- wanted to tell you how much i enjoyed the chapter.. love the build up between susan and ginny and am finding the pace of your writing just right.. but THE best thing was penelope, just a little more narcissa like coldness when percy cottoned on would have been exquisite.. i applaud you good sir!
Author's responseIf I ever go back to do rewrites, the Percy/Penny/Voldy scene is probably the most likely to get a rewrite.
(#) Lira_Snape 2006-05-07Your story is in parts quite original but as good as you can write, I abhor authors who can't spell the names of the main characters! It's HermIOne, not Hermoine!! And btw, Flamel is spelt without the extra-m!
Author's responseSometimes my keystrokes get away from me and my beta does a fantastic job, but alas she is only human and in a perfect world she would be getting paid for making my shoddy grammar look good. I'll go back and look for corrections. I hope this doesn't detract from your enjoyment of the story. Jim
- I think that this shows insight into the teen mind: "Susan couldn't put her finger on exactly why she was annoyed with Ginny Weasley."
I was impressed with your novel interpretation of the Percy/Penelope relationship.
Author's responseThank you for the compliment. Penny's always the one to lead Percy back to his family. Penny is always his source of redemption. Well how about Penny was always whispering in his ear how much they were holding him back or something like that? He isn't the first or the last person to be led to his doom by a girl in a short skirt.~Jim
- This is a review for chapter 8, would not let me do it there, so here it is.
Still proving to be a good story, glad you did have Harry put Molly in her place a bit (and hope to see more of that) the bit about Draco was cool, and the Narcissa bit was cool and unexpected. Like the bit about “Harry we only manipulated you for your own good. Hell you were going to get sex either way so what is the big deal? Your warring to much about the fact that your friends and mentors are continuing to keep huge details about your life from you when you should be looking forward to the sex, by the way has anyone bothered to give you ‘the talk’ yet?”
- I came to Harry Potter when the first movie was being touted, and went right out and bought the books. Read them and started writing my own fanfiction. Aided by my VERY imaginative 78 year old (at the time) mother. She felt that American Quidditch should be faster and more brutal and require faster reflexes. Smaller faster balls & smaller hoops. I felt that we should have Billyball - a game like football with little broomlets on their feet. Grivle - a game on Granian (flying horses) trying to catch a baby Peruvian Vipertooth (dragon). Plath - NASCAR for wizards. Remember how Draco and Harry raced for the snitch in movie #2? That. Please feel free to use these concepts. Also "Dulcificus Expumarri" to sweeten and make fizzy any drink. I love the story.
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