Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > So Shut Your Eyes

Regret and Hatred

by MCArmyWife 9 reviews

Gerard continues to run from that he won't acknowledge.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: R - Genres: Romance - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Warnings: [X] - Published: 2009-08-01 - Updated: 2009-08-02 - 3634 words

“Hey, Sugar.” Gerard said leaning against the doorframe.
“Well, hey to you too.” Jessica said stepping back to allow him to enter. “What brings you here?”
Gerard slipped off his jacket and tossed it across the nearest chair. “Just thought I’d come by and apologize for my early departure the other night.”
Jessica smiled. “Yeah, that was disappointing. I had a special night planned for us.” She walked over and placed her arms around his neck. “A very special night.” She whispered in his ear.
Gerard pulled her to him tightly and forced all thoughts of Willow from his mind. “Well, how about a very special early afternoon? Think you could give me one of those?”
Jessica wondered what had happened to his visiting guest but knew not to ask. Obviously she had worried needlessly. Gerard was here and she knew just what he wanted so she put on her best fake smile. “Oh, I think that can be arranged just for you.” She remembered the phone call she’d received earlier. The band was playing a special gig tonight and now she was sure to get an invitation. All that was required of her was to give Gerard what he wanted and that was something she knew how to do.
Gerard gave her a sheepish look, “I wish I had more time but I’ve gotta met up with the band soon.” He hoped she’d take the hint so they could get down to business.
Jessica pretended to pout, “That’s too bad.” She lied. “But I’m sure when you get back from California you and I can spend some long nights together.”
He nodded, “Yeah, of course.”
She stepped out of his arms and smiled. “So tell me just what you want, Gee.”
Gerard stood looking at her in silence knowing that saying “I want you to fuckin’ suck me off” would sound bad. He tried to play along, “I don’t know Sugar. What are you offering?”
Jessica pulled her tee shirt over her head exposing her bare breasts. She smiled when she saw his eyes narrow. Taking a step closer to him she ran her fingertips along the sides of his neck then trailed them down to the buttons of his shirt. Slowly her fingers worked the buttons as her lips met his. In her mind she was thinking that if she could get him off fast enough she’d still have time to met her friends for lunch and she’s get to attend the concert tonight. Yes, today was turning out much better than she’d hoped.
Gerard thrust his tongue in her mouth and tried to get lost in the moment. It wasn’t working. She had his shirt off and was rubbing her body against his. Visions of Willow suddenly filled his head and he groaned. Jessica took that as a sign he was really getting into this and she was pleased about that.
He pulled back from her and smiled. “Sugar, you fuckin’ turning me on.” The lie sounded so hollow to his ears.
“Same here, baby.” Jessica’s fingers started working on his belt buckle.
Gerard closed his eyes and concentrated. He tried to bring up past memories of the things he had done with her.
Jessica got the belt undone and slowly lowered his zipper. She lowered herself to her knees in front of him while at the same time pulling his jeans and boxers down his legs. He put his hand on her shoulder to steady himself as he stepped out of them.
Gerard swore to himself knowing he was still limp. So far nothing she had done was affecting him. Angrily he told himself this was Willow’s fault. It was bad enough she’s forced him to make that promise which he was breaking but because of the feeling that they shared he wasn’t able to get hard.
Jessica realized this might take a bit more effort on her part. She stood and licked her perfect lips. “Baby, come here.” She took his hand and led him to the sofa. Once he was seated she kneeled down in front of him. “That’s better.” She whispered reaching out and taking his dick into her hands. Making sure his eyes were on her she leaned over and purred, “I know you like my breasts.”
He nodded wondering what she had in mind. “Yeah, your tits are perfect.”
She brushed her lips against him. “So you wanna fuck them?”
“Yeah, I wanna fuck em’” He forced himself to say.
Jessica rose and put one knee on the sofa so she could dangle her breasts
in front of him. “Suck on them. Make them good and wet.” She whispered.
Gerard opened his mouth and sucked in her right nipple. When it was wet he moved to the other and did the same. He heard Jessica softly moaning his name.
“Yeah, Gee. That’s good. Make me wet.”
His tongue lapped both breast while his mind had simply gone numb. He felt his dick start to twitch.
Jessica moved back and gave him a seductive smile. “You ready to fuck them now?”
Gerard was tired of her questions. He didn’t want to talk or think he wanted to cum. “Get on your fuckin’ knees. Do it.”
Jessica lowered herself back down to the floor. She pushed her wet breast together and slid his dick in between them. Slowly she moved up and down feeling him getting harder. “Yeah, Baby.” She urged
He looked down to see the head of his dick appear between her creamy mounds and groaned. His body was responding. “Fuck, yeah.” He said.
Jessica continued to work his dick but realized something was wrong. He usually was hard before she ever got him undressed. The fact that he was struggling to stay hard wasn’t lost on her. She knew she was skilled in pleasing a man and his lack of excitement bothered her. Maybe she should kick it up a notch. She was losing interest quickly and wanted to finish him off because she knew her friends would be waiting.
Gerard moaned in frustration. He was angry his body wasn’t responding like it should. He knew what he had to do. Shutting his eyes tightly he pictured Willow in his mind. She was the one holding his dick captive between her breasts. He felt his dick begin to throb.
Jessica smiled to herself relieved to feel his hard dick pulsating. She didn’t want him to lost his momentum. She moved her hands and his dick slid out. Leaning back she looked up. “Gerard, open your eyes.”
His eyes snapped open. Shit, what now? He didn’t want to see her. Briefly he felt bad about what he was doing but he dismissed the thoughts.
Jessica gave him a coy smile. Making sure he was watching she brought her fingers up to her mouth and licked them.
Gerard’s breathing was coming quicker. She moved foreword and prepared to taken him into her mouth. Slowly she swirled her tongue around his tip then took him in deeply. She heard him moan and felt his dick thicken. This was how she expected him to respond to her. With her still wet fingers she moved her hand under his balls. Back her fingers crept until they found what they’d been searching for. She began to suck harder as she thrust her finger into his hole causing his body to shake.
Gerard closed his eyes again as he felt her finger inside him but in his mind it wasn’t Jessica doing this, it was Willow. Jessica moved her finger inside him pushing in deeply until she found the spot that caused him to cry out. “Oh, fuck.” His hot cum shot down Jessica’s throat.
Jessica swallowed until there was no more then sat back. “Baby, you needed that.” She purred.
Gerard opened his eyes and looked at her. Suddenly a wave of sorrow and regret overwhelmed him. He hated what he’d just done. He hated himself.

Willow looked across the room at the ringing phone. Should she answer it? Setting down the book in her hands she stood and crossed the room.
Jessica smiled to herself. She’s been right about his little visitor still being in the picture. “Hello. This is Jessica.”
Willow suddenly wished she hadn’t answered the phone. “Gerard’s not here right now.” She tired to sound pleasant.
“Oh, I know.” Jessica laughed. “He just left here. I tried to catch him but wasn’t fast enough. He left his phone and I don’t want him to worry. Just tell him I’ll bring it to the show tonight.”
Willow gripped the phone receiver. Gerard had just left Jessica’s? That was where he had gone?
“Did you hear me?” Jessica asked.
“I’ll tell him.’ Willow muttered before setting down the phone.
Jessica smiled. That had gone exceptionally well. What luck it had been that his phone had fallen out of his pocket when he’d tossed his jacket.

Gerard sat outside the small venue in the back lot and tried to get his emotions under control. He was pissed at himself for what he’d done and that only made him angrier. Why the fuck should he feel bad he asked himself. He owed Willow nothing. Besides since he trusted that she wasn’t listening to his thoughts she’d never know anyway.
A sudden knock on his window cause him to jump.
“Yo, Bro. You comin’ in or what?” Mikey opened his car door and stood back.
Gerard tried not to snap at him. “Yeah, I just got here.”
Mikey knew he was lying but didn’t call him on it. He had seen Gerard pull up and knew that he’d been sitting in his car for about ten minutes.
Gerard got out, slammed the door and started walking towards the building. Mikey caught up with him. “Hey, where’s Willow?”
“Fuck.” Gerard muttered. “I meant to call you to see if Alicia could pick her up tonight for the show.”
“How come you didn’t just bring her with you?” Mikey asked. “Instead of leaving her alone.”
Gerard realized his brother probably thought he’d just left his apartment to come here. He didn’t want Mikey to know he’d left Willow alone hours ago. “I figured she’d be bored watching us practice.”
Mikey was confused. “Really? Did you ask her?’
Gerard snapped. “What? You think I gotta fuckin’ ask her before I make a decision?”
Mikey stopped in his tracks. “Dude, chill. I didn’t say anything like that. I just think Willow likes our music so much she’d want to be here.”
Gerard kept walking, “Whatever.” He mumbled.
Mikey realized it wasn’t the time to talk to Gerard about Willow. He wondered if something had happened between them to make Gee so angry.
Once they reached the venue Mikey called Alicia and asked her to pick up Willow for the show. She told him she’d pick her up early so they could hang. However she called back a few minutes later surprising Mikey and stopping the practice.
Mikey listened a moment then snapped his phone shut.
“What was that about?” Gerard asked looking over at his brother.
“Willow ain’t coming tonight. Alicia called her to tell her she’d be picking her up but Willow said she didn’t feel well.”
“She’s sick?” Gerard sat down the play list and walked over to his brother. “What’s wrong with her?”
Mikey shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Gerard reached for his phone but was shocked to find it wasn’t in his pocket. He realized he must have left it in the car. That or he’d left it at Jessica’s. He had a sinking feeling it was the later. “Let me use you’re phone a minute.” He said to Mikey. Quickly he called his cell number.
“Hello.” Jessica’s smooth voice greeted him.
He tried to sound happy to hear her voice. “Guess I left my phone.”
Jessica laughed, “Yeah. Didn’t Willow tell you? I called your house number and left a message.”
Gerard felt a knot form in the pit of his stomach. “No, I haven’t been home.” He explained.
“Well don’t worry I’ll bring it tonight.” Jessica said then disconnected.
“What’s going on?” Mikey asked taking his phone back from Gerard’s outstretched hand.
“I left my phone at Jessica’s.”
“Jessica’s?” Mikey gave him a shocked look. “When the fuck we’re you there?”
“Before I came here.” Gerard answered shortly.
Bob gave him a disgusted look, which Gerard caught.
“So like you left Willow alone all day?” Frank asked walking over.
Anger filled Gerard. What business was it of theirs? He ignored the question. “Let’s get back to work.”
Ray and Frank exchanged a look as did Bob and Mikey. They were all concerned about how the performance tonight would turn out. And they were all concerned about the situation between Gerard and Willow.

Willow sat the book down she’d been trying to read for the last hour and got up to walk into the kitchen. Her stomach flipped reminding her she’d only had coffee all day but she wasn’t hungry. She was upset and confused. She had truly believed that she and Gerard we’re growing closer and that he seemed happy with the relationship they had been sharing. So why had he gone to Jessica’s? Maybe she was jumping to conclusions. Maybe nothing had happened between them. Do you really believe that, the little voice in her head asked. Jessica had been gloating when she’d called. She’d wanted Willow to know that Gerard had been with her. It hurt to think that he’d broken his promise. Was it because she wasn’t good enough in bed? All the insecurities that plagued Willow suddenly came flooding back. She’s been a fool to think she could keep his interest. If it hadn’t been for the unexplained feeling they both experienced when they touched he never would have shown any interest in her. She poured a glass of water and sat down at the table. She was glad she’s told Alicia she wasn’t going to the show tonight. The last thing she wanted to see was Gerard and Jessica together.

“Fuck he’s in full diva mode.” Frank said to Ray in a disgusted tone. They had both just witnessed Gerard angrily throwing down the mike and leaving the stage.
“I’m guessing it has something to do with Willow.” Frank said with a sigh.
Ray nodded, “Yeah, pretty sure it does. He was upset when he found out she wasn’t coming tonight.”
Mikey walked over to them. “Sorry, guys. He’s just off today. Probably tired.”
Frank shook his head, “Dude, don’t make excuses for your brother. But maybe you can talk to him and remind him that the show tonight is for a good cause and we don’t want him fucking it up.”
“He won’t.” Mikey said quickly. “Gee wouldn’t do that.”
Bob had joined the group and had been listening without comment. Now however he spoke. “Gee don’t give a shit who he hurts.”
They all were shocked by his words. Mikey came to his brothers defense. “That’s not true.”
Bob tried to hold his tongue but it was hard. “Did you talk to him about Willow?”
“What about her?” Ray asked
Mikey looked down, “No, not yet.”
“What’s going on?” Frank asked. He had a pretty good idea he knew what they were discussing. His suspicions about Gerard and Willow were still worrying him.
Bob looked at Mikey. He didn’t think this was something they should all stand around and discuss. He turned and walked away.
“What the fuck is going on?” Ray asked.
Mikey looked up to meet his eyes, “Bob thinks that Gerard is going to hurt Willow.”
“Yeah, well I do too.” Frank said making his opinion clear. “I mean how many times have we heard Gee say he will never again get into a serious relationship?”
“Maybe that’s fine with Willow.” Mikey was suddenly feeling very upset and nervous. Frank and Ray both saw him twitch. They both understood this was a bad sign and they didn’t want to upset him any further.
“Maybe we should just stay out of it.” Ray suggested. It wasn’t what he believed but he was trying to ease Mikey’s mind. “Willow is old enough to make her own decisions.”
Mikey didn’t answer. He was staring at something over Ray’s shoulder.
“Mikey?” Frank said softly. “You okay?”
“No.” Mikey whispered. “I’m not.”

Gerard was sitting on a wall in the alley outside the back door of the venue. He took a deep drag off his cigarette then tossed it away. He knew he should go in and apologize to the guys for his earlier behavior but he just didn’t want to face them right now.
He shook his head feeling disgusted with himself. How stupid he’d been to think that Willow wouldn’t find out he’d been with Jessica. But he told himself maybe he was reading too much into the situation. Maybe she wasn’t coming tonight because she didn’t feel good. It wasn’t like Jessica called her, told her about the phone then mentioned they’d had sex.
“Fuck.” He whispered. He knew Jessica better than that. He was sure she would have shoved it in Willow’s face that he’d been to her apartment. After the last time they’d met it was obvious Jessica thought Willow was vying for his attention. He realized he was a dumb shit for having invited Jessica to tonight’s show in the first place. But when she’s asked him what he was doing tonight he’d told her and how the hell could he have not asked if she wanted to attend after she’d just given him a blow job? Just thinking about what he’d done caused a wave of guilt to wash over him.
He took out Mikey’s phone and called his apartment. He’d just tell Willow he was checking to see how she was feeling and that way he could gage her mood. The phone rang and rang and he was beginning to think she wasn’t going to answer.
Gerard realized her voice sounded wrong.
“Are you okay?” His concern was real.
Willow sat down on the sofa. “I’m fine.” She said softly.
“Alicia said you weren’t coming because you aren’t feeling well.” Gerard took out another cigarette and put the phone between his ear and shoulder so he could use his lighter.
“That’s not why I’m not coming.” Willow whispered blinking back tears. She didn’t want to get into this over the phone but she hand been rethinking things. Maybe it was time for her to go home.
Gerard felt a fresh wave of guilt. Even though he knew the answer he asked, “Why then?”
Willow lowered her head and willed herself not to cry. “You know why, Gerard.”
He didn’t know what to say. “Look we’ll talk about this tonight, okay?”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Willow said softly. “I was stupid to make you promise something like that.”
“No you weren’t.” Gerard said quickly. “You had every right to demand what you did.”
“And you had every right to do what you wanted to do anyway.” Willow felt the tears in her eyes. “Obviously you needed more.”
“Oh holy fuck.” Gerard exploded not believing his ears. “Are you serious? How the fuck could you say that?”
Willow flinched. “How the fuck could I not say that? Being with me wasn’t enough for you. You needed more so you went to Jessica. I get that Gerard. Sorry I don’t have the experience she does.” She knew she was sounding bitchy but at this point it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered to her now.
“This is insane.” Gerard jumped off the wall and started to pace. “What we’ve shared is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. This had nothing to do with you. This is all me, Sugar. I’m a bastard. Get that? I had sex with Jessica because I’m a selfish prick.”
“That’s not really true.” She was speaking so quietly that he barely heard her.
He stopped pacing. Did she know the truth? Did she know he hated himself for what he’d done?
Suddenly the back door opened and Frank walked out. Gerard could tell by the look on his face something was wrong.
“We’ll talk tonight, okay?” He said knowing he needed to end the call. His question was met with silence. Willow had hung up.
“Dude, who were you talking to?” Frank asked.
Gerard snapped the phone closed. “Willow.”
Frank spoke quickly, “You gotta call her back. She needs to get here.”
“What?” Gerard was confused. “Why?”
“Mikey is starting to freak. He saw something and he won’t tell us what but he says he needs to talk to Willow. Dude, I’m worried. He’s looking bad.”
“Oh shit.” Gerard opened the phone and hit redial. He wanted to get his little brother help but was worried he’d messed things up so badly that it wouldn’t be possible.
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