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Holly Evans and the Spiral Path

Chapter 14: Mutatis Mutandis





28th May, 1993



Mr. Harry Potter,

You are a COWARD! I can't bring myself to completely hate you, but you are acoward, or Dumbledore is, or both of you are. I've said before I'd rather put my poison on the page than poison the people who may deserve it, so you're going to get the ink. You have read about my moments of triumph, and the times when I have felt most vulnerable, yet you still remain holed up in whatever stinking palace they have caged you in, and have me pouring my heart out to you like confession in church, with about as much response. Well, you are not God, sir, and I feel no grace.
I cannot just stop my communication, as Minerva's Compulsion keeps us connected. I have resolved instead, that you get the full accounting of my descent into horror and madness. I am becoming a Thing, and you will be witness to all the nuances of that mutation. I just hope Minerva Compelled you to read every word I write at least five times, to make sure it sticks.

As I mentioned, I was lying on the bed in excruciating pain when I expelled three black slimy eggs. If you are not up on girl-plumbing issues, this is NOT NORMAL. Normally, a girl's body induces an unfertilized egg past its prime to tear itself away from her inner uterine walls, carried along by a layer of skin from there, and expels the material in a mixture of blood, goo and occasionally a bit of whole tissue. In my case, I released three eggs the size of flattened cherry tomatoes, in a mixture of slime and dark blood that seems to have a caustic effect on fabric. My knickers were the first to melt away, then the bedspread, the edges of my skirt, parts of the mattress and the gloves I used to pick up the little dears. This caustic fluid doesn't seem to be affecting me, beyond a desire to keep more distant from people than I already do. Thankfully, my existing habits make this virtually unnoticeable. I moved the eggs to a ceramic bowl filled with warm water, which has become my only companion here as I lay in bed for the last three days. Parvati came to retrieve me yesterday after I failed once again to attend classes, but left me be when I threatened to make her lips match Lavender's. I have kept Hedwig away, in case my touch has become corrosive. I believe she is still holding vigil over Hermione's bed.

My current theory is that I was infused with Basilisk venom and Phoenix tears, then forced to rebuild my body over the following month under the care of Poppy's best spells and potions. This unusual variety of influences coupled with my own magic's healing talent kick-started my menarche, integrating the non-human parts into my womanly cycle. I am a woman now, even if my children will come out as ashwinders (it's a fire snake, look it up).

The eggs grew to about twice their original size, then hardened into swirly grey stones this morning. I think they may hatch or rot soon. I don't know enough about birds, snakes, Phoenixes, Basilisks or anything else that might be going on here to guess what happens next. If they hatch, I'll name them after you. Especially if I have to kill them.



Holly



*



29th May, 1993



Harry,

Please forgive my harsh words from earlier. I don't think you have any more influence over your life than I do over mine, maybe even less. Still, somebody will be cowering in my presence soon if things don't change for us. This I swear.

Harry, the eggs are gone. I binned them when I realised they were just going to rot. I've spent the last two hours naked in the corner of the shower, crying over three little parasites that my body rejected.

That's not right. Maybe this is beyond your ability to understand, but I am devastated. I may never have children! This change in my fundamental makeup means that I have no where to turn for guidance. Poppy Pomfrey is the closest I could think of that might understand this, but I just spent the last few weeks taking her Healing arts and twisting them to use in combat situations. I can't imagine she'll have much sympathy for me. As a second concern, she operates under the Headmaster's authority, so I can't be assured that telling her wouldn't lead to ...all sorts of awful consequences. Minerva would be the second best option, but my trust in her has been fractured for some time, due to the very enchantments that keep me writing in this journal. That leaves me with Hermione, who doesn't have volumes of experience with developing into a woman even if she is my preferred source of understanding and insight. Also, Hermione has been out of commission for two months now, and barely had a handle on the situation as it stood then, owing to her lingering transfiguration into a cat girl. Still, that may prove an advantage- she already knows what it is like to face the idea that you are no longer normal, at a biological level. If nothing else, I am hoping that Hermione's return to free movement will help me to break my melancholy. Either that or the four pounds of chocolate that Dobby liberated from somewhere in the castle. He said the other elfs let him work, but treat him like a criminal. I told him he and I were well suited.

It's good chocolate.

Maybe I'll get dressed.



Holly



*



2nd June, 1993



Harry,

OK, first of all, I'm feeling more than a little ...hormonal of late, so don't take all my threats as actual intentions to end your life. I have reason to be upset, but the bile behind it may be over-applied.

Originally I was going to transcribe my reunion with Hermione, but I thought back over it and we just ended up hugging and crying for a while, though she was surprised and delighted by my new hair color, and slightly distressed that I was wearing some of her clothing, until I explained that Dobby was wearing my last intact skirt as a toga. So transcribing that seems a little pointless. Then, I was going to use the Quill again today when I convinced Hermione that telling her everything that had gone on would take too long and I would probably miss important details, so we should have her try Legilimency on me. As you might guess she jumped at the chance to try new magic, but the Quill can't tell you what we experienced so I'm going to give it a go.

Once Poppy had cleared Hermione to leave, we had returned to our dorm, so we set up to try the Legilimens on Hermione's canopied bed, with several extra pillows for comfort.

We had a few false starts. Hermione was making the same mistake I did in trying to keep my eyes open after the connection was made, but in her case she would break the spell as her eyes closed. It took us another ten tries before I convinced her that I wanted her to be in my brain. There is absolutely an element of willpower here; you need to take an invader's perspective to make the spell work. I had that attitude when I entered Hedwig's mind, though it was a polite invasion. Hermione's frustration was mounting until I told her to calm down and then led her through 'finding her motivation'. I read a book on acting techniques when I was nine and trying to find a way to deal with people teasing me all the time at Dudley's prompting. The whole concept of masks made so much sense that I devoured the concept. It might be why Occlumency has been a cakewalk for me compared to Hermione's experience, aside from the cat-brain problem.

Anyway, I finally got Hermione to enter my mind by appealing to her love of mysteries.

"Hermione, don't you want to know what happened?"

"Of course, but couldn't you just tell me? I'm certain there are things you wouldn't want me to see..."

"Is that it? Hermione, I will be serving up the memories to you. All you have to do is enter the theatre, as it were. Just imagine it; all the secrets and truths are surrounding you, but you can't get to them. You're trapped behind a door to the room where all the secrets are laid out. You can't learn more because you aren't letting yourself into the room. You have permission, but you're too afraid to look for some reason. The passcode to the door is 'Legilimens'."

I grabbed her arms and stared right into her eyes.

"Don't you want to know?"

I could see her eyes swirl into a kind of mad fervor- I'm going to call this her Mad Seeker "I want to know!" gaze. When I released her arms her wand snapped up to point at my face and she whispered Legilimens with an almost pleading tone. I immediately had to apply a bit of Occlumency, not to keep her out but to force my thoughts away from how turned on I was at that moment. I could feel her in my head only as a kind of background hum that seemed to come from above, yet everywhere. As we sat in this state getting used to the strange change in perception, I visualized her presence as a sort of floating blot of buzz, sort of like floaters in your eyes, only auditory instead of visual. I don't know if this really explains it well, but that's the best I can come up with.

"Now slowly close your eyes but keep the connection going. Don't let your wand drop."

She didn't say anything, so I figured I should keep going. "If you want me to show something you'll have to speak- I can't hear your thoughts or anything."

"Oh, well what I was thinking at you was that this is fantastic. Did you feel like this with Hedwig? How long did the experience last? Could you choose what to see? How did you know when to leave? How..."

"Hermione, let's make a deal- Show now, Tell later. You're making me think of too many things for me to serve up a proper memory."

"I'll say! How can you find anything in here?"

"Shush, chatty monkey!"

"What did you call me?"

"Shush!"

I think she finally caught on because I could sense she had seen the vision in my head of Curious George hopping about with bushy hair and a never-ending babble of chirping coming from his mouth. Once I had found my center again, I brought up the memory of writing beside her bed in hospital when she was petrified, despondent over how lost and alone I felt. It was necessary to show her how things came together in my head, but I also wanted to give her something to think about, as that was the point when I realised that I loved her. Once that had played through, I moved on to my coming back to awareness in the Headmasters office while the Professors were arguing. As the internal conversation with Adrian was spilling out, I heard her gasp.

"What, you think I shouldn't have cursed to Adrian? It's like I said- no decency filters for visitors in my brain."

"Well, no you shouldn't, but I just realised I can see the foggy memory floating near where this is playing. Do you want me to see if I can, I don't know, un-fog it?"

"Yes, but not this time. It really isn't a pressing matter."

"But Holly..."

"Always with the next level with you. Yes, we'll stretch our capabilities to attempt Perenelle's secret memory unlocking techniques, but today just get used to the experience, alright?"

"Okay..."

I proceeded to play out the rest of the conversation and travelling to Myrtle's bathroom. Hermione giggled when she saw how I handled our ghostly friend, but stopped because she could sense the change in the tone of the memories coming up. Hermione wasn't handling it well when I showed her how Lockhart was taken out, and she started to protest as I came to the point where Ginny had my wand.

"Holly, your plan is extraordinary, but you don't need to show me... Holly, don't show me...Holly! Oh, God, Holly how could you...How could they...? Holly, stop!Stop! Holly! HOLLY let me go!"

Around the point Vernon was trying to drown me in ice water I finally stopped showing her the vision and I could feel her presence leave my mind. When I opened my eyes, Hermione was weeping. Her wand was hanging limply in the hand that she held to her eyes as if to catch the tears or block her vision, I couldn't say which. I was ashamed; I know what others may think of me, but I wanted Hermione to know why I am this way, and how important she is to me that I could let her inside my defenses like this. That's what I wanted to say, but instead I said"You could have stopped any time, Hermione. Just lower your wand to break the connection."

Hermione sobbed loudly and looked past her wrist to catch my guilty expression. Hermione then launched herself at me to hold my head in a bear strength crush.

"Oh, God. Holly. I ...haven't the words."

"Breathing ...becoming an issue."

Hermione adjusted her hug so that we could hold each other. I broke down crying again a minute later and we just stayed like that the rest of the afternoon.

After supper, Hermione asked me if I would be OK to continue the memory sharing. She asked very tentatively, but I could see a little of that same 'I want to know!'madness behind it now. We arranged to bring up a pitcher of juice and some glasses and started back again. It only took two tries for Hermione to get in this time, and I resumed the memory where I took my tears and used them to break Gin-Tom's ritual circle. We glided through the rest of the battle-Hermione this time seemed to be exerting a clinical detachment to her observing, so when the Basilisk was done in and my memory faded as I lost consciousness to the pain, she merely asked "Can you show me the conversation with the Headmaster, now?" That being said, once the memories had all played out she exited my mind and sat thoughtfully for a moment, then looked up into my eyes and grabbed me into another tearful hug, though we lay stretched out on her bedspread in the embrace after the first minute.

We fell asleep in her bed like that. Babies don't sleep as well as I did that night.



Holly



*



Harry,

Emotional experiences aside, what I was hoping for from Hermione after our Legilimency experiment was her unusually keen insight. Thankfully Hermione came through like a trooper.



Transcription: 5th June, 1993 starting 7:48 PM GMT

Holly Evans (HE) sits upon her bed, watching Hermione Granger (HG) pace around their dorm room.

HG: I understand what you're saying about the strong magical influences of both the Basilisk and Phoenixes, but they shouldn't have had a lingering effect. The venom and tears should have just cancelled each other out- like an acid and base. Of course, acids and bases can result in inert fluids and poisonous gasses, but that was just an analogy. Unless...

[pause]

HE: (wryly) I'd love it if I could hear you think...

HG: Don't distract me. Obviously there was another factor, a third influence as strong as the first two, something to catalyse... Oooohhhh, I've GOT IT!

HG starts jumping up and down in gleeful excitement. HE gets up and starts jumping in time with her, holding HG's arms in her hands to keep their eyes matched.

HE: So ...What's ...The ...Big ...Rev ...-elation?

HG: You ...Were ...Infused ... With ...Microscopic ...Fragments (gasp) ...Of (gasp)...Philosopher's Stone!

HG stops jumping to thrust both arms into the air and then wraps her arms around HE's neck in a victory hug. HE wraps her arms around HG's waist and melts into the hug. HG steps back quickly and frowns at HE.

HE: Okay, what's with the look this time?

HG: Holly, this is probably permanent but it may not be complete. You may exhibit unusual capabilities. You may even continue to ...um, mutate. We need to tell the Headmaster.

HE: How the Hell do you get 'tell Professor Dumb' from 'Holly is evolving'?

HG: Well, this bridges into areas of Alchemy. With Nicholas Flamel's passing, Dumbledore is the world's foremost authority on Alchemy.

HE: We're not trying to turn my eggs into gold, Hermione!

HG: No, you misunderstand. Alchemy is actually an advanced branch of Potions, merging with Transfiguration. To give you a muggle comparison, Potions is to Alchemy as Chemistry is to ...Genetics. From Perenelle's notes...

HE: You didn't tell me you cracked another section of her notebook.

HG: Three, actually.

HE looks at HG in a false expression of disbelief

HG: What? I've been petrified for two months! My mind is like a racehorse, it needs to run.

HE smiles.

HG: Anyway, Perenelle indicated that Nicholas turned lead to gold entirely by accident in trying to develop the Elixir of Youth. I mean honestly; how hard would it be for you or Ito win in a Monte Carlo casino, with just a few of the spells we know? Money is easy. Eternal youth was his goal.

HE: That's as may be, but I don't see trusting the Headmaster with this. Not unless it gets desperate. I'll bear through somehow. Besides, for all the trouble it's caused, I'm normal enough right now. Whatever may come, I have a feeling my personal magic will adjust me to compensate.

HE sits back on the bed with a satisfied expression. HG sits down next to her shaking her head.

HG: I don't know. That's quite a gamble...

HE: (mockingly) And you wanted to go to Monte Carlo. My life is the definition of a high risk bet.

HE smiles at HG. HG looks at HE with her eyebrows raised in disbelief, and then grasps HE's hand in support and smirks.

HG: I guess we shall see.

HE: Yeah.

HG's face scrunches up in thought.

HG: When did you get to be as tall as me?

Transcription ends.



Holly



*



21st June, 1993



Harry,

I sometimes forget why I prefer the insanity at Hogwarts, until I return to the Purgatory that is number 4 Privet Drive. My own mind started moving into survival mode when I was on the Express, though the circumstances probably had more to do with it. Now that I am here once more in my ramshackle bedroom with the broken mattress and the dingy plywood desk I can say that this is a cage. I am a creature. If the caretakers of my zoo relax their guard this summer, I am likely to break free and maul one or more of them before I rampage through the neighborhood looking for fresher meat. What's frightening is I actually am obsessing about meat right now. It's probably good that I sent Hedwig to Hermione with an apology a few minutes ago. Hedwig would never forgive me if I started chewing on her wing. I have no energy, though, so she'd outfly me if she sensed me turning predatory. I hope.

I'll let the Quill scroll out some stuff, maybe it'll help explain.



Transcription: 20th June, 1993 starting 2:04 PM GMT

Holly Evans (HE) and Hermione Granger (HG) are sitting alone in a cabin on the Hogwarts Express.

HG: So, you're last cycle came on the 25th of May, after ending the previous cycle on the 1st of May. Assuming you continue to keep a human cycle, you're about to start cramping again. You'll probably be home when next you ...release.

HE: That place is not my home, but I get what you're saying. I need to get my head in order, or they'll be scraping Dursleys from the ceiling as I'm carted off in the bonkers van, Obliviated and wandless.

[pause]

Um ...Hermione? Should I need to break out of prison, may I seek asylum at your parent's house?

HG looks pleased and then her expression shadows into concern.

HG: Well, I'll work on them, but we're heading to France almost immediately for the summer. It's a compromise I made with them when they allowed me to go away for school. I come home for every break to travel with them, and I promised to talk with them in person before I willingly give up my virginity.

HE: Did you sign contracts?

HG: No, we agreed a handshake would ...Oooohh! You're having me on!

HE giggles as HG shoves her shoulder lightly. HE suddenly doubles over in pain.

HG: Oh, Holly! I'm sorry, I didn't mean...

HE: It's ...not that Hermione. (gasp) Your timing is well-calculated ...Hnnnnnhhh!

Transcription ends.



We'll skip over the thumping and groaning, shall we?



Transcription: 20th June, 1993 starting 3:11 PM GMT

Holly Evans (HE) lies in a foetal position on the floor of a cabin on the Hogwarts Express, her skirt pulled up to her waist. A pool of translucent liquid surrounds three dark grey eggs on the floor near HE's exposed legs and buttocks. Hermione Granger (HG) crouches over HE, one hand cradling HE's face. HG flourishes her wand at the eggs with her other hand.

HG: Tempus Adversor
HE: W-what...what was that spell, Hermione?

HG: It's a stasis charm. The eggs won't develop or deteriorate while it's in effect. I looked it up after you told me about your last cycle.

HE grinds her teeth, bearing through another wave of painful tremors in her abdomen.

HE: And what are you planning to do with them next?

HG: Well, I'll place an impervious charm on them and then we'll see what Scarpin's has to say. It occurs to me that they didn't produce anything because they weren't fertilised. We'll need to find something appropriate to seed them with...

Holly suddenly grasps Hermione's forearm and squeezes so tightly HG yelps in pain.

HE: Who ARE you?

HG is stunned at HE's sudden hostility. HG stands up and away from HE as she releases her grip to slowly rise to a kneeling position on the floor.

HG: W-what do you mean?

HE: Who the fuck ARE YOU? I mean weeks ago you were ready to turn me in to Dumbledore for not telling him about my...mutation and now you want to try to...play God with the genetic material! Are you insane? How many Hermione's are in there? Is my friendship just a stimulating distraction?

HG stands stunned, looking guilty.

HG: I ...ummm...

HE: (crying) Don't you feel anything for me at all?!

HG seems unable to speak, and sits down heavily on the opposite bench, letting her gaze drop to her hands in her lap. HE stands up, looks at the fluid pooled on the wooden floor of the cabin with embarassed disgust and then turns to leave the room.

HG: Holly, what do I do with the...

HE: Fucking figure it out. I have to rinse this skirt of yours before it corrodes away. Here's for a replacement.

HE tosses two Galleons over her shoulder as she leaves.

Transcription ends.



I went back for my trunk an hour later, finding Hermione had left. Her stuff was still there, so I adjourned to sit with Neville and some Gryffindor firsties who had the good sense not to try to speak with me.

Vernons response to my physical dilemma was almost heartening in its fulfillment of my expectations.



Transcription: 20th June, 1993 starting 7:38 PM GMT

Holly Evans (HE) collapses to the floor of the living room of the Dursley residence in obvious pain.

Vernon Dursley (VD):What's wrong with you now then?

HE breathes heavily through clenched teeth until the pain subsides.

HE: Uncle Vernon, a month ago I was poisoned and nearly crushed to death by an ancient 20 meter long snake. I was saved by a mythical bird of fire who cried healing tears into my wounds. At the time I was accompanied by a 1000 year old talking hat, who spat out Excalibur's brother onto my head, which I stuck through the snake's brain to kill it. I used the same sword to cleave apart a book which had possessed a girl who has been trying to kill me all year. I'm feeling a little ...off.

VD: Serves you right!You will confine yourself to your room, then, and I want none of your freakishness. Leave your trunk and your ...stick, there. We'll be locking that up straight away!

HE: Brilliant.

HE lays her wand on the trunk as she slowly rises to stand.

Transcription ends.



So that's where we are now. I have nothing, again. I can't quite reason out why I surrendered my stuff to Vernon just then, but it wasn't like I was in a position to fight him off. For now I have the journal, the Quill and my thoughts, which is enough to stave off sleep for awhile. I don't rest easily. My nightmares would make Clive Barker run to mummy.



Holly