FicWad

"Dude, what is wrong with you?" Toni stood over me with her hands on her hips.
I didn't know what to say to that, maybe because I didn't know what was wrong with me. I tugged onto the warm towel which was wrapped around my cold, wet, shivering body. I just arrived home and immediately Maria and Toni kicked Jason out and started shooting angry fireballs at me.
"Well?" Toni pushed on.
I shook my head, "I don't know."
She huffed, "Well how would I know if you don't know?"
I didn't know if it was a rhethorical question but I shrugged anyway.
Toni was about to shoot more questions when Maria interrupted her saying that she'll deal with it.
I grabbed the coffee cup from the table and eagerly sipped the hot liquid. I immediately felt the hot coffee travel down my throat and into my stomach.
"Nicole?" Maria sat next to me with a concerned look. "Honey, you okay?"
Do I look okay to you? "No, I'm not okay."
"You've been dozed out of everything for awhile... what's bothering you?"
I looked at her that said 'isn't it obvious?'
"Gerard right?"
I nodded and tried to stop the sudden rapid beating of my heart. It seemed to always do that at the wake of his name or anything that reminded me of him.
She sighed, "I don't mean to be a critic or anything but I don't get the fact as to why you like him-"
"I don't like him," I corrected her.
"Sorry... I mean love him. I mean, other than the looks... I don't get why you love him. He never did pay attention to you and he rejected you when you confessed your feelings to him."
I tightened my grasp on the coffee cup and tried to calm down my anger. I don't know, I feel like that there's something there... oh who am I kidding? I'm just illusioning here, making myself think that there's something there when there's not. Just hoping for nothing at all. I realise this but I don't change anything, I still can't stop hoping. I shrugged my shoulders as an answer for her. I didn't want anyone to know what's on my mind. It felt good to have what I was thinking and feeling a mystery to everybody else.
She stared at me for awhile before letting a sigh escape from her lips before getting up and exiting the lounge.
I stretched out on the sofa and closed my eyes. Feeling the warmth of the gas heater as I hugged myself. I wasn't bothered to shower and I didn't even care if I got sick, that was even better.
That night, as I have expected like every other night I dreamt of Gerard but in this dream I was struggling to remember how soft his skin was or even his facial features. He was just a blur and it scared me. I did not want to forget him.

"Yea and then I told them that I was in the train with that dude and they all laughed saying the dude wasn't a dude but a chick!" a friend of Toni's started to laugh hysterically at his own story.
So did the others.
Our lounge room was filled with everyones friends. Well just only Toni's friend Jordan and Maria's two friends and also Jason who sat right next to me.
I was the only one not laughing. I really wasn't listening to them. I was just only thinking of the dream from last night. The thought of forgetting Gerard scared me. I paused that thought and wondered, does he think of me? Is he going through what I'm going through? I suddenly shook my head. No of course not, why would he even waste his time doing that?
"Nicole? You seem out of it," Jason smiled. "Do you want to go outside for some fresh air?"
That seemed like a great idea for the moment so I nodded and let him guide me outside.
The cold air felt so good on my skin and I didn't care if I was shivering. I didn't feel suffocated much.
Jason noticed my shivering and wrapped his arms around me.
I tensed up from it but didn't say anything.
"You know, I don't know what's wrong with you but I know what's bothering me," Jason said.
I noticed that he was waiting for me to reply, "What is it then?" I asked.
He turned and looked me in the eye, "I think I like you very much."
Great, just what I needed. I looked away and started brooding about Gerard again.
His smile faded, "So, you don't like me back then..."
I suddenly got annoyed by him disturbing my brooding.
"So if I asked you out what would you say?"
I turned to him being slightly annoyed, "I would say no."
"Why?"
When would he stop asking questions! "Because I love someone else."
"And who is that someone else? Is he here?"
"No," I sighed.
"Then why are you here? Why aren't you with him?" he asked further.
"I don't know!" I yelled in fury. "Just leave me alone please!" I gave him a nasty look and left him to go inside.
This sucked so bad. Another thing I realised; I needed Gerard just enough to be back in my life where I see him every day. I didn't care if he won't speak to me, seeing him was all I needed.





Gah, I feel so alone right now :(

And also, I've noticed that less people read this story now... or is it ficwad playing games with me...

Review?