a blanket because he complained about being so cold.

In the room, Gerard laid on the bed and stared at the door, silent as can be, the blanket wrapped around him with his knee's pulled to his chest. Mikey sat in a chair, looking to his elder brother with extreme worry. Gerard looked extremely weak and was pretty sick since he was silent. Anyone who knew Gerard knew he ran his mouth as much as he could.

A nurse came in and took Gerard's temperature, telling him he had a pretty high fever. She laid another blanket over Gerard then said a doctor would be in as soon as they had a free one. She put Gerard on an IV drop (you also could tell he was really sick because he just shut his eyes rather than fight about the needle) because he was so weak. "I'm calling Ray." Mikey said with concern.

He pulled out his cellphone and quickly dialed Ray's number, fidgeting until Ray picked up. "I finally got him to the damn hospital!" Mikey said with angst. "We're in the ER...I have no idea; there aren't any doctors available yet...he's just laying there on the bed, staring at the door, not saying a word...he looks pretty bad...yeah he's like extremely weak...only if you're alone...I don't think that's the best right now...ok...k, bye." Mikey hung up then dialed Bob, relaying the same information to him before shutting the phone and sticking it in pocket again.

"They both want to be called when we find something out. We agreed there's no point in all of us being here." Gerard very slightly nodded, his eyes half shut as he sated at the door, waiting for someone to come in and tell him what was wrong. At this point, he didn't even care where he was. He was aggravated with feeling so weak and nauseous. "You're going to be ok Gee." Mikey told him warmly and again Gerard nodded. His eyes ended up closing as he passed out.

****************************

"I'm going to kill him!" Ray said, hanging up his phone and unbuckling his seat belt since he and Frank had arrived home.

"Who? Mikey?" Frank asked with confusion as he too undid his seatbelt and got out of the car while Ray hastily got out himself.

"No, Gerard." Ray said, playing with his keys as he walked to the apartment. "He's in the ER."

"Is he ok?" Frank asked worriedly, following behind.

"They don't know yet. Mikey said he's incredibly weak and not saying a word." Ray unlocked the door and went to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water from it. "I tried to get him to go earlier but he was too damn stubborn to agree. He could have gotten help before it got worse."

"Are you going to see him?" Frank felt fear now as he thought of Gerard.

"No point in me sitting in the ER without knowing what's wrong with him. I'll head up when they find something." Ray uncapped the bottle and drank some of it. "Mikey thinks you should stay here if I go though." Frank felt a jolt of pain run through his heart as he thought about it. "Just because Gerard still hasn't calmed himself about the other day."

"Yeah; ok." Frank said quietly, going to his room. "When you go see him, tell him I hope he feels better." Frank opened his door, trying again not to cry. "And that I hope he rots in hell." He kind of slammed the door behind him and then laid on his bed, burying his head in a pillow. "Please let him be ok." Frank whispered, clinging the pillow like it was a life line.

There was a soft knock at his door and Ray called gently inside to him. "Frank; I just talked to Mikey again."

"That's nice." Frank called through his soft sobs.

"Gerard's passed out." He said, pain in his voice and Frank became horrified. "They can't get him to wake up."

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A/N--- it's short and sucky but you know what? IT'S 12 AM TOO! so get over it; I felt like I had to get something up though xD

god am I loving 'twitter' xD though with Bob talking to people; I feel weird writing about him now xD I'm crazy

xoxo Tabi