Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I'm Not One For Love Songs
I'm Not One For Love Songs
I walked into the room and saw him lying peacefully on the bed with his eyes closed. The bags under them were very prevailing. His face looked pale and ghostly, he seemed ten years older than he actually was he. He looked thinner than his usually gangly form was. It was sad actually. What made him like this? Drugs? Drinking? I just don’t get it.
I walked a little further into the room and when I saw that there was no movement from him I walked over to his bed. I looked down at him sympathetically and felt the need to touch him, comfort him, do something.
But then my mind pounded in, reminding me of all he had done to me. I mean high school was really no big deal. I’m 23 now. And now that I think back on it I realize that he was just being a guy in high school. The teasing and harassing still pissed me off but now that I was older, and had taken a psychology class in college, I’ve realized that he was just being a teenage guy. What I can’t seem to let go of is how he whored me out. Literally.
I ignored my mind though and reached out gently. I cupped the left side of his face with my hand for a minute, and ran my thumb over his cheek. He looked done, just done with the world. Even in the one place where you can escape all of you problems and be in your own world, when you’re asleep.
I looked at him once more than turned my back on him to check his vitals and to make sure that all of the machines were working a-okay.
I turned back around and jumped slightly, and put my hand on my chest surprised.
He had been staring at me deeply, like he was seeing into my soul.
“Oh you’re awake,” I commented with the nurse voice, showing politeness, and only that.
His seeking eyes looked up at my wonderingly, “You touched me,” he mumbled still staring.
“Well I am your nurse, it’s kind of in the job description,” I informed him, mockingly.
“But, you- it.. it felt so nice,” he mumbled looking up at me sadly, “I haven’t been touched in so long.”
“Ew, I didn’t need to know that,” I mumbled, taking it the dirty way, which is how you usually had to interpret everything he said.
He just kept staring, “No, just touched. That’s all.”
“Oh,” I felt awkward, “Well is there anything I can get you before I leave?”
“You’re leaving already?” he said sadly with his eyes crinkled in confusion.
“Yeah, my shift ended 5 minutes ago,” I told him, looking up at the clock, it was 3:05 in the morning, “You need your rest anyway.”
“You’ll come back right?” he asked looking like a lost little boy.
“Yeah, I’ll be back in about 5 hours,” I informed him.
He looked like he was going to say something, but then he hesitated and said, “Will you come to me?”
I felt like his words held more meaning than it seemed they did, “Sure,” I responded politely.
“Anything else?” I asked again, with my hands clasped in front of me.
“Can I- can you please- I mean,” he stuttered a bit, “Can you please give me a…a hug?”
He looked like he was waiting for a slap or some screaming and he wasn’t looking at me, but more at the wall behind me.
I didn’t answer, I just walked over to him and leaned down and gave him a slight hug. When I felt him shiver and suck in a breath I held him tighter. He felt so weak, so frail. He hesitantly wrapped his long arms around me and his grip grew stronger, like he was holding on for dear life.
After about a minute I pulled away gently and he held on until we had to separate. I looked down at him once I was standing again and I swear I saw tears in his eyes but then they were gone.
“Thank you,” he whispered, closing his eyes gently.
“See you later,” I said and started to walk out the door.
“Yes, later,” I heard him mumble before I pulled his door closed.
I leaned against the wall outside of his room for a few minutes, just trying to clear my mind and organize my thoughts. I stood up straight and walked down the hall towards May and the main desk.
“Hey May, I’m gonna head out now, is that okay with you?” I asked as I put my coat on and grabbed my purse.
“Yes deary, I’m just waiting for the next shift to come in and I’m going to head out to,” she said pleasantly.
“Okay, Bye May, see you later tonight?” I asked her.
“Not until 5 tonight dear, they’re giving me some rest tonight,” she informed me smiling.
“Good for you May!” I told her, genuinely happy for her. She’s getting too old, at 51, to be working all these hours that she does.
With our goodbyes said I walked out of the hospital to go catch the subway and get home. I’d be home in about 20 minutes and then I could eat, sleep for about 3 hours, shower and come back for a ten hour shift. The 18 hours days that I’ve been working for the past two weeks have been killer. The flu seemed to be going around though so we’ve had sick nurses calling in sick all week. Ironic isn’t it?
I was promised a nice vacation when all the nurses were feeling better though, so I suppose I can make it a few more days with this schedule.
It was new years eve/morning now and not even 4 in the morning yet so when I got onto the subway there were drunken people everywhere. Ranging from suspiciously young teens to people in their thirties that could just not let go of their youth yet.
I watched the couples grossed out. They were all slobbering over each other it seemed and I swear that there were a few guys trying to eat their girlfriend’s faces off.
I’ve only had two boyfriends in my life.
One was this guy named Gary in freshman year of college. He was the sweet guy from the good family who had money, treated me right and respected me. He broke up with me on our 5 month anniversary because I wouldn’t fuck him.
Then there was the more recent one in senior year of college when I was 22. His name was Rob. He was the epitome of a ‘bad boy’. He didn’t go to college, he was 24, a car mechanic, and boy did we screw a lot. We met at a bar, and I broke up with him at that same bar 6 months later when I found out that I wasn’t his only girlfriend.
I look at the drunken couples again, giving them a dirty look which they don’t even notice when something catches my eye.
It’s this couple at the end of the subway train. They are completely sober and wrapped up tightly in there winter coats, and wrapped up in each other. They talking to each other and smiling gently, genuinely. They made me smile. They were the kind of people who gave people like me a tiny bit of hope. Those two people might fight, and argue, and have problems, but when it comes down to it, you can see that they love each other, they truly do.
I got off the subway hugging myself, trying to protect myself from the cold wind hitting me full force. I got to my apartment building and went up the 3 floors to my apartment where I walked in to find Jay and her boyfriend snuggled up, passed out on the couch together. I walked into the kitchen and found a note from her on the counter, it read ‘Jay, I know me and Joe will probably be passed out on the couch by the time you get home but I just wanted to let you know that there’s left over pizza in the fridge for you if your hungry.’
I smiled at the thought of my friend and her chill but pasty Jew boyfriend, Joe Trohman. They’d met at this bar known for their really good band performances. He’d come up to the bar where she was sitting and asked her “How old are you, cause really I don’t wanna hit on a minor and go to jail.” From then on they’d just hit it off and once she’d seen him and his and Fall Out Boy, and up and coming and from Chicago, perform, she’d had been hooked.
I yawned, finished my pizza, and walked into my room. I changed really quick, and passed out, knowing that I had to get all the sleep I could because I had to be back in work in 4 hours.
I fell asleep with one person in mind.
I’d like to say that it wasn’t Gabe, but then I’d be lying.
I walked into the room and saw him lying peacefully on the bed with his eyes closed. The bags under them were very prevailing. His face looked pale and ghostly, he seemed ten years older than he actually was he. He looked thinner than his usually gangly form was. It was sad actually. What made him like this? Drugs? Drinking? I just don’t get it.
I walked a little further into the room and when I saw that there was no movement from him I walked over to his bed. I looked down at him sympathetically and felt the need to touch him, comfort him, do something.
But then my mind pounded in, reminding me of all he had done to me. I mean high school was really no big deal. I’m 23 now. And now that I think back on it I realize that he was just being a guy in high school. The teasing and harassing still pissed me off but now that I was older, and had taken a psychology class in college, I’ve realized that he was just being a teenage guy. What I can’t seem to let go of is how he whored me out. Literally.
I ignored my mind though and reached out gently. I cupped the left side of his face with my hand for a minute, and ran my thumb over his cheek. He looked done, just done with the world. Even in the one place where you can escape all of you problems and be in your own world, when you’re asleep.
I looked at him once more than turned my back on him to check his vitals and to make sure that all of the machines were working a-okay.
I turned back around and jumped slightly, and put my hand on my chest surprised.
He had been staring at me deeply, like he was seeing into my soul.
“Oh you’re awake,” I commented with the nurse voice, showing politeness, and only that.
His seeking eyes looked up at my wonderingly, “You touched me,” he mumbled still staring.
“Well I am your nurse, it’s kind of in the job description,” I informed him, mockingly.
“But, you- it.. it felt so nice,” he mumbled looking up at me sadly, “I haven’t been touched in so long.”
“Ew, I didn’t need to know that,” I mumbled, taking it the dirty way, which is how you usually had to interpret everything he said.
He just kept staring, “No, just touched. That’s all.”
“Oh,” I felt awkward, “Well is there anything I can get you before I leave?”
“You’re leaving already?” he said sadly with his eyes crinkled in confusion.
“Yeah, my shift ended 5 minutes ago,” I told him, looking up at the clock, it was 3:05 in the morning, “You need your rest anyway.”
“You’ll come back right?” he asked looking like a lost little boy.
“Yeah, I’ll be back in about 5 hours,” I informed him.
He looked like he was going to say something, but then he hesitated and said, “Will you come to me?”
I felt like his words held more meaning than it seemed they did, “Sure,” I responded politely.
“Anything else?” I asked again, with my hands clasped in front of me.
“Can I- can you please- I mean,” he stuttered a bit, “Can you please give me a…a hug?”
He looked like he was waiting for a slap or some screaming and he wasn’t looking at me, but more at the wall behind me.
I didn’t answer, I just walked over to him and leaned down and gave him a slight hug. When I felt him shiver and suck in a breath I held him tighter. He felt so weak, so frail. He hesitantly wrapped his long arms around me and his grip grew stronger, like he was holding on for dear life.
After about a minute I pulled away gently and he held on until we had to separate. I looked down at him once I was standing again and I swear I saw tears in his eyes but then they were gone.
“Thank you,” he whispered, closing his eyes gently.
“See you later,” I said and started to walk out the door.
“Yes, later,” I heard him mumble before I pulled his door closed.
I leaned against the wall outside of his room for a few minutes, just trying to clear my mind and organize my thoughts. I stood up straight and walked down the hall towards May and the main desk.
“Hey May, I’m gonna head out now, is that okay with you?” I asked as I put my coat on and grabbed my purse.
“Yes deary, I’m just waiting for the next shift to come in and I’m going to head out to,” she said pleasantly.
“Okay, Bye May, see you later tonight?” I asked her.
“Not until 5 tonight dear, they’re giving me some rest tonight,” she informed me smiling.
“Good for you May!” I told her, genuinely happy for her. She’s getting too old, at 51, to be working all these hours that she does.
With our goodbyes said I walked out of the hospital to go catch the subway and get home. I’d be home in about 20 minutes and then I could eat, sleep for about 3 hours, shower and come back for a ten hour shift. The 18 hours days that I’ve been working for the past two weeks have been killer. The flu seemed to be going around though so we’ve had sick nurses calling in sick all week. Ironic isn’t it?
I was promised a nice vacation when all the nurses were feeling better though, so I suppose I can make it a few more days with this schedule.
It was new years eve/morning now and not even 4 in the morning yet so when I got onto the subway there were drunken people everywhere. Ranging from suspiciously young teens to people in their thirties that could just not let go of their youth yet.
I watched the couples grossed out. They were all slobbering over each other it seemed and I swear that there were a few guys trying to eat their girlfriend’s faces off.
I’ve only had two boyfriends in my life.
One was this guy named Gary in freshman year of college. He was the sweet guy from the good family who had money, treated me right and respected me. He broke up with me on our 5 month anniversary because I wouldn’t fuck him.
Then there was the more recent one in senior year of college when I was 22. His name was Rob. He was the epitome of a ‘bad boy’. He didn’t go to college, he was 24, a car mechanic, and boy did we screw a lot. We met at a bar, and I broke up with him at that same bar 6 months later when I found out that I wasn’t his only girlfriend.
I look at the drunken couples again, giving them a dirty look which they don’t even notice when something catches my eye.
It’s this couple at the end of the subway train. They are completely sober and wrapped up tightly in there winter coats, and wrapped up in each other. They talking to each other and smiling gently, genuinely. They made me smile. They were the kind of people who gave people like me a tiny bit of hope. Those two people might fight, and argue, and have problems, but when it comes down to it, you can see that they love each other, they truly do.
I got off the subway hugging myself, trying to protect myself from the cold wind hitting me full force. I got to my apartment building and went up the 3 floors to my apartment where I walked in to find Jay and her boyfriend snuggled up, passed out on the couch together. I walked into the kitchen and found a note from her on the counter, it read ‘Jay, I know me and Joe will probably be passed out on the couch by the time you get home but I just wanted to let you know that there’s left over pizza in the fridge for you if your hungry.’
I smiled at the thought of my friend and her chill but pasty Jew boyfriend, Joe Trohman. They’d met at this bar known for their really good band performances. He’d come up to the bar where she was sitting and asked her “How old are you, cause really I don’t wanna hit on a minor and go to jail.” From then on they’d just hit it off and once she’d seen him and his and Fall Out Boy, and up and coming and from Chicago, perform, she’d had been hooked.
I yawned, finished my pizza, and walked into my room. I changed really quick, and passed out, knowing that I had to get all the sleep I could because I had to be back in work in 4 hours.
I fell asleep with one person in mind.
I’d like to say that it wasn’t Gabe, but then I’d be lying.
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