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Ch.13---- This Love Is Difficult But It's Real ((Love Story Taylor Swift))

Gee's POV

"I, uh, brought you your clothes." Mikey stood at the door with a box. "Since you've been staying here now..."

"Uh, thanks." I replied a little hesitantly as I took the box from him. "That all?" Mikey looked at me with sorrow but nodded.

"I apologized to Frank..." Mikey told me with a little pleading in his voice.

"Good." I told him sternly. "He didn't do anything to you. Now is that all?" Again Mikey nodded. "Good bye." I pushed the door shut then set the box down before heading back to the living room. Frank came out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist as he dried his hair with another towel. His body was slightly pink from the warm water it was just doused in; small water droplets still clinging to it. The tattoo's that decorated his defined muscles beamed radiantly and I found myself staring; maybe even drooling.

"Who was that?" Frank asked, uncovering his head with the towel. His black hair was messily sitting on top of his head and his stunning hazel eyes looked to me with curiosity. They were so beautiful; relaxed and gorgeous. "Gee?" Frank's voice snapped me out of my heavy concentration on how beautiful he was. Like god handmade him, taking his time to perfect each little detail; almost giving him wings and a halo for his angelic body. Suddenly the word 'Hallo' flashed before me. "Gerard, are you ok?" I realized Frank was like a foot in front of me now.

"Yeah." I said with a smile, grabbing Frank's hand. "Hallo..." I read his fingers. Frank put his other hand next to it and I read 'ween' on the other hand. "Halloween." I read aloud.

"Yep." Frank said with an amused smile. "My birthday." I dropped Frank's hand and looked to him with shock. "What?"

"That's tomorrow!" I told him and he just shrugged. "How old will you be?"

"25." Frank replied a little sadly. "I'm surprised I even remember that. Each day is the same to me now." I grabbed Frank's hands again then yanked them so he fell onto me. Frank started laughing as he fell onto me, his head hitting my shoulder. "Gee..." Frank called through his laughter, trying to get off me but I put my arms around him so he couldn't. "I'm only in a towel..."

"I know." I replied with a smile. "I'm going to make sure your birthday gets acknowledged tomorrow."

"I'm used to not celebrating." Frank tried again to leave but I continued to hold him. "Don't trouble yourself."

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't celebrate your birthday?" I asked and Frank stopped trying to leave to look at me warmly. He leaned forward and pressed his warm lips against mine; kissing me passionately. "What do you want?"

"Nothing." Frank told me as he sat back up. "Now can I go get dressed?" I shook my head and smiled widely. "Why not?"

"I like the towel." I told Frank and his eyes shone with joy. I knew I hurt him and I know I've caused him a lot of pain, but I would do anything to make him happy again. In the few days' I've been around Frank, I've noticed a change in him. He went from hardly talking to goofing off. His once distant and pain filled eyes started to shine with true happiness now. Does he care that much about me? Am I the reason Frank's mood has changed? I mean, I know this sounds conceded but how else would you explain it? All I know is that I can't fuck it up this time. If I do, like Mikey said, I'll completely break him.

"Gerard, I have to get dressed." Frank said a little sadly and yet again I realized I had been staring.

"Please don't." I asked him quietly. Clothing his gorgeous body seemed like a sin. He was too good for clothes.

"But I'm cold." Frank said with a little whining. I pulled my shirt off, putting it over his head and yanking it down his body. "Now you'll be cold." He told me and I shook my head.

"Not as long as you're on me." I told him. He put his arms around my neck then pressed his forehead against mine; staring me in the eyes. Yes, I fell into a trance again. Every time I look into Frank's eyes I get lost in them. I can't help it. Not only are Frank's eyes gorgeous, but it's like Frank's heart is in his eyes. Looking into them was like looking into Frank's heart; his soul. I could see what he was feeling; what he was thinking. But only through a glass wall. I could tell Frank's heart was locked away; probably because I hurt him so bad. He had locked it away so it wouldn't get hurt anymore. I only hoped that I would find the key to letting his heart out again; to let him feel again. I couldn't fuck this up at all.

"Now I have a shirt and a towel." Frank said softly to me, his head still against mine. I slid my arms around his waist to hold him again.

"And me." I told Frank who stared at me some more then nodded a little, kissing me. I'll never understand what I was thinking when I hurt him. He's so complex; so fragile. I hurt him terribly, I knew it even if I didn't know details, yet he still pushed to be with me. I had caused him to basically stop functioning. I could tell he wasn't always like this; I could see it in the way people talked to him and the way they looked at him. Not to mention the 'video diary' on Mikey's DVD. Frank used to be an open person who wasn't afraid to laugh or love. I changed that though; I shut him.

We sat like that for awhile. Frank had a knee on either side of my body; his arms around my neck and my arms around his waist. He rested his head on my shoulder and I rested my head gently against his. Neither of us spoke because we didn't need to. It would have taken away the beauty of the situation. The simplicity yet perfection. I had no idea what kind of relationship we were starting but it felt just right. I mean, Frank was like a small child. He needed someone to take care of him and keep him safe. The littlest of 'evil' would completely destroy his world.

Yet, at the same time, he was my savior. I still have difficulties comprehending it. I've said it a million times but I'll say it again. I almost destroyed him yet he's here with me; holding onto me as though he wouldn't let me fall. He's showing me kindness and compassion; understanding and...love. Love has to be one of the most controversial words I've come to know. But whatever its definition, its meaning, it was there. It was coming from Frank. He was my savior, my angel, and I would treat him nothing short of such. He deserves to be treated like a god; a king at the very least. To be broken then try to continue without fully healing took a lot of courage; a lot of faith. His heart is strong and his soul pure. He is perfection and he is mine. If I fuck it up then I deserve death as the minimal punishment. I deserve an eternity of suffering and pain. I deserve all the pain that Frank held in his heart; it should be my burden, not his.

I have to give him the best birthday I can think of. I have to help him piece himself back together; even if in the end he decides I'm not part of that million pieced puzzle. As long as I can help him feel again, I don't need anything else. I had my chance and I fucked it up. Now it was his turn.

I'm giving back the life I stole.

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Frank's POV

I knocked on Ray's door and waited for him to answer. A few moments later he appeared at the door with a big smile, extending his arms and pulling me into a hug. "Hey Frank!" He said happily. "Happy birthday! What are you doing here?" Ray let go and looked at me with confusion but concern. "I figured you would be with Gerard..."

"Me too." I mumbled a miserably. "I have no idea where he is." Ray sighed heavily then stepped aside, pulling me inside then shutting the door. "I hope I'm not intruding." I told him with a little fear. One thing I had learned was never to bother someone when they were busy. Gerard made sure I knew that.

"What? Of course not!" Ray said as he headed to the living room of his apartment. "I'm always alone. What the fuck could I be busy doing?" He asked with amusement but I just shrugged, keeping my hands in my hoodie and staring at the ground. "Frank, are you ok?" Ray asked me quietly and I nodded, faking a smile. I could tell Ray knew it was a fake smile but he didn't say anything.

"I'm just a little exhausted." I told him as I walked to a couch and carefully set down. I was exhausted. I had been keeping myself awake for the past few nights, afraid of what Gerard might do if I didn't. Not only to me but to himself. I didn't want him to hurt himself.

"Has he hurt you recently?" Ray asked softly, sitting down next to me. Ray knew Gerard hurt me; I had to tell him. I needed help one time and Ray was the only one I could think of to give it to me. But, like I had begged him, Ray didn't breathe a word of it to anyone but me. And only when we were completely alone. Instead he would make sure I was ok, clean any wounds I had, and often let me stay at his house if I was too afraid to go back to mine. Gerard was usually so wasted that he would freak out about my absence but then forget I was gone by morning because I would leave Ray's early. If he asked me where I was I would just tell him I had to go to my mom's or something and he would believe me. I've become a master liar.

"No." I replied a little hesitantly and Ray sighed. He knew when I was lying. He was the only one. Gerard used to be able to but that was before he got blinded with drugs and alcohol. Now he'll believe practically anything I tell him. That is unless Mikey tells him otherwise. Mikey's been getting obnoxious to be around lately. He keeps close to me or Gerard as though he's trying to break us up. I've heard him talk to Gerard at night in hushed whispers but I can't ever make out what they're saying. Mikey used to be my best friend but I've lost him just like I've lost my boyfriend. The real Gerard.

"Frank, you know I only want to help you." Ray said gently. "If he's hurt you, I need to know."

"Why?" I asked, tears starting to slip past my eyelids and down my cheek. "Why's it matter if he beats me? Why's it matter if he throws things at me or screams at me or even rapes me?!" I was crying harder now.

"It matters because you don't deserve any of it." Ray told me sternly but softly. "He's fucked himself up past revival and you need to see that!"

"No one cares!" I told Ray, wiping my eyes. "No one cares about him! He doesn't deserve that!"

"We all care about him." Ray told me. "Just like we all care about you. What we don't care about is the drugs and alcohol that he's become dependent on."

"It's just for his-"

"Don't make up excuses for him Frank. He can easily stop doing it. A little self discipline, rehab, a psychiatrist, and realization of the boyfriend that loves him unconditionally would help him easily quit. But he doesn't want to quit. He wants to be wasted." Ray told me. I shook my head. I wouldn't believe him, even if deep down I knew it was true. You can always stop drinking and doing drugs, just like you can stop smoking. It's hard, but it's not impossible. There is always help. But first you need to have the will to stop. Gerard didn't have that will. "I know you won't listen to me, but you need to get away from him. You need to get away and stay away from him until he decides to clean himself up; if he ever does."

"I-I just- I-" My head fell into my hands as I cried. Ray was my safe house. Whenever I was upset or hurt or just needed someone to talk to, Ray was there. He wasn't harsh or rude or even annoyed; he was calm and soothing. Ray would never turn me away when I showed up and he would always comfort me. Sure he would tell me to leave Gerard but we both knew that wasn't going to happen. I just couldn't. I kept holding onto that slowly breaking thread of hope that Gerard would stop drinking and stop doing drugs. I kept telling myself he was going to clean his life up and become the Gerard I fell in love with years ago.

"I'm afraid for your life Frank." Ray told me with fear as he rubbed my back. "He's only getting worse."

"I'm afraid too." I whispered to him. "But I can't leave him. Even if I tried, he would find me. I know he would."

"Not if he was locked away somewhere." Ray told me cautiously. "You have plenty of evidence to lock him away for awhile. They wouldn't give him drugs or alcohol."

"He'd only kill himself!" I snapped at Ray unintentionally. "He'd freak out then blame me and never talk to me again! That will kill me!" Ray sighed heavily again then pulled me to him closely. I rested my head on his shoulder as I cried and he just held me tightly. I loved that feeling; having someone hold me tightly. It made me feel safe; loved.

"How about we go do something to celebrate your birthday?" Ray asked me calmly a little while later.

"Like what?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"Whatever you want." Ray told me warmly. "It's your birthday."

"How about get some pizza? I haven't eaten in a day or two." I admitted and Ray looked at me sternly then nodded. He hated when I didn't eat. I didn't mean to skip meals; I just kind of had other things on my mind. I dried my eyes and Ray grabbed a hoodie then we left for the Pizza Pub around the corner. They were even playing my favorite movie on the screen; Nightmare Before Christmas. Ray and I just sat there, talking, laughing, and having fun. Something I had missed terribly. Gerard had forgotten my birthday, again, but I wasn't going to let it get me down. No matter what happened, I still had one thing I could rely on. A great friend. Ray.

I opened my eyes and quickly ran my hand along them to make sure I hadn't been crying in my sleep again. Luckily they were dry. Now rather awake, I looked around and noticed that I was all alone. I was in the bed and I didn't hear a thing. My house was probably empty; again. Was everything just one giant dream? I grabbed my phone off the stand next to my bed and flipped it open; seeing that it was unfortunately October 31st. It was also noon. I just sighed and set my phone back on the table.

Unable to sleep again if I wanted, I got off my bed and went to my closet which I yanked open then pulled the box out. Towards the bottom was a pair of jeans I hadn't worn in years. I figured since I lost so much weight they would fit me again. Turns out they were too big now. I had lost more weight then I realized. I still didn't look anorexic or anything so I didn't think too badly of it. I loved these jeans. They held so much sentimental value. They were the jeans I wore on Gerard's and I's first real date. It was just a trip to the movie theater, but it was still amazing. I didn't wear the jeans after that because they had a lot of rips in them and I became unusually aware of the way I looked; trying to make sure I looked perfect for Gerard. I figured the jeans were too torn and frayed to be worn again but I couldn't throw them out because they represented our first date. Instead they ended up in the back of my closet at my house. I put them in my 'box of Gerard' that I made when I moved out of my moms and into my own place. It used to be a happy box but now it's just painful.

Then I saw my old gloves. The one's Gerard had given me and jokingly told me never to take off. They were black fingerless skeleton gloves. Like the print on them were the bones of the hand. I loved them. Figuring that it was Halloween, I pulled them out and slid them on my hands. They still felt perfect. Now I needed a shirt. I stood up and started going through my clothes. If my jeans fit me then everything I owned would. It was just a matter of finding that perfect shirt. The one I was in the mood to wear. I had no idea what that shirt was but I would figure it out. And I did. I settled on a plain black collared shirt with a few buttons. I left them undone though. Their only purpose is to tighten the cloth around your neck. I didn't feel like suffocating myself.

Satisfied, I went through the door in my bedroom that connected to the bathroom and made sure the doors were locked, just in case. Not that I was doing anything bad anyway. I mean, it was my house and I could do anything I wanted in it (within the law) but for some reason I wanted the doors locked. I ran the brush through my hair. It was getting too long. The deep brown kinda still black from when I dyed it strands reached my shoulders. My bangs covered my eyes if brushed straight. I kept them pushed to the side though. It's what everyone called 'emo' but I just called it lazy. Because I was. I was just too lazy to get it cut or cut it myself. I looked at my pathetic reflection for a few moments then decided I was good enough. What would I be doing today anyway? Sitting around my house as always. That or going to get drunk. How good do you need to look to get yourself wasted then throw up everywhere? Exactly.

I unlocked the doors then headed to the living room where I nearly had a heart attack. Gerard was sitting on the back of the couch, staring at me. I hadn't seen him on my birthday in probably three years now. Maybe even four. I forgot he was staying with me because when I woke up alone, I figured it was all just some dream. Still, even yesterday as I sat in his lap with my arms around him, I didn't think he would be around today. Even though he said he was going to celebrate my birthday, I figured he would forget or get preoccupied with something. That's always what it was before.

But he was there; staring at me. He did that yesterday too. Just staring at me, deep in thought. I was curious about what he was thinking. It freaked me out a little actually how he just stared at me. Was I really that interesting? "Gee, what are you staring at?" I asked him when my heart rate slowed.

"You." He replied without breaking eye contact.

"Why?" I asked, pushing my eye brows together slightly in confusion.

"Because you're gorgeous." Gerard said like it was some fact in stone. I'll admit that shocked me. I haven't heard those words flow out of his mouth since before the alcohol. That meant it has been roughly five years; probably six. No, it had to be more than that. I started dating Gerard when I was almost seventeen. I'm twenty five now. Eight years. Wow time flies.

"No I'm not." I told him with a little laughter. I found myself frozen in his gaze though. He just continued to stare at me, smiling gently. "Is there a reason you're on the back of the couch?"

"I was waiting for you to wake up and get dressed." Gerard replied. "And you look gorgeous." He repeated.

"Did you need to go somewhere?" I asked, figuring he had some appointment to get to. He nodded, still not breaking eye contact. "Ok, where?"

"Out." Gerard replied.

"Out where?" I asked. It was like talking to a four year old. I had to take everything slowly and get as much detail as I could.

"Out with you." Gerard replied. "We have to go celebrate your birthday." He slid off the couch and walked to me. "Happy birthday Frankie." Gerard said, wrapping his arms around my waist again and kissing me sweetly.

"I really figured you would forget." I told him when the kiss was broken.

"Why would I forget?" Gerard asked, tilting his head to the side a little. I broke free of his grasp and went to get my car keys.

"You haven't remembered my birthday in a few years." I told him sadly, trying to find my hoodie. Well, Gerard's beaten up hoodie. It was cold out and though we would probably just end up somewhere for pizza, I still wanted to wear it.

"Well that won't ever happen again." Gerard told me, walking up behind me and putting his arms around my waist again. I found the hoodie and picked it up. "Throw that out." Gerard told me a little annoyed. I didn't understand. He had told me how good I looked in it and to keep it but now he wants it in the trash? Ray must have gotten to him.

"Why?" I asked him a little bitterly and Gerard turned me around.

"Because then you'd never wear this one." He held up a brand new zip up hoodie that read 'Halloween' in large, detailed letters on the back; colored in orange, red, yellow, and some green. I recognized it as Gerard's art work. The front had a large image of Jack Skellington from 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' as the scarecrow with a pumpkin head like the beginning of the movie standing like he was trying to balance on one foot; blowing fire out. As I turned the hoodie I saw the fire led right to the back where 'Halloween' was written. I dropped the old hoodie and studied the new one. "I found this in a box in the back of my closet at my moms. I remembered I had it specially made for you but for some reason you never got it. I hope you like it." He said quietly.

I didn't say a word to him. Instead, I threw my arms around his neck and started to cry. I hadn't received a gift in years. I didn't think the one I would get would be from Gerard. It was perfect. He had it handmade for me. That alone showed how he loved me; at least how he used to. Whether or not he still did I wasn't yet sure of but I hoped. I hoped with all my heart that he did. Something about the way he held me and looked at me said he did; or at least he was trying to. Gerard hugged me tightly then kissed me before I let go and put the hoodie on. It was too big but it was perfect. Warm, comfortable, and from Gerard; my angel. My fallen angel.

"Come on." Gerard said with a warm smile, taking my hand and leading me to the door. "The day's far from over."

To be continued...