Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Like I Did Yesterday
Lilacs. All I saw was lilacs. They looked so beautiful. To be honest, I was never a fan of flowers. Not because I was never given flowers from anyone or because I never had a favourite, I just saw it as boring. At the moment I couldn’t take my eyes away from it. They looked so beautiful that I felt like slapping my head for not noticing these wonderful flowers before. They brought warmth to my body and a smile on my face just by simply looking at them. My eyes were trapped from its beauty that I couldn’t clearly notice Gerard’s head appearing from behind it. It took me awhile to look at his face and make some sort of expression that I hoped it didn’t look stupid even though my jaw was still half open. His face showed signs of distress and regret but the question that kept running through my head was, what were these lilacs for? I didn’t are for lilacs!
“I’m sorry,” his voice sounded like a lullaby.
“Uh-um...” I was lost for words. I didn’t know what to say... thank you? You’re forgiven? This isn’t gonna change anything?
“I’ve been thinking about what you said, and you’re right. I’m ridiculous... but you gotta know why I can’t do anything about us.”
I pressed my lips together to a thin line and took the flowers out of his grasp. I looked down at it and try to keep myself focused and not scream hysterically.
“You’re 18, you’re supposed to go out with your friends and have a great time. You’re not supposed to be serious about life and love. You’re supposed to go find yourself a young and handsome looking boy about your age. You’re supposed to be happy.”
“So?”I tried not to snap at him.
“I’m keeping you away from doing all that. I’m not making you happy.”
I looked up at him in anger. He was starting to do my head in. “Don’t you get it? Are you that thick to understand anything Gerard? You are what I want. People go on a journey to find their soul mate and I don’t need to journey anymore because I found him and it’s you. And so what if I’m serious about life? It must mean that I’m mature than some people. Maybe you’re right, most of the time you don’t make me happy but I have hope that you will if you just let go of these stupid reasons and do what your heart tells you to do.”
“It’s not that easy,” he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair which made it messier.
“You don’t wanna follow your heart then?”
“No, I do, I do. But think of all those people, what would they say about us?”
I sighed and handed the flowers back, “you care about society too much.” And with that I closed the door on his face. From the second I closed the door all my hopes and wishes were shattered.
I was alone. I went to bed without a goodnight from him. I woke up without his terrible screaming. I didn’t eat breakfast because I didn’t want to sit at the dining table alone. I walked to college on my own.
He left right after I closed the door on him. I don’t know where he went and I was too afraid to call. Maybe he needed some space. Maybe he just needed to clear his head. Maybe he wanted everything to be back to the way it use to be, with us not even looking at each other while we lived under the same roof. I didn’t want that to happen.
My eyes were dry from crying so much and my pillow was wet from my tears. I was tired from crying. I was so tired that I couldn’t put on a smile. I entered my class and sat at my usual seat beside Maria. She looked at me with a smile and went back to listening to the teacher.
Maybe I shouldn’t have said a word. I should have just let my problems annoy me than tell him. It was better that way; he was there in the house with me. He still loved me. Wasn’t that enough? Yes it was. I wish I could take it back. Love was enough. We didn’t have to be together. He didn’t have to kiss me or cuddle or anything like that. He just had to be around me to make me feel safe to make me forget what loneliness felt like.
“You okay Nicole?” Maria asked on our break. “You look sleepy.”
“Yea, I’m fine. I didn’t sleep last night because Gerard was sick,” I lied. I never knew I was good at lying when Maria cooed and started talking about something else.
After class was over I walked my slowest home. I didn’t want to be greeted by an empty apartment. But I did. Empty. No life inside. The yellow walls of the lounge room didn’t look warm and lively as it use to be. The apartment didn’t look priceless, it looked shit, like a shithole that no one would be interested in. I sat on the sofa; amazed of how much Gerard affected me. I saw everything differently without him around. I was slowly crumbly inside. I compared myself to superman... without Gerard around it was like kryptonite to me and now I am dying.
That night I fell asleep with the TV on. I was asleep in my clothes from that day with no blanket covering me. I was surprised that I even slept. I couldn’t sleep with a blanket usually.
I slept in the next morning and when I woke up I rushed to college. With my hair all over the place, my clothes crinkled from sleeping in them. I looked like a junkie would look like. I rushed into my seat and for the next 5 minutes I got the class staring at me. Even my teacher couldn’t keep my eyes off me; she had that worried expression on her face. As I predicted when class was over she called me over to her desk.
“Are you okay Nicole?” she asked.
I nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I just slept in that’s all.”
“Are you sure? You seem pretty upset about something.”
“Um yeah, I just don’t know what to do with the assignment that you gave us that’s all.”
“Um... I didn’t give the class an assignment yet. Maybe you should have a week off okay? Just come back next week.”
“I’m fine,” I smiled.
“Come back next week,” she said sternly.
I nodded and felt defeated.
Again I walked slower than I did yesterday and I got home twice the time that I did yesterday. I was concentrating on my feet the whole way through that I nearly walked into the front door. I frowned at myself and opened the door. I was yet again greeted with an empty house. I sighed; he was never coming back...
I chucked my bag on the sofa and my eyes got caught to the same thing that it got caught on last time.
Lilacs.
They still looked beautiful even though that were drying out and all over the place. As if someone ran it through the washing machine.
Someone.
Those lilacs were never here. Gerard took it with him. I know he did. I gave it back to him. Those flowers were never here on the table. But what if it was? Maybe I haven’t noticed it before. You know how your eyes don’t notice things. But what if he was here? Maybe, maybe he came back for me!
“Gerard?” I called out as I walked into the kitchen. It was empty.
“Gerard?” I walked past the bathroom and into his room. It was also empty.
“Gerard?” I stood in the empty laundry.
I felt stupid for calling his name in this empty house. I think I’m losing my mind. I think I was. I felt so stupid. I crouched down to the tiled cold floor. I was already crying. I was so stupid. So helpless. So worthless.
“Nicole? Is that you?”
I gasped and looked up. Was I that stupid that I was hearing things? “Gerard?” I got up and followed his voice and found myself in my room.
There he was sitting in bed looking sleepy. He looked so messy as if he slept in the bushes or he slept in the street and went through whole events of stuff. But he was there.
“I’m sorry, I just had to get away and clear my head and think things over and I’ve come to a conclusion that I can’t live without you.”
And so that is where it ends.
Gosh, I sure do LOVE reviews.
“I’m sorry,” his voice sounded like a lullaby.
“Uh-um...” I was lost for words. I didn’t know what to say... thank you? You’re forgiven? This isn’t gonna change anything?
“I’ve been thinking about what you said, and you’re right. I’m ridiculous... but you gotta know why I can’t do anything about us.”
I pressed my lips together to a thin line and took the flowers out of his grasp. I looked down at it and try to keep myself focused and not scream hysterically.
“You’re 18, you’re supposed to go out with your friends and have a great time. You’re not supposed to be serious about life and love. You’re supposed to go find yourself a young and handsome looking boy about your age. You’re supposed to be happy.”
“So?”I tried not to snap at him.
“I’m keeping you away from doing all that. I’m not making you happy.”
I looked up at him in anger. He was starting to do my head in. “Don’t you get it? Are you that thick to understand anything Gerard? You are what I want. People go on a journey to find their soul mate and I don’t need to journey anymore because I found him and it’s you. And so what if I’m serious about life? It must mean that I’m mature than some people. Maybe you’re right, most of the time you don’t make me happy but I have hope that you will if you just let go of these stupid reasons and do what your heart tells you to do.”
“It’s not that easy,” he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair which made it messier.
“You don’t wanna follow your heart then?”
“No, I do, I do. But think of all those people, what would they say about us?”
I sighed and handed the flowers back, “you care about society too much.” And with that I closed the door on his face. From the second I closed the door all my hopes and wishes were shattered.
I was alone. I went to bed without a goodnight from him. I woke up without his terrible screaming. I didn’t eat breakfast because I didn’t want to sit at the dining table alone. I walked to college on my own.
He left right after I closed the door on him. I don’t know where he went and I was too afraid to call. Maybe he needed some space. Maybe he just needed to clear his head. Maybe he wanted everything to be back to the way it use to be, with us not even looking at each other while we lived under the same roof. I didn’t want that to happen.
My eyes were dry from crying so much and my pillow was wet from my tears. I was tired from crying. I was so tired that I couldn’t put on a smile. I entered my class and sat at my usual seat beside Maria. She looked at me with a smile and went back to listening to the teacher.
Maybe I shouldn’t have said a word. I should have just let my problems annoy me than tell him. It was better that way; he was there in the house with me. He still loved me. Wasn’t that enough? Yes it was. I wish I could take it back. Love was enough. We didn’t have to be together. He didn’t have to kiss me or cuddle or anything like that. He just had to be around me to make me feel safe to make me forget what loneliness felt like.
“You okay Nicole?” Maria asked on our break. “You look sleepy.”
“Yea, I’m fine. I didn’t sleep last night because Gerard was sick,” I lied. I never knew I was good at lying when Maria cooed and started talking about something else.
After class was over I walked my slowest home. I didn’t want to be greeted by an empty apartment. But I did. Empty. No life inside. The yellow walls of the lounge room didn’t look warm and lively as it use to be. The apartment didn’t look priceless, it looked shit, like a shithole that no one would be interested in. I sat on the sofa; amazed of how much Gerard affected me. I saw everything differently without him around. I was slowly crumbly inside. I compared myself to superman... without Gerard around it was like kryptonite to me and now I am dying.
That night I fell asleep with the TV on. I was asleep in my clothes from that day with no blanket covering me. I was surprised that I even slept. I couldn’t sleep with a blanket usually.
I slept in the next morning and when I woke up I rushed to college. With my hair all over the place, my clothes crinkled from sleeping in them. I looked like a junkie would look like. I rushed into my seat and for the next 5 minutes I got the class staring at me. Even my teacher couldn’t keep my eyes off me; she had that worried expression on her face. As I predicted when class was over she called me over to her desk.
“Are you okay Nicole?” she asked.
I nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I just slept in that’s all.”
“Are you sure? You seem pretty upset about something.”
“Um yeah, I just don’t know what to do with the assignment that you gave us that’s all.”
“Um... I didn’t give the class an assignment yet. Maybe you should have a week off okay? Just come back next week.”
“I’m fine,” I smiled.
“Come back next week,” she said sternly.
I nodded and felt defeated.
Again I walked slower than I did yesterday and I got home twice the time that I did yesterday. I was concentrating on my feet the whole way through that I nearly walked into the front door. I frowned at myself and opened the door. I was yet again greeted with an empty house. I sighed; he was never coming back...
I chucked my bag on the sofa and my eyes got caught to the same thing that it got caught on last time.
Lilacs.
They still looked beautiful even though that were drying out and all over the place. As if someone ran it through the washing machine.
Someone.
Those lilacs were never here. Gerard took it with him. I know he did. I gave it back to him. Those flowers were never here on the table. But what if it was? Maybe I haven’t noticed it before. You know how your eyes don’t notice things. But what if he was here? Maybe, maybe he came back for me!
“Gerard?” I called out as I walked into the kitchen. It was empty.
“Gerard?” I walked past the bathroom and into his room. It was also empty.
“Gerard?” I stood in the empty laundry.
I felt stupid for calling his name in this empty house. I think I’m losing my mind. I think I was. I felt so stupid. I crouched down to the tiled cold floor. I was already crying. I was so stupid. So helpless. So worthless.
“Nicole? Is that you?”
I gasped and looked up. Was I that stupid that I was hearing things? “Gerard?” I got up and followed his voice and found myself in my room.
There he was sitting in bed looking sleepy. He looked so messy as if he slept in the bushes or he slept in the street and went through whole events of stuff. But he was there.
“I’m sorry, I just had to get away and clear my head and think things over and I’ve come to a conclusion that I can’t live without you.”
And so that is where it ends.
Gosh, I sure do LOVE reviews.
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