FicWad

Disclaimer: Do I have to put one of these for each and every chapter. That is the question. Previous chapters hold my lack of ownership statement.

A/N I apologize now. This is miraculously about twice the size of the rest of my entries. I will be the first to admit I have a obsession with Pansy that is only rivaled with Hermione in Harry Potter. And to be honest I have no clue why. She is truly a unremarkable character that I fell in love with early on in the series since JKR gave her no personality what so ever. In fact if they were not of the trio most of the characters become not even secondary, but third place runners. I honestly chucked DH in frustration not only at Hermione's apparent mind swap, but Pansy's classification of fifties Saturday morning cartoon henchwoman, much like the rest of the Death Eaters. Well more rant at the end on with the story. This chapter is brought to you by lack of sleep, cherry coke, Death Cab for Cutie, and the fifth season of the classic Twilight Zone.



Mask Three: Bred Ignorance

I wear this sneer on my face because I was once told by my parents that it was a look all self-respecting purebloods wore when in the presence of a commoner or a lesser being such as a mudblood or a blood traitor. My parents taught me early on that I should show any of my emotions when I am positive I am alone and even at that point to rarely do so since the hold on them might weaken in the company of lesser beings. Alone with that I was brought up to always take responsibility for my actions no matter how big or small the dead was. Of course each of these codes to the Parkinson life style never really survive first contact with a situation. My parents are Death Eaters, each one of them is out protecting the pureblood belief structure one tortured muggle at a time. They were masks and hide said masks in a small wooden box three feet under ground in the basement of the house when ever there is guests in the house. They nether claim or secretly announce that they love the taste of their Master's boots as he has them bend down and kiss them in greeting when ever he decides to call upon them or just show up at our house. And for every ounce of displeasure that they incurred with their precious Dark Lord I am the outlet of their wraith. Of course they heal all my wounds and marks for the fact that they can not sell damaged goods. Yet they taught me to be who I am a person that never does what they say.

I want to change who I am, but I fear that of which I do not understand. I wonder how in all my parents infinite wisdom they could be wrong. They say that everything impure is wrong and should be destroyed. Yet out very history say otherwise. History repeats its self in an endless cycle until the proper solution is found. Our culture has been in the middle of a blood war for close to a thousand years . Forgetting the times when the population has risen together to be back the different correlations of goblins and giants we have a tendency to seek out and destroy that we call different form ourselves. In fact I have looked and not one single document can state with absolute fact that the founders of Hogwarts were in fact purebloods. Or in any single instance where it is proven that muggles created some non magical ritual to steal the magic of good and proper magical beings so that they could bless their children the power of the pureblood, The might that keeps the world spinning. These are the words of my parents. These are the words of my friends parents. These are the words of my friends. These were my words until I saw the fallen and lost look of a boy not six months ago.

We were leaving the train station after school had been released the pervious year. My parents were not available to floo me home as they were more than likely bowing and kissing the feet of their master after Draco, my betrothed's father's failure to kill six school children. So for the fist time in my entire life I was alone and shepherd less. I release now that I acted impulsively and Gryffindorish in following the ministry six. One by one they all left. The bookworm stayed the longest and gave a hug for comfort and reassurance. I watched as the watchers as I have come to call them confronted who I have gathered to be Harry's relatives. In my first instinct I thought he was one of those people stole the magic to give to his offspring, foolish I know, but than they left and he hit Harry saying things like freak all the while pushing him towards a car. While these were in a sense the horrible muggles of my childhood nightmares they did not seem to be power stealers.

At one point in my life I was destined to be a Ravenclaw. My mother was furious as I grew up at my incurable curiosity. I constantly tried to figure out the different ways the world worked. It took years for my parents to beat the curiosity out of me to guarantee my place by Draco in Hogwarts. Yet at that moment I watched a devastated Harry Potter, The Golden Boy of muggles and mudbloods leave with a sign of hatred and fury on his face I knew that my world had changed. I knew that my parents were wrong. I even admitted it my self. This was the end of all that I had left of a fragile childhood. So I decided to witness the enemy in action and I continued out the train station and in to the middle of down town Muggle London. I spent close to ninety six hours on my own before my parents had the notion that I was missing sent the family house elf to find me. I guess in a way you could call me a convert. I spent close to a hundred galleons in those few hours. I had had Irving, our house elf, have it converted to the proper currency for muggles. I bought everything I could from books to clothes to strange foods. It was strange to see the world like this. They were normal, or should I say they were much like the rest of the wizarding world.

I spent the rest of my Summer going over different books on witchcraft and wizardry I had found. I also studied their history. I was shocked at how well they got along with out magic. Or even the fact that they didn't even believe in magic anymore. How could they steal something that they didn't believe in. It was just one more lied my parents preached. I found their works of fiction shocking. Their romance novels were shocking. I have never heard of sexual relations being describe so openly or brashly. I can see why the store clerk looked at me smugly as I purchased ten of the novels. I did not know that sex could be done for such frivolous purposes. I think that I liked those books the best. I've read those the most of all the different materials I gathered during the beginning of the summer holiday.

Yet all that also lead to my current situation. In a bathroom with tear streaks all down my face and welts and bruises all on my body. Maybe should be more wondering about my actions in the last twenty four hours. The last and final hours of my time to even allow the thought that Voldemort could one day become my master. I walked my patrol in the hallways and let my wand swing gently in my hand unsure of where the next attack on a future death eater would come from. Instead I find a group of newly minted Slytherins being slammed against a wall and the wands of the a group of mixed years Gryffindors raised and ready to hex them. I stopped walking and unsure of how to approach the situation without landing in the hospital wing. Than he came around the corner. He had a book in front of his face, which surprised me. I didn't take him for a reader. Than he stopped and the hallway became stuffy with power. I could tell that Gryffindor boys were happy it was only him and continued to channel their hexes only to all be dropped to the floor in a massive blur of stunning spells. He didn't even give them a warning. I could feel the fear coming form the first years. I could feel the fear coming of me. I had only felt power like that when the Dark Lord came to our house. His visits were those of nightmares and here a person I had claimed to be my enemy could more than likely do the same to me.

Than it all was gone. He stood over the three children and asked if they were okay. One of the boys squeaked out a quiet yes. I bet he had heard all sort of things about our boy-who-lived. Most probably not polite for conversation And then that was it. He picked up the book he had dropped minutes before and moved on the whole time giving a hateful glare at his housemates. In the hours that past the rumors spread through out the castle on how he had viciously attacked the first year students and his own housemates in the hall. It seemed even with the newly acquired Chosen One title some trace of last years villainous portrayal still lay underneath. Yet unlike last year he never defended himself. It was like it was not important that they were calling him a monster in child's clothing.

I went to sleep with that on my mind. That people can change. I awoke in to this morning and created a problem. I have been a Slytherin for five years. Five years of minding my own business and watching out for myself grooming myself to be the good little pureblood fiancé my parents want me to be, only to throw it all away in moments. Two of the first years from the day before were being picked on by some of my older and more aggressive housemates. I walked in between the bullies pushing them around and told to sod off and find something more constructive to do.

For my troubles I was held down and forced to take a few barges of stinging hexes and minor cutting curses. I was jerked to my feet my betrothed and thrown against a wall. Draco held me by my throat slightly choking me. I can still feel the warmth of his breath as he whispered his threat to me. "If you ever do anything like that and embarrass me again I will cancel our engagement. However as it stand this time I will only owl your father about your actions today. Do you understand me." I only nodded and sunk to the floor as he loosened his grip around my throat. His threat was one that placed fear into me. It meant the next time my father saw me I would have a disciplinary weekend to make sure that I understood my place in the world. In short I would be tortured for three days and left in a puddle of my own vomit and bodily excrements before he or my mother found the time to clean and heal me back up to be presentable to proper society. This was all because Draco was a little and I do me little wanker that still longed for Daddy dearest to stroke his small dick to make him feel better about his lot in life. Well that and he was a sadist and got off knowing the shit my parents put me through.

So that lead me to where I am at the moment, Myrtle's bathroom crying my eyes out and bleeding in a bloody bathroom stall like a god damn Hufflepuff second year. All because I'm too much of a coward to even attempt to be the person I discovered I could be over the Summer if I left all the magical components of my life behind. I harvest thoughts on how to commit suicide in the next few years before I am forced to sow the seed of the Malfoy heir inside my womb. I wonder if I stare and force enough hatred on to my face that when this war comes to a full swing I can just be a casualty instead of a life long victim.

"Myrtle are you sure that someone is here?"

"Of course Harry. She was bleeding as well. I want you to take her our of here. The only person I want to share my toilet with is you."

Oh god is that Harry "bloody" Potter looking for me like I was some hurt little girl. I try to wipe my face as well as I can. If I can walk out of my own common room with some dignity I can walk out a loo with some. I reach for the stall door, but he beats me to it. I watch him stare at me. At least he hides the shock of finding me in the stall quickly. He mumbles something under his breath. I just now realize his wand is out. I can feel his magic dance over my skin. The sensation is so startling I don't know what to do. "Feel better?" I just stare at him. "Did your cuts feel like they healed?"

"Yes." I feel the words slip out uneasily. I'm waiting for a die effect. "What did you do?"

I watch his eyes for his answer, but he moves faster that I can keep up with. "Just a healing spell." He turns his back on me then I watch him stop walking and turn back to me. "Are you feeling okay Pansy?"

"Why do you care Potter?" I feel like my snarl sounds forced. Hell I must look a truly intimidating Slytherin. I can see me now: Puffy eyes, tear streaked face, blood stains, and messed up hair. "My intimidation act must look really funny right now." I can't believe I just said that out loud.

"Believe it or not it actually improved it." His eyes dance with a mischief I've only seen in the Weasley twins.

"Why are you looking at me like that Potter?" I'm nervous. Okay scratch that I'm worried. Potter and I have never been on the best of terms.

"Come on Pansy can't have your hard earned reputation destroyed by a stay in Myrtle's bathroom." I watch his eyes run over me. "Besides I heard you stuck up for those first years earlier, which shows me you are not as bad as you like to claim to be."

"How did you hear about that?" I could feel my body tense. All I can think is please have them not announced it at dinner.

"Don't worry so much. I had a run in with Goyle and two second year Ravenclaws." I watch his twinkle gleam back. " I had to reprimand them about picking on students not up to their caliber of magic. They whined about how unfair it was to lose points since he attacked them first." All I can do is try and not let that scene get me laughing. "Than I had to listen to Goyle thank me from saving him from the bullies. And than out his big mouth come how the younger students were getting scarier. If they couldn't handle you their selves they hired older students to protect themselves. I asked him to elaborate on that." he stops talking for a moment. Since when did Potter use words like elaborate. "Of course I had to explain what elaborate meant. At which point he hacked his way through a take about what happened in your common room this morning." He stops again and looks thoughtful for a moment. "I thought you would be in the medical wing right now. "

"Yeah well..." I stop not knowing what to say.

"Are you okay Pansy? I mean if what Goyle said is true that was rather brutal in what they did to you earlier." I want to scream at him that it was nothing and to stay out of other peoples business, but I stay quiet.

He looks for a moment like he completed a rather large puzzle and speaks. "You know what don't worry about it. Why don't we go get you a change of robes and let you go back on your way." Like I would trust him enough to go off alone and change clothes. "Don't worry we won't be alone. I'll just get you the clothes than I will be out of your hair."

I knows I don't trust him so I don't understand why he is even bothering to ask me. I really do not get him. Its like he is two different people sometimes. When he is in public and when he has these moments. I heard the wild rumors around the castle that he cares for everyone to a degree even the Slytherins, who for the most part he just fights with. Than I remember his eyes in that care at the end of terms last year, so full of hate and fury. Maybe its only directed towards those who have deeply wronged him like mine is.

"No thanks Potter. I'll be fine." I watch him digest my comment and leave after saying a few words to the ghost that snitched on me.

"You know he just was being nice." Great now the ghost wants to talk to me.

"Yeah and in my world nice gets you killed." Thoughts of my parents creep back into my mind.

"Yeah, well doing what your doing now will kill you just as easily. Just to let you know Harry told me to tell you that if you ever need to talk or get away form it all he is willing to help."

I watch her leave me as well, floating away to where ever she goes. The sad thing is I find myself actually considering both of their words. I can fell the smile appearing on my lips. I know that in a strange way I am drawn to him. His power and presence is a light and I am a moth. I know that the closer I get the faster I will burn. It can be slow and painful, much like my life now. Or it can be fast and beautiful. An instant flash of oxygen burning a condensed area. Nether a rather pleasant thought yet one that is of my choosing and that makes all the difference.







A/N I hope you all liked this chapter. This was originally the first chapter written over a year ago for this particular collection of character sketches. Luna was number two written and Padma the third. I just did not feel Pansy's was ready yet and I was right. Most of the first half of the shot was written on the spot to enhance the depth of her character and I enjoy in much better than my original piece. Please review and give a honest opinion of what you think so far. Not so much grammar, but the feel of the characters. Once again I thank all those who take the time to read this. For the next chapter we have Susan Bones and the Homely Smile. Later everyone I7.