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Ch.10---- I Know That I Hurt You ((Now That We're Done Metro Station))

Gerard's POV

"Ok, I'm sleeping on the couch." Ray said when we finally all got fed up with watching movies and playing games. It was two am roughly anyway. We all needed sleep. "What about everyone else?"

"I can take the floor." Bob said with a yawn. His eyes were already starting to shut as he fought off sleep until everything was decided. I like Bob. He's nice too. Still pretty quiet, but really nice.

"Gee can have my bed." Frank said, looking at me with a small smile. "I can sleep in the chair or something."

"It's your bed." I said quietly. I didn't feel right taking it from him.

"You're a guest here." He replied in a stern tone, telling me I'm not getting out of it.

"It-it's big enough for both of us..." I said quietly and Ray looked curiously at me. Bob was basically out. Frank shared Ray's expression as well. "Plus, I-I don't want to be alone cuz I've never been here." Ray laughed slightly. "Well, to my memory."

"I'll sleep on the floor in there then." Frank replied. I didn't know why he didn't want to sleep in the bed. Seriously, it's big enough for two people. Maybe it was because he felt weird like I did. I wouldn't try anything; and I don't think he would either. He told me to think about what I really wanted. I really didn't know what Mikey's problem with him was. Frank's so kind and thoughtful. Mikey's just being an asshole I guess. "Well, that's settled." Frank said through a large yawn. He too was falling asleep. "G'night."

"G'night Frank; Gerard." Ray said, lying down on the couch as I stood up. Frank and I went to his bedroom where he grabbed a pillow from his bed and a blanket from his closet. There was bunch of stuff in his closet; well what I saw of it. He was pretty careful to make sure I didn't see inside of it. That or I'm just being paranoid. I'm probably being paranoid. What would Frank have to hide in his closet?

"G'night Gee." Frank said with a smile as he laid down on the floor, pulling the blanket over himself. I sat on the bed, staring at him. I really don't know why he wouldn't just sleep in the bed. It probably could fit all four of us. Well three people lying vertically and one person horizontally on the end.

"You sure you don't want to sleep in your bed?" I asked, staring down at him. Frank turned to face me, still smiling a little.

"I told you; you're the guest. I'm fine. I've slept in stranger places and far more uncomfortable situations." Frank said quietly. For some reason, as I turned the small lamp off and got under the blanket, I kept thinking about that last line. Was this whole thing uncomfortable for him? He wants to be with me; that's obvious. But, do I want to be with him? He makes me feel so weird; but not in a bad way. More like an exciting way. You know; something that's like you just have to have more to see what happens and where it leads you. That kind of way.

Then I couldn't stop thinking about Frank telling me earlier that the past was the past when I asked him if I hurt him. That meant I did. But how? Was it emotional? Physical? Both? If I hurt him, how bad? Why didn't he leave me? Was that why we broke up? It was all so overwhelming that I was up for probably another hour, just thinking about it, until I finally passed out.

"Gerard;" Frank mumbled as I got out of bed. "Wha' ya doin up?"

"I need a drink." I replied coldly to him. "Just, go back to sleep." Frank rubbed his eyes and sat up, looking at me. His muscular torso reflected the light of the lamp and he stared at me with very exhausted eyes.

"Gee, it's like three in the morning." He mumbled.

"I said go back to sleep." I told him sternly, getting off the bed and heading for the bedroom door. I opened it then shut it forcefully behind me before heading to the kitchen where I swung the fridge door open and grabbed a beer; sitting at the table with it. The sound of the breaking seal relaxed me and in no time I had half of it gone. Alcohol was my lifeline; without it, I would die.

"Gee?" Frank appeared in the kitchen, still looking super exhausted and I sighed heavily.

"Didn't I tell you to go back to sleep?" I snapped at him.

"Yeah but it's early and you shouldn't be drinking." He mumbled as he rubbed his eyes, walking to me.

"You don't tell me what to do." I said, raising the drink to my mouth and drinking some more of it. "So why don't you go back to bed? You need the sleep." I told him because his eyes were heavy with exhaustion. His body needed rest.

"Please come back to bed with me." Frank asked a little pleadingly. "I don't sleep good without you with me." For someone who was still half asleep, he spoke like he was wide awake.

"I will when I'm done." I told him.

"Just this one?" Frank asked quietly and I scoffed.

"As many as it takes to make me forget her." I said bitterly, trying not start crying. Frank put his arms around my neck and rested his chin on my shoulder; eyes shut now.

"Gee babe, you won't ever forget her." He said quietly and sweetly. "She was your grandmother; practically your life."

"Well I'm going to try." I mumbled as I finished the beer. "So go back to bed."

"I'm not leaving you." He said a little sternly, letting go of me and falling into the chair next to me.

"If I wanted you with me, I'd be in the fucking bed, now wouldn't I?" I snapped. Frank didn't even seem phased by it. He just held his head up with his hands and stared at me with half open eyes, like he was waiting for something.

"How many more?" He asked quietly.

"I told you, as many as it takes." I replied coldly as I stood and dropped the empty can into the sink, going to fridge to get a new one. "But that did nothing so I might be at it all morning." Frank let go of his head and it hit the table a little loudly while I went to sit again. "Why don't you fucking go back to bed?!" I asked him loudly as I broke the seal on my fresh beer. "You're fucking tired as hell!"

"Because I'm fucking afraid of what will happen if I leave you alone to do this again!" Frank suddenly yelled back at me. "Last time you drank yourself into complete inebriation in the fucking middle of the night you destroyed half the living room doing whatever the fuck you were doing!"

"Would you rather I hurt you?!" I shot at him.

"You already do!" He snapped right back, shoving the chair back and heading for the bedroom again. "Sleep on the fucking couch or pass out somewhere in the house again. But I'm locking the bedroom door." Frank called bitterly back to me, the door slamming a moment later. This wasn't the first time it's happened. I just sighed and finished the beer in my hand; going through about another five that morning.

I woke up, breathing heavily and sweating like crazy. I felt like crying. I would get drunk then yell at Frank. Did I physically hurt him? Is that why he would lock the bedroom door? Or was it just emotional? I mean, if I was getting drunk all the time and getting mad at him, that would cause some mental and emotional damage since he loved me.

I turned on the table lamp and looked down to Frank; he was sleeping soundly on his makeshift floor bed. My heart was racing and I felt really sick. "Frank." I mumbled. Whenever I had a memory or dream or whatever it was, I would wake Mikey and he would help me feel better. Mikey was gone though; and I was still mad at him anyway. "Frank; please wake up." I said a little louder. Frank moaned a little and turned over to face the other direction.

Getting off the bed, I bent down to Frank and shook him a little, softly crying now. "Frank, please!" I begged him.

"Gee...?" He mumbled, turning to face me. One look at me and he instantly shot up. "Fuck; what's wrong?" He asked hastily and I just put my arms around him, hugging him tightly as I rested my head on his shoulder. "Gerard?" Frank asked softly, confused about why I was crying.

"I hurt you!" I said into his shoulder as I cried. He took a deep breath then let it go with a heavy sigh, putting his arms tightly around me.

"What did you remember?" He asked calmly. His voice was soothing and it relaxed me a little.

"I got up really early to drink and you tried to get me to go back to bed but I wouldn't listen and when I asked if you would rather me hurt you, you said that I already did. Then you told me to sleep on the couch because you were locking the bedroom door." I cried some more. Frank began to rub my back, telling me to calm down before I got sick or woke anyone. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's ok." Frank said calmly to me. "That happened a lot. I became used to it." My stomach seemed to knot and I clung onto him even tighter. I couldn't imagine that I hurt him. Hearing that it happened a lot made it seem so much worse too. I had no idea what was wrong with me before my accident, but I wish he lost his memory instead of me so he would forget the pain. I could hear it in his voice; feel it coming off him. "Now, why don't you try to get some sleep. It's still pretty early."

"I can't." I said into his shoulder, still crying slightly. Not as heavily as I was because hearing Frank speak calmly to me and feeling him rub my back seemed to calm me down greatly; still the tears came out though. Frank pushed me off his shoulder then looked at me with a smile; staring warmly into my eyes to try and soothe me.

"You need sleep." He said softly, pushing the hair from my face and behind my ears. "Would it help if I laid by you?" He asked and I nodded a little. Something about being right by him made me feel a lot better. Frank ran his fingers along my cheeks to wipe away the tears. "No more crying, ok?" He said and I nodded again. Frank got off the floor then helped me up, sitting me back on the bed and pulling a blanket over me as I lay down again. Grabbing his pillow, Frank climbed over me then put it next to me, turning the light off again and lying down. I turned to face him and even if it was pitch black, we were staring into each other's eyes.

"Thanks." I mumbled to him.

"Just get some sleep." Frank said through a yawn and I felt bad for waking him. But he made me feel a lot better. My dreams/memories always caused me to freak out; and I needed someone to make me feel better. Honestly, Frank did a better job than Mikey did. I now knew my answer for the question I had asked him earlier. Smiling, I shut my eyes and in no time I was asleep again.

Frank's POV

Pain was coursing through my body and I could barely move at all. I managed to sit myself up and reach into my pocket to get my cellphone. I could feel the warm blood running down my face; the glass pushing deeper into my skin. With shaking hands, I managed to call Ray. He was the only one I could think could help. "R-Ray?" I asked when he picked up. I mean, yeah it's his cellphone, but you never know who will answer it.

"Frank?" He asked with concern. "Please tell me he didn't." Ray said with a heavy sigh.

"I-I need help." I told him, trying not to cry.

"What happened this time?" Ray asked and I could hear keys in the background; no doubt keys for his car.

"I don't remember." I said, pulling my knees up closer to my body. "Glass...blood..."

"Fuck." Ray said heavily and I heard a car starting. "Keep talking to me, ok?"

"Ok." I replied weakly. It was getting hard for me to concentrate and I wanted desperately to shut my eyes. Figuring I had a concussion, I knew that was a bad idea. So instead I fought to keep them open; staring at the blood that stained the wall; my blood.

"Can you breathe?" He asked me. Ray has dealt with me and this situation before. Each time it's something different so he tries to cover the basics before figuring out the rest.

"Yeah." I told him.

"How well?"

"Pretty easily." I replied quietly. "Just worked up."

"Do you know where you're bleeding?" Ray asked me.

"My head..." I looked over myself to the best of my abilities. "My arm and my hands because of the glass."

"Stay awake." He told me sternly and I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me. "I'm almost to your house, ok?"

"Yeah." My voice was dying and I was almost to the point of literally holding my eye lids open. They wanted desperately to shut and I felt so weak that I was close to letting them.

"Is he still there?"

"No; he left and went to see Mikey I think." I mumbled into the phone, sitting myself up more. "He was just really stressed-"

"Frank, stop making excuses for him. This is fucking ridiculous. He needs to be reported." Ray said coldly to me because even though Gerard was Ray's best friend too, Ray couldn't stand seeing Gerard abuse me. But I loved him and I know that he doesn't really mean it. He just gets really upset and starts drinking; the alcohol is what hurts me. "Ok, I'm right outside. I'm going to hang up but I'll be inside in a minute." Ray said and I shut my phone, my hand falling to the floor.

"Ok..." I mumbled, still fighting to keep myself awake.

"Frank?" Ray called as the front door opened. "Where are you?" He called.

"Living room." I called as loudly as I could and he appeared, going white.

"Holy fuck!" Ray exclaimed as he looked around. "Looks like a mix of a tornado and a fucking slaughter house!" Quickly, he came to me and knelt beside me. "You need to get to a hospital quickly. You're like absurdly bleeding." He told me and I nodded a little. I already knew I was bleeding; I could feel it and see it. "I'm going to carry you because I don't know what the damage is." Again, I weakly nodded.

"My head hurts." I mumbled as he carefully lifted me off the ground and into his arms. I hadn't been eating lately because I've been too worried about Gerard. It's gotten a lot worse suddenly. He's drinking a lot more and doing so many drugs that the real Gerard is barely alive. The Gerard Bert Mc-fucking-Cracken created is taking over.

"No shit." Ray said as he carried me to the door. "You have a huge fucking gash in your head." That would explain the desire to go to sleep. I was losing blood fast, and good amounts of it, so my body was becoming exhausted and weak. "You can't let him get away with this one." Ray told me as he placed me in the passenger's seat, tearing his shirt and wrapping the strip of cloth around my head so I wouldn't bleed all over the car.

"It's fine." I mumbled while he buckled me in.

"No, you're extremely hurt this time. He needs to face the consequences." Ray shut the door and quickly got into the drivers, starting the car and backing out of my driveway. "And you need to leave him."

"I won't." I stated my ground even though I was very close to passing out. I kept myself awake though; my eyes occasionally shutting but opening every time Ray told me to stay awake.

"Frank, he's going to end up killing you." There was severe concern in Ray's voice now. "I love him like a brother, but I won't let him continue to do this shit to you. He needs to go to rehab if not jail. You need to get away from him until he controls himself." We reached the hospital and Ray parked in the ER circle, getting me from the car and brining me inside where they quickly rushed me to the back. Before I knew it, I did pass out.

Startled, I woke up and looked around. Then I remembered; Gerard woke up with a bad memory and freaked out. I comforted him and got him back to bed. He was sleeping again which made me slightly happy. But his memory of hurting me triggered the worst memory I had of him abusing me. When I ended up in the hospital that time, I almost did die. From the amount of blood loss and honestly the lack of will power to live.

But when he was sober, Gerard would come visit me. And that's pretty much what did keep me alive. To my relief, because I begged, Ray didn't say anything to Gerard about his drinking. They didn't know about the drugs though; I was the only one who knew about that. I tried to tell them but they wouldn't listen.

After a week in the hospital I was released. Ray had cleaned the house for me; repainting the walls because they were stained. For a few nights I took Ray's advice and told Gerard he couldn't stay at the house anymore. I fed him some lie about how I was still hurting from the hospital and how I needed to sleep alone; though I couldn't sleep at all. That's why I've been having problems for years. I only sleep when I'm over exhausted or when Gerard's around. Anyway, he believed me and would spend the night at Mikey's though his day would be with me. Gerard didn't really drink during the day; only at night. I wondered if Mikey had to put up with some of the shit I did. He didn't ever say anything.

Carefully, I got off the bed and went to the bathroom where I suddenly started throwing up. I had no idea why because I didn't even feel nauseous; yet the pizza I had eaten (under Ray's watchful eye) refused to stay in. Maybe it was because I hadn't eaten in awhile and then just suddenly had like five pieces put down my throat because one, two, not even three, was enough. When that ordeal was over, I brushed my teeth to try and rid my mouth of the acidic taste then went to the living room.

Ray was sleeping on the couch and Bob was passed out on the floor. I quietly passed through the living room and went to the kitchen to get some water; even though I knew it would taste weird. I need something to calm me down; I was shaking. Sitting at the table with my water, I slowly drank it and stared at the wall opposite me; lost in thought. A moment later, Ray sat down quietly in the chair next to me. "What happened?" He asked quietly.

"Just a really, really bad dream." I said quietly as I set the water down. "Sorry I woke you."

"I heard you in the bathroom." Ray said softly. "What did you dream about this time?"

"The past." I replied, sticking the cap back on my bottle of water. "Gerard woke me up crying because he had a dream about one of the many nights I locked the bedroom door on him as he got up in the middle of the night to drink." I said painfully and Ray put his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it a little to comfort me. "He was freaking out so I calmed him down then managed to get him back into the bed; lying down by him because he wanted me to."

"Are you ok?" Ray asked with a little concern because I imagine I look like shit. I could feel myself shake a little.

"No." I admitted. "My dream was of that time I ended up in the hospital." I said so quiet I wasn't sure he even heard me. "I'm afraid."

"Of what?" Ray asked gently.

"That it will all repeat itself." I said, rubbing my eyes as tears started to accumulate in them. I wasn't going to let myself start to cry. "Though it's been over a year, my body can't take anymore. I'm so afraid it will all happen again."

"There's no way I will let it." Ray said sternly to me. "I remember that day all too well. I really thought you were going to die in the hospital."

"Me too." I was on the verge of bursting into tears. I couldn't.

"Are you ok with sleeping near him?" Ray asked, his voice softening again.

"It's the only time I can sleep." I said. "Only when he's around do I actually get a good amount of sleep." Yes, I'll admit it; there was a little shame in my voice.

"Well go try to get some more sleep and we'll deal with this all later, ok?" Ray asked and I nodded. As I stood up, Ray stood and pulled me into a tight hug. "You're ok Frank, you understand?" I nodded as he held me to him. "He won't hurt you anymore. No one will."

"Thanks Ray." I said with a smile as he let go of me. "G'night."

"G'night Frank. Wake me if you have any more nightmares." I nodded my understanding and went back to the bedroom, shutting the door and climbing onto the bed. I got as close to Gerard as I could and when I realized he was on his back, I put my head on his chest and my arms around his body. I knew he wouldn't hurt me anymore; he is different. Yet, he's the same. He's still mine.

He's still my Gerard. And I'm not letting go of him this time even if it kills me.

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A/N-- sorry it's a bit long. I just kinda kept going xD

so Gee, my muse, is back. Only, the bastard refuses to help me with any story but this one. Thus, for now, this will be the only updated. Try giving him boas; I think that helps persuade him ^^ (I'M NOT CRAZY >l )

anyway, next chapter I think will deal with Mikey some more. Find out what his problem is ^^

I might have it up tonight; if not, tomorrow

xoxo Tabi