Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Innocent Like Roller Coasters
Two days after Jacob’s death, the Goodwill Falls newspaper had published a story about suicide and published the number to the Suicide Watch, and kids to watch out for. My name was on that list.
My mother had tried to come straight home at she heard the news, but was stuck in San Diego because of a freak thunderstorm. I spent the night at Frankie’s so I wouldn’t be far from home, but wouldn’t be alone whenever my mother did finally make it home.
I was lying on my bed in the Iero’s guest room staring at the ceiling when Frank came in solemnly.
“Dad checked your mail for you,” he said quietly, then set it on my bed and walked away. Things were weird between everyone lately. No one wanted to hang out or go swimming or talk about the Ball. People avoided contact with each other and stayed home as much as possible.
I sat up and grabbed the envelopes from the edge of my bed. I had two college brochures and an invitation. I grimaced, knowing exactly what the invitation was for.
The McWhorter family was being invited to Jacob’s funeral. I sat down the envelope softly and laid back down and started counting the number of stripes in the wallpaper of the room.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I picked at my dinner that night. Mr. and Mrs. Iero had ordered a plethora of Chinese food (my and Frankie’s favorite) and forced us to sit at the dinner table that night. Frank and I were poking our egg rolls with our chop sticks.
“Okay,” Mr. Iero said suddenly and loudly, causing Frankie and I to jump. “I know you’re having a hard time with Jacob’s death, especially you, Lily, but life isn’t over because a classmate dies. You haven’t been yourselves since Sunday and frankly, life goes on and so do you. So…you’re not leaving this table until someone laughs!” he demanded.
He was being serious.
Frankie and I just stared at him. Finally, he looked at his dad and said heatedly, “HA HA HA HA. I’m going to my room now,” and marched upstairs, leaving his uneaten plate on the table. Mr. and Mrs. Iero shook their heads, and I quietly excused myself from the table.
I went upstairs and instead of going to my bedroom, I went to Frankie’s and opened the door.
“Can I come in?” I asked softly. He was lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling, just as I’d been doing all day.
“Whatever,” he said indifferently. I lied down on his bed beside him.
“Do you feel guilty?” I asked.
“A little. I mean, we all said we were going to kill him. Well, never to his face. But still,” he said.
“The last thing he ever said to me was, ‘what if I died?’” I whispered. “I said I wouldn't care and told him to go away."
“Lily, that’s not your fault. He didn’t kill himself because of you—” Frank stopped talking and kept staring at the ceiling.
He didn’t finish his sentence because we all knew why Jacob had killed himself. Me. I was the reason. I didn’t even like him, and I wouldn’t give him the time of day. I had been intentionally cruel, and he’d taken it way more personally than I’d imagined.
“I think I’m going to bed,” I said, standing up.
“Hey, I didn’t mean—well, he was sick, Lily. It wasn’t you, it was him. He was crazy. The coroner told us that his system was clean, and that he hadn’t been taking his medication for three weeks. His mother said that after he met you, he thought he didn’t need—shit. I’m just going to stop talking now.”
“At least you tried, Frankie,” I said with a small smile. I walked out of his room and into my own, where I grabbed my cell phone and called Gerard.
He answered on the fifth ring. “Hello?” he said, a little out of breath.
“You sound out of breath,” I said.
“Lily,” he said slowly, “just the person I wanted to hear from. What are you doing?”
“Nothing. Just got done eating dinner, kind of.”
“Kind of?”
“It was a bust. Frankie’s dad told us to cheer up, so Frankie yelled at him and ran upstairs. Neither of us had much of an appetite.”
“I’m sorry, Lily,” he said sadly.
“It’s just, how are we supposed to go one with our lives like nothing happened? Jacob’s /dead/, and Mr. Iero wants us to pretend it never happened! Gerard, he saw what I saw. I /stepped in his blood/. How am I supposed to get over that?”
Gerard sighed. “Let’s go to the funeral,” he said.
“I don’t know if I can handle that, Gerard,” I said, fighting back the urge to cry again.
“Lily, you need to say goodbye. That’s the only way you’re going to get over this. What happened was horrible, wrong, and no one should ever have to see the things you saw. And now you need to realize that it’s over. You need to go to that funeral. I’ll go with you.”
I took a deep breath. “Okay,” I said softly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next day at two, I donned a black dress and my Converse All-Stars and picked Gerard up in my car. He got in the passenger’s side and kissed my cheek. “You can do this,” he said.
“I hope so,” I replied.
We listened to the radio on the way over there, and “Into the Blue” came on and Gerard, trying to be discreet, changed it to another station playing “Never Too Late” and then another one playing “Can’t Stand Losing You”. He was trying to be discreet, I could tell, but it wasn’t working.
I did smile when I asked him what he was doing and he replied, “Oh, nothing. I just hate that song, is all.”
We got to the church where Jacob’s service would be, parked, and walked inside. We were almost sitting down in the pews when Jacob’s mother stopped us with stony eyes and a look of hatred on her face.
“What do you think you’re doing here?” she hissed.
“We’re here to…pay our final respects to Jacob,” Gerard said uncomfortably. “We’ll just be sitting down—”
“No, you and that whore of a girlfriend of yours won’t be anywhere near my son’s service!” she shrieked, causing everyone’s head in the church to turn in unison.
“W-What?” I stuttered eloquently, completely confused.
“I found his suicide note yesterday, you harlot!” she bellowed. I wasn’t sure whether I should be scared or upset for this woman. “I know what you did, what you said to him the night he died!” she screamed at me. I was too shocked to react in any way.
She then turned to Gerard. “And you, bastard! You knew she was his girlfriend, his love, and you stole her away with your good looks and suave words! YOU KNEW!” Ms. Burke then tried to attack Gerard, and three men from the pew beside us had to pull her away and calm her down. She just kept screaming, “I WANT THEM OUT! I WANT THEM !” at the top of her lungs.
I looked at the pews, filled with people I’ve known all my life, all looking at me with looks of disgust on their faces. They didn’t know what really happened, they didn’t know that Jacob was crazy, and I couldn’t tell them, because that just seemed wrong. So I grabbed Gerard’s arm and walked out.
We got back into my car and drove away, and I started crying silent tears again. Everyone hated me, and I hadn’t even done anything.
“Why do the Burkes always attack me?” he asked with a pout, nursing a busted lip.
I looked at him and, despite the situation and the pain I was feeling, I laughed. For a long time.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
eek. no witty persuasion tactics today.
just rate&&review, please. :]
My mother had tried to come straight home at she heard the news, but was stuck in San Diego because of a freak thunderstorm. I spent the night at Frankie’s so I wouldn’t be far from home, but wouldn’t be alone whenever my mother did finally make it home.
I was lying on my bed in the Iero’s guest room staring at the ceiling when Frank came in solemnly.
“Dad checked your mail for you,” he said quietly, then set it on my bed and walked away. Things were weird between everyone lately. No one wanted to hang out or go swimming or talk about the Ball. People avoided contact with each other and stayed home as much as possible.
I sat up and grabbed the envelopes from the edge of my bed. I had two college brochures and an invitation. I grimaced, knowing exactly what the invitation was for.
The McWhorter family was being invited to Jacob’s funeral. I sat down the envelope softly and laid back down and started counting the number of stripes in the wallpaper of the room.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I picked at my dinner that night. Mr. and Mrs. Iero had ordered a plethora of Chinese food (my and Frankie’s favorite) and forced us to sit at the dinner table that night. Frank and I were poking our egg rolls with our chop sticks.
“Okay,” Mr. Iero said suddenly and loudly, causing Frankie and I to jump. “I know you’re having a hard time with Jacob’s death, especially you, Lily, but life isn’t over because a classmate dies. You haven’t been yourselves since Sunday and frankly, life goes on and so do you. So…you’re not leaving this table until someone laughs!” he demanded.
He was being serious.
Frankie and I just stared at him. Finally, he looked at his dad and said heatedly, “HA HA HA HA. I’m going to my room now,” and marched upstairs, leaving his uneaten plate on the table. Mr. and Mrs. Iero shook their heads, and I quietly excused myself from the table.
I went upstairs and instead of going to my bedroom, I went to Frankie’s and opened the door.
“Can I come in?” I asked softly. He was lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling, just as I’d been doing all day.
“Whatever,” he said indifferently. I lied down on his bed beside him.
“Do you feel guilty?” I asked.
“A little. I mean, we all said we were going to kill him. Well, never to his face. But still,” he said.
“The last thing he ever said to me was, ‘what if I died?’” I whispered. “I said I wouldn't care and told him to go away."
“Lily, that’s not your fault. He didn’t kill himself because of you—” Frank stopped talking and kept staring at the ceiling.
He didn’t finish his sentence because we all knew why Jacob had killed himself. Me. I was the reason. I didn’t even like him, and I wouldn’t give him the time of day. I had been intentionally cruel, and he’d taken it way more personally than I’d imagined.
“I think I’m going to bed,” I said, standing up.
“Hey, I didn’t mean—well, he was sick, Lily. It wasn’t you, it was him. He was crazy. The coroner told us that his system was clean, and that he hadn’t been taking his medication for three weeks. His mother said that after he met you, he thought he didn’t need—shit. I’m just going to stop talking now.”
“At least you tried, Frankie,” I said with a small smile. I walked out of his room and into my own, where I grabbed my cell phone and called Gerard.
He answered on the fifth ring. “Hello?” he said, a little out of breath.
“You sound out of breath,” I said.
“Lily,” he said slowly, “just the person I wanted to hear from. What are you doing?”
“Nothing. Just got done eating dinner, kind of.”
“Kind of?”
“It was a bust. Frankie’s dad told us to cheer up, so Frankie yelled at him and ran upstairs. Neither of us had much of an appetite.”
“I’m sorry, Lily,” he said sadly.
“It’s just, how are we supposed to go one with our lives like nothing happened? Jacob’s /dead/, and Mr. Iero wants us to pretend it never happened! Gerard, he saw what I saw. I /stepped in his blood/. How am I supposed to get over that?”
Gerard sighed. “Let’s go to the funeral,” he said.
“I don’t know if I can handle that, Gerard,” I said, fighting back the urge to cry again.
“Lily, you need to say goodbye. That’s the only way you’re going to get over this. What happened was horrible, wrong, and no one should ever have to see the things you saw. And now you need to realize that it’s over. You need to go to that funeral. I’ll go with you.”
I took a deep breath. “Okay,” I said softly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next day at two, I donned a black dress and my Converse All-Stars and picked Gerard up in my car. He got in the passenger’s side and kissed my cheek. “You can do this,” he said.
“I hope so,” I replied.
We listened to the radio on the way over there, and “Into the Blue” came on and Gerard, trying to be discreet, changed it to another station playing “Never Too Late” and then another one playing “Can’t Stand Losing You”. He was trying to be discreet, I could tell, but it wasn’t working.
I did smile when I asked him what he was doing and he replied, “Oh, nothing. I just hate that song, is all.”
We got to the church where Jacob’s service would be, parked, and walked inside. We were almost sitting down in the pews when Jacob’s mother stopped us with stony eyes and a look of hatred on her face.
“What do you think you’re doing here?” she hissed.
“We’re here to…pay our final respects to Jacob,” Gerard said uncomfortably. “We’ll just be sitting down—”
“No, you and that whore of a girlfriend of yours won’t be anywhere near my son’s service!” she shrieked, causing everyone’s head in the church to turn in unison.
“W-What?” I stuttered eloquently, completely confused.
“I found his suicide note yesterday, you harlot!” she bellowed. I wasn’t sure whether I should be scared or upset for this woman. “I know what you did, what you said to him the night he died!” she screamed at me. I was too shocked to react in any way.
She then turned to Gerard. “And you, bastard! You knew she was his girlfriend, his love, and you stole her away with your good looks and suave words! YOU KNEW!” Ms. Burke then tried to attack Gerard, and three men from the pew beside us had to pull her away and calm her down. She just kept screaming, “I WANT THEM OUT! I WANT THEM !” at the top of her lungs.
I looked at the pews, filled with people I’ve known all my life, all looking at me with looks of disgust on their faces. They didn’t know what really happened, they didn’t know that Jacob was crazy, and I couldn’t tell them, because that just seemed wrong. So I grabbed Gerard’s arm and walked out.
We got back into my car and drove away, and I started crying silent tears again. Everyone hated me, and I hadn’t even done anything.
“Why do the Burkes always attack me?” he asked with a pout, nursing a busted lip.
I looked at him and, despite the situation and the pain I was feeling, I laughed. For a long time.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
eek. no witty persuasion tactics today.
just rate&&review, please. :]
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