Categories > Anime/Manga > Yu-Gi-Oh! > Millennium Item Rejects
Chapter 2: K4ib4 is 2 pwn4g3!
0 reviewsThe nonsense continues as Kaiba gets on board and showcases his L33t millennium skillz.
0Unrated
Chapter 2: K4ib4 is 2 pwn4g3!
(The group gathers at the desk)
Shadi: Well those didn't work out at all.
Ishizu: I hope all these applicants aren't like this...(Uses the Taku to look into the future) ...Shit... (Everyone sighs)
Ryou: Let's get this done.
Yami: Yes, anything to get that damn "Rod" thing out of my head is fine by me.
Marik: My precious. (Hugs his Millennium Rod)
Pegasus: NEXT! (The door opens up and in walks...)
Kaiba: Greetings.
Yami: What the? Why are you here?
Kaiba: Well, I figured that I'd give this a try seeing as how Marik won't give me the Rod back. (Glares at him) DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT WAS MINE TO BEGIN WITH!
Marik: (hisses) MINE! MINE!
Pegasus: Oh, Kaiba-boy! (Runs over to him)
Kaiba: Restraining Order! (Holds up a paper)
Pegasus: Drats. (Sulks back to the panel)
Yugi: Note to self: Need to get Restraining Order
Kaiba: Well, I might as well get started. Here is my first Millennium Item! (Lifts up a large solid gold block and drops it on a table with a loud clunk)
Marik: What the hell is that?
Kaiba: It's the Millennium Computer!
Yami: (Slaps his forehead) Kaiba...
Kaiba: It comes with a full range of Microsoft programs, 70 GB of RAM, Pentium 4 Processor, Cable Modem, CD Burner, DVD Player...
Yami: Kaiba...
Kaiba: And it comes with this nifty Instruction Manual.
Yami: Manual? HA! I'm sold! Let me see that! (Opens the book and reads)
Pegasus: A Millennium Item shouldn't have to come with a manual!
Shadi: Actually the items used to have manuals.
Pegasus: They did? What happened to them?
Shadi: The instructions only came in fan-sub.
(Flashback)
Shadi:"To passing divine judgment, make happy go movement." What? Okay um... "Be annoyed when you is not in spirit of no happy soul." HUH? "You is a stupid awesome dude that I shall not be love hating." What the fu-
(End Flashback)
Marik: I'm not interested unless I can use it to kill something!
Bakura: Hold on! We didn't even see what kind of power it has to defeat the Pharaoh.
Marik: Oh right...
Yami: What's its power, besides breaking your wallet?
Kaiba: The power of the Millennium Computer is that it will always stay a top of the line model no matter how much technology progresses, it will always stay superior to everyone else's. (Yugi types on the computer when there is a buzz)
Yugi: The computer says "Fatal Error: Please wait while Windows tries to find a reason to crash."
Kaiba: DAMN WINDOWS! MOKUBA!
Mokuba: (pokes his head in the room) Yes Nei-sama?
Kaiba: Call Gates! Tell him that Kaiba said he has 24 hours to disappear.
Mokuba: You got it. (Leaves)
Ryou: Uh...quick question. Is that thing made out of gold?
Kaiba: Of course!
Ryou: YOU MADE A COMPUTER OUT OF GOLD?!
Kaiba: Why not? I'm a rich handsome billionaire with a lot of time on his hands. While every other prosperous entrepreneur wastes his or her money trying to fly around the world in a balloon, I'm doing something practical with my money. (Seriously, have you noticed that about billionaires? Why are they trying to fly around the world in a balloon? IT'S THE FUCKING 21ST CENTURY! GET ON A GOD DAMN PLANE!)
Ishizu: (Clarifying Tone) You built a computer out of gold?
Kaiba: People put LCD TV's in their bathroom mirrors and dashboards to show off! WHY CAN'T I HAVE A SOLID GOLD COMPUTER!? And besides, even if I can't use it in duel to tip the odds in my favor, I don't need to know anything about magic to know that this thing is going to really hurt if I throw it at someone. (Picks it up and hurls it.
Yugi: AH! (Everyone ducks, except for Shadi, who gets hit in the face with it.)
Bakura: HEY! NO ONE THROWS HEAVY BLUNT OBJECTS IN MY GENERAL VICINITY AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! (Hurls it back. Kaiba moves to the right and the computer crashes through the floor.)
(Downstairs)
Haga: I won't let them get away with this! THEY HAVEN'T SEEN THAT LAST OF THIS MILLENNIUM ITEM! (Holds up M. Butterfly Net) I WILL NOT BE DENINED MY RIGHTS AS AN ITEM HOLDER ANY LONGER! THE POWER AND GLORY SHALL...(The Millennium Computer crashes through the roof of the first floor and falls on top of Haga) ...Medic...(passes out)
(Upstairs)
Ishizu: We seem to have a new trap door.
Bakura: That's a hazard... (Walks over and puts a rug over the hole) ...for the unfortunate fool who steps there.
Kaiba: May I continue?
Marik: What? You're not done?
Kaiba: I have two more! (Everyone moans loudly)
Yami: WHY!?!?!
Kaiba: Fine! I'll keep going...here's the second item I came up with. (Lifts up a gold rectangle) Behold! THE PLAYSTATION 3! MILLENNIUM EDITION!
Marik: You gotta be shitin' me.
Kaiba: Afraid not.
Ryou: Kaiba, if the Millennium Computer runs on Windows, won't it make more sense to create a Millennium X-Box 360? I mean, you can network them.
Kaiba: Well...
Yugi: That does make sense...somehow. My brain hasn't been the same since Kajiki came in with the Millennium Fishing Ro- (Sees Marik's psychotically annoyed face) err...pole.
Kaiba: Uh...well, my 360 ...kind of...
Yami: Kind of what?
Kaiba: Crashed... (Sigh) Anyway, PS3 is the real moneymaker!
Ryou: What makes it different from a normal PS3?
Kaiba: It makes the games come alive!
Yugi: How is this different from the Duel Disk?
Kaiba: It's made gold.
Yami: What? That makes no sense.
Kaiba: Well it makes sense to me and that's all that matters!
Ryou: Can I play with?
Kaiba: Uh, knock yourself out.
Ryou: Sweet (Plays Soul Caliber 3)
Yugi: Why didn't you make a gold Duel Disk and get it over with.
Kaiba: What?! A GOLD DUEL DISK!?! That's a stupid idea, Yugi! You're stupid! (Yugi winces and feels depressed)
Ryou: Hey guys, I'm about to face Night Terror! (Suddenly, the PS3 ME glows bright gold and...Night Terror appears above Ryou.)
Ryou: This may hurt. (Night Terror beats the shit out of Ryou)
Bakura: NO! (Bakura hurls over the table and blasts him to dust and then to Hell with his Millennium Ring)
Ryou: Oh Baku-chan you do care!
Bakura: No I don't. I'm masking my feelings of concern for you by saying that I only need your vessel to stay alive because when you die my plans go up in smoke.
Ryou: See, I knew you loved me! ^__^ (Bakura raises his eyebrow in confusion)
Kaiba: Okay...PS3 didn't work either. (Throws it out the window which hits Haga in the head who's standing right under the window) Last one...this item stores souls, word documents, MP3 files and digital photos. I call it the Millennium Floppy Disk
Yugi: But Floppy Disks only work with PC. What if you use a Mac? (Everyone is silent and then starts laughing)
Kaiba: MAC!?!?! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING!
Yami: WHO USES MAC?!?!
Bakura: AHAHAHA! THAT'S THE FUNNIEST DAMN THING I EVER HEARD!!!
Marik: IF YOU HAVE TO USE MAC, YOU MUST BE PRETTY PATHETIC!!!
(Meanwhile)
EAA: (Sneezes) I have the strangest feeling someone is talking about me.
(Un-mean...while...er...)
Pegasus: Witty Yugi-boy!
Yugi: But I was being serious.
Yami: Sure, you were (laughs)
Yugi: But I was...
Marik: Seriously, Kaiba...floppy disks? What are you thinking?
Kaiba: Well I was going to make a Duel Disk Millennium Item
Yugi: Huh?! How is that different from what I said?
Kaiba: BECAUSE I SAID IT! (coughs into his fist) Like I said, I WAS going too but after the Battle City, the Battle Ship, blowing up Alcatraz Tower and running the KC Grand Prix...I'm bankrupt...
Yami: Wait...if your bankrupt, who could you afford to create a working computer made of solid gold?
Kaiba: Uh...well...THINK FAST! (Tosses the disk)
Yami: Huh? (The disk, flying at top speed embeds itself in his forehead, which begins bleeding) AH! OH GOD! OH GOD! IT'S IN MY HEAD! AH! AH! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! GET IT OUT! SHIT! DAMN! FUCK! AH! AH! (Starts running around) WHAT ARE THE ODDS!?!?! WHAT ARE THE ODDS!?!?!
Yugi: Yami! Stay still! I'll get it out! (He chases after Yami who continues to run around the room.)
Bakura: (smiles) Not actually what I was planning to do but still strangely satisfying.
Ryou: (Sweat drops) Baku-chan...
Kaiba: Well...I think I've done enough damage. Chief executive officer, exit Stage Left! (Kaiba runs out the door...Hee-hee...CEO)
Haga: (crawling along the halls in bandages) Revenge! I WILL...(Kaiba runs out of the room and hits him in the head with the door. Yami runs out of the room screaming and gets tramples by Yami and Yugi) ...must...get...reven-...(Bakura & Marik run out of the room chasing Yami, they trample Haga.)
Bakura: Get the chainsaw! We must finish what Kaiba has started!
Marik: I've got the flamethrowers!
Haga: Uh...(Ryou, Ishizu, Shadi and Pegasus run out the door and trample Haga)
Ryou: Bakura, don't! The series dies if you kill Yami!
Ishizu: Marik, you promised me you'd behave! You're grounded, young man!
Shadi: My Pharaoh! I'll save you!
Pegasus: Yugi-boy! Wait for me!
Haga:...kill...me...
(The group gathers at the desk)
Shadi: Well those didn't work out at all.
Ishizu: I hope all these applicants aren't like this...(Uses the Taku to look into the future) ...Shit... (Everyone sighs)
Ryou: Let's get this done.
Yami: Yes, anything to get that damn "Rod" thing out of my head is fine by me.
Marik: My precious. (Hugs his Millennium Rod)
Pegasus: NEXT! (The door opens up and in walks...)
Kaiba: Greetings.
Yami: What the? Why are you here?
Kaiba: Well, I figured that I'd give this a try seeing as how Marik won't give me the Rod back. (Glares at him) DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT WAS MINE TO BEGIN WITH!
Marik: (hisses) MINE! MINE!
Pegasus: Oh, Kaiba-boy! (Runs over to him)
Kaiba: Restraining Order! (Holds up a paper)
Pegasus: Drats. (Sulks back to the panel)
Yugi: Note to self: Need to get Restraining Order
Kaiba: Well, I might as well get started. Here is my first Millennium Item! (Lifts up a large solid gold block and drops it on a table with a loud clunk)
Marik: What the hell is that?
Kaiba: It's the Millennium Computer!
Yami: (Slaps his forehead) Kaiba...
Kaiba: It comes with a full range of Microsoft programs, 70 GB of RAM, Pentium 4 Processor, Cable Modem, CD Burner, DVD Player...
Yami: Kaiba...
Kaiba: And it comes with this nifty Instruction Manual.
Yami: Manual? HA! I'm sold! Let me see that! (Opens the book and reads)
Pegasus: A Millennium Item shouldn't have to come with a manual!
Shadi: Actually the items used to have manuals.
Pegasus: They did? What happened to them?
Shadi: The instructions only came in fan-sub.
(Flashback)
Shadi:"To passing divine judgment, make happy go movement." What? Okay um... "Be annoyed when you is not in spirit of no happy soul." HUH? "You is a stupid awesome dude that I shall not be love hating." What the fu-
(End Flashback)
Marik: I'm not interested unless I can use it to kill something!
Bakura: Hold on! We didn't even see what kind of power it has to defeat the Pharaoh.
Marik: Oh right...
Yami: What's its power, besides breaking your wallet?
Kaiba: The power of the Millennium Computer is that it will always stay a top of the line model no matter how much technology progresses, it will always stay superior to everyone else's. (Yugi types on the computer when there is a buzz)
Yugi: The computer says "Fatal Error: Please wait while Windows tries to find a reason to crash."
Kaiba: DAMN WINDOWS! MOKUBA!
Mokuba: (pokes his head in the room) Yes Nei-sama?
Kaiba: Call Gates! Tell him that Kaiba said he has 24 hours to disappear.
Mokuba: You got it. (Leaves)
Ryou: Uh...quick question. Is that thing made out of gold?
Kaiba: Of course!
Ryou: YOU MADE A COMPUTER OUT OF GOLD?!
Kaiba: Why not? I'm a rich handsome billionaire with a lot of time on his hands. While every other prosperous entrepreneur wastes his or her money trying to fly around the world in a balloon, I'm doing something practical with my money. (Seriously, have you noticed that about billionaires? Why are they trying to fly around the world in a balloon? IT'S THE FUCKING 21ST CENTURY! GET ON A GOD DAMN PLANE!)
Ishizu: (Clarifying Tone) You built a computer out of gold?
Kaiba: People put LCD TV's in their bathroom mirrors and dashboards to show off! WHY CAN'T I HAVE A SOLID GOLD COMPUTER!? And besides, even if I can't use it in duel to tip the odds in my favor, I don't need to know anything about magic to know that this thing is going to really hurt if I throw it at someone. (Picks it up and hurls it.
Yugi: AH! (Everyone ducks, except for Shadi, who gets hit in the face with it.)
Bakura: HEY! NO ONE THROWS HEAVY BLUNT OBJECTS IN MY GENERAL VICINITY AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! (Hurls it back. Kaiba moves to the right and the computer crashes through the floor.)
(Downstairs)
Haga: I won't let them get away with this! THEY HAVEN'T SEEN THAT LAST OF THIS MILLENNIUM ITEM! (Holds up M. Butterfly Net) I WILL NOT BE DENINED MY RIGHTS AS AN ITEM HOLDER ANY LONGER! THE POWER AND GLORY SHALL...(The Millennium Computer crashes through the roof of the first floor and falls on top of Haga) ...Medic...(passes out)
(Upstairs)
Ishizu: We seem to have a new trap door.
Bakura: That's a hazard... (Walks over and puts a rug over the hole) ...for the unfortunate fool who steps there.
Kaiba: May I continue?
Marik: What? You're not done?
Kaiba: I have two more! (Everyone moans loudly)
Yami: WHY!?!?!
Kaiba: Fine! I'll keep going...here's the second item I came up with. (Lifts up a gold rectangle) Behold! THE PLAYSTATION 3! MILLENNIUM EDITION!
Marik: You gotta be shitin' me.
Kaiba: Afraid not.
Ryou: Kaiba, if the Millennium Computer runs on Windows, won't it make more sense to create a Millennium X-Box 360? I mean, you can network them.
Kaiba: Well...
Yugi: That does make sense...somehow. My brain hasn't been the same since Kajiki came in with the Millennium Fishing Ro- (Sees Marik's psychotically annoyed face) err...pole.
Kaiba: Uh...well, my 360 ...kind of...
Yami: Kind of what?
Kaiba: Crashed... (Sigh) Anyway, PS3 is the real moneymaker!
Ryou: What makes it different from a normal PS3?
Kaiba: It makes the games come alive!
Yugi: How is this different from the Duel Disk?
Kaiba: It's made gold.
Yami: What? That makes no sense.
Kaiba: Well it makes sense to me and that's all that matters!
Ryou: Can I play with?
Kaiba: Uh, knock yourself out.
Ryou: Sweet (Plays Soul Caliber 3)
Yugi: Why didn't you make a gold Duel Disk and get it over with.
Kaiba: What?! A GOLD DUEL DISK!?! That's a stupid idea, Yugi! You're stupid! (Yugi winces and feels depressed)
Ryou: Hey guys, I'm about to face Night Terror! (Suddenly, the PS3 ME glows bright gold and...Night Terror appears above Ryou.)
Ryou: This may hurt. (Night Terror beats the shit out of Ryou)
Bakura: NO! (Bakura hurls over the table and blasts him to dust and then to Hell with his Millennium Ring)
Ryou: Oh Baku-chan you do care!
Bakura: No I don't. I'm masking my feelings of concern for you by saying that I only need your vessel to stay alive because when you die my plans go up in smoke.
Ryou: See, I knew you loved me! ^__^ (Bakura raises his eyebrow in confusion)
Kaiba: Okay...PS3 didn't work either. (Throws it out the window which hits Haga in the head who's standing right under the window) Last one...this item stores souls, word documents, MP3 files and digital photos. I call it the Millennium Floppy Disk
Yugi: But Floppy Disks only work with PC. What if you use a Mac? (Everyone is silent and then starts laughing)
Kaiba: MAC!?!?! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING!
Yami: WHO USES MAC?!?!
Bakura: AHAHAHA! THAT'S THE FUNNIEST DAMN THING I EVER HEARD!!!
Marik: IF YOU HAVE TO USE MAC, YOU MUST BE PRETTY PATHETIC!!!
(Meanwhile)
EAA: (Sneezes) I have the strangest feeling someone is talking about me.
(Un-mean...while...er...)
Pegasus: Witty Yugi-boy!
Yugi: But I was being serious.
Yami: Sure, you were (laughs)
Yugi: But I was...
Marik: Seriously, Kaiba...floppy disks? What are you thinking?
Kaiba: Well I was going to make a Duel Disk Millennium Item
Yugi: Huh?! How is that different from what I said?
Kaiba: BECAUSE I SAID IT! (coughs into his fist) Like I said, I WAS going too but after the Battle City, the Battle Ship, blowing up Alcatraz Tower and running the KC Grand Prix...I'm bankrupt...
Yami: Wait...if your bankrupt, who could you afford to create a working computer made of solid gold?
Kaiba: Uh...well...THINK FAST! (Tosses the disk)
Yami: Huh? (The disk, flying at top speed embeds itself in his forehead, which begins bleeding) AH! OH GOD! OH GOD! IT'S IN MY HEAD! AH! AH! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! GET IT OUT! SHIT! DAMN! FUCK! AH! AH! (Starts running around) WHAT ARE THE ODDS!?!?! WHAT ARE THE ODDS!?!?!
Yugi: Yami! Stay still! I'll get it out! (He chases after Yami who continues to run around the room.)
Bakura: (smiles) Not actually what I was planning to do but still strangely satisfying.
Ryou: (Sweat drops) Baku-chan...
Kaiba: Well...I think I've done enough damage. Chief executive officer, exit Stage Left! (Kaiba runs out the door...Hee-hee...CEO)
Haga: (crawling along the halls in bandages) Revenge! I WILL...(Kaiba runs out of the room and hits him in the head with the door. Yami runs out of the room screaming and gets tramples by Yami and Yugi) ...must...get...reven-...(Bakura & Marik run out of the room chasing Yami, they trample Haga.)
Bakura: Get the chainsaw! We must finish what Kaiba has started!
Marik: I've got the flamethrowers!
Haga: Uh...(Ryou, Ishizu, Shadi and Pegasus run out the door and trample Haga)
Ryou: Bakura, don't! The series dies if you kill Yami!
Ishizu: Marik, you promised me you'd behave! You're grounded, young man!
Shadi: My Pharaoh! I'll save you!
Pegasus: Yugi-boy! Wait for me!
Haga:...kill...me...
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