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Ch.2--- I Hold My Breath

Gee's POV

Ray is a frightening person. He's rather tall and very muscular. He wears ripped up jeans and tight shirts. His hair is dark brown and curly; kind of like an afro. The scary part though is he is incredibly nice. It's weird because he looks very threatening but he is actually very nice. His eyes are soft and gentle; his voice is sweet and kind. He really scares me.

I don't understand Bob. He's very quiet and just sat there. He has semi-long blond hair; well it's his bangs really that are long. His lip is pierced and it looks nice. His eyes are amazingly blue and really pretty. Bob is very nice too but he is confusing because he doesn't really talk; or show emotion. He reminds me of a robot. Maybe he is. I'm not sure. I'm still getting to know everyone.

Except for my memory loss, I was told I was just fine. I had no broken bones or any internal bleeding. That's always good; right? So, Mikey is taking me to his place. I really like Mikey; I'm glad he's my brother. He's very nice and takes time to help me understand. So, I forgot how to drive. I mean, Mikey didn't let me try or anything but I sat in the passenger's seat and was constantly asking him what the different buttons and such were for. He took his time and showed me or explained to me. I was told I had a car that I totaled in the crash but I don't really care because driving sounds like a hassle.

Mikey's apartment is nice. It isn't really big but that's ok. He has a couch and a tv in the living room. He told me to take his bed and that he would sleep on the couch. I felt really bad because it's his home but he insisted and I didn't want to upset him again. I had done enough of that. Ray brought some boxes over with my stuff in it. There were a bunch of comic books, clothes, pencils, a sketchbook, and other stuff. Apparently I have shirts that say 'Misfits' on them too. When I asked Mikey what it meant, he nearly had a heart attack. He played me some cd's by the Misfits who are a band. I didn't really like it. Mikey almost had a heart attack from that too. I guess I used to love them.

He freaked out when I offered him the comic books. I looked through them but all they were was a bunch of pictures with words. I thought it was childish but he seemed to really enjoy them so I offered them to him. Did my car crash really change me that much? Ray seemed to be pretty surprised at my refusing the music and comics as well. Then when I looked through the sketchbook and asked who drew it, I was amazed to learn I did. When I tried to pick up a pencil, my hand was really shaky and my line sucked. The doctor said that was because of where I hit my head but should be fine after some rehab. I had to go through a lot of rehab for my mind.

Then Mikey put in a different cd after the Misfits. He told me it was by a band called My Chemical Romance. "Do you remember them?"

"No, should I?" I asked with confusion, sitting on the couch and staring at him. I swear his palm hit his forehead so hard that it could have caused an avalanche.

"Yes, you should." Mikey said, sighing and sitting down while the cd played. "You were the singer." That made me feel really confused and even shocked. I don't remember anything about singing. Well, I don't remember anything at all. But I couldn't believe that I was a singer. I mean, I don't like the sound of my voice when I talk. I can't be a singer. "Maybe if I play a concert for you."

Mikey put something in the television; a dvd. I remember tapes. Apparently dvd's are what movies are played on now. They looked just like cd's. It was confusing. There was bright flashing lights on the tv and a lot of screaming. Then I saw myself; only my hair wasn't as long as it is now. It was shorter then. I had on this weird jacket but it was cool looking. Ray had on a red shirt and was playing a guitar. He was really good. Bob was playing the drums; he was really good too. Furious with them it seemed. I think he's a serial killer now instead of a robot. Maybe not. Mikey was playing a different looking guitar which he told me was a bass. He got it from his room and showed it to me. Sure enough, I was singing. Weird.

Then the camera rested on a short man with different colored hair playing a white guitar. I had no idea who he was. He ran around the stage and was sweating a lot. When the camera go close to him, I saw he had a lot of tattoos. He also had a lip ring. "Who's that?"

"Frank." Mikey said coldly. I didn't know why we didn't like Frank, we just didn't. "We were all in the band together. The band My Chemical Romance."

"Are we still in the band?" I asked him, taking my eyes off the television because it was giving me a headache.

"No. We ended it a year or two ago." Mikey told me, upset about it.

"Oh. Why?"

"Frank." He said, getting off the couch and going to the bathroom. Well, now I know why we don't like Frank. He made us end the band. But I didn't know why or how. People had to have been upset with him because why couldn't we have just kicked him out? Or did he own us or something? I was so confused. Mikey left the remote on the couch so I grabbed it and started to play around with the dvd called 'Life on the Murder Scene'. It was actually pretty cool.

Frank's POV

"How is he?" I asked Ray who called after he dropped Gerard's things at Mikey's. Gerard was going to stay with Mikey which I figured was probably a lot better than the basement at his parents.

"Still has no clue about anything." Ray told me and I sighed, figuring he wouldn't just magically obtain his memory over night. I wanted him to know about his past but at the same time I actually liked the fact that he couldn't remember. From what Mikey briefly told me, he didn't mention me to Gerard. Sure, it really pissed me off at first but as I thought about it, I realized it was better that way. He wouldn't have known we had a relationship once. I wish I could lose my memory of it though. "Want to know the worst part?"

"What?" I sat on my couch and played with the television. Nothing good was on; never was.

"He doesn't like the Misfits or comics." My remote collided with the floor.

"No fucking way!" I gasped. That was very unlike the Gerard I knew. He lived for comic books and we all loved the Misfits. They were like music gods. "That's not like Gerard at all!"

"Nothing is at the moment Frankie." Ray said and I clenched my teeth together to prevent myself from yelling at him. No one has called me Frankie since the break up. I couldn't stand the name anymore. It's what Gerard would always call me.

"Well at least he doesn't remember me." I mumbled, picking up the remote again.

"He knows about you though." Ray said and the remote fell again. "Mikey told him that they don't like you. Gerard believes him."

"What the fuck!" I yelled. That was ridiculous. I took care of Mikey and comforted him the night of the accident so he could tell Gerard they don't like me? No fucking way. If anyone, I shouldn't like them. I don't. But I wouldn't tell someone with memory loss that. Mikey could tell Gerard whatever he wanted and Gerard would believe him because he couldn't remember the truth. "There's no fucking way it's staying like that."

"What are you going to do?" Ray asked a little worryingly.

"I'm going to go to his house and make sure that Gerard knows the truth. I won't tell him we had a relationship but I'm not going to let him believe that they can't stand me." I said, turning off the tv and searching for my keys. "I can live with him never knowing he was my boyfriend, but I won't put up with whatever fucking lies Mikey will feed him to make him hate me."

"Don't do anything stupid Frank." Ray said in a warning voice. "Maybe it's for the best this way..."

"For who?" I snapped. "This isn't right! Mikey could tell Gerard whatever he wanted to make a whole new life for Gerard. He could completely change Gee!" I suddenly shut up. I haven't referred to Gerard as 'Gee' since we broke up. For awhile I only referred to him as 'asshole', 'jackass', 'bastard'; and that was after the point where I wouldn't talk about him at all.

"Oh fucking hell Frank." Ray said. "You're still in love with him!" There was annoyance in Ray's voice as he spoke to me. "I thought you were over this."

"I am!" I said, a little apprehensively. I can't be, can I?

"Then why won't you just leave it alone? Mikey won't completely change Gerard. He loved the old Gerard. But he'll try his best to make things good for Gerard; that means forgetting about you and what you two had." I couldn't believe what Ray was saying. He was supposed to be my best friend but he was basically telling me that Gerard shouldn't know about me.

"Maybe I think we could be friends!" I yelled, furious with him now. "Do you think I fucking like wasting my life away drinking?!" I continued to yell. "I have no one to fucking talk to and it drives me crazy! You're too busy selling drugs, Mikey is a raving asshole now, and no one knows what the fuck goes on with Bob!"

"Watch what you say Iero!" Ray raised his voice to me as well. "You made your choices now live with their results." The phone line suddenly went dead and I knew he hung up. I chucked my phone at the couch, rage pumping through me. I couldn't believe it. Everyone was against me. I didn't do anything wrong. Well, I walked out on the band. So that wasn't the smartest thing to do. But I was the one who tried to help Gerard get off drugs. They wouldn't believe me when I told them what he was doing. They should be the ones he doesn't remember, not me.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I am. I am still in fucking love with him, aren't I? No, I can't be. I've gotten over him. I have a girlfriend; kind of. Jamia and I do things; when I'm not at some party or bar getting wasted. She doesn't want me to drink but she doesn't understand. I have to drink him away. I have to erase my memories if I want to sleep that night. Fuck. I am. I am still in love with him. To hell with Mikey. I'm going to see Gerard. If he doesn't love me still then fine. But there is no way I'm going to let him hate me. That's not acceptable.

I grabbed my car keys and went to my car, getting in and starting towards Mikey's. To hell with Mikey and Ray. To hell with Bert Mc-fucking-Cracken. To hell with Bob; though I'm not sure he did anything wrong. I was going to see Gerard if I wanted to. If I got kicked off Mikey's property, well, Gerard has to leave the house doesn't he? And a restraining order can only be gotten if Gerard had a problem with me stalking him. I would have to make sure he didn't have a problem with it.

What the fuck am I saying?! This is stupid. I stopped at a red light and hit my head on the wheel. I'm going insane. He fucking told me to leave him alone. He chose his drugs over me. I'm stupid as fuck for trying to get him back. I'm pathetic; a pansy. Still, maybe we could be friends. I'm really fucking confused. I need a drink.

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A/N--- Don't get mad about Gee; it's only temporary, ok? He'll get back to loving his comics and what not. Give it time; pweze?

xoxo Tabi