Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > My Only Sunshine

Suicidal Hate

by ipanicdaily 8 reviews

"You need to come here and get Frankie." Gerard said with a heavy sigh. Ray was the only one who knew that Frank and Gerard were back together; basically because he came home and found them in a ti...

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Romance - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2008-12-07 - Updated: 2008-12-07 - 2546 words - Complete

"So what did Emmett say when you told him about us?" Gerard asked, sitting on the counter and supervising Frank making some vegetarian something because he had to use knives.

"He didn't pick up." Frank said a little disappointed. "I left him a message saying that he and I needed to talk."

"When was this?"

"Um...the other day. After you and I decided." Frank said with a smile, tossing the cutlery into the sink to be washed; at some point. "Why?"

"A few days...?" Gerard asked with concern, knowing where Frank and Emmett met.

"Gee, he wouldn't..." There was doubt in Frank's voice as he spoke because he too was thinking the very thing Gerard was. "Would he?"

"I dunno Frankie but think about how you two met. Sure, it's better to think he wouldn't but he hasn't called you back. I mean, you could assume he's really mad at you and that's why he hasn't called but, I know for fact, it's not all that easy to stay mad at you." Gerard smiled and Frank giggled a little. He had stayed really upset with Frank when Frank was hurting himself and when he ran away, but it started to turn to pain rather than anger; thus, he wasn't really mad at Frank anymore.

"Lemme try the hospital." Frank said, pulling out his cellphone and dialing. He disappeared into the living room and Gerard looked at whatever it was he was cooking, deciding it didn't look edible and went to find himself something to eat in the fridge. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge when Frank returned, worry spread across his face. "He hasn't been to work in a few days. We need to go to his house; please."

"Sure." Gerard said, putting the water down and heading for the door. "You have to tell me how to get there though." Frank nodded, hastily, and quickly cleaned up everything then shoved shoes on and went to the car to join Gerard.

It didn't take long to get there and Gerard barely had the car parked when Frank started to get out. "Do you want me to come with you?" He asked Frank quietly.

"No. Stay here. If I'm not back in five minutes you can come in." He said a little hastily as he got out then went to the door and pulled out a key. Gerard was a little surprised he had a key to Emmett's place but then again, they were going out for a few months or so. Frank disappeared inside and Gerard played with the radio when his phone started going off. He picked it up and saw it was a text message so he opened it to read it; breaking his heart in a way. 'Gee. I need you. Can't leave.' It was from Frank so Gerard got out and hurried inside.

"Frankie?" He called as he looked around, seeing no one. He walked a bit when he found a small hall where Frank sat, clutching his knees by a door. "Frankie?" Gerard asked softly, going to him and saw he was crying. Gerard knew it couldn't be good. "What?"

"Door..." Frank mumbled, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. Gerard opened the door and felt like he was going to throw up so he quickly shut it again. "Why...?"

"Frank, you need to get out of here babe. I'll take care of this but you need to go sit in the car or something. Want me to call Ray to come get you and take you to his house for a bit?" Frank nodded slightly so Gerard bent down, grabbed Frank's arm and pulled him to his feet then helped him to the couch in the living room. When Frank was sitting down, Gerard went to the kitchen and pulled out his cellphone to call Ray. "Hey, do you know where Emmett lives?"

"Yeah, why?" Ray asked, slightly concerned.

"You need to come here and get Frankie." Gerard said with a heavy sigh. Ray was the only one who knew that Frank and Gerard were back together; basically because he came home and found them in a tight embrace on the couch.

"What happened?" Ray was really concerned now and Gerard could hear him grabbing his keys in the background.

"Emmett killed himself." Gerard whispered, trying not to let Frank hear because he was already having issues. "It's not a pretty sight at all. I'm going to call the police and everything to handle this but I need you to get Frank out of here and watch him. He's probably going to blame himself."

"I'll be right there." Ray said and hung up so Gerard put his phone away then searched the cupboards for a cup, finding one and putting some water in it then bringing it to Frank.

"Here Frankie." He said softly, handing Frank the cup. "Ray's on his way. Drink some water and try to stay calm. I'll call the police and get this all taken care of." Frank nodded, grabbing the cup with a shaky hand and putting it to his lips, drinking a little. "Listen to me, and listen to me well." Gerard knelt down in front of Frank, staring sternly at him. "I don't care what you think or what you say, this is not your fault. If anything, it's mine." Frank opened his mouth but Gerard cut him off. "No. It's not your fault so don't blame yourself. You've done so well with getting your life back together and I'm so proud of you. I don't want you to ruin that all now. It's not your fault."

A moment later Ray walked in (no one really lived far from each other but Ray probably was in a hurry) and headed to the living room to find them. "Hey Frankie." He said in a sweet voice, looking to Gerard with a 'is he ok?' kind of look. Gerard shook his head so Ray nodded to let Gerard know he would handle him. After all, Ray took care of Frank every time something happened between him and Gerard. "Come on. Let's go to my house and watch a movie or play some video games for me to kick your ass on." The way he said it made Frank smile slightly which brought some sense of relief to Gerard. Frank got up and walked off to Ray's car, Ray handing him the keys to turn it on and listen to the radio. "What happened?"

"Come with me." Gerard said, leading him to the hall and then to the door where he found Frank sitting minutes before. Turning the knob, he pushed the door open and stepped inside, his nausea returning but he suppressed it because he had to deal with it all.

"Holy fuck..." Ray mumbled, staring for a moment before turning shutting his eyes and putting the back of his hand to his mouth. "Yeah; I'm gonna be sick so I'm going now." He said, quickly leaving the room. Gerard took out his phone again and called the police, telling them he found his boyfriends ex dead in his house so they told Gerard not to move and they would be right there.

Waiting, Gerard analyzed exactly what occurred. Emmett was laying across his bed, completely naked, carved up like nothing you would believe. Blood covered him, the bed, the floor, and the walls because after cutting himself up like he was made of butter, he took a gun to his head by sticking it in his mouth and pulling the trigger. On top of the sight, the smell was pretty bad because he had been like that for a day or two. Since he had no family left though and according to Frank he had friends but no one too close, no one came to check on him. Gerard felt really bad for Frank because even if he didn't love Emmett, he seemed like they were still really good friends. Then to find him like this after knowing they both struggle with self-abuse issues; that had to cause a lot of mental strain on Frank.

The police arrived and Gerard took them to the body. They didn't really question Gerard because you could easily tell it was all self inflicted; especially since Emmett's body read 'the man I loved, loved me not. He chose the man that couldn't be forgot. My heart was broke, my eyes sore and red. Just like my hope, my soul is dead. So as you sit, alive and well; remember me when you rot in Hell.' Gerard knew it was about Frank choosing Gerard over Emmett, and honestly, Gerard was wishing Emmett wasn't dead just so he could kill him himself. He hoped that Frank didn't find the 'note' because if he understood it, he would know that Emmett was basically telling Frank that his death was Frank's fault.

Pictures were taken of the body and room just in case. Gerard had to answer questions then go with one of the officers to the police station so a report could be filled out. He relayed the whole story to the cop, who stared at him with amazement, before the cop filled his report out. The officer wanted to talk to Frank but Gerard explained that Frank wasn't real stable at the moment so he let it slide, even if he could get in trouble for doing so. Once everything was set, the officer told Gerard that he may have to come back to answer more questions which Gerard expected.

After the police station, Gerard called Ray to see how Frank was doing. Ray told him that Frank passed out watching 'Nightmare Before Christmas' and that Ray hasn't left Frank alone just in case. Gerard told him everything that happened then said he would be over in a little bit. Getting into his car, Gerard took some deep breaths and rubbed his eyes a few times before starting towards Ray's, trying to think of how to handle the situation with Frank. He knew that his speech to Frank about how it wasn't his fault wasn't going to be enough to keep Frank from doing anything but there was no way he could stay awake forever to watch Frank's every movement. Plus, he didn't want Frank to think that he didn't trust him.

When Gerard reached Ray's, Ray went out to get them something to eat so Gerard and Frank could be alone for a bit. He walked to where Frank passed out and gently woke him, turning off the tv so there was no distractions if Frank wanted to talk. Frank's eyes were red and puffy because he had been crying but he smiled at the sight of Gerard. Sitting up, Frank motioned for Gerard to sit down so Gerard obeyed and sat on the couch, Frank laying his head on Gerard's shoulder a moment later. "How you doing?" Gerard asked softly, pulling Frank into his lap so he could hold him. Holding Frank always seemed to help keep him calm and the last thing Gerard wanted was Frank to freak out about anything.

"I just don't understand." Frank mumbled, putting his head on the space between Gerard's neck and shoulder. "We had group...we learned so much..." His voice was heavy and full of pain.

"Some people just don't learn Frankie." Gerard said, wrapping his arms around Frank and holding him as tightly as he could. "Emmett had it in his mind that he couldn't change."

"He seemed to be so happy though..." A few tears ran down Frank's face so Gerard wiped them away.

"Well his niece passed away not too long ago. He probably kept thinking he was alone in the world because his family was gone." Gerard spoke softly and quietly as though he was trying to lull Frank back to sleep.

"He wasn't alone though. I was his friend. His boyfriend for a bit. I just didn't love him and I didn't want him to think there could be something without love. I tried to tell him that I love you but he didn't want to listen..." Frank started crying a little more and Gerard rubbed his arm, figuring that it was best if Frank just cried it out rather than do something stupid. "I shouldn't have let him be alone..."

"I hate to say this babe, but if he really wanted to do it, he would have found a way no matter what." Gerard kissed Frank's head, still gently rubbing his arm. "He had it set in his mind and nothing you, or anyone else, could do would have changed it. He had mental problems that unfortunately he didn't seek help for." Frank nodded a little, wiping his own eyes though he continued to cry slightly.

"Still; I feel I could have done more..." Frank mumbled, making himself more comfortable in Gerard's lap.

"You're blaming yourself again." Gerard said quietly, trying not to upset Frank anymore.

"I can't help it..."

"Yes you can. Know why?"

"Why?" Frank looked at Gerard, a few tears still resting on his face though he managed to stop crying.

"Because you have me." Gerard wiped Frank's face dry. "And I'm going to be here whenever you need me to talk to or sit with or hug or kiss. I'm not going to let you fall into your old life style because you've done so well getting away from it." Frank smiled and Gerard kissed him on the lips. "Maybe someday we can actually manage to get married too."

"We're taking it slower this time though." Frank said and Gerard nodded. That had been one of the things they discussed upon deciding to be a couple again. They would take everything slower because they were older than when it all first happened and they didn't want to ruin it again. "But I still would like to marry you."

"We'll keep it in mind." Gerard kissed Frank's head and squeezed him tightly. "How about you rest a bit more?" He suggested because Frank looked really exhausted. "You still have an hour or two until group."

"You're still coming with me." Frank said, shutting his eyes and putting his arms around Gerard's body. Group had gotten rescheduled for the week so it was today instead. Gerard laughed a little, making himself comfortable on the couch just in case Frank fell asleep again. "Should I tell them about Emmett?"

"Yeah." Gerard hugged Frank tighter and leaned his head on Frank's. "We will."


A/N--- I managed to come up with a chapter xD

yay! Hope you likey. Oh, and hello to all meh silent readers. It's ok to comment you know; It makes me want to write more. Otherwise, I think this story is almost done. and you know what keeps lingering in my mind? Frank dies. That's what.

but you, the reader, has the ability to help influence where this story goes. I write it becuase of the people who comment and tell me what they think of it. Like I knew I had to come up with something about Emmett when I was asked what Frank said to him.

think about it.

xoxo Tabi
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