FicWad

"Nicole."
I tried to ignore the stupid butterflies or bees or whatever they were in my stomach.
"I'm really concerned about you."
My hands were sweaty and it felt so uncomfortable to squeeze them in a fist.
"You've failed everything so miserably I'm sorry to say."
I avoided looking directly at her and found something much more interesting to stare at which was a picture of Shakespeare.
"These essays sound so pointless, your creative writing is just so dull and boring."
I gulped and suddenly felt like I was burning.
"I know it's not my place to ask but..."
I took a deep breath, really why am I so anxious?
"Is there anything bothering you?"
Of course something is bothering me! Why else would I fail in my classes? Why else would I not care about anything anymore?
"Or something just not right?"
Nothing is alright!
"Nicole, I need to know if you're feeling upset about something."
I looked down at my chest. Why does my heart hurt?
"Nicole?"
I looked back at her and licked my lips, "I'm really sorry about not trying my hardest. I've just been distracted that's all," I made up a lie at the top of my head.
My teacher gave me a weird look. "What can you say about your creative writing exam? I mean after you finish your lousy writing you just write the most depressing poems."
"I'm sorry, I'll try harder."
"Well you have to. I'm sending you to the counselor and from there you can decide if you do want to have regular sessions with him."
My eyes widened. I really didn't want to argue with her so I simply nodded.
"Good," she looked up at me. "I'm really worried about you Nicole so I'm going to allow you something that I've never did before, I'm allowing you to do all the modules again in you're own time. I expect you to pass it."
Oh great, just more stress to weigh down my shoulders.
"You can go now," she looked away.
Without another second I disappeared out of the stuffy classroom. It was only 3 months since I've started college and already I've dreaded it. I've dreaded everything at the moment. I just didn't know why. The things that I saw as a happy fun thing to do was just so boring and upsetting to do. I use to love watching movies and now you just don't see me even going next to the movie collection under the TV.
I sighed and decided to just ditch college for the day. I really didn't care. It was only the morning and I already couldn't take it anymore. I walked quickly out of the gates and just walked passed the bus stop that I usually waited at to go home. I really didn't know what I was doing. I knew I was lost, not just lost with where I am but just lost with myself. I didn't know myself anymore. What happened to the fresh start that I was excited about? What happened to the starting of a new chapter in my life?

Suddenly I didn't feel like walking anymore when I saw an abandoned park. I sat on the bottom of the slippery slide and curled into a ball. I did actually know what was wrong with me. I just missed Gerard. I haven't realised that even in the past when he ignored me was better than not seeing him at all. Not smelling his faint cologne mixed with rich cigarette smell. Not even hearing his sighs or groans. Damnit! Why did I have to be so stupid and leave him? Why am I always stupid? Everything I do, I regret later on. This is just not the way to live. I shut my eyes and got the whole thought of suicide out of my head just by thinking of my dead mother. She would be so upset if I did anything stupid like that.

I was really lazy and dazed about everything that I didn't care about the cold heavy drops of rain showering me. Why did it have to be winter? I began to shiver.

I never did even recognise a familiar voice calling me until they shook me. I looked up in panic to see the boy from my class in college named Jason. He was an alright guy that had those pointless crushes on me. How do I know? The way he always calls and texts me 24/7, he even drops me off at home, he flirts with me even and always has a hand around my waist. Maria and Toni has proof, he asked them if I was single and damn them they just had to say yes.
"Nicole! What the fuck?! Are you out of your mind?" Jason pulled me up and dragged me into his car.
The heated air inside the car felt so strange against my skin and I shivered dramatically. I was too afraid to look at Jason in the face, he always scares me when he's angry.
"What were you doing out there?" he asked frowning at me.
"I don't know. I just like the rain," I shrugged.
"You like the rain?! What the fuck! It's fucking cold out there Nicole!"
"I'm sorry."
He sighed, "Maria and Toni called me in panic because you weren't home. Thank god I found you."
I nodded.
"Let's take you home."







After I've written this, I realised that I just should have just made a sequel... oh well.
A totally diff chapter and I'm sorry!

Art school was AWESOME!!!

I'd like to thank that author which I forgot.... hmm
The story is called umm something something we're together yet I feel alone or something
Set in art school and I read it before I got to art school
And it kinda calmed down my nerves yay!

Also I'm kinda sorry for naming most of the chapters by Automatic LoveLetter's lyrics. They're just so GOOD!


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