FicWad

Chapter Five: In Between


The sound of laughter stirred Frank from his daze as he lay on the couch. The other guys were still at the meet and greet and he wasn't quite up to the questions he would be asked when they came back. There was still over an hour until they would be on stage and stiffness in his legs forced him on his feet. He gently stuck looked out of the door and pulling his hoodie over his head he walked down the corridor towards the other dressing room. He remembered the times when his group would be supporting someone, everything was exciting back then, all fresh and new. Exhausting yes and tough at times but just great. The familiar sounds of a band so excited about playing a venue of this magnitude made him smile despite of how he was feeling. He knocked on the door and stood waiting.

"Fuck, it's not time to go on is it?" a voice could be heard through a frantic scrabble of noises.

The door opened slightly before it was flung over, "Hey Frank,"

Frank smiled at Chris, "Hey guys just wanted to check you had everything,"

"You want to come in," Chris asked, "It's a bit of a dive but feel free."

Frank looked around the corridor before disappearing in to the room, he hadn't spoken to any of them but they had met on the circuit plenty of times before. The record company would usually suggest artists to them as support as a means of trying to make more money but the guys preferred to tour with people they knew.

"You guys aren't still smoking that stuff are you?" Frank laughed as he sat down and snift the oh so familiar smell of his former smoking habit.

"Not really but fuck we needed something to get over the nerves," Ben replied knowing the game was up and pulling the joint out from under the table.

"I don't have a problem but don't let anyone catch you with it," Frank said being serious, "It's fine on the festival circuit and shit like that but they can get a bit shitty about it in some of the places we're playing."

"Coming from the guy who in the early days was always half-baked," Chris laughed.

"I know," Frank sighed, "So you still trying to be a front man then?"

"ha ha, you're so funny," Chris replied as the others started to laugh.

"I can't believe you gave up playing, I'd feel naked without my guitar." Frank said

Chris smiled over at him, "I haven't given up playing but since we lost Rob it's mean't I've had to concentrate much more on the whole getting out there and leading this rabble."

"Plus your playing did kind of suck," Nat shouted as she appeared from the back room.

"Hey Frank meet our new bass player Nat, be careful she bites." Chris said pointing back at the woman.

"Hi there," Frank replied waving over.

"Have you guys finished all the roll-ups?" Nat responded ignoring Frank.

"Don't blame me, it was giggly chops over there," Ben replied pointing over to who Frank recognised as the drummer, Steve.

"Fuck you Ben," Steve responded.

"I'm going to make my own then, you want one Frank?" Nat asked her hands on her hips.

Frank sat for a moment knowing he should say no but fuck what was one smoke going to do, it might actually make him calm down, "You know, that sounds good." Frank replied standing up and following her to the back room.

Frank stood uncomfortably as he watched her starting to carefully take the stuff from the tin and roll it up gently, "So how long have you been with the band?"

"Just a couple of months," Nat replied as she started on the second one.

"So you nervous about tonight?" Frank added trying to make conversation to ease the tension.

"Not really, it's just another show," Nat shrugged as she packed the stuff away before handing him the roll up, "You're so uptight Frank, hope this gives you what you need and if it doesn't and you need something a bit stronger just let me know," she added winking at him and leaving him standing there.

Frank was slightly taken a back, he wasn't naive, in the early days he could have had any sort of drug he could ever possibly want but it had been so long since he'd seen it so openly offered to him. The issues with Gerard when the band had come so close to disintegrating had forced them all to face up to their vices. Nowadays they were more likely to be drinking energy drinks and smoking the usual tobacco than anything out of the ordinary. He didn't say anything as he walked back into the room and snatched the lighter from the table. He sat down in the chair and closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply.

"Fuck that's strong," Frank said as he lean't forward in the chair.

The guys in the room started to laugh, "Been that long Frank?" Chris laughed as Frank's eyes shot open.

"Too long," Frank replied bring it to his lips once again.

"Well your secrets safe with us," Nat added.

Frank looked over at her,"It better be or I'll get shot."

"No problem." Chris replied," We owe you everything for you guys giving us a chance like this."

"I better be getting back and you'll be on soon," Frank added eagerly puffing away and soaking in every breath.

"At least finish it," Nat added," Before Mr killjoy here blasts it all away."

Chris quickly started to spray the air freshener.

Frank took one last smoke before he stubbed out the remnants, "Thanks for that,"

"Any time," Nat replied before turning her attention back to Ben.

Frank sniffed his clothes as he walked back up the corridor, the last thing he needed was to be stinking of marijuana but the only thing he could pick up was the synthtic smell of the air freshener.

"Frank, where the hell have you been?" Bob asked nervously as he stood before him.

"I was just talking to Chris and the guys," Frank replied slightly taken aback by the look on Bob's face.

"I thought you'd run off or something," Bob added," Fuck Frank, next time you decide to disappear let someone know."

"I know I'm sorry Bob," Frank replied before stopping as a muffled loud cheer could be heard, "That'll be them on the stage then, you know they've got a new bass player."

"Yeah, I met her earlier," Bob said as he walked with Frank back into their room.

Frank stood back slightly as he was confronted by Gerard, "You alright Frank? Bob and Ray said you weren't feeling too good."

Frank could feel the welcoming mellow feeling still within him, "I'm alright now, I don't really know what happened earlier but I'm all fit to play now."

Gerard briefly hugged Frank as the rest of the band gathered around them to prepare to go on stage. A knock on the door made Frank jump before their tour manager opened it.

"15 minutes guys," he announced to which Gerard nodded in acknowledgement.

"Do any of you guys mind if I grab a bit of fresh air?" Frank asked

"You're kidding right?" Ray instantly asked in shock," Frank we've only got a short time until we're on."

"I know but I just need air,"

"I'll come with you," Bob added as he stood up from the chair.

"Bob?" Ray replied rubbing his hand over his hair.

"I promise I'll get him back in 5 minutes," Bob tried to reassure Ray as he noticed Mikey and Gerard staring at each other.

Bob followed Frank towards the back door, giving the smaller man the space he obviously needed. Frank pushed the fire escape door open and Bob half expecting an alarm to go off was instantly relieved that nothing happened. Frank quickly lit a cigarette and leaned back against the wall.

"I just needed some fresh air and it's so quiet out here," Frank replied before opening his eyes as he heard a loud bang, "If you can ignore the stuff getting packed into the lorry."

Bob grinned,"Frank we need to head back before the others have a heart attack,"

"I know," Frank replied taking one last deep breath of his cigarette before dropping it onto the ground and grinding his foot over it.

"You don't need to do this you know," Bob said in a serious tone.

"It's the only thing keeping me going," Frank replied more honestly than he intended.

Bob nodded before he shepherded Frank back into the building.

"Hey Frank," a voice shouted as they walked up the corridor.

Both men turned to see a sweaty Chris and Nat come out of their dressing room.

"Great crowd tonight guys," Chris yelled enthusiastically.
"First night didn't put you off then Nat?" Frank asked.

"I think I can handle it Iero," Nat replied winking at him before she walked back into the room.

"Have a good one," Chris laughed before he rejoined his friends.

Frank re-entered their room to see a nervous Gerard pacing up and down the room, "I told you I would be a few minutes," Frank smiled as Gerard looked at him but the smile disappeared as he realised Gerard looked genuinely upset and surprised to see him,"What? What's wrong? Has something happened?"

Frank looked around to see Ray staring at him and Mikey looking at his feet, "Fuck, will someone say something?"

They all froze as the door reopened, "Guys, it's time to move,"

"No wait, "Frank shouted as the others started to walk towards the door, "We can't go on like this?"

Gerard turned back from the door, "I panicked Frank that's all, when you disappeared like that I didn't think.."

"You didn't think what?" Frank asked confused looking at Ray's face.

"He didn't think you were coming back," Mikey added finishing Gerard's sentence.

"Gee come on," Frank laughed despite himself,"I know I've been a lot quieter and stuff but I would never walk away like that."

"We better get on," Ray muttered.

"I'm sorry guys I really am," Frank added his voice breaking as he suddenly felt a huge wave of emotion wash over him.

Gerard turned unable to ignore the pain in Frank's voice and walked over to him. Gerard hugged him hard before he stepped back and placed both his hands on the sides of Frank's face, "You are like a brother to me Frank, to all of us but you need to tell us what's going on."

Frank nodded unable to speak for the fear of breaking down in front of them.

"Let's get on that stage and blow this fucking place apart," Gerard yelled as he turned to the others. Mikey and Bob both patted Frank's back as they followed Gerard towards the stage.
Frank looked up as Ray stood before him, "I'm sorry Ray,"

"You've got nothing to be sorry for Frank," Ray replied, "Let's show them what we've got,"

Frank smiled and zipped up his hoodie.

"And Frank?" Ray said as they walked out of the room together.

"Yep,"

"Know this, despite all the shit that's going nothing and I mean nothing will change the fact that we all love you," Ray replied wrapping his arm around Frank, "Don't tell anyone but I can't do this without you."

Frank bit his bottom lip as he struggled to hold back the tears. He didn't understand how they all could all feel that way towards him when he was acting like such a selfish bastard. The guilt for what he had done to himself in the bus, the betrayal he felt for letting them all down earlier and then to make them all think he had done a runner was threatening to overwhelm him. As they stood at the side of the stage getting ready to go on Frank could feel everyone looking at him. Their faces full of genuine worry and their words packed with encouragement. He was determined not to let them down and the dull ache in his arm would just have to take a back seat. Frank lifted his guitar strap over his shoulder and just the feeling of the guitar across his body gave him that familiar buzz that he never expected. His stomach continued to roll as he heard the expectation in the crowd build. Every muscle in his body was tense and he could feel himself want to run but as the lights went out it was as if he was on autopilot. His legs just made him go out there and before he knew it his hands were automatically moving across his guitar. Frank focused on his guitar, his hair the only barrier between himself and the outside world. The comforting sound of Bob's steady drumbeat, Ray's strumming, Mikey's movement back and forth and Gerard's voice was all that he needed right at this moment. He looked up just once to see Gerard staring at him before he reached over and ruffled Frank's hair. His inner demons were still shouting madly at him but for once Frank wouldn't let them get the upper hand.




Please review/rate if you have a moment. I know I say this all the time but it does let me know if this is worth continuing with. It's really difficult to write but I do appreciate any sort of comment or advice. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed my last update and I'm really sorry it's been a while since I last updated.