FicWad

'You've been quiet," Gerard told me as we strolled down the aisle with the trolley filled with a number of groceries.
I chuckled, "No."
"You haven't spoken since we left the house," Gerard looked at me with a face of concern.
I licked my lips, "Oh hey, we need some oatmeal also!" I ran and picked up a small box of oatmeal and put it in the trolley.
Gerard let out a sigh but kept walking whilst pushing the trolley along.
I just wanted to snap out of the thought of Gerard harming himself which was affecting my mood and body language. He wouldn't do it. He stopped doing it back in the days when he was touring with the band. I wanted to confront him but I was just afraid. What if it wasn't true? What if he actually did it then lashed out at me? I took a deep breath and turned back to Gerard who was walking behind me very slowly. I watched him closely, trying to find any signs of self harm. Negative. I tried to convince myself that there was nothing to worry about.
I plastered a big forced smile on my face and walked with Gerard to the next aisle.
"What else do we need?" he asked.
"Um..." I looked at the groceries in the trolley. "Well, we should get some milk products along with some junk food."
Gerard grinned, "We should get frozen food too! I hate cooking."
"Correction, your cooking sucks," I gave him a cheesy smile.
"You are just mean," Gerard pouted.
"Me? Mean?" I gasped dramatically. "I'm just stating the fact."
"Whatever Trevor," he flipped me off and did the catwalk.
Gerard would make a great model on the catwalk.

I pushed the bowl of corn chips and dip away from me and laid on the couch like a log.
"Oh my god, you're full already?" Gerard asked with a smirk.
"Yes!" I said weakly.
"Wow, you didn't eat much."
My eyes widened, "Dude didn't you see how much I ate? I ate like the whole packet of skittles then half a pack of m&ms and lets not frget the gummi bear and the other junk!"
He chuckled, "I feel fat now 'cause I'm not full yet."
I pat his back, "Glad that you realised that."
Gerard put on a shock face, "Are you saying I'm fat?"
I grinned at him.
"How dare you call me fat," he gave me a sly grin.
"I didn't call you fat, you did. I just simply agreed."
"Well either way you gotta say sorry then," he crept over me.
It took me seconds to realise that I was literally under him which totally gave me so many kinky feelings and thoughts. "What if I didn't say sorry then?"
His eyes were slightly darker than they usually were. "I don't know," he moved a piece of my hair out of my face and that's when I saw it.
Tiny, thin dark lines across his left wrist. Those lines didn't look like accidental lines. I didn't realise that I looked purely shocked until Gerard moved his arm and got off me.
I sat up and looked at him for an answer.
He just merely had himself seated on the edge of the sofa with his head held low and his hands just fiddling.
And so that's what we did, we sat awkwardly with me just looking at him for an answer and him just ignoring me.
Gerard finally gave up, "So do you want more gummi bears?" he grabbed the packet and pigged out some specific colours.
"What is that on your wrist Gerard?" I asked.
He stopped what he was doing but didn't look at me. "Uh I don't know what you're talking about."
"Come on Gerard, I saw it. I saw the razors and the pills, what is going on?"
"Wait, you found them?" he looked at me sternly.
"Yea, in your drawer-"
"You have no right to look through my things!" he snapped.
"I'm sorry!" I tried to hold the tears back. "But please tell me what is going on."
"There's nothing going on!"
"Gerard, please-"
"Let me be okay?" he got up and just walked off.
I watched him walk off and I was left in misery.
I told you, you shouldn't have confronted him!






I really dunno what's going on...
I have no idea if you peeps like where its going -.-'

Oh and I just realised that my girlfriend is uhh a whore
Not that she did anything
It's just that's she 15 and had heaps of relationships that don't even last a month
And I'm scared for my life
I don't wanna be hurt -.-
Friends are telling me to dump her but I've already fallen for her so much that I can't let her go. She tells me that this is different and I know it is but still... I'm a person that's been hurt a lot.
Tomorrow we're going to have our one month.
And well, I'm just waiting for her to dump me. I'm waiting for those depressing days to come back to me. I've also started smoking... how nice -.-'
But umm is it normal for me to think about when all this is going to end? I mean, I love her so much and I want to be with her for so long but I'm just in doubt. Because I'm an unlucky person and when I want something it most likely just not happen.
I don't know why I'm babbling on about the mosty pointless things in life. I just... well don't wanna call my friends and let them think that there's something wrong and so I don't bother them also. So umm yea now that I got that outta my chest...



But on a brighter note! At MSI concert last weekend while we were waiting for the band to arrive... people kept asking to take photos of me coz I looked like Gerard Way. The shit part of it was that they didn't even bother knowing my name but instead called me gerard -.-



Oh wellies,
JUST REVIEW THIS TIME!