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“This will be good for you” Gerard said as he loaded Blair’s last duffle bag into the trunk of the cab. He sighed running a hand through his hair turning to look at Blair where she stood. She looked exactly like Julia then, she wasn’t dressed like she normally did. She had baggy sweat pants on with a ratty old hoodie of Jay’s coupled with a pair of oversized black sunglasses which covered most of her face. Gerard sighed walking over to her lifting her sunglasses to see her eyes blood shot from crying.

“Why can’t I do this here?” she pleaded looking up at him.

“Because sweetie it’s just better off this way” he said going to wrap his arms around her. Blair stepped back pulling her sunglasses down covering her face.
“Don’t fucking touch me” she growled stepping past him to walk to the waiting cab where Cami stood by the door.

“Sweetie..” she began to say but was shut up by a death glare from Blair. Cami sighed stepping back as Blair slid into the cab. Cami glanced up seeing Jay walking towards the cab jacket in hand.


“I’ll make sure she meets the doctor at the gate” he said quietly to Cami who nodded gratefully at Jay. Jay slid into the cab beside Blair who stayed quiet.
“JFK please” he said to the cabbie who nodded and pulled into traffic. Jay turned to Blair who was looking out the window.

“You know why they did this Blair, that overdose was the last straw” he said quietly as she turned to face him. “What were you thinking shooting up that shit? God even when I used to do stuff I never touched that shit” he said annoyed at her.

“Jay you don’t understand, you can’t even begin to. So don’t try and lecture me okay. This rehab crap isn’t going to help me at all” she snapped back at him as she wound down the cab window lighting up a cigarette blowing smoke out the side.

“What do you mean it wont help you?” he asked looking at her as she glanced at him.

“What I mean to say is, the overdose on Heroin the other night wasn’t an accident” she said seriously before taking another long drag.

“You.. you have to be kidding me” he muttered looking out the window. “Why the fuck did you pull a stupid stunt like that?” he growled at her.

“Because I wanted it to stop. I just couldn’t deal” she said taking off her sunglasses resting them atop her head. “I hate everything.” She said her lower lip trembling. “I hate them, they didn’t even try to fix things Jay they just let it fucking burn to the ground everything they built together” she said as tears spilt over onto her cheeks. Jay sighed sadly pulling Blair into his embrace holding her tightly.

“Shhh it’s all gonna be okay” he murmured quietly into her hair. “Look at me” he said quietly lifting her face gently so she had to look at him. “I’m going to be here for you, every step of the way. I’ll visit you in Rehab. I’ll call you every night so you have someone to talk to even if it’s to bitch about how crappy the food is” he said getting a small smile out of Blair.
The cab stopped and they got out collecting Blair’s bags before telling the cabbie to wait for Jay. They went through security as and walked to the gate they stopped a few feet away from the doctor. Jay hugged Blair tightly for a few minutes before they eventually broke apart quietly. Jay turned to leave.

“Jay wait!” Blair called out running up to him. Jay stopped turning around looking at her as she stopped.

“Take this” she said pulling a small black spiral bound notebook from her handbag.

“What is it?” he asked looking at her confused.

“It’s my notebook. It has some songs in it” she said a little uneasily. “I wrote one that night” she said quietly. “I want you to have a look at it” she said as he nodded quietly. Jay stood their quietly watching Blair as she looked around awkwardly. She stepped forward hesitating a little before planting a kiss on Jay’s cheek.

“Thanks for this” she said giving him once last glance before turning on her heel walking towards the doctor who was flying with her to the treatment centre in Arizona.
Jay sighed rubbing his cheek gently where Blair had kissed him watching as she walked away, he sighed turning on his heel to go back to the cab, he slid back in directing the driver to his address before opening Blair’s notebook and reading the lyrics she wrote.


It's not just my imagination
that I got a gun to my head.
Cause I can feel the cold metal
and I can smell the gun powder.
I know they got their sights on me
and its not just paranoia
that makes me think this way.

I know they got their plan for me.
I know they got a grave for me.
They want me to admit defeat.
They want me to show my fear
they know their system's going to break me.
It's crushed countless before me.

I stand here and try to look out
into the dark vastness that is my future.
Unfortunately I can't see shit.
There are clouds and there seems to be layers to the sky.
It's all just too unknown.
I waste time wanting to know what will happen.
How will it end.
But I never want to reach that day
when I no longer have a need for that curiosity
I don't want to know the end to this "movie".

Shouldn't I be living yet?
Shouldn't I know where I'm headed by now
I have millions of dreams and things
I want to do with this life.
But I barely have time to do the little I do now.
It's not satisfaction I get relaxing at the end of the day.
It's escape from the stress.
Disgust that I'm already in bed waiting to go to sleep again.

Wasn't I just here?
Didn't this just happen?
I can't say I know what will happen tomorrow.
The higher meaning that I'm looking for did not show itself today.




“Do you think we did the right thing?” Cami asked as she poured Gerard a cup of coffee as they sat in her kitchen.

“I think we did, I’m hoping we did” he said sadly. ‘We had no other options” he said as he sipped his coffee looking at Cami over the rim.

“I just hope it does what it’s supposed to do. The centre we sent her to is supposed to specialise in teenage drug abuse” she said as she lit a cigarette taking a long drag.

“Well she’ll be in good hands then wont she?” Gerard said looking at Cami as she blew smoke rings in the air.

“Well she should be we are paying them good money, as much as I spent on this Loft” she said with a small laugh as she stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray by the sink. Gerard let out a low whistle.

“It’s got to be a lot then” he said.

“Yeah it is” she said tiredly standing up pouring herself a cup of coffee watching Gerard drink his. “But I made a promise to myself I’d never let any harm come to her and I’ve let her down so much. This is the last way I can think of to help her” she said sipping her coffee after she’d finished speaking. Gerard sighed standing up walking over to Cami. He hesitantly wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

“I don’t know what’s going through your head right now, but I want you to know I’ve never doubted you” he said seriously. “Even when I was at my worst; I knew what you did was in the best interest for Blair” he said with a sense of finality. “You’re a great mom” he said kindly to her. “And I’m thankful for that” he said quietly.

“Thanks, it means a lot Gerard” she said quietly. “More than you could ever know”


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