Categories > Books > Harry Potter > The Rest of the Story

Demented and Confused

by stick97 3 reviews

All David wanted was a hit of the good stuff! Is that so wrong?

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: R - Genres: Humor,Parody - Characters: Harry,Sirius - Warnings: [!] [!!] - Published: 2009-07-16 - Updated: 2009-07-16 - 1188 words

Ch 3 Demented and Confused

In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I make nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! Nothing!"


David was slowly making his way down the hall, absently scratching his neck when he caught a whiff. Ooooo! that was the good stuff! He followed the tantalizing scent and stood outside of the compartment preparing himself. He could see that the ice was forming on the glass windows of the compartment, as he focused on dropping the temperature. The colder the better the hit! The smell was overpowering, and he was getting a buzz just being in the hallway outside the closed door. As he entered the room, he coughed and tried to ask who had the stuff, but all that came out was a hoarse rasp. The kids in the compartment all backed away as he looked at him, wrinkling their noses at the foul smell of urine and decay rolled off of him. One of the kids actually had green flashes of light hovering around him, and David knew he had found the one with the stash. He shakily raised a pale emaciated arm and asked for a hit. The boy seemed terrified of being caught with a stash and scrambled backwards. As the boy fell to the floor, convulsing and screaming, David leaned in closer and began to draw in the wispy white smoke that he craved so badly.

Ohhhhh yeaaaaaahhhh, that's the shit maaaaannnnnnn!

Just as he was really getting into the hit, a white flash distracted him and he started to cough, releasing the smoke back out.

Damnit! Oh shit that hurts, what the hell was that?

He quickly fled from the train, coughing painfully, all the while wondering when he could get another hit. He continued coughing for several agonizing minutes, wondering if he had made the right to decision to leave the magical clinic...


David was hanging out with the rest of the guys when the call came in. They needed 100 volunteers to head out to Hogwarts for some sort of work release guard duty BS. David quickly pushed his way to the front of the crowd and made sure he was part of the crew. Azkaban was great and all, but Hogwarts' was the bomb. Several hundred angsty, sexually frustrated teenagers cooped up in a drafty castle? That was like throwing a rave in a crackhouse! Granted, "officially" they weren't supposed to use anything but the authorized substitute magidone dispensers in their cells, everyone knew it was a don't ask don't tell type situation. If you were caught, no more trips away from the clinic. But when an opportunity like this came up, you'd be a fool not to take it. Hoping that there could be a few minutes here and there where he would be "unsupervised" he signed out of the clinic and joined the waiting crowd to be transferred.



It had been several weeks since that heavenly hit David had on the train. He had told his closest mates about the-boy-who-stoned, and as all good secrets were, this one had gotten out. One of the trustees suddenly called out, "He's in the clear and in the air! Get him!!"

Like ghostly cockroaches, they had converged on the stadium, enjoying the haze of heady emotions that were circulating due to the tense atmosphere, the close game, with a spicy undercurrent that said that a few couples were not focused on the game in the sky, rather a game of "hide the snitch". David saw the boy flying in the air, and called his mates to converge on the primo stuff.

As the boy began to go into convulsions and fell from his broom, David realized he needed to not be involved with the fallout from the accident. Already there were noises being made about sending everyone back to the clinic.

As David and his group fled the scene, they noticed a group of boys who seemed to think they could pass as part of his crew. He motioned some of his mates over to re-educate them, but they quickly soiled themselves and ran squealing like pigs back to the safety of the castle.

Poser wannabes!


Pickings had been slim, and aside from terrorizing a few centaurs and that one great buffoon a few times, David could already feel the signs of withdrawal. He really was beginning to wish he had stayed at the clinic. While the magidone was fairly bland, and had no real variety, at least it was a steady fix. Maybe he would return after all, nothing seemed to be happening here any...

Was that the howl of a werewolf? No wait there was a male and a female! A mating pair!?!

A mating pair of weres was enough to fry the brains of the whole group for a month or more. He whistled for his mates, and they quickly spread the word. They came upon a clearing, and while the were's had disappeared, they found something to at least tide them over. There was a crumpled man laying by the lake, and everyone started to swarm him. As David took a hit, he recognized the taste. Unfortunately, it had undertones of wet dog, but all things considered not bad at all.

Suddenly, a small boy ran into the clearing and held his wand aloft, shouting something and having small puffs of smoke come from it. It was mildly annoying, but the panic rolling off of him sent an entirely different message.

Dinner's on boy's! Get him while he's frantic!

The swarm was so tightly packed that the lake had frozen over and the two humans were shivering and turning blue. Oh, this was going to be some excellent shit!

David swooped down and took a deep hit. The boy was gurgling and he was savoring every bit of it. He heard a noise in the background, but he was focused on trying to get as much of the smoke as possible. Suddenly, he was bumped, rather roughly at that!

Hey, stop trying to bogart the hit! Wait your turn, or better yet go get a hit off the wet dog over there!

As David tried to regain his buzz, he was bumped several more times.

What the hell, where's everyone going? Oh shit, must be the cops!

David saw a glowing light coming towards him, and suddenly saw a deer? What the hell is going on? Suddenly, Dave's buzz was totally gone, as his world became nothing but pain.

He tried to escape, being mercilessly jabbed by the painful antlers on the glowing animal. He begged for mercy as he fled...

"Don't patro me bro!" ARRRGGGH!!

Harry crawled over to Sirius to make sure he was okay. "Sirius, I think that I saw Dad, I saw prongs, wait, what's that? I can't understand you..." Harry leaned over Sirius who was still shivering and blue, but seemed to be recovering. He placed his ear over Sirius' mouth and heard him whisper...

"Damn Demonic Crackheads!"
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