Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Player

Muggle London

by CloudPhoenix 5 reviews

Harry goes into London shopping.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: G - Genres: Crossover,Fantasy,Humor - Characters: Dumbledore,Harry,Tonks - Warnings: [!] [?] - Published: 2009-06-05 - Updated: 2009-06-05 - 3568 words

Muggle London!

Harry and Alyssa headed out of the bank and back down the outdated street of Diagon Ally towards the entrance, back to the Leaky Cauldron. Harry saw the pompous git traitor Percy Weasley twiddling his wand like a pillock. As they walked through the still open arch into the pub, still a load of weirdoes here, I wonder if there is some kind of weirdoes’ convention, which occurs everyday. I bet Percy’s a member, maybe I should tell Dobby about it he’d want to join.

“So where too first?” Alyssa asks curiously, “I’ve never really been to the muggle world before.”

“Oh, Why not?” Harry asked I bet she’s living in the Stone Age like the other wizarding families, probably pureblooded, I wonder what house she’s in. They’re so naive. He chuckled to himself; I’ve really got to stop doing that I’ll end up in the nut house.

“Its, well” she stuttered nervously as they walked down the crowded muggle street, “my parents, they kind of don’t like muggles.” She finished quickly, defiantly a pureblood then.

“Why don’t they like muggles?” he asked. I think she’s in Slytherin, I’ll ask her it will make the authors life simpler if I do. “Are you in Slytherin or something?” he asked, making her go bright red in the cheeks. She nodded and he just smirked at her. This should be fun; she’s probably the hottest Slytherin in school. “The hat wanted to put me in Slytherin.” He informed her absentmindedly with a cheeky grin. She looked at him with startled, hopeful eyes “being a Slytherin doesn’t make you a bad person or anything. Take Malfoy for example, he would be a dick head know matter what house he was in.” She giggled for a second as he just smiled at her.

“So, you don’t, not like me, because I’m in Slytherin?” she asked with bubbly blue eyes.

“Of course I like you” he informed her with a kind smile. I would like you a lot better if we were in a hotel room naked together.

“I bet your friend Weasley wouldn’t like to hear that?” she said as they stopped at the traffic lights on a busy junction road. Yeah he would probably flip out, stupid pillock he is. I wonder what Rons doing right now? Probably wanking with his thought on Hermione? He sighed.

“Probably not” Harry agreed while pressing the button to the lights repeatedly in the hope that they would change quicker for them to cross. “I doubt that your house mates or your parents would be too pleased with you hanging out with me?” he asked.

“The other Slytherins wouldn’t” she agreed “but I don’t think my parents would mind that much.” He smiled at her when they heard the unmistakeable sound of apparation. They looked out into the busy road to see five death eaters standing on the centre divide of the road, all with their wands out and skeletal masks hiding their faces, and black cloaks with hoods up, blowing in the wind.

“There’s Potter” one of them cried out in exhilaration, pointing at Harry with his wand as they all walked towards to two Hogwarts students, idiots, their going to get… Then they heard a loud horn ‘BEEEEEEEEEEBBEEEEEEEEB’ the horn yelled with the screeching of breaks as a big red double Decker bus ploughed into all five death eaters, splattering blood all over the bus, road and path, before it managed to stop. Never mind.

Harry and Alyssa just stared in shock at the scene of mayhem in front of them. Harry couldn’t believe his good fortune. I can’t believe my good fortune. Where does Tom find these morons? Well if he keeps using incompetent fools, the war will be over in a week, they would have killed themselves. He giggled silently.

“Well” Harry said slowly looking away from the puddle of death munchers and back to Alyssa, “that’s not something you see everyday.” I wish it was though it would make my life easier; maybe they should start a road safety course at Hogwarts? He snickered silently to himself. Morons didn’t have a chance... Maybe that’s the power the dark lord knows not? A big red bus. He put his hand out for Alyssa, and after a moment she took it as Harry quickly lead her away from the scene of the accident.

They walked silently down the street and Harry had a smirk firmly plastered on his lips, and his eyes were sparkling with merriment. Alyssa kept taking startled, shy glances at him, her eyes full of fear; he was quite surprised that he wasn’t that bothered by the attempt on his life. I should be more bothered by this? Shouldn’t I?

“Why aren’t you more concerned by them, I am?” Alyssa finally spoke her mind as they approached a fine clothes retail store for men. I’m not really bothered what the shops called, it will have everything I need anyway. “You look as though you don’t care that those death eaters tried to get you.” She added as they stopped outside the store, he looked her in the eyes and saw that she was really worried about him.

“Well” he thought for a moment “I guess it’s just that they’ve tried so many times, I just don’t care anymore” he told her honesty, “plus, you saw those idiots, who could be scared of twats that don’t even know how to look both ways while crossing a busy road?” he shrugged. There almost as stupid as Dudley, who ‘accidentally’ fell down the stairs, wow, why do I articulate in my thoughts? “Don’t worry about them now, I’ll buy some new clothes then I’ll buy you some lunch? Okay?”

“O… Okay” she said uncertainly, wow she’s really cute when she’s confused. Harry guided her into the shop where they completely forgot about the death eaters as Alyssa was in her element ‘a clothes shop’ forgot all about the silly death eaters and helped Harry pick out some new clothes, because he knew if left to do it himself he would go wrong somehow.

Back in Privet Drive.

Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and leader of the Order of the Sheep, I mean Order of the Phoenix arrived to be greeted by Nimphadora Tonks and Alistor Mad-Eye Moody two faithful members to the Order of the Sh… Phoenix.

“What’s wrong Alistor?” Dumbledore asked when he approached the two Order members, “is Harry alright?”

“I don’t know Albus” Moody growled in a threatening way, “I turned up for my shift to watch the boy, and I saw he wasn’t in his room so I searched the house and there’s know one there.” His electric blue magical eye was zooming about in its socket comically. Does he not know how stupid that eye looks?

“What about his Aunt or Uncle?” Dumbledore asked, though I’m now going to start referring to him by first name, it’s shorter to spell, “or even his Cousin, is there know one in?”

“I’m afraid not Albus” Moody growled again. If I didn’t know better I would say he was the werewolf not Remus. “Nimphado… Ouch” he Ouch’d “what was that for?” he growled again turning to Nimp… No I won’t make that mistake, turning to look at Tonks.

“You call me that again and I’ll do more than slap you upside the head” she replied fiercely, making Moody wince back in fear. Everyone knows that you don’t mess with Tonks. See even Albus is smart enough that he even thinks Tonks rather than Ni… The forbidden first name of Tonks, he has suffered too many head related injuries from her.

“Well as I was saying” Moody continued carefully in a rather strangely normal voice. ‘Ha’ I knew he practiced that growl. “Tonks here saw one of those Ambulances come and take Harrys Cousin away.”

“Why?” Albus asked “what happened to the poor boy?” Albus added worriedly.

“From what I heard before they dove off with him and his mum” Tonks said snuffing out a snigger “he tripped down the stairs.” Poor boy, I hope he’s alright, Harry will be sad when we find him and tell him of such bad, tragic news.

“He will be alright though wont he?” Albus asked fearfully. Moody and Tonks just shared a confused glance with each other and shrugged. Maybe I should send him a get well card? Yes I think he will like that.

“Anyway! What we goanna do about Potter?” Moody asked his growl returning ten fold.

“Hmmm” Albus ‘hmmm’d’ pulling a small metal thingy out of his pocket then tapping it with his wand, “impossibility” Albus declared looking at the little metal thingy or it could have been plastic only Albus knows. “He know longer has the tracing charms on” Albus looked horrified, “death eaters must have taken him.”

“Err… He could have taken them off himself” Tonks piped in looking very doubtful that death eaters took him.

“I doubt that very much” Albus disagreed in indignation and as dignified as he could manage “Harry would not know how.” Plus I made sure he kept well away from books on tracing spells. “He is just a boy” Albus stated as though that settled the matter.

“Then why are all his things gone?” Moody stated in his most prominent growl “I doubt the death eaters would have packed all his things and taken them.” He said smugly “plus no sign of a struggle, Potter would have no doubt caused them a lot of damage first.” And this arguments going to continue for a while so let jump back to Harry and see how he’s doing with his shopping trip with Alyssa.

Harry and Alyssa had been shopping for two hours now and Harry had tried on everything that he had now brought including the underwear and got Alyssa’s opinion and from what he could tell she like the tight boxer shorts, well she looked as though she liked them after she stopped starring at his bare chest that had bin conditioned by his years of Quidditch, she couldn’t keep her eyes of his package after that.

He had brought several bags of nice new muggle clothes that fit perfectly and threw the baggy oversized elephant crap that use to belong to Dudley away. Now he was wearing black trainers, black combat trousers with lots of pockets, a black tee-shirt and shirt only halfway done up and a new jacket that was black with a crimson lining it was left completely undone. I like the colour black. He had taken his new clothes into a nearby rest room shrunk them and put them in his pocket because he’s just too lazy to carry them. He also thought it was slightly weird that his new friend hadn’t commented on his illegal use of underage magic but just shrugged it off as ignorance.

And now they were entering a muggle fast food restaurant lets call it McDougall’s for not wanting to been seen advertising McDonalds, they joined the not to large cue to get some food. Listening to rock this party by Bob Sinclar playing over the restaurants speakers, and Harry was bobbing his head to the awesome tune. Wondering how he new the song or who Bob Sinclar is and put it down to author laziness.

“This place is packed with muggles” Alyssa said absentmindedly to our young protagonist while also bobbing her head to the music.

“Well what did you expect?” Harry asked “Vampires?” he added cheekily getting a few strange looks from the mindless morons around him, she giggled as they moved further forward in the queue.

“Well I guess muggles are better than Vampires” she replied with a smile as they reached the front of the queue to be greeted by some Indian or maybe Pakistani woman well she was wearing one of those scarf thingies over her head and I’m just one of the ignorant masses.

“What can I get you?” she asked in a barely understandable accent, but writing a barely understandable accent is to much trouble so I won’t and say I did.

“Err… Sorry? What did you say?” Harry asked obviously he couldn’t understand her. I wish they wouldn’t let foreigner work behind the till I can never understand them. Don’t you just hate it when that happens; everyone thinks it even the foreigners.

“W-h-a-t c-a-n I g-e-t y-o-u?” the McDougall’s woman asked again slower this time like he’s a moron he just wanted to Hex her into oblivion.

“Oh. Okay we’ll have two of those” Harry replied pointing up to the display board with a huge burger fries and a drink “and make them large” he added with a nod of satisfaction.

“What drink?”

“What drink do you want?” Harry asked turning to Alyssa.

“What drinks do they do?” Alyssa asked curiously

“Well, they have coke lemonade, orangeade or milkshakes.” He informed her with a smile.

“Okay do they have banana milkshake?” she asked.

“Okay then we’ll both have banana milkshake” he said turning back to the McDougall’s staff member. She then slowly made her way to get their meals and fifteen minuets later they had their food and were sitting at a table eating their lunch and chatting about nothing of importance and Harry couldn’t help but wish she was wearing something more revealing while he stared at her chest.

Meanwhile back at Privet Drive Minerva McGonagall had come to find Albus Dumbledore because he had been gone for a few hours now and she was getting worried. There he is! Bloody poof. He was wearing purple robes with pink stars and in a muggle neighbourhood too

“Maybe the death eaters are getting smarter?” Albus added smugly, there argument still going on strong.

“What are you three doing here?” McGonagall asked sternly approaching the three bickering idiots “its getting late, where’s Mr. Potter?” Bloody idiots probably forgot all about him.

“Well we don’t know” Tonks admitted going bright red in the cheeks having forgotten all about him.

“It is my belief Minerva” Albus began “that he wa…”

“No he wasn’t” Moody’s growl interrupted him “he left by himself.”

“No death eaters took him” Albus disagreed.

“Death eaters wouldn’t have taken his stuff” Tonks piped in heatedly.

Well you can all see where this is going so let’s jump forward in time a few hours? Let’s say that it’s now 10pm and darkness has fallen over Privet Drive. Minerva McGonagall couldn’t believe it she had watched all three of them Albus, Tonks and Moody arguing for hours over whether Harry Potter had left the house himself or was taken.

Even more shocking was that she had been dragged into the argument by Albus probably in the hopes that she would agree with him, but unfortunately for Albus she had to agree with the other two. Under all the evidence it was more likely Mr. Potter left the house under his own influence.

Back in muggle London.

Harry and Alyssa were sitting in a bar getting hammered, they had arrived at the bar after Harry got his hair cut and styled. He now had cosmic blue highlights throughout his messy spikes of raven black hair, and even if he said so himself he looked ‘cool.’

“So” Harry said nervously “what do you want to do?” he asked. “We could get a hotel room for the night and head to our homes tomorrow?” he added bravely using all of his Gryffindor courage and forgetting his Slytherin cunning.

Is he asking what I think he is? “Okay” slipped out of her mouth. I can’t believe I just agreed. He smiled at her and stood up and offered his hand staggering slightly they left the bar hand in hand and walked for a few blocks until they came to a hotel.

Several hours later a very naked raven and blue haired Gryffindor boy woke up in bed with a very naked blonde haired Slytherin girl. Squinting his eyes against the bright sunlight streaming through the window of a very nice hotel room. He waited for a few minuets just starring at the first of his many beautiful conquests.

She opened her eyes and smiled at him for a moment then pulled the covers above her head as she wriggled her way down his body to do something she found she rather enjoyed. It’s nicer than sucking my thumb. She also enjoyed the noises he makes.

Several more hours later.

Because I’m lazy and plus I don’t want to up the rating for a more mature audience.

Harry had left Alyssa in Diagon Ally after shopping for some stuff he wanted like a new trunk which has seven compartments just like Moody’s, he filled it with books that he bought from the book shop, plus potions supplies and removed another tracking charm from himself that must have been placed like the one he found from yesterday, he was only mildly curious who kept putting tracking charms on him, the only person he saw who he knew was Percy Weasley so he thought nothing of it.

He also made a quick stop down Nocturne Ally using a concealment cloak he bought from the robe shop in Diagon Ally wear he bought some illegal books and some on the dark arts as well as some black market potions supplies and just regular illegal stuff that seemed interesting not telling you what means anything that he has that you didn’t hear about he bought there.

He just stepped of the Knight Bus on his street of Privet Drive when he noticed a commotion coming from outside number four. There were at least thirty wizards and witches having a heated argument about something so curiosity getting the better of him he strolled up to them.

“I still agree with Albus” Kinsley Shaklebolt was saying “he’s just a young boy and he’s been taken by death eaters.” That got Harrys curiosity peeked and he wondered who had been kidnapped by death eaters. Don’t these death munchers have any morals kidnapping young boys?

“Hey who’s the young boy that’s been kidnapped?” Harry asked the crowed.

“Harry Potter has” came the voice of Albus Dumbledore or as Harry likes to call him in his mind Dumbles. Chuckling Harry got a twinkle of mischief in his eye as the arguing continued and a sneaky plan formed in his mind.

“I bet you one thousand Galleons he hasn’t” Harry called back to Dumbles.

“Okay” Dumbles replied smugly “you got yourself a deal easiest grand I’ll ever make.”

“Albus” came McGonagall’s scolding voice as Harry walked through the crowd who had slowly stopped talking as Harry walked through to Dumbles who was starring at him in shock while he smirked smugly.

“Well you were right” Harry said laughing at Dumbles as he passed “easiest grand I’ll ever make I’ll expect the money by the end of the week,” he added as he entered the house leaving the stunned and embarrassed crowed of idiots. Harry mildly wondered how long they had been arguing outside. Shrugging he went upstairs to begin his Animagus potion if he can figure it out, but then with out the greasy prat of a potion master hovering over him insulting him when he doesn’t even know him it should be as easy as taking a piss.

And with his new Patronus thoughts on his mind he un-shrunk his trunks pulled out what he needed at got to work after a quick flick of his wand so that perverted old men with magical eyes couldn’t see through his walls or clothes.

Back outside Tonks and Moody were laughing at Dumbles who was bright red with embarrassment “I’ll go ask him where he went” Tonks said still giggling as she walked into the house. She climbed up the stairs to Harry’s room to find him reading a large potions book.

“Wocher Harry” she greeted cheerfully as she closed the door behind her, he looked up and smiled at her with eyes full of mischief.

“Hi Tonks” he said smiling, he closed his book and stood up and removed his shirt as he approached her and before she knew what was happening his lips touched hers and he pulled her down on to the bed with him as her hair colour kept shifting through several different colours.

Fifty minuets later after Tonks entered the house the other members of the Order of the Sheep… Sorry. Order of the Phoenix were still waiting for Tonks to exit the house wondering if she was planning on spending the night or something, little did they know with Moody’s eye unable to see into Harry’s room she was planning that and much much more.

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