FicWad

A/N---- It was brought to my attention about self harm being unoriginal. I know that. But you know what? The point of this story is to take two people who are about at the edge because they're lives are so screwed up, and have them help fix each other. Thus, there's going to be self harm. I'm not planning on doing it a lot but it's there.

if you don't like it, don't read the story. I don't make you.

xoxo Tabi

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Ch. 17---- These Day's Aren't Easy Anymore ((Why Secondhand Serenade))

Frank's POV

My forehead was pressed against the glass; my warm breath fogging it up. I stared at him through the thick see-through barrier. He laid there, motionless, eyes closed and face blank. His jet black hair circled his pale face on the white pillow. A white blanket with small holes rested over his still body and a two or three wires sticking out of his arm; one connecting to an IV and another to blood. The machine resting towards the top of the bed made small mountain like figures that represented each gentle beat of his heart. Twice fallen was my angel now.

"You ok?" Ray appeared next to me and rested his back against the window my head was on.

"No." I sighed, eyes still glued on Gerard. "There was so much blood...and regret...." I mumbled, the image of Gerard's body before me on the bathroom floor permanently ingrained on the front of my mind; standing right before my eyes. No matter where I looked or what I thought, there it was. Even now as I gazed at him; he was no longer bloody and was in the delicate shade of white except for his piercing black hair.

"Why don't you go home and get some rest?" Ray suggest, gently running his hand over my back. I shook my head, my forehead sliding on the glass from my bangs. I couldn't leave him; not again. "Frank, you're exhausted. Have you even eaten lately?" He sounded worried and concerned. Again I shook my head. I couldn't take my eyes off of my fallen angel who laid limply in the bed behind the glass.

"I'm not hungry." I mumbled to him. "I can't keep anything down if I tried."

"He'll be fine." Ray told me softly.

"I'm not sure if I will be." I said with a few tears. "You don't understand Ray." I turned myself around and leaning against the window, my arms crossed over my chest as I stared at white wall now instead of Gerard. "I watched him do it. I watched him push the glass in and watched him start to bleed. I watched him slowly stop breathing as the light left his eyes." A few more tears squeezed out of my eyes. My head fell onto Ray's shoulder and he let me stay like that until I managed to calm myself down again. "It was horrible..."

"But you got him help." Ray said to try and make me feel better. "And now he's here, receiving that help." I nodded absently. The image was still floating in front of my eyes. "Have you gone in to see him?"

"I can't." I whispered hesitantly. "I can't bring myself to go in there. The image of him covered in blood just won't leave my mind." Ray put his arm around my shoulders and held me tightly for a few moments until my heart slowed down and I could breathe a little easier. "Have you been in there?"

"Yeah. And so has Mikey." Ray said softly to me. "Now it's your turn."

"I don't want to." My lips barely moved and my voice hardly made its way out.

"Frank, you have to." Ray's voice became slightly stern. "You're only going to drive yourself mad if you don't. It doesn't have to be long. Just a few minutes."

"I can't."

"Why not?" Ray pulled away from me to look me in the eyes. "I'll wait right out here." He grabbed my wrist and led me towards the door. "Inside." Ray turned the doorknob and gently pushed the door open. The air felt different as he opened the door and I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let go. "Five minutes. That's all you have to stay." Ray pushed me inside then shut the door behind me. I knew he wasn't going to let me leave until my five minutes were up.

So I leaned against the door, staying as far away from Gerard as I could. I felt nerves pump through my body and I couldn't look at him. Taking the glass away made it terrifying. The room was chilly and I could hear the soft beating of the heart monitor I was watching. I wondered if this is what they felt when I was in here that time; fighting off death. He just lay there; exactly how he was placed. Not a muscle moving except for his chest which just faintly rose. He just missed his heart, but damage was done. I was told that if I had called any later or he didn't arrive here when he did, he would have died. He would have bled to death. That's why he has blood connected to him; he lost too much.

My palms became sweaty and I stared at him. On top of that image of him lying on the bathroom floor were horrible memories that I was desperate to free myself of. I think that's why Ray has been keeping such careful watch over me. He's afraid of what I might do to myself. I thought about it; I just don't have the guts to actually carrying anything out. The farthest I ever got was cutting myself. That became painless after awhile and so I lost the need to do it.

My eyes wandered to him lying there. I couldn't deny it. Even under all the white which hid his delicate skin, he looked gorgeous. I took a deep breath and walked slowly to him; sitting on the edge of the bed and picking his icy hand up. I laid the hand in my lap; gently stroking his bandaged skin. "I remember when I first met you." I told him softly, a small smile spreading across my lips as I pulled the memory past the horrible ones. "One of the things I noticed right away as your skin. I thought it was so weird that it was so incredibly pale. I thought you were sick or something." I continued to run my fingers over the bandages.

"But over time I got to understand why. I became good friends with Mikey, eventually becoming good friends with you too. You spent all your time in your room; out of the sun and humanity." A very small laugh found its way out of my mouth. "I thought you were really weird at first too. Obsessed with comics, videogames, and drawing." I brushed away a tear as I continued to quietly talk to him. I didn't care if he could hear me or not; I needed to get my mind off yesterday. "I would come over and be upstairs with Mikey while you would be in your bedroom, not coming up once except to use the bathroom or to get something from the fridge. Mikey said you just liked to keep to yourself. In all honesty, I thought you were some mass murderer or something." Again, I managed to make myself laugh a little.

"But then that night came; the best night of my life in my opinion. I don't know if you remember it, probably not, but I do. I remember it was a Friday evening and I came over to see if Mikey wanted to hang out. He wasn't home; but you were. You asked me if I wanted to come in because it was raining and I was soaked. I agreed, because your parents were home, and it was awkward at first. But the more you nervously sat by me, the more I became intrigued by you. Then you asked me if I liked comics; you showed me your collection and I remember thinking that it so awesome because you had a bunch of rare and collector comics." A few more tears fell down my face. I couldn't help it. I'm an emotional wreck. This could be my last time with Gerard. He's not changing. Granted, it's only been a day; not even. Still. You never know what's coming next.

"Frank," Ray opened the door and spoke softly to me, "I have to leave. Are you coming?"

"No." I said with a soft smile. "I think I'm going to stay a bit longer." I told Ray. He just smiled and nodded, shutting the door and telling me to call if I needed anything. I turned back to Gerard, laying his hand back on the bed next to him. "You can't do this you know." I said a little sternly. "You can't just come back into my life as the Gerard I fell in love with all those years ago only to leave me again. I was starting think it was just like old times. That you were actually back for good. It's not fair." I ran the sleeve of the hoodie along my eyes to dry up the escaped tears. I'm so tired of crying. "You can't do this to me." Of course Gerard remained silent and motionless. "Not now."

I didn't care what hospital regulations were. I pulled the rest of my body onto the bed and curled myself up next to him; draping his arm over my body. I just needed to be close to him. To verify for myself he was still alive. I rested my head on his chest; making sure I avoided his wound of course. I pulled my arm to my side and rested my other arm across his stomach. Though he technically wasn't holding me, it was enough to trick my mind into believing he was. I pulled my legs up as far as I could and just laid like that; listening to the soft, rhythmic beating of his heart while watching the monitor draw mountains.

"Mom!" I called as I zipped up my hoodie and stuck my hand on the doorknob. "I'm going to Mikey's! Staying night!" I yelled.

"Frank!" She yelled back before I could leave. I sighed heavily and waited to see what she wanted. She appeared by me and I waited for her to open her mouth again to talk. "Honey, it's raining."

"So?" I asked with a little confusion.

"So I don't want you to walk in it." She told me with a frown. "You know how you get sick easily."

"I'll be fine mom." I told her with a smile. "Please?!" I begged. I was still underage to do what I wanted. A little over fifteen. Still, they let me get tattoos and a lip ring. I love my parents. "I have a hoodie and I promise to ask for dry clothes when I get there." She sighed heavily.

"Fine." She told me and I hugged her. "Dry clothes!" She called after me as I swung the door open and left the house. I didn't care if I got wet. It's not going to melt me.

It was actually raining harder than I thought. I didn't mind though. I pulled the hood over my head and slid my hands in my pocket; the rain pressing my bangs against my face. I pushed them aside and picked up my pace. The puddles splashed underneath my feet, dousing the bottom of my jeans. I had to get out of the house though. I hate being cooped up forever. My mom tells me it's because I'm a free soul. Most people call it being a rebel but I'll take it either way.

When I reached the Way residence, I half ran up the walk way then knocked on the door. No one answered. I knocked again, the door opening to me. Gerard, Mikey's older (creepy) brother answered. "Is Mikey here?" I asked. Gerard is seventeen; almost eighteen now. In like four months or something if I remember what Mikey said. Gerard's eyes were fixed firmly on me and it gave me an uneasy feeling.

"No." He replied at last. "He went out with Alicia." I sighed miserably. Mikey's basically my only friend. Guess I would be stuck at home after all.

"Oh, well, thanks." I said, giving him a quick smile and turning to leave.

"It's raining." Gerard told me so I stopped and turned back to him. I nodded slowly, giving him a confused look. It didn't take a genius to figure out that when water fell from the sky in liquid precipitation, it was raining. "You're wet." Again, I nodded slowly. Was he stupid? I mean, I hardly know him. I don't think I've ever gotten much conversation in with him. He's always in his room. "Y-you want to come in where it's dry?"

"That might be a little weird..." I don't lie. I'll tell someone something to their face.

"Why?" Gerard asked with confusion but hurt. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings. He's just weird.

"Because I really only know Mikey and he's not here...." I said, still feeling the heavy drops of H2O hit me.

"I won't do anything to you." Gerard said with pain still. "I mean, you don't have to, but it beats having to walk back to your house. It's practically pouring. Mikey says you get sick a lot."

"Mikey talks about me?" I asked with a little shock. I was surprised anyone talked to Gerard.

"Yeah..." Gerard gave me a puzzling look now. "He's my brother. We talk about everything." I just mouthed 'oh', looking like a complete idiot. "You really shouldn't be in the water Frank. It's cold out and you could get sick if you get too cold."

"Well...I guess I could stay until it lets up..." I said a little apprehensively and Gerard's face lit up a little. He stepped aside and I slowly walked back to the door, into the warm house. It felt a lot better than the cold, wet Jersey air I was just in. Gerard shut the door and I stood there; unsure of what to do next. When I was with Mikey we either went to his room or the living room. I really don't want to go to Gerard's room. I'm kind of afraid of what I'll find there.

"Do you want some dry clothes?" Gerard offered nervously. I think he felt just as awkward about it as I did. But he pushed for me to come in. He was probably just worried about me walking through the rain again.

"Um...sure?" I did promise my mom I would get some after all. "Does Mikey even have anything that will fit me?"

"I'm not sure what shrimp boy owns." Gerard said and I smiled at that. Mikey is ridiculously small. "But I know I do." He said with a nervous smile.

"If you're sure..." I said. I didn't want him to do anything that either of us would later regret.

"It's better than letting you freeze." Gerard pointed out and I nodded. "Why don't you take off your hoodie and shoes so they can dry. I'll get you something to wear and we can stick your other clothes in the dryer. I don't want to shrink the hoodie and I don't know if shoes can go in one." Gerard said and I couldn't help but laugh a little. He actually wasn't as creepy as I thought he was. He is actually very kind and shy.

"Ok." I told him, a little more comfortable with the situation now. As I pulled off my shoes, Gerard disappeared into his bedroom; returning a few moments later with a shirt and some pants. He handed them to me after I pulled my hoodie off. "Thanks." I said with a smile and he nodded quickly; still nervous. It just made me smile. "I'll go change in the bathroom. What do you want me to do with my wet clothes?"

"I'll take them when you're done." Gerard said. I walked off towards the bathroom and shut myself in it; locking the door just to feel safer. Gerard's parents where home though. I have nothing to be afraid of. I pulled off my soaked shirt and pants; draping them over the bathtub while I grabbed the clothes Gerard had given me to wear. It was a pair of black jeans and a black shirt that read 'Misfits' across it which made me smile. I didn't know he listened to them. They're a favorite of mine. The clothes actually fit me well so I grabbed my wet ones and walked back out to find Gerard sitting in the living room. "Here." I said, making him jump on accident.

"Ok, I'll be right back." Gerard said as he stood and took them from me; disappearing again. I sat down on the couch next to where he was; seeing his sketchbook lying there. I made sure he wasn't coming back then grabbed it to look at it. The drawings were really strange; zombies, bats, vampires, blood; everything. But they were amazing. He's a really good artist. When I heard footsteps again I quickly returned the sketchbook and put my hands on my lap. "D-do you want something to drink?"

"Nah, I'm good." I told him with a smile. Gerard nodded and sat down next to me; but kind of far. I could tell how shy he really was. I actually thought it was funny; cute. No, I can't. He's Mikey's brother and he's older than me. He's probably got a girlfriend anyway. Ok so that's not true. I don't think he even has friends. But he's not bi like me or even gay. He's just creepy. "So, what now?" I asked.

"Um...I'm not sure..." Gerard told me, playing with his hands a little. "All my stuff is in my room."

"Like what?" So yeah, I moved past my whole nervousness and fear of him being a murderer. Something about him made me smile. His skin is almost as white as snow and makes his shoulder length black hair stick out even more. His eyes don't stay still for very long; he's always looking around and taking in his surroundings. It's something you would expect from a schizophrenic but he showed no other signs of being one. He just seemed naturally curious or maybe down to earth is a better term.

"My comics and games..." Gerard replied, avoiding eye contact with me. Was it because I'm like 3 years younger than him? "Do you like comics?" He asked with hope in his voice.

"Yeah, kinda." I said with a shrug. I like them, but by the way Mikey told me about Gerard's collection, not as much as him.

"Y-you want to see my collection?" Gerard seemed really apprehensive.

"Sure." He can't be as bad as I'm making him out to be. Gerard smiled excitingly and stood up; myself doing the same (without the overly large grin). He led me to the stairs that went to his bedroom.

"Careful." Gerard told me as he started down. "I like it dark because the sun bothers me. Don't fall." Gerard told me with a little amusement. I followed him down the stairs and through the door that separated the stairs from his room. The place was extremely creepy; but at the same time really fascinating. It was dark and complex but at the same time it was simple. There was only one window. He had his own television with an Xbox hooked up to it. "Here." Gerard walked towards his closet and pulled the door open. My jaw nearly dropped.

"Holy fuck..." I gasped as I looked. He had piles upon piles of them. If you thought of it, he had it.

"Y-you can look at them." Gerard said and I nodded absently as I reached for them. "D-do you have to go home?" He asked me hesitantly as I put myself on his floor with some.

"Not really. Why?" I asked him without taking my eyes off the comic I was reading.

"Because I-I never have anyone to talk to..." Gerard told me sadly. "I do get lonely..."

"You're asking me to stay the night?" I looked up to him now with intrigue.

"Only if you want to." He quickly said, thinking I thought he was crazy. I did. But, a good kind of crazy. "I know that I'm a few years older but Mikey keeps telling me that you would be a good friend for me..."

"He does?" I asked with amazement. Mikey never mentioned that to me before. He talks about Gerard, but not often. I think he's afraid of what people would think of Gerard.

"Yeah. Mikey is always trying to find me friends. He says I need to leave my room..." Gerard sat on his bed and looked at his hands. I got off the floor and fell on the bed next to him.

"Why would you want to leave this place?" I asked with a smile, trying to encourage his mood. We both know Mikey meant well but you can't force friends on people. That's not how it works. "You have your comics, your videogames, a bed, your drawing supplies, clothes, and if you got enough stuff from your kitchen you could have a few meals. You're only missing a bathroom. I mean, you could be creative..." Gerard laughed at that. "But if you want me to, I'll stay the night."

"R-really?" Gerard looked amazed that I agreed. "E-even though M-Mikey's not here?"

"Am I not allowed to be your friend too?" I asked, holding my finger between the pages of the comic in my hands.

"Y-you want to be my f-friend?" Gerard asked with even more amazement but joy.

"Sure." I said with a smile. I stuck my hand out to him. "Frank Anthony Iero." Gerard looked at me a little weirdly then slid his hand into mine. I moved our arms up and down.

"G-Gerard Arthur Way." He told me. I just smiled at him. "Do you need permission? I mean, because of our age..."

"I already told my mom I was staying here before I left." I said, still smiling. "And my mom won't care. She trusts me."

"O-ok." Gerard said, a small hopeful smile spreading across his smooth thin lips. His eyes sparkled at me and I'll admit, I felt like kissing him. But that would be totally inappropriate. I'm his friend; nothing more. "Y-you can keep those clothes. They're too small on me. I'm so fat."

"You're not fat." I told him. I hated when thin people called themselves fat. I swear it's just for attention. But then again, Mikey said Gerard liked attention. I didn't care about that. I have my moments where I do too. "So, what do you want to do friend?" Gerard smiled at the word.

"Uh...play video games?" He asked nervously. I figured it would take him time to become used to he presence of another human that wasn't his family.

"Sure." I dropped the comic and stood up.

"I bet I could kick your ass in Halo!" Gerard said happily as he jumped off his bed and headed for the Xbox.

"No you can't!" I said with laughter, running to the couch. We both grabbed controllers, fell down, and started what would become one of the best friendships I've ever had.

I opened my eyes and saw it was considerably darker out. I had to of fallen asleep. I went to sit up but couldn't. I couldn't lift my body. When I looked up, I noticed Gerard's gorgeous eyes staring sweetly at me. I smiled at him, relieved he was awake. Pissed at myself for falling asleep on him, again, but glad he was alive still. "Please don't leave." He asked me quietly.

"Of course not." I said softly. We would have to have a long discussion about this, about Bert; but not now. He needed to just relax right now. I rearranged myself a little then placed my head gently back on his chest. Gerard's arm wrapped around me a little tighter and before long, the sweet relaxing sound of his heart lulled me to sleep again.