FicWad

I paced through the living room, running my fingers repeatedly through my hair as I gnawed on my bottom lip. My head was swirling with so many thoughts that I couldn’t focus on any of them. Frank was sat on the sofa, hugging his knees to his chest as he watched me with frightened eyes.
"Gee... What are we going to do?" He asked after a moment and I dug my nails into my scalp as I raked my hand through my hair once again. It felt like I needed to choke as I struggled to say something, but no words would come. I just didn’t have a clue. This was not something I had anticipated. I didn’t have a plan; I didn’t even have a calm enough mind to think rationally. I just wanted to run around my house screaming in panic.
"W - Well..." I paused, my lips parted, waiting for the plan to come. "We could...." I stopped again, frowning as I struggled to think of something, anything. "Erm... well okay let’s just see what we can’t do." I nodded, satisfied. I knew hundreds of things we couldn’t do. Just not what we could do. Frank sighed and patted the seat beside him; I gladly fell down onto the sofa and cuddled up to him, wrapping my arms around him as he rested his head on my shoulder.
"Gee, we should run away. It’s the only option we have." He whispered. I sighed and looked down at the floor; I had tried to ignore him when he first mentioned this. But I had no choice but to consider it now, it really did seem like our only option.
"Frankie I... I can’t do that. I can’t just leave my family like that. What about Ma and Mikey? And you'll never see Ray or his parents again." Frank nodded, his hair brushing over my cheek at the movement.
"I know but... what else can we do?" His voice was thick with tears and I felt my own eyes begin to sting a little. I felt so stupid. If I had just stuck to the rules. If I had just kept out of Franks life like I was supposed to then we wouldn’t be in this position, facing the possibility that we were going to run away, chased out of our own homes because of societies view on us. I should have known this would have happened. I should have just kept myself to myself.
Yet... I couldn’t bring myself to regret meeting Frank. If I hadn’t got involved with his life then would he still be here now? How long would he have survived in such an abusive home? Would he still be alive now, being raped night after night by his own father? Or would he have been saved by someone else? Maybe he would have found the strength to save himself...
Or maybe without me he'd be dead. Six feet under and forgotten about by everyone who should have loved him. He wouldn’t have become friends with Ray. He wouldn’t have met my mom and been giving a loving home. He wouldn’t be as happy and confident as he is now and so I couldn’t, wouldn’t, regret what I had done.
"Frank... maybe Lyn won’t go to the Police... O - Or maybe if she does, it'll be Bryar who comes to see us." Frank looked at me with watering eyes and scoffed.
"What? You think because he's our friend he won’t lock us up for it? He may be our friend Gee but his a job to do, laws to follow - Police have to take a code of conduct before they join the force and if he goes back on that and he's found out he'll lose his job and his reputation. Do you really think he would risk all that for us?" Franks question was genuine and I bit my lip.
"I... I don’t know." I said honestly. Part of me felt like he would, but another part of me - a much larger and more dominant part, was convinced that he wouldn’t. Frank nodded and cuddled into me once more.
"I just don’t want to run away..." I whispered and Frank closed his eyes, a solitary tear escaping which I gently wiped away with the pad of my thumb.
"I know... neither do I." He replied and I kissed the top of his head. I felt like my heart could break. I was filled with fear, half expecting the police to burst through the door at any minute. I needed to formulate a plot and fast, but nothing was coming. Sitting here with Frank felt as if we were just awaiting our fate, like someone who knows it’s the end of the world and has resigned themselves to the fact.
I knew that if Lyn did go to the police, it would signal the end of my world.
"Frank... maybe... Maybe the Police wont arrest us for this. I mean... we didn’t do anything until you were the legal age and had left school. And we've been so careful... I mean, it just doesn’t seem fair if we get locked up for this." I whispered, but I knew it was no use hoping this. It was misconduct. Plain and simple.
"Or... maybe we should just... admit defeat." I added and Frank pushed back, staring at me in shock.
"What!? What do you mean!?" He cried and I hushed him, pulling him back into my arms and kissing him gently.
"Frank, we cant run away. Where would we go? What would we do? We cant keep running away forever... Maybe..." I stopped, heaving a great sigh before continuing. The words unbearably hard to say.
"Maybe we should just tell the Police the truth. You wont get into trouble for this, only I will and... And I can serve my time in prison and then when I come out we can be together then..." I looked at his horrified expression and swallowed the lump in my throat. The tears that fell from his eyes tore me apart; it hurt so bad because we both knew that I was being honest, that I really would let myself get locked away for this. And neither of us wanted it, but it was something we should consider.
"Gerard... I don’t want to lose you..." He whispered and I choked back a sob, cupping his face in my hands.
"You wont Frankie... I wont be in there forever, and when I come out I wont be able to go back into teaching, so I could spend loads of time with you. And you could come visit me in prison..." This made me feel a little better. I could survive prison, just so long as I could look forward to visits from Frankie to get me by when he wasn’t there, but he shook his head and my hopes fell.
"Gee, if you got put into prison for this do you really think they'd let me visit you?" He asked quietly and I realized he was right, my tears falling fast at this realization.
"W - Well, we could write a - and... Ma could drop o - off messages w - when she comes to visit me..." I whimpered and Frank shook his head, cupping my face in his hands and resting his forehead against mine.
"No. I wont let you Gee, I wont let you get locked up for this. I cant... I couldn’t live if I... If I had to wait for you like that..." He whispered through his tears and I choked a little, my stomach lurching at his words.
"I... I understand I mean... I'd be there a while, its only n - natural if you... found someone else." The words sounded all wrong in my mouth and it tore me apart just that little bit more, Frank staring at me in shock.
"No! Gee that’s not what I meant!" He cried. "I meant I couldn’t survive if I couldn’t see you for years, I need you here with me all the time, I cant be without you, I wont let them take you away - I need you!" His voice went slightly hysterical and I embraced him tight to my chest, hushing him and kissing his hair.
"Shhh, its okay, Frankie its okay. I'm not leaving you..." I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I wouldn’t let them take me away, because I felt like I didn’t have any other choice. I wouldn’t run away, and when the police came to us there would be nothing we could do about it.
"Gee... I love you..." Frank whimpered and I leaned back to catch his lips in a soft kiss.
"I love you too..." I whispered and I held him close to me, my arms locked securely around his waist as his hands tangled into my hair, our lips working urgently together as we kissed. It was sweet and passionate but heart wrenching at the same time. It felt too much like a last kiss. Like this was the only chance we would have to taste each other ever again and I couldn’t bear that thought. I hugged him tighter, like if I could just hold him tight enough then everything would be okay. But a loud knock at the door caused us to fall apart with panicked expressions.
"No... Its the police... Gee, don’t answer it!" Frank dived onto me, burying his face into my neck and clinging to me as my heart pounded so loud in my chest I swear the neighbors could hear it.
"Oh fuck..." I whispered, my eyes wide as I stared through the living room doorway to the hall, and the door which was the only thing separating me from prison.
"We'll have to wait until they've gone..." Frank whispered, trembling against me.
"But they'll just keep coming back..." I whispered back and Frank nodded.
"I know... that’s why we'll leave when they do. We'll have to go to Mama Donnas and tell her about us, and then get out of here." Frank saw my horrified expression and kissed my lips quickly.
"We don’t have a choice Gee, I wont let them take you." He said quietly, but firmly. I shook my head frantically but I couldn’t form any words, my mind was so filled with thoughts that I couldn’t do anything.
"No... No no no no no!" I cried, Frank pressed a hand over my mouth and hushed me.
"Gee please... I cant lose you..." He whimpered and tears fell thick and fast from my eyes, matching the ones running down his cheeks. I couldn’t believe what was happening. This was wrong, it was all wrong. It wasn’t fair! How could this be happening to us? I couldn’t cope with it, it was too much, I felt so trapped. So frightened. And there was no way out. We were caught, and we couldn’t get free.
Another loud knock caused us both to jump and we fell into each other, crying quietly as we held each other. We both knew there was nothing we could do. We either had to lose each other by having me taken to prison, or lose our friends and family by running away. No matter which we chose a part of us would always be missing, we had no choice now but to tear a piece of our soul off and live with it.
"Guys, open the door! I know your in there!" The voice was female and oddly... informal, for a police woman. I recognized it too. Was it Officer Lloyd? "Gee please, its me Lyn..." I pulled back to look at Frank in surprise.
"She came with police?" Frank asked and I shrugged. Maybe she had.
"Gee... I just want to talk to you... Please..." Lyn's voice took on a begging quality and I bit my lip. Was she tricking us to make us open the door for the police? Or did she really want to talk? Frank watched me with wide eyes as I fought with myself, trying to decide whether I should trust her or not.