FicWad

A/N--- I can gurantee you will hate this chapter; probably even hate me for writing it

but I need it this way for the plans I have xD

xoxo Tabi ((btw, I cried while writing this so if you've cried at my stuff before, find some fucking tissues right now))

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"Gee?" Mikey quietly called from the door way of the hospital room. Gerard laid silently on the hospital bed, knees pulled to his chest and arms hugging himself for warmth; staring at the wall. Mikey shut the door gently then walked to the bed, smiling when he saw Gerard's eyes open. "Hey big bro." He smiled warmly then pulled a chair to the bed. Gerard remained exactly how he was; too tired to move. "You're in the ICU." Mikey said softly, pushing Gerard's hair from his face.

Gerard still made no effort to move or speak. He could barely stay awake. The only reason he fought to keep his eyes open was because he was afraid they wouldn't open if he shut them. "The doctor doesn't know how long you'll be here. They have you on heavy antibiotics." Seeing Mikey's concern, Gerard did manage a weak nod which gave Mikey some sense of relief. "You have meningitis."

"'m scared." Gerard mumbled, almost too quiet for his own ears to hear.

"You're gonna be fine." Mikey said which a smile but Gerard knew, just like Mikey knew, it didn't look good. Gerard was extremely tired, feeling dizzy, nauseous, and much more that no amount of medication would ever make go away. He was freezing and his skin was paler than normal with dark bruises caused my nothing across his body. Gerard looked like he was dying; he felt like he was.

"'m sorry for everything." Gerard told him brother in a whisper because he couldn't put the strength behind the words to make it louder. "Don't mess up like I did, Mikey."

"Please don't talk like that." Mikey said, crying a little. Gerard was talking like he was going to die any moment and it was freaking Mikey out. "You need to rest Gee."

"'m scared to sleep. 'm scared I won't wake up." Gerard admitted which only made Mikey cry more. "Don't cry Mikey." He said, not wanting his brother to be upset.

"I can't lose you Gerard." Mikey said, uselessly wiping his eyes because the tears continued to come out. "It wasn't supposed to be this way! You and Frank were supposed to get married and we were supposed to make it as a band!" Tears flowed from Mikey now and Gerard felt like crying as well because he hated when his brother got upset. Plus he hadn't thought about Frank once since he ended up in the hospital. It made his weakly beating heart beat with pain rather than just beat to keep him alive.

"Sometimes things change." He said quietly. "People change."

"It's not fair!"

"Life's not Mikey." Gerard said, managing a small smile. He had learned the hard way that life wasn't fair. The dizziness suddenly began to grow and Gerard began to lose the ability to concentrate on his surroundings. His eyes began to shut and his hearing started to fade. "I love you Mikey." Gerard managed to whisper as he slowly felt like he was fading away.

"No! Gerard!" Mikey yelled, shaking Gerard's shoulder. Gerard couldn't open his eyes or move. He just laid there and listened to his brother sob. "Gerard!" Mikey's head fell onto Gerard's shoulder, tears pouring out. "No..."

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Graveyards are fun and fascinating until you're at one because a friend or family member is being given to the Earth in which you walk upon. The sky was filled with many dark, heavy clouds which refused to let the sun shine through so the air was cold and still. It had been awhile since Frank had been dressed up in a suit and tie so it took him a bit to get ready. The last time he wore a suit was his prom; the beginning of the end for him and Gerard.

"Hurry up Frankie." Ray called with a knock on the bedroom door.

"I don't think I can do it Ray." He said as he fumbled with the tie.

"You already went to the funeral; now you have to go to the burial." Ray told him heavily.

"Funerals and burials are completely different." Frank said, giving up and sitting on his bed. Ray opened the door and walked to him, fixing the tie himself. "Why do I have to get dressed up to walk through a graveyard anyway?"

"To be polite and respectful." Ray told him, tightening the tie.

"I didn't get dressed up for the funeral!"

"Because you waited until last minute to decide you were going." Ray let the tie fall onto Frank's chest. "Now come on; people are waiting." He pulled Frank off the bed, straightening Frank's hair and jacket.

"People aren't waiting for me." Frank mumbled. "My presence means nothing to them."

"Well you said you were going so come on." Ray grabbed Frank's arm and headed for the front door. Frank's stomach churned as he quickly regretted his decision to go.

"Can't I change my mind?" He protested and Ray shook his head.

"It won't last long." Ray said, walking behind Frank to the car so Frank couldn't turn back. "Just some scripture, stories, tears, and shovels. An hour maximum."

"Then there's going to the house for pity food while more stories and tears are spewed out." Frank whined but Ray just pushed him forward. Miserably, Frank got into the car and buckled up, crossing his arms and scowling as Ray got into the driver's seat. "What about the band? What's going on with that now?" Frank asked to keep the silence gone.

"We have to discuss it." Ray told him, pulling out of the parking lot and onto the road to head to the burial. "So we're going to Mikey's after this."

"Yay." Frank said with extreme sarcasm, staring out the window and watching the colorless earth fly by The last place was wanted to be going at the moment was a burial for someone he knew he would greatly miss, even if he wasn't going to admit it.

"Try to be civil." Ray said, pulling into the cemetery and driving towards the cars by the crowd of people in metal folding chairs. "People are already upset."

"I'm not that heartless." Frank told him, taking a deep breath and unbuckling his seat belt then getting out of the car. "Though I have better places to be." He said under his breath as he headed towards the crowd. It's not that he didn't want to be there for support, he just didn't want to feel the pain of being there. Frank told himself he wouldn't cry because he had done enough of that over the past few days. "Hey; sorry I'm late." Frank whispered, putting his arms around Emmett's neck and kissing his head.

"Thank god you're here!" Emmett said, getting off the chair and wrapping his arms around Frank; crying some more. "I swear I'm going to lose it!"

"Hey Em." Ray said, walking up to them and smiling.

"Ray!" Emmett let go of Frank and hugged Ray tightly. "Thanks for coming!" He mumbled into Ray's chest before letting go. "I didn't think I would be such a wreck." He whispered, wiping his red eyes.

"Of course you're a wreck." Frank said softly, taking Emmett's hand. "Bri was your life."

"I didn't think it would happen so suddenly." Emmett said through his tears.

"She was ready." Ray said, rubbing Emmett's back as everyone took seats because the ceremony was about to begin. "I could hear it in her voice." When Frank told Ray about the children, Ray went to visit and melted just like Frank had. Now Ray went there every Wednesday while Frank was at group to play his guitar and play with the burned children who loved him.

"Yeah; I guess I knew." Emmett said quietly with a nod as he and Frank headed towards the chairs, Ray following them behind. All three ended up in the front row where no one wanted to sit because it made everything ten times worse. When Emmett called Frank in tears to tell him that Brianna passed, he lost it just like Emmett was at the moment. She was only seven but had become his best friend in a way. Whenever Frank would wait for Emmett to finish his shift so they could go out on whatever date was planned for the night, Frank would sit and talk to Brianna. She was just as sweet and understanding as Emmett was.

The service wasn't too long and Frank kept his promise of not crying because Emmett had cried enough for all three of them. The worst part was watching them lower the coffin into the grave. Frank had to hold onto Emmett and tell him it was ok so Emmett didn't freak out in front of everyone. Brianna was Emmett's only family and now she was gone too so Frank couldn't imagine was Emmett was feeling. He had to stay as strong as he could to support Emmett. "Come on babe." Frank whispered to Emmett when it was over. "Time to go."

"Do you need a ride home?" Ray asked Emmett as he helped Frank stand Emmett up. "We're going by your place on our way to a friends."

"Y-you're not s-staying with m-me?" Emmett asked Frank through his choking from the crying.

"I have to go to Mikey's to find out if we have a band still." Frank told Emmett, rubbing his back as they walked to try and calm Emmett down.

"I-I don't trust m-myself to be alone." He told Frank with fear.

"Fuck. You're right." Frank said with a sigh. "Ray, we have to figure something out. In group we learned that when you're upset you need to be around someone stable so you don't; you know." Ray sighed and nodded, completely understanding what Frank meant.

"Let me call Mikey." Ray said, pulling his cellphone out and walking off as Frank leaned against the car; Emmett leaning against Frank with his head resting on Frank's shoulder.

"Shhh..." Frank said softly to Emmett, rubbing his back some more. "Calm down Em." Emmett put his arms around Frank, thanking him over and over for coming. Once calm, Frank helped Emmett into the back seat where he suddenly fell asleep from getting so worked up. Frank hauled himself onto the trunk and pulled out his cigarettes, laughing as he washed Ray argue with Mikey.

Ever since Frank told Mikey that Emmett was his new boyfriend, Mikey has wanted nothing to do with him. At first Frank understood because of Gerard but after so long it got annoying to have Mikey glare at him or act hostile towards him. It got even worse when Gerard was released from the hospital because slowly he was getting himself back together and Mikey believed that meant Frank and Gerard were getting back together too; even though Gerard didn't see that in his recovery schedule. Mikey even treated Emmett in a hostile manner when the two met.

Ray sighed and shut his phone then walked back to Frank who tossed the remains of his smoked cigarette to the ground. "Mikey said Emmett could come because he would feel bad if something happened to Emmett."

"Sure he would." Frank said sarcastically as he slid off the trunk.

"You're only allowed to sit by each other though."

"Always nice to have my ex-best friend give me restraints on how my boyfriend and I can interact." Frank replied rudely, walking towards the door of the car and getting in while Ray got into the driver's.

"It's his house Frank." Ray said, starting towards the road and then to Mikey's. "Plus, Gerard's still recovering. It will make it easier for him to deal with."

"I don't give a fuck it if it will make things easier for Gerard." Frank snapped, careful not to wake Emmett. "I've tried over and over to fix things between us but he didn't want that." When Gerard was in the ICU, Frank would try to visit him to talk with him about their situation but Gerard didn't want to see or talk to Frank so after so long Frank gave up trying. "For all I care he could have died."

"Don't say that and you don't mean that." Ray told him, pulling into Mikey's driveway.

"I'm 22." Frank said, unbuckling his seatbelt. "I'll do what I want with whomever I want." He got out of the car then opened the door in the back to wake Emmett up. "We're here." He whispered, rubbing Emmett's head until Emmett was conscious enough to get out.

"Try not to agonize anyone, please." Ray said as they made their way to the door; Frank holding tightly on to Emmett's hand. Ray knocked then walked in, Frank pulling Emmett in afterwards. "We're here!" He called, walking towards the living room; Frank following miserably and Emmett being dragged along, not fully aware of what was going on.

"Let's make this fast." Gerard mumbled, not looking at Frank or Emmett. "I'm still in." Ray rolled his eyes, sitting next to Bob who whispered something to him and Ray nodded. Mikey sat on the other side of Bob while Gerard sat in a chair. Frank sat on the floor, pulling Emmett down with him then, just to piss them all off, had the half-conscious Emmett lay his head on Frank's lap while Frank stroked his hair. Ray and Bob sighed, Mikey glared, Gerard pretended not to notice, and Frank smiled proudly.

"I'm still in too." Ray said, trying to keep everyone's minds on the reason they were there.

"Me too." Bob said.

"Same." Mikey replied harshly as he glared at Frank. "How about you?"

"Sure." Frank said with a shrug. "As long as I don't have to keep my eyes open while I sleep." He smirked at Mikey who looked ready to burst.

"Don't start Iero." Mikey snapped at him.

"Well you've been a raving asshole to me since I started going out with Em so I don't want you to kill me or anything in my sleep." Emmett had luckily fallen asleep again so he was missing the argument which was essentially about him.

"Don't talk to my brother that way!" Gerard snapped at Frank.

"Fuck you princess!" Frank shot back at him. "This doesn't concern you!"

"Like fuck it doesn't!" Gerard yelled and Ray got up then walked to Frank, giving him a warning look as he bent down to wake Emmett up.

"I'm taking him back to the apartment. Don't kill anyone." Ray told Frank who quickly nodded then kissed Emmett before Ray pulled him up then helped him out the door.

"We're leaving too." Bob told Mikey, grabbing him and heading out the door while Mikey protested because they all knew things could get very ugly between Gerard and Frank.

"You're fucking brother doesn't need to tell me what I can and can't do with my boyfriend!" Frank started at Gerard again when they were all gone.

"You don't ever do what you're told so what fucking difference does it make?!" Gerard yelled at him.

"Don't start you fucking hypocrite! You don't do what you're told either!" Frank turned himself so he was facing Gerard. "I'm pretty fucking sure Ray told you to get your ass to a hospital but you didn't listen and almost died of fucking meningitis!"

"I don't want to be in the fucking hospital twenty-four seven like some people." Their rage was like a ping-pong ball; they kept smacking it back and forth at each other.

"No," Frank narrowed his eyes and spoke sharply, "You'd rather have everyone worry about you so you get more fucking attention than you actually need then walk the ledge of death before deciding to tell everyone you were just fucking with them and that you're actually fine."

"Like you don't make people worry about you as you play with death?!" Gerard was just as sharp. They might as well have been throwing knives at each other since their words stabbed their hearts anyway. "Is that why you're with Mr. Boy Toy? Because he's just as fucked up as you? Does it make you feel better?" Frank took his sneaker off and wailed it at Gerard, smacking him right in the face.

"Don't fucking open your mouth about Emmett!" Frank yelled at Gerard who held his hand to his nose, warm red blood coming out. "You don't know a fucking thing about relationships!"

"Please, enlighten me!" Gerard threw the shoe back at Frank with the hand that wasn't trying to stop his bleeding nose from making a huge mess. "Tell me all about the perfect relationship!"

"It involves love, understanding, passion, kindness, hope, determination, and everything else that a person needs to survive!"

"Exactly what didn't I provide you with from that list?" Gerard asked, wiping the dried blood on his pants as his nose stopped. "I'm pretty fucking sure I gave everything up for you because I wanted to make you happy and taken care of!"

"That's right Gerard! Make it about you!" Frank yelled at him, sliding his shoe back on his foot.

"It's about both of us dumbass!" He yelled at Frank, making sure his nose was really done. "Both of us fucked up our relationship!" There was silence after that as both came to the sudden realization that Gerard's words were true; both helped ruin their relationship. "So," Gerard's voice was soft now, "it's really over?"

"Yeah; it really is." Frank mumbled, looking at his hands.

"When I was in the hospital, thinking I was going to die, Mikey told me that it wasn't fair. He said that you and I were supposed to get married." Gerard laughed very slightly as he fought to hold back tears.

"Sometimes things don't always work out the way you want them to." Frank said, trying his hardest not to cry as well.

"A-are you happy?" Gerard asked, looking at Frank with painful eyes.

"Yeah..." Frank said, managing a small smile in an attempt to make it believable. "I am happy." It wasn't a lie; Frank was happy because he was getting his life back and he did really care for Emmett; but in a way he was still miserable because part of him wanted Gerard back.

"That's good..." Gerard said quietly and Frank noticed a few tears escape his eyes so Frank got up and went to Gerard, pushing his head up and wiping the tears away.

"Don't cry Gee." Frank said, his smile fading a little because he couldn't tell Gerard not to cry since he felt like doing so himself. "Please don't cry..." He couldn't contain himself any longer and started to cry as well. Gerard pulled Frank onto his lap and held Frank tightly as Frank put his arms around Gerard's neck, crying into his shoulder.

"Where did we go wrong?" Gerard asked, crying into Frank's shoulder.

"I have no idea."

"I wish I could erase it all so the only thing left was you and me; together forever like we were supposed to be." Frank nodded, crying even harder as Gerard spoke because he wished the same exact thing. Their worlds were too different for that now though. "All the things I wish I didn't say to you."

"All the pain I wish I didn't cause you." They held onto each other tightly, almost suffocating each other as they cried. Nothing made sense to either one anymore. Gerard was lost without Frank and no matter what, deep inside, Frank was miserable without Gerard. "But no matter how much we want to, we can't take any of it back." Frank pulled away from Gerard and wiped his eyes.

"It's there forever." Gerard whispered, wiping his own eyes. "We can't ever change that, can we?" Frank shook his head miserably, looking into Gerard's gorgeous eyes which he had avoided for so many months. They were still just as soft and gentle as ever.

"We just have to live the lives we created." Frank whispered, leaning his forehead against Gerard's as he took deep, slow breaths in to calm himself down.

"I'm glad you're getting help Frankie." Gerard said, letting go of Frank and holding his hands instead. "It's what you need; it's what I couldn't give you."

"I'm glad you didn't die in that hospital." Frank told him with a small smile and Gerard managed to smile back. "I know you're going to find someone perfect for you."

"I did." Gerard said painfully. "I just wasn't the perfect one for him."

"You were too perfect for me." Frank said, a few more tears escaping. Gerard wiped them from Frank's face then kissed his forehead. "No matter what, I'll always love you Gee."

"As I you Frankie." Gerard whispered as Frank got off Gerard's lap then let go of his hands. "So I guess this is good-bye."

"Kinda." Frank smiled a little. "We'll still see each other at rehearsal." Gerard laughed very quietly and nodded, making sure his eyes were dry. "Bye Gee."

"Bye babe." Gerard said as Frank headed for the door, trying not to start crying again as he went outside, heading towards the apartment because it wasn't too far from Mikey's. He didn't last long before he burst into tears again. They were so close to what they used to be yet they both knew what they used to have was gone; and it wasn't coming back.

When Frank was gone, Gerard fell from his chair and onto the floor, hands pressed tightly into his eyes as he began to ball again. All he wanted was Frank's body close to his again, whispering comfort to him and loving him more than life. But Frank was no longer Gerard's to hold; to love.