FicWad

"...no matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when a pool of their blood edges too close."

Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk



Brendon;

I did what I could. I ran her back to the train station, coaxed her to sleep once we were safely in the car, and took her to London. When I showed up on Bess's doorstep for the second time, with the bruised, beaten girl in my arms, Bess hurried me inside without question, automatically understanding.

Two hours later had me completely overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions. Katelynn and I were alone, since Bess had gone to buy some food for her when she woke and William was still not there. He should have been back long before then, but I tried not to think about that. Instead, I thought about what I did have in front of me.

I was disgusted with myself upon seeing what I'd caused. Sure, she looked a mess when I first found her, but here in the warm natural light coming in through the guest room's window, with her dirty and torn clothes pulled off her body, I could see the real damage. There wasn't an inch of Katelynn's body that wasn't a sick, deep shade of purple from bruising. There were two broken ribs-- I recalled the signs from my medical practice so many years ago. With deep contempt I wondered what they could have done to her to cause this, without ever breaking her skin. Gerard must have wanted her to suffer.

I treated her the best I could with what I had, knowing that she would be in a lot of pain when she woke up. I rooted through Bess's medicine cabinet, hoping to find some Tylenol or something for her, but of course there was nothing. Maybe she'll think to pick some up, I thought with a sigh as I returned to Katelynn's side. Gently, I laid my head down on her stomach and closed my eyes, waiting patiently for her to wake up. I liked the subtle motion of her breathing, a steady rise and fall that lifted my head up with her. It meant that she was alive.

But that was purely luck.


Katelynn;

I needed to get up.

Though still half asleep, I vaguely remembered Gerard saying that today was the day. The day, I mean, when I could finally escape this hell, however bestial the manner. Frank would probably be there soon, to bring me downstairs where I could finally die. To say the least, I wasn't too torn up about it. Slowly, I opened my eyes.

And the memories came flooding back to me. The mirror, those arms. Brendon and William appearing in my prison of a bedroom right before it happened. My eyes fell upon a figure resting beside me, kneeling next to the bed and with his glorious head laying on my stomach. My hero, my savior. I reached a hand out to touch his soft dark hair.

His eyes flew open at my touch, and met mine with a soft expression. I smiled at him.

“Brendon,” I whispered, twirling his hair between my fingers. I couldn't believe that he was really there, that he'd actually saved me.

“How are you feeling?” he asked with concern, slowly raising his head up.

“Good,” I replied. “Great.” I truly meant it. I'd been so sure that I would never see him again, that it was over for me. Having Brendon back with me filled me up, made me complete again. But he raised an eyebrow, skeptically.

“I mean the pain. You aren't... you aren't exactly in the best shape right now.”

“Oh.” The pain. Until he said it, I'd forgotten all about the horrors I'd faced in the past few days. It didn't matter to me anymore, what Gerard had done to me. I was alive, and Brendon was alive. We were together. “It's not... bad.”

I tried to sit up, but Brendon's gentle hands touched my shoulders, pushing me back down. “It will be. You don't need to get up right now, anyways. There's some... healing going on inside of you right now.”

“Healing?” I asked curiously. I didn't have any flesh wounds that I knew of, so I wasn't sure what he could have done to help. Suddenly, though, he looked heartbreakingly sad.

“Broken ribs. I've done what I can, but I'll need to do it again soon. I was actually hoping you'd sleep a little longer so you wouldn't have to see...”

“See what?”

Brendon bit his lip and threw a nervous glance to the small table beside him, on which sat a silver tray. Resting on the tray was a long, thick syringe. I flinched, understanding. I hated needles.

“Ouch,” I muttered.

“I'm sorry. I think I'll have to do it twice more. You'll be healed, but very sore and weak for a while. I can wait until you fall back asleep...?”

I sighed. “No, do it now. Just... hold my hand or something.”

“Mhh. Alright.” He picked the needle up off the tray and held it to his face. Then he paused. “You might want to look away, Katelynn. This might... bother you”

“W-why?”

“Because I have to spit in it. It's the fastest way I could think of to get you better-- to get my venom to make contact with the break.”

I nodded, took a deep breath, and closed my eyes while Brendon got the needle ready.

“Okay, you ready?”
I held out my hand expectantly, and he gave me one of his. I squeezed it, missing the feeling of his icy skin on mine, and nodded.

As Brendon brought the needle close to my skin, my heart started to speed up anxiously. So instead of watching, I focused my eyes on our tightly clasped hands while he worked. It felt so unreal to be back in Brendon's hold. So safe, so inviolable. Our locked hands paralleled the part to the whole-- my weakness clutching desperately, lovingly onto his strength, he accepting my vulnerability and sheltering me. It was then that I remembered something: something I had been dying to tell him since before the Sangladri took me. I loved him, and dearly. The words were burning almost painfully on my tongue now that I'd thought of them.

“All done. Are you okay?”

“What?” I asked, confused. Then I realized he had removed the needle from my skin and had replaced it with his cold hand to numb the pain. I'd gotten so distracted that I hadn't even noticed. “Oh, yeah. Thanks. Bren, there's something I have to tell you. I wanted to say it before, but... you know.”

He surprised me by sighing, and shaking his head. “I have to tell you something, too. Can I go first, though? I really want to get it over with.”

His suddenly pained expression alarmed me. “Yeah, I guess. What's wrong?”

“Nothing is... nothing is wrong, Katelynn. I just did a lot of thinking, while you were away from me. I thought it was over. That it was my fault you were--” he broke off with a strange, strained noise. It scared me, seeing him to hurt. “W-what did they do to you? To break you like this?” He asked suddenly.

I thought about lying, knowing that he wouldn't like the story about what Gerard had done to me. I didn't want Brendon feeling responsible for it. But, figuring it was inevitable, I decided on the truth. “He-- Gerard-- wanted to know how strong I am. He made me... fight him.”

His head fell into his hands, and his body started shaking. I quiet whimper escaped his lips, as if he were in pain.

“Bren, it's alright. He didn't hurt me too badly. I'm okay, and none of it was your fault anyways.”

“It's not! And of course it's my fault. I thought that maybe after all of this,” he said loudly, gesturing down at my body, “that you might finally believe me. I don't know what else to do now...”

I didn't know what to say to him. None of it was his fault, we'd just been extremely unlucky as far as I could tell. But our luck turned, couldn't he see that? There was nothing, that I could see, to cry about now. I tried to comfort him anyways. “Come lay beside me, Brendon. I want to hold you. It's all okay now, Bren, come here.”

His head shook violently from side to side. “No. It's not okay. I've ruined everything, and--”

“Come here. Lay down.” I touched his arm softly, wanting him to calm down. But it seemed to have the opposite affect.

“No!” Brendon yelled, jumping up suddenly. “I can't! I'll just end up hurting you even more. I can't put you through this again, Katelynn. We've got to stop...”

He couldn't mean...? Words escaped me, but tears started flowing freely down my cheeks. Brendon went on.

“If I had listened to William in the first place... If I had stayed away from you, if I'd acted as you're guard and nothing more, as I was intended to. This wouldn't have happened. You'd be fine, and healthy. William would be here, and I wouldn't be fucking scared to be near you. I'm doing this the way I should have before, Katelynn. I'll be your guard, your escort, and nothing more.”

I couldn't breath. Brendon didn't want me anymore. I'd caused him too much trouble. My face was soaked with tears, my hands shaking. When I spoke, my voice trembled more than it ever had when I spoke to Gerard. “So you're just going to forget it? You're going to just... stop liking me?”

His head shook again, and a miserable, bitter smile turned up his lips. “I'll never stop loving you, Katelynn,” he corrected. “But I will stop putting you in danger. I'll make you safe, and you can go home. You will forget me. You'll be happy.”

Then, I was furious. I pushed myself out of the bed and stood up facing him, ignoring my body's screams of anguish. “That's fucking stupid, Brendon! I won't forget you, and I won't be happy.”

“Katelynn,” his voice was much softer now. “Lay back down. You'll hurt yourself. It's over.”

“Fuck off!” I screamed, angry that he could expect me to listen to him. “I love you, Brendon, I love you so much. I tried killing myself back at the Sangladri house, just because I knew I would never see you again. But you came, you saved me, and now you're leaving me again. I will die, Brendon. I'd rather die.”

He looked like he was about to yell back, at first. But then his expression faltered into one of sadness. “Y-you were actually going to kill yourself because of me?”

I nodded, breathing hard. Brendon stared at me for nearly a whole minute before speaking.

“You see what I've done, love? It's got to be this way, you'll see how much easier it is. Now please, get back in bed. I can't have you hurt anymore. I'm already worried out of my mind about Bill--”

“Wait,” I said, distracted. “He isn't here?”

“Get in bed.”

I obliged, and looked up expectantly.

“No, he isn't,” Brendon muttered, hiding his face from me. “He should be, he knows I would have brought you here. I don't know... what happened. Back at the Sangladri house.”

“No...” I whispered to myself. William couldn't be gone. I needed William, now more than ever. For myself, and for Brendon. “H-he can't...”

“He's been gone too long...” Brendon said quietly as he turned and walked toward the door. “Sometimes, good things have to end.”

And he left me alone.





The Ghost of You by MCR, my friends
I'm going to see nevershoutnever! next fridayyyy with my bfffffffl who i havent seen in nearly two years! and in other news, BILVY!????????