FicWad

A/N--- This chapter seems really long but that's cuz there's a lot of parts of WSAG in here as part of Franks memories/dreams. You can skip them or re-read them because I chose parts I thought were powerful.

Hope you like

xoxo Tabi

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few weeks later

Frank and Emmett sat at the coffee shop near the children's hospital; enjoying each other's company as they often did when they went out. All they did was go out or watch movies at Emmett's, doing nothing more than make out because Frank still couldn't bring himself to do more. In the middle of their conversation about the best horror movie moments, Frank's cellphone started going off so with a heavy sigh he answered it. Frank's cellphone went off often and Emmett was starting to get annoyed with it. "What?" Frank answered a little harshly because it was Mikey, who hadn't called him since that day he was at his house.

Emmett stared at the table, waiting for Frank to finish on the phone so they could resume their date. "Again?" Frank sighed heavily and put his head in his hand, rubbing his forehead in angst. Emmett gave Frank a questioning look but Frank didn't see him and continued to talk to Mikey. "Yeah; I'll deal with it." Frank hung up his cellphone and looked to Emmett with regret.

"Let me guess;" Emmett spoke with frustration. "Gerard."

"I'm really sorry Em." Frank said, putting his hand on top of Emmett's. "H-he needs me."

"What about me?" Emmett had slight pain in his voice. "I'm supposed to be your boyfriend but you spend more time with your ex than you do me!"

"Not here." Frank said, knowing the argument that was going to occur. It was an argument they had often and Frank was tired of it. He cared greatly for Emmett but Gerard came first. "I'm sorry Em but I have to go help Gerard. I'll call you later." Frank got up and kissed Emmett then headed for the parking lot since he was using Ray's car while Ray was visiting family.

Frank made his way to Mikey's to get Gerard since Mikey and Bob had to leave. It didn't take him long to get there because traffic was pretty dead which he was grateful for. Frank parked on the side of the road then headed inside, hugging Bob who was busy getting everything together then sending Frank to the bedroom where Mikey was. "Thanks." Mikey said when Frank went in. Bob and I are going to his parents for his aunt's wedding or some bullshit." Gerard was passed out on the bed, Mikey sitting next to him and rubbing his back. "Y-you sure you're ok to take of him? I mean we could take him to my parents or something..."

"It's fine Mikey." Frank told him with a smile, walking to the bed. "I'll bring him to the apartment where I can watch him." He said, sitting on the bed and taking over Mikey's job of rubbing Gerard's back. Frank could smell the alcohol on Gerard and sighed as he stared at the passed out man. Gerard had been constantly drinking over the past few weeks so everyone was afraid to leave him alone; just in case.

"Call if you need anything." Mikey said, hugging Frank then going off to find Bob. Frank felt happy for a brief moment because it was like he had his best friend back.

When Mikey was gone, Frank worked on waking Gerard up so they could go back to the apartment. He began to gently pat Gerard's back as well as shake him a little to wake him. "Gerard..." Frank said softly as Gerard began to stir. "Wake up drunken beauty." He said, shaking Gerard a little more. Gerard moaned and turned his head to face the opposite direction, ignoring Frank. "You're gonna come stay with me for a bit."

"Dun wanna...." Gerard mumbled so frank crawled over him, allowing him to see Gerard's face again. Frank pushed the hair from Gerard's face then went back to gently shaking him and rubbing his arm.

"You have to." He said quietly. "Everyone else had to leave town for family."

"'m fine 'lone." Gerard mumbled some more.

"No you're not so come on." Frank got off the bed then started pulling Gerard up. It took a few tugs but he eventually got Gerard off the bed and somehow to the car because Gerard stumbled the entire way. Frank put Gerard in the passenger's seat then buckled him in before getting into the driver's seat and began to drive towards the apartment. "Just you and me for a few days." He told Gerard who's head was propped against the window.

"Wuh bout 'mmett?" Gerard's words were slurred and incomplete but Frank could understand him just as easily as when Gerard spoke sober.

"Emmett will be fine." Frank said, pulling into the parking lot. "Right now I care about you and you only." He parked the car and unbuckled them both before getting out and helping Gerard out. Gerard was having a hard time keeping his balance so Frank had to hold onto him pretty tightly as they walked. Frank wished Gerard wouldn't drink like this but he really had no say in the elder boy's actions so he would just help take care of Gerard.

Inside the apartment, Frank made Gerard sit on the couch while he got aspirin and water. When he returned to the couch, Gerard was almost asleep again so Frank had to put the pills into Gerard's mouth then pour a little water in; Gerard managing to swallow by himself. Frank laid Gerard down on the couch that grabbed a blanket and threw it over him; humming the tune to 'you are my sunshine' subconsciously until Gerard passed out.

*****************************

Frank woke up on the floor next to the couch, stiff and exhausted. Gerard was still passed out so Frank pulled the blanket over him when Gerard woke up. "Dun lee'me Frankie." Gerard whispered, still slurring his words a bit.

"I can't sleep on the floor Gee." Frank said quietly, stroking Gerard's head. He could sense the fear Gerard had about being alone so Frank did the only thing that came to his mind. "You can sleep in my bed with me." He whispered then helped Gerard up, leading him towards the bedroom.

"Thanks..." Gerard mumbled as Frank sat him on the bed. Frank pulled Gerard's shirt and pants off then told him to lay down, covering him with the blanket before going to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"You can do this..." Frank told himself, looking into the mirror as he spoke. "Gerard doesn't want to be alone. There's nothing more than friendship between you two now." He didn't believe that though. There was still that very small strand between them that was nothing more than pure love. Neither had the strength to break that strand because they wanted it to be more; though the chances of that seemed very slim.

Frank went back to the bedroom and climbed in on the other side after he turned off the light. Gerard was pretty much asleep again so some of the nervousness Frank felt went away as he kept himself calm. He repeatidly told himself that Gerard was drunk and that they were only friends now. His head spun as Gerard slept soundly behind him.

As Frank tried to go to sleep, his mind began to replay the good and bad between them so he couldn't help but cry. The memories he kept hidden in the small corner of his mind were breaking free.


"Gerard?" He said sleepily as he pulled himself out his dreams and into reality. "What are you doing here?"

"I skipped the rest of school to come talk to you."

"Do that and you'll never make it out!" Frank told him worryingly. Gerard shrugged his shoulders, not caring if he didn't graduate, just as long as he made things right with Frank. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Us." Gerard said sitting closer to Frank. "This." Hoping Frank wouldn't freak out, Gerard kissed Frank who gladly kissed him back. It relieved Gerard to know they weren't beyond the possibility of a relationship. "We need to figure it out."

"I want you Gee." Frank told him quietly. "It just seems so weird to want you though."

"I know what you mean because I feel the same way." Gerard told him running his hand through Frank's hair. "I've failed all these years just to stay in school so I could be closer to you."

"And because you suck at math." Frank said with a smile which made Gerard feel slightly better.

"That too. But I could have gone to summer school or something to graduate on time. I didn't because I didn't, I don't, want to leave you."

"But you have to. I won't graduate for another year and a half, which is too long for you to torture yourself with high school. You need to move onto college." Gerard could hear the pain in Frank's voice which stabbed Gerard and made him want to cry. Frank was right though. He couldn't spend anymore of his life in high school. He needed to go on. "Plus, it's not like you won't come home for visits. And you have my cell number."

"It won't be the same." Gerard told him with a lack of hope. Frank pulled Gerard's face to his and kissed him again.

"It hasn't been the same since you fucked me." Frank told him, staring into Gerard's eyes. "But we'll figure it out."

...

"Suddenly I was surrounded by the darkness and I couldn't focus as it consumed me. I felt like I was falling down an endless pit when my body slammed into something. Then I felt you."

"Me?" Gerard asked with confusion.

"Yeah; like I knew you were with me, but I couldn't see you as the darkness trapped me. I fought and fought until I could physically feel your hand in mine and as I clutched your hand, the darkness started to disappear." He smiled sweetly at Gerard and Gerard felt his body melt. "You saved me."

...

"God!" Frank cried out as he lay on his side, soaking his pillow in tears, his hand clenched around the bars on his bed. His whole body felt like it was on fire now and he had the sense that he needed to let blood flow from himself to make the pressure go away. As though someone had granted his thoughts, he felt his chest get wet as blood quickly soaked through the blankets. His scar had started profusely bleeding and it was quickly dousing his bed in the deep red liquid. This is it....this is the end....

"Frankie?!" Frank looked at his door and saw Gerard there, his face overwhelmed with terror. He ran to Frank, tears running down his face, and jumped into the bed, grabbing Frank and holding him close.

"Gerard?" Frank managed to whisper, slight joy and relief in his voice.

"Holy fuck Frankie! You're losing a lot of blood!" He told Frank as he noticed the white blankets quickly turning red. "Stop letting yourself suffer Frankie!" Ray rushed out of the room when he noticed all the blood and returned a moment later with a nurse who said they had to get Frank to surgery immediately. Gerard told Frank to focus on his voice and to stay awake until the nurse returned again, Frank finally agreeing to medication.

"Gerard, I'm so-"

"Shh!" Gerard told him softly as he cried into Frank's hair, kissing his head and telling him to stay awake. "None of this is your fault! Don't ever think that!" It felt amazing to be in Gerard's arms again as Frank fought to stay awake like Gerard asked him.

"I'm sorry I made you sing." He squeezed out, his body slowly going numb and he could feel himself shaking. Gerard repeated over and over to Frank to stay awake. He could barely make out the room but he noticed Ray had his face in his hands and he could hear muffled crying.

"I'm glad you did. I've never wanted to sing as much as I do when I'm around you." Frank managed a small smile as he trembled. "They're going to take you to surgery. You're losing too much blood." Gerard told Frank calmly through tears though Frank could tell there was a lot of fear in his voice.

"Will you sing for me one last time?"

"Of course." Frank could barely hear anything anymore but he did hear Gerard start to faintly sing something Frank had never heard before. "I'm trying, I'm trying to let you know how much you mean. As days fade, and nights grow cold..." Frank smiled as Gerard's voice faded and the last thing he heard was nurses yelling numbers before everything went silent and the room fell completely black. His pain was gone and he felt free.

...

"You got me a prostitue?!" He asked with a smile.

"No you ungrateful little pansy." Gerard said sitting next to Frank. "Just open it." Frank tore the paper off then ripped the box open and froze. "Still wish it was a prostitute?" Gerard asked but Frank was speechless and couldn't answer. His hands shook slightly as he reached into the box and pulled a brand new guitar from the box and held it in his hands.

A few tears ran down his face as Frank ran his hands along the smooth surface, carefully taking in each curve and ridge. "T-th-thank you!" He managed to get out at last.

"Breathe Frank." Bob said with a smile and Frank nodded, mouth still hanging open and eyes planted firmly on the gift.

"That's not all." Ray said and Frank looked at him with confusion, unable to comprehend the fact that there could possibly be more. Ray handed Frank a flyer to a local bar and Frank became more confused. "We're going to play there in about a month."

"We?" Frank had never been more confused.

"As a band." Gerard told him and Frank lost the ability to breathe again. "But only if you don't suffocate so breathe!" Gerard became slightly harsh so Frank managed to get short, quick inhales of breath into his lungs.

"Like all five of us?" Adrenaline ran through Frank and he felt like running around with excitement.

"I'll do guitar with you." Ray told him. "We both play differently so it should work."

"I would do the bass." Mikey said after.

"Drums." Bob flexed his wrists proudly. He was excited to beat the shit out of drums again since Mikey made him wait to make sure his arm healed properly.

"What about you?" Frank asked Gerard. "You can't play." Mikey laughed then Ray joined in, both nodding their agreement.

"I'd sing jackass." Gerard said with a smile as he smacked the side of Frank's head. Frank just stared at him with surprise.

"Really?!" He exclaimed and Gerard nodded so frank lunged at Gerard and knocked him backwards as he crammed his lips to Gerard's. Gerard tried to say something but Frank wouldn't let him until Frank had to pull away to breathe. "Best birthday ever!"

...

The crowd roared as they played, Gerard's voice filling the building. Frank still loved listening to Gerard even if he hated Gerard for letting their relationship die. Frank had been staying with Ray for about three months, both greatly enjoying each other's company, and Gerard didn't show up once to try to fix things between himself and Frank. Ray suggested that Frank make the first move but Frank believed that Gerard needed to apologize and explain why he wouldn't tell Frank what was wrong.

When they finished, they all fell down on random furniture behind stage, breathing heavily and sweating profusely. "I've never been this exhausted!" Mikey said as he panted.

"I know! Not even at night when we-" Bob started when Mikey stuck his hand over Bob's mouth as Ray and Frank began to laugh. As they all caught their breath, a man who looked like a crazy hobo came in with a smile.

"You guys were amazing!" He said with a smile. "My bands not on for another hour and I was wondering if you wanted to talk." He said turning to Gerard. "I'm a singer too and I wanted to share some amazing things you can do with your voice and the microphone." Gerard shrugged then stood up.

"I'm Gerard." The man shook Gerard's hand as he introduced everyone else. "That's my brother Mikey, our bassist, and his boyfriend Bob who kills the drums." Mikey and Bob half waved as they both looked like they were about to pass out. "That's Ray, an amazing guitarist." Ray smiled then picked up a bottle of water and drank it in less than a minute. "And that's Frank, our other guitarist." Frank half smiled then used his tongue to play with his lip ring, aggravated that Gerard only introduced him as 'the other guitarist' after all they went through. "We're My Chemical Romance."

"That's a fucking amazing band name!" Mikey smiled as he shut his eyes, still laying on Bob who looked like he was going to die. Ray threw him a bottle of water and Bob smiled then drank half the bottle, Mikey finishing off the rest. "I'm Bert from 'The Used'."

"Well let's go Bert." Gerard said putting his arm around Bert and leading him out. Frank felt nauseous as he watched the two leave.

"You ok Frank?" Ray asked. Frank shook his head then got up and went to a trash can where he suddenly threw up. Reality had finally caught up with him. They Way Gerard pushed Frank aside and became very friendly with Bert who he just met meant that the two really were over and Gerard was moving on.

...

"Why do I feel this 'love' connection? No one really loves me."

"Gerard does." Frank looked at her and she just smiled. "Because he's not giving up on you, you can feel the pure love has for you." Dahlia got a little closer to Frank. "Close your eyes." She whispered and Frank did. "Listen." Frank didn't hear anything other than the brook but then a very quiet thumping noise became distinct. "Hear that?"

"What is it?" He asked concentrating heavily on it.

"Gerard's heart." The rhythmic thumping became louder and Frank could recognize it as the noise he loved to fall asleep to when he was in Gerard's arms.

"I want to go back to him." Frank said, a few tears falling to the ground. "I don't want to die."

"If you leave now, you won't be able to get into Heaven again." She warned him.

"A Heaven without Gerard is worse than an eternity in Hell." He opened his eyes and Dahlia looked at him with slight sorrow but nodded in understanding.

...

"So I talked to the doctor today." He said. Gerard figured the sooner he got it out the easier it would be. "And he told me they're going to try one more test." He continued to gently rub Frank's back.

"For what?" Gerard took a deep breath in before replying.

"For HIV." He said quietly and Frank began to cry slightly into Gerard's chest. "It'll be ok Frankie." Gerard said running a hand through Frank's hair. "It's just a test."

"For AIDS!" He choked out.

"No, for HIV." Gerard said. "AIDS is the final stage and that could take years to reach." Frank just continued to cry. "And it could be negative."

"Or it could be positive!" Gerard lifted Frank's head up so Frank was looking into Gerard's eyes.

"If it is, we'll deal with it." He said calmly.

"Who would want to be with me knowing I had it?"

"Me." Gerard smiled and wiped Frank's tears away. "I'm going to anyone a chance to be with you because you're mine." He kissed Frank's head because his lips were too far away. "And if the test does come back positive, we'll just have to be more cautious, that's all." Frank smiled through his tears.

...

"positive." Frank's grip increased so tightly on Gerard's hand that he probably cut off circulation. It was the worst thing he had ever been told and he felt the overwhelming urge to cry but he fought it off.

...

"We're missing mistletoe."

"I don't need it to tell me to kiss you." Gerard did the same with his glass as Frank did then pulled Frank on to his lap, putting their mouths together and sliding his tongue between Frank's soft lips. Frank put his arms around Gerard's neck as he ran his tongue along Gerard's mouth.

"What about a Christmas tree?" Frank asked with a smile as he recited every traditional Christmas item.

"Big enough one outside." Gerard pulled Frank's lips back to him.

"What's Christmas without a tree?" Frank was teasing Gerard just for amusement.

"Less mess." He said and Frank laughed as he looked around the suite.

"I think we accomplished that anyway." Gerard laughed and nodded his agreement, putting his arms around Frank's waist just to hold him tightly. "Still, a tree would have been nice." He smiled and Gerard rolled his eyes as he smiled.

"Fuck the tree." He said, falling down onto the carpet, pulling Frank down with him. "I have something better." Gerard put his head on one of the pillows while Frank rested his on the other, both staring into each other's eyes deeply.

...

"Go to the bedroom." Frank laughed while he wandered off in the direction that Gerard pointed to. He pushed the door open and saw a large bed sitting in the middle, deep red blankets and pillows that matched the walls, carpet, and curtains. In the middle of the bed was a little black box tied in a white bow that bore a tag reading 'Frankie' in cursive.

Gerard stood in the doorway as Frank slowly walked to the bed, climbing on top and picking up the lightweight box. His hands trembled as he untied the bow, laying the ribbon on the bed, and carefully taking the lid off. Tears poured from Frank's eyes as he looked into the box which held two gold rings on white satin cloth. "Will you marry me Frankie?" Gerard asked from the doorway.

Unable to speak, Frank nodded while Gerard walked to him then took the box from his violently shaking hands. Gerard picked one of the rings delicately from the box then slid it gently onto the finger next to Frank's pinky on his left hand. Taking the other ring, Frank slid it onto Gerard's finger, hands still shaking. Gerard took Frank's hands and stared warmly at him. "Now you're mine forever." Gerard whispered and Frank nodded again, taking his hands from Gerard's then putting his arms around Gerard's neck, still crying slightly.

...

As they played, Gerard got consumed in the music as began to drift away from his spot to the center of the stage, Bert doing the same on purpose. When Bert was basically on top of Gerard, Gerard gave him a warning look but Bert ignored it. Suddenly Bert put his mouth to Gerard's, not allowing Gerard to break free. He held the two like that for about a minute, the crowd cheering, gasping, and everything in between. When Gerard was finally able to break free, he looked to Frank who's eyes held more pain than Gerard had seen in them in months. When they finished the song, Frank put his guitar down then left, Gerard running after him leaving the crowd bewildered and the bands at a loss for what to do.

"Frankie!" Gerard called after him, the stage pulsing to life a few moments later as the bands came up with something to play, missing a guitarist and singer. "Frankie, baby, wait up!" He called desperately but Frank ignored him then slammed the door of the dressing room shut before Gerard could catch him. "Open up, please!" Gerard knocked on the door, hearing muffled cries from inside.

"Go away Gerard!" Frank called from inside and Gerard sighed, leaning against the door.

"I had no idea he would do that." He told Frank, lowering his voice some. "I told him to stay away because I love you but he wouldn't listen."

"Save it!" Frank called to him again, choking a bit from crying. "I should have known better." Gerard smacked his head against the door, hoping that Frank wouldn't get too worked up because he didn't need to get sick.

...

"I can't tell you that." Dahlia said miserably. "I'm not even supposed to be here right now. I could lose my wings." A tear rolled down her soft cheek so Frank wiped it away. "But I had to warn you."

"Thank you." Frank told her compassionately knowing that she put her life on the line for him. "I'll stay home."

"Not so much you," she mumbled, "but Gerard. Don't let him go anywhere." Frank's uneasy feeling grew even more as he stared at her. The warm feeling seemed like it was quickly fading away.

"What will happen to him?" Frank asked and she shook her head in fear. "Please tell me." He held tightly to Dahlia's hand, looking into her eyes with fear and severe concern. "I love him, Dahlia. I want to protect him."

"That's why you need to keep him home." Dahlia repeated, more frantically than before.

...

"I'll be fine." He whispered to Frank who held him tightly, making it difficult to walk. "I love you." He kissed Frank's head and smiled. "I'll be back in like five seconds." Frank smiled as he sat on the couch.

Gerard shut the door behind him to keep the cold air from getting into their warm house. Frank sat on the couch, taking deep breaths to prevent himself from over reacting. He began to count quietly to himself as he waited for Gerard to return. He knew it would be longer than the five seconds Gerard told him but he decided to see if he could get to five before Gerard returned, only so he could tease Gerard about it after.

one...two...three...four...bang! Frank's heart stopped as a loud gunshot echoed outside.

...

"I'll die without him." Frank clung tightly to his legs and Ray tried again but Frank just jerked away like he had before. "He's barely fucking alive!" He yelled into his legs.

"Frank, stop it." Ray told him. "I'll be right back." He stood and left. When he was gone, Frank reached into his pocket and pulled out the scalpel he had taken when they were in the emergency room. He slowly dragged it across his arm, starting at his wrist and going all the way to his elbow, slicing his whole forearm open. He then turned his arm over and repeated the same thing on the other side, until he sat in a pool of blood, his arm going numb. Frank leaned his head against the wall, smiling and laughing very slightly.

"I'm going to hell anyway." He said with a small smile. Lifting his mostly numb, bleeding arm, he ran the scalpel across his other arm, repeating the process. It wasn't long until there was blood everywhere, Frank becoming dizzy as he laughed ever so slightly to himself. He began to shake as he pressed the scalpel to his legs next, Ray returning with Bob and a very distraught Mikey.

"What the fuck?!" Ray yelled when he saw all the blood. "Bob, go get help!" Ray told him as he ran to Frank, slamming him against the wall. "Mikey! Take it from him!" Mikey who was unsure of what was going on, went to the corner and pried the tool easily from Frank's shaking, numb, hands. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He yelled at Frank who continued to laugh as he lost blood rapidly.

Bob returned with a nurse who screamed for more help, a whole flock of medical staff running into the room. They picked Frank up from the floor and stuck him on a bed then rushed him the emergency room where they tried to stop the bleeding but Frank fought to the best of his abilities. They ended up knocking him out so they could work.

...

"Show me your arms." He told Frank rather sternly.

"W-why?" Frank was nervous.

"Frankie; arms." Gerard repeated and Frank took a deep breath before rolling his sleeves back. He couldn't keep anything from Gerard. Lies ruined relationships. Gerard looked at Frank's arms, taking them in his hands and gently turning them, nodding slightly. "Me getting shot wasn't your fault." To Franks surprise, Gerard wasn't upset at all. He was calm and gentle as he spoke. "You have to learn that hurting yourself doesn't solve anything baby."

"How did you know?" Frank asked apprehensively.

"When you love someone enough, you just do." Gerard smiled then moved himself over some. "Come here." Frank carefully got into the bed, Gerard pulling him close and wrapping his arms tightly around Frank.

...

Frank shut his eyes and suddenly he heard sharp voices speaking to him.

"You waste of breath!" One hissed. "You're destroying his life!"

"What are you talking about?" Frank cried out.

"That poor boy you say you love." A new voice was speaking. "You're ruining his life. You're sick and you keep getting hurt. He is spending all his time taking care of you."

"Gerard loves me!" Frank yelled at the voices, gripping his ears tightly. "I love him too!"

"If you love him, let him go." The first voice was back. Frank's mind was spinning and he felt dizzy. He fell to the floor as they continued to speak.

"Frank? Frankie!" Frank's eyes bolted open to see Gerard leaning over him, his eyes full of concern. "Are you ok?"

"W-what?" He asked, his head still spinning.

"You were screaming in your sleep." Gerard lifted Frank up and rested Frank against him, wrapping his arms tightly around the shaking man. "It's ok, you're safe." He whispered to Frank, rubbing his back gently.

Realizing it was really late now, Gerard laid down, still clutching Frank, and fell asleep. Frank was unable to sleep though as the voices haunted his mind. About half way through the night, Frank slid out of Gerard's grip, not waking him to Frank's delight. He went to the bathroom and looked himself over. "They're right." He mumbled to himself. "I'm ruining his life."

Frank went to the kitchen and found a piece of paper and pen. He scribbled a note for Gerard, pulled the ring from his finger, rested it on the paper, then headed for the door, quietly shutting it behind him.

"Frankie!" Frank woke up to see Gerard staring at him, extremely worried. "Are you ok?!"

"What?" He sat up and realized he had been crying a lot because his eyes burned. "Y-yeah; I'm fine." Frank whispered, rubbing his eyes.

"You were crying and yelling and it really freaked me out." Gerard told him with concern. "What happened?"

"Just a dream." Frank said, realizing he couldn't stop crying. Gerard pulled Frank to him and wrapped his arms around Frank's shaking, soaked body. He put his hand on the back of Frank's head to hold it close to Gerard's bare chest as the other arm went around Frank's body.

"You're ok Frankie." Gerard said quietly, trying to calm him down. "Don't make yourself sick."

"I'm not ok!" Frank cried, hugging Gerard tightly. "I'm not really happy unless I'm around you! All I think about is you and all I dream about is when we were together!" Frank was choking as he gasped for breath, still hysterically crying. Gerard whispered to Frank, telling him to calm down before he got sick. "I'm still in love with you!"

"You really need to calm down babe." Gerard whispered, rubbing Frank's back as his body was soaked in Frank's warm tears. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. So please don't take my sunshine away." Gerard repeated the song over and over until Frank finally stopped crying and just clung to Gerard, breathing a little unsteadily still. "That's better."

"I don't want to keep living like this." Frank whispered.

"We can't change the past."

"But we can change the future." Frank said, raising his head from Gerard's chest to look into his eyes. "We can start over. We're two completely different people."

"Your future is with Emmett." Gerard told him quietly but painfully.

"No it's not." Frank admitted, quiet and a little ashamed. "All I can do is kiss him because I don't feel right about doing anything else. Even then I don't feel great about it. I know I don't love him."

"You're sure it's because of me?" Frank put his lips to Gerard's, absorbing the taste he longed for since he had run away almost a year ago. Gerard didn't pull away as he too felt the passion that he thought was gone flood through his body.

"Don't you feel it?" Frank asked when they broke away. Gerard just grabbed Frank's head again to kiss him without saying a single word. "Tell you me you don't love me."

"I can't." Gerard said quietly. "I've always loved you. I just got lost along the way."

"We both did." Frank smiled as he pulled away from Gerard a bit. "So, can we start over?"

"If you're sure that's what you really want." Gerard said with a smile and Frank's eyes illuminated; something they hadn't done in who knows how long. "Where do we start?"

"How about a movie?" Frank suggested, wiping his eyes to make sure they were dry.

"Sounds good." Gerard got off the bed then threw his jeans on as Frank disappeared into the living room. His head spun a little as he got over being really drunk but somehow kissing Frank made everything seem better. When Gerard got into the living room, he rolled his eyes and joined Frank on the couch. "You're still a huge pansy." He said as Frank put his arms around Gerard's body, his head resting on Gerard's chest like he had done so many times before. "Can't you play this movie in your head now?"

"It's not the same!" Frank gave his childish whine and Gerard felt his body melt because, no matter how annoying it was, he missed Frank's childlike behavior the most. Gerard just sighed and rested his on the arm of the couch, hugging Frank tightly; The Nightmare Before Christmas playing on the television.