FicWad

I’m a little jolted. I didn’t expect him to actually talk. Clearly, improvisation isn’t my strong suit.
“Alright. Thank you.” There’s an awkward moment while I try to collect my thoughts.
“How many pills are you on?” I say. I feel repetitive.
“Only two.” He looks like he’s lying. I don’t have any way of knowing.
“What for?” I ask, taking a step closer to him.
“Antidepressants.” He says, in an honest tone. I do believe that.
“You drink too.” Not a question.
He swallows, nodding. I take another step.
“Why?”
His eyes darken, but get clearer in the same moment. “Why do you cut yourself?”
That catches me off guard. “I’ve already told you.”
“Well, there you go then.” He says. He looks so…sad. I want to cry. “I’m fucked up.” He says.
“No. You’re perfect.” It’s not true. He’s not. But he’s perfect for me.
“I’m not.” He says, bitterly.
“It doesn’t matter. No one is.”
He laughs. “You sound like a poster.”
I laugh once. “You don’t need that shit.”
“Yeah I do.”
“No you don’t. You have me.”
“I still need it.” It’s almost like a slap in the face. I inhale quickly.
“Why?”
“I just need it. I need it Rain.”
I feel tears in my eyes.
“But I need you.”
“I need you too. But I need them.” There’s no space anymore. I feel the tears slipping down my face. He takes a pale hand and rubs one of them off my cheek.
“Do you love me?” I ask.
His eyes are clear. “Yes.”
“Enough to stop?” I ask. He doesn’t answer. “I can’t lose you Gerard. I can’t-“
He kisses me suddenly, and my words are cut off. I put my hands in his hair, holding him tighter. I can’t lose this.
He pulls his arm around my waist , and leans in, pressing his chest against mine. I can’t breathe, but it doesn’t matter.
Our noses skim together, and I take a second to gasp a breath before I’m kissing him again. His skin is cold against my cheek. He runs his hand along my collar bone, then pulls back.
“I can’t lose you either. But I need them.”
I feel more tears sliding down my cheeks.
It’s reversed; he pulls me in, and I sob into his shoulder. He lets me cry.
I’m totally lost.



I know it's still short. I liked writing this though.