Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Fully Alive
“Poor little Layla. Thought I’d never find you huh? I’ll always find you. You belong to ME.” Daniel spat. Layla whimpered as she was bound to the chair in their house. Tears flowed down her red cheeks mixing with blood. His eyes were filled with pure evil, and she struggled to find her voice. He walked over to her and smirked.
“You’re so pretty when you cry, you know that? Just like a porcelain doll.” He ran his finger down her arm before nodding in approval.
“Everything I did to try to get you to understand, didn’t work. That’s makes me pissed off. Now, its over.” He hissed before pulling out a shiny sleek sharp blade, Layla screamed and he clamped his down on her mouth.
“Shut up, and it will over before you know it.” He cackled. He brought is dangerously close to her throat, and she struggled against the ropes, as they tore into her flesh.
“You can’t do this!”
“Oh I can. Stupid girls like you just don’t learn. Such a waste really. Oh well.” He slipped the knife to her ivory neck and she screamed.
~~~~~~~
Layla gasped as she opened her eyes and looked around the room in panic. Her heart beating so fast, it almost hurt. She cringed as she sat up from the floor, and put her head in her hands. Breathing deeply and tried to convince herself she wasn’t dying. Tears dropped onto the carpet one by one, and she looked out the window. It was twilight outside and she sighed as she stared at the stars that twinkled so perfectly.
“Please don’t let him find me.” She whispered into the air. She crawled on the bed and lied still, too scared to go sleep. She missed Ray more than anything, and wished somehow she could send him a secret message.
Telling him her heart was still broken, the bruises were still fading, and her life slipping through her hands.
“No one will find me.” She whispered once more and pictured a dark forest with glowing trees and butterflies swirled around her and she was wearing a black dress. She was alone, and she smiled as she sat on the green grass with the wind rocking trees back and forth and the moon shined its brightest.
“No one will find me.” She whispered in her sleep and dreamed the rest of the night, unafraid.
~~~~~~~
Layla opened her eyes to see the sun now shining through the window. She stared at the clock and sighed as it was only 8 in the morning, making her get at least 5 hours of sleep total. She yawned and got up seeing no point in trying to go back to sleep. She softly opened her door and noticed Frank’s door was still closed. She crept down the hall and walked to the patio. She had no particular reason for coming out, but she recalled the patio being her safe place at her once home. She wanted nothing more than to go back her dream. It seemed so real, and for the first time she felt okay. Nothing was in her way, or trying to hurt her.
But she couldn’t doing anything but sit on the patio, and waste time while trying to take her mind off the urge that caused her fingernails to start clawing her arms again. She closed her eyes and thought about random things. Planes flying, the beach, waterfalls, animals, rainbows, bears, clouds. Anything to distract her aching need that was starting get worse, and she knew Frank would eventually notice. Everyone did.
“Ray.” She whispered.
“Ray!” She called out softly and tapped the patio deck, then grabbed her hair. Tugging it her hands.
“Go away!” She shrieked. Her voice was raising, but she couldn’t help it.
Frank woke up and yawned as he stretched his arms. He was an early riser, unlike everyone else he knew. He pulled his pants back on and ran a hand through his short black hair. He slipped his black tee on and walked out carefully in efforts to not wake up Layla. He thought he should at least make breakfast for the both of them, as he walked to the fridge he heard whimpering and tapping on the patio deck. He raised and eyebrow and listened more, as he thought he was going crazy. The mumbling had proved him wrong.
He sneakily looked through the patio door and saw Layla on the floor scratching and crying. He sighed as it brought back memories of his own. Memories of which Frank had been ashamed of, but later learned how to forgive and forget. Layla would need to do the same. It was a long road, and he knew it would not be easy. He opened the door and walked towards the broken girl on the floor and put a hand on hers.
“If you inhale and exhale deeply, it helps.” He said softly. Layla’s eyes widened and she turned her head in embarrassment, while her cheeks were shiny and red. Frank knew it all too well. He smiled as she squeezed his hand. He sat down next to her and rubbed her head while she withdrawled, he winced as her arms were slowly but surely turning red and swollen. Her eyes were lost and glossy, so desperate for a way out.
After a couple minutes Layla stopped crying. Stopped moving, and stop clawing. Her eyes were tired from the tantrum and he rubbed her hand. She turned to face him, while he gave sympathy. He couldn’t sit there and judge, because Frank Iero had done a lot of things that he wasn’t proud of, but he knew what is was like to feel dead inside, and he didn’t want Layla or anyone for that matter, to go through what he had to.
He picked up from the floor and carried her back into the house. She didn’t seem noticed she had moved from the cold floor to the warmness of the house. He set her down on the couch and put a soft blanket over her body.
“I can’t stop.” She whispered. He knelt down beside her and nodded.
“You’re dependent Layla.”
“I don’t want to be. But it just…feels good.”
“I know it does, but you have to learn that you don’t need it to make you feel good.” She immediately stopped speaking.
“What if he finds me Frank?” Frank eyes met hers.
“He won’t find you.”
“Yes he will. He always does.”
“Always does?” He said concerned.
“Nothing. Never mind.”
“Layla, you don’t have- “
“Please Frank? I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Okay.” He nodded.
“I’m gonna make some breakfast and I want you rest. If you need anything, help yourself.” He smiled.
“Frank?” She called to him as he walked away.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.” He smiled.
“You’re always welcome.” And he was off to the kitchen to retrieve food. Layla rested her head on the arms of the couch and sighed.
“I miss you Ray.” She said in a tiny voice.
~~~~~~~~~~
Ray rolled his eyes as he went to the front door that was ever so rudely being knocked on loudly.
“Bob, I swear if that’s you, you better fucking cool it.” His smile turned into a frown as Daniel was at the door.
“Where is she.” He hissed.
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t fucking lie to me Toro.”
“I’m not. I haven’t seen here in awhile.” Daniel’s anger rose.
“I know she came to see you before she ran off. You’re probably fucking her too.” Ray glared.
“I’m not fucking her. You’re the reason she left. She hasn’t come by since then.”
“You don’t know a damn thing about her.” Daniel seethed.
“I know more about her then you will ever fucking know. Don’t come here again.” Ray hissed.
“You better fucking pray I don’t find her Toro.” And he stormed off without another word leaving Ray to sigh and look up into the morning sky.
“Frank, please help her.” Ray whispered.
~~~~~~~
Time Lapse.
“Layla, its already lunch time. You gotta eat something.” Layla shrugged. She felt like vomiting the whole time, and Frank wasn’t helping.
“I can’t.”
“Please just try?” He pleaded. She nodded.
“Okay.” He smiled and handed her a sandwich. She nibbled on it and choked when she tried to swallow, but eventually got it down. When she became used to having food in her stomach again, she ate the whole sandwich. Frank was pleased.
“There you go. You’re so tiny Layla.” She smiled and helped him clean the dishes, despite his protest. She wanted to feel useful for once in her life.
“You miss him don’t you?” He smiled. Layla looked at him confused.
“Who?”
“You know who.” He smirked. She couldn’t help but nod.
“He’s always been there.”
“Yeah Toro is amazing. Always want him around.”
“Yeah.” She smiled.
“I’m going to go wash up. If you don’t mind?”
“Of course not. Go ahead.” He motioned towards the bathroom. Layla hurried to the bathroom as she was hit with another attack. Her body tired of the sudden urge ached and itched. Layla ran to her room and grabbed a bag, then ran to the bathroom where she locked herself in. She opened the black bag and rummaged through with speed. She smiled when finally found her alternative for a cure. She carefully pulled out the small razor that reflected of the bathroom light. It was not the best idea, but Layla knew should would not be getting the fix she desperately needed. She sat down on the seat, where she blankly pulled her pants down to her knees, and ran a finger over the previous scar. She gasped as she slid it on her upper thigh. No one had to know, that she did this to herself. She tried to ignore the fact that she was ashamed of what she was doing to herself. A couple more slits, and she rinsed of the razor before tossing it at the bottom of her black bag and stepping into the shower once it warmed up. The cuts stung in the hot water, but she was used to it. It didn’t hurt as much as it used to. And while a little blood still seeped out, it was enough to feed her hunger.
She quickly finished and walked out to change her clothes. Frank had gone inside his room, but she swore she heard a guitar strumming. She figured it was just her imagination, sensing she had nothing to do, she walked back to the patio and sat on the steps cringing as she recalled the fit she had earlier, staring at the notebook she had brought in her hands. She had so much to say, but yet she couldn’t find the right words.
Ray, it’s only 4 days and I can’t handle it. I ache, I burn, I cry. It hurts so much, that all I want is relief. I didn’t know it would be this hard, and I just wish you were here with me. You would make me feel better.
Last night, I had a dream. I pictured myself in a forest, alone and happy. It was dark, but it glowed. The moon was so bright and the butterflies were so colorful. Is it crazy that I want to be there. In my own imaginary world where nothing is there but me. I answer to no one except the beautiful land that surrounds me? I do Ray. A forest that belongs to only me, a place where my mind just soars and it carries my spirit with it too. But I have yet to find my imaginary place have I? I can’t get myself to admit that the answer is yes.
Frank’s been helpful though. Sometimes I feel jealous though. He looks so pleased with his life and I wish I was that way. Just content with being by himself and not worried about someone looking for him, or the urges. I haven’t had them this bad. I just want them to go away, but I need them too. Does it make sense?
I keep you in my thoughts a lot. You, Gerard, even Bob sometimes. I picture what you’re up to, and what kind of things you’re getting yourselves into, I mean, what Gerard is getting himself into.
I also wonder about Daniel too. I had a dream he came and found me and killed me. Isn’t that terrible?
I woke up sweating and crying, and it only contributed to the fact that I feel worthless. I don’t want him to find me Ray. I don’t want to him hurt me anymore, and I don’t wanna be dependent anymore, but myself.
I’m sitting on Frank’s patio staring into nothing while writing you this letter. I’m getting lost in my own thoughts and I hope that one day I can you write a different letter. A letter telling you how my days are going and how different I feel, not a depressing letter.
Ray, I’m falling apart here. I’m having the scariest thoughts now, and I’m considering sneaking out to find something. Don’t tell Frank about this, but I want to be honest with you and whether or not I make it through tonight keeps haunting my mind. I can’t think of much else to say, but that I miss you very much, and I’m wishing away the day we see each other again.
You are and will always be my best friend.
~Layla.
She ripped out the sheet and folded it into her notebook. She would send it later. She walked to the front of the house and quickly sealed it in the envelope and pushed it through the mailbox. She sighed as the wind motioned the trees, and heart was aching.
She paced through the house into her room, where she still heard strumming and tunes from a guitar. They sounded amazing. Was it Frank? It sounded like it. Maybe she wasn’t imagining after all.
She entered the sand colored room and collapsed on the bed. Her body sore and tired from her fits. Her eyes begging her to close them, and she did.
She smiled as she entered her imaginary place once more, but this time it was sunset. The sky was pink. Blue, and orange, and her dress was white. The butterflies still swirling around her.
She stayed like that the rest of the night not a sound was made…
In my field of paper flowers, and candy clouds of lullabies, I lie inside myself for hours, and watch my purple sky fly over me.
My Imaginary - Evanescence.
“You’re so pretty when you cry, you know that? Just like a porcelain doll.” He ran his finger down her arm before nodding in approval.
“Everything I did to try to get you to understand, didn’t work. That’s makes me pissed off. Now, its over.” He hissed before pulling out a shiny sleek sharp blade, Layla screamed and he clamped his down on her mouth.
“Shut up, and it will over before you know it.” He cackled. He brought is dangerously close to her throat, and she struggled against the ropes, as they tore into her flesh.
“You can’t do this!”
“Oh I can. Stupid girls like you just don’t learn. Such a waste really. Oh well.” He slipped the knife to her ivory neck and she screamed.
~~~~~~~
Layla gasped as she opened her eyes and looked around the room in panic. Her heart beating so fast, it almost hurt. She cringed as she sat up from the floor, and put her head in her hands. Breathing deeply and tried to convince herself she wasn’t dying. Tears dropped onto the carpet one by one, and she looked out the window. It was twilight outside and she sighed as she stared at the stars that twinkled so perfectly.
“Please don’t let him find me.” She whispered into the air. She crawled on the bed and lied still, too scared to go sleep. She missed Ray more than anything, and wished somehow she could send him a secret message.
Telling him her heart was still broken, the bruises were still fading, and her life slipping through her hands.
“No one will find me.” She whispered once more and pictured a dark forest with glowing trees and butterflies swirled around her and she was wearing a black dress. She was alone, and she smiled as she sat on the green grass with the wind rocking trees back and forth and the moon shined its brightest.
“No one will find me.” She whispered in her sleep and dreamed the rest of the night, unafraid.
~~~~~~~
Layla opened her eyes to see the sun now shining through the window. She stared at the clock and sighed as it was only 8 in the morning, making her get at least 5 hours of sleep total. She yawned and got up seeing no point in trying to go back to sleep. She softly opened her door and noticed Frank’s door was still closed. She crept down the hall and walked to the patio. She had no particular reason for coming out, but she recalled the patio being her safe place at her once home. She wanted nothing more than to go back her dream. It seemed so real, and for the first time she felt okay. Nothing was in her way, or trying to hurt her.
But she couldn’t doing anything but sit on the patio, and waste time while trying to take her mind off the urge that caused her fingernails to start clawing her arms again. She closed her eyes and thought about random things. Planes flying, the beach, waterfalls, animals, rainbows, bears, clouds. Anything to distract her aching need that was starting get worse, and she knew Frank would eventually notice. Everyone did.
“Ray.” She whispered.
“Ray!” She called out softly and tapped the patio deck, then grabbed her hair. Tugging it her hands.
“Go away!” She shrieked. Her voice was raising, but she couldn’t help it.
Frank woke up and yawned as he stretched his arms. He was an early riser, unlike everyone else he knew. He pulled his pants back on and ran a hand through his short black hair. He slipped his black tee on and walked out carefully in efforts to not wake up Layla. He thought he should at least make breakfast for the both of them, as he walked to the fridge he heard whimpering and tapping on the patio deck. He raised and eyebrow and listened more, as he thought he was going crazy. The mumbling had proved him wrong.
He sneakily looked through the patio door and saw Layla on the floor scratching and crying. He sighed as it brought back memories of his own. Memories of which Frank had been ashamed of, but later learned how to forgive and forget. Layla would need to do the same. It was a long road, and he knew it would not be easy. He opened the door and walked towards the broken girl on the floor and put a hand on hers.
“If you inhale and exhale deeply, it helps.” He said softly. Layla’s eyes widened and she turned her head in embarrassment, while her cheeks were shiny and red. Frank knew it all too well. He smiled as she squeezed his hand. He sat down next to her and rubbed her head while she withdrawled, he winced as her arms were slowly but surely turning red and swollen. Her eyes were lost and glossy, so desperate for a way out.
After a couple minutes Layla stopped crying. Stopped moving, and stop clawing. Her eyes were tired from the tantrum and he rubbed her hand. She turned to face him, while he gave sympathy. He couldn’t sit there and judge, because Frank Iero had done a lot of things that he wasn’t proud of, but he knew what is was like to feel dead inside, and he didn’t want Layla or anyone for that matter, to go through what he had to.
He picked up from the floor and carried her back into the house. She didn’t seem noticed she had moved from the cold floor to the warmness of the house. He set her down on the couch and put a soft blanket over her body.
“I can’t stop.” She whispered. He knelt down beside her and nodded.
“You’re dependent Layla.”
“I don’t want to be. But it just…feels good.”
“I know it does, but you have to learn that you don’t need it to make you feel good.” She immediately stopped speaking.
“What if he finds me Frank?” Frank eyes met hers.
“He won’t find you.”
“Yes he will. He always does.”
“Always does?” He said concerned.
“Nothing. Never mind.”
“Layla, you don’t have- “
“Please Frank? I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Okay.” He nodded.
“I’m gonna make some breakfast and I want you rest. If you need anything, help yourself.” He smiled.
“Frank?” She called to him as he walked away.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.” He smiled.
“You’re always welcome.” And he was off to the kitchen to retrieve food. Layla rested her head on the arms of the couch and sighed.
“I miss you Ray.” She said in a tiny voice.
~~~~~~~~~~
Ray rolled his eyes as he went to the front door that was ever so rudely being knocked on loudly.
“Bob, I swear if that’s you, you better fucking cool it.” His smile turned into a frown as Daniel was at the door.
“Where is she.” He hissed.
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t fucking lie to me Toro.”
“I’m not. I haven’t seen here in awhile.” Daniel’s anger rose.
“I know she came to see you before she ran off. You’re probably fucking her too.” Ray glared.
“I’m not fucking her. You’re the reason she left. She hasn’t come by since then.”
“You don’t know a damn thing about her.” Daniel seethed.
“I know more about her then you will ever fucking know. Don’t come here again.” Ray hissed.
“You better fucking pray I don’t find her Toro.” And he stormed off without another word leaving Ray to sigh and look up into the morning sky.
“Frank, please help her.” Ray whispered.
~~~~~~~
Time Lapse.
“Layla, its already lunch time. You gotta eat something.” Layla shrugged. She felt like vomiting the whole time, and Frank wasn’t helping.
“I can’t.”
“Please just try?” He pleaded. She nodded.
“Okay.” He smiled and handed her a sandwich. She nibbled on it and choked when she tried to swallow, but eventually got it down. When she became used to having food in her stomach again, she ate the whole sandwich. Frank was pleased.
“There you go. You’re so tiny Layla.” She smiled and helped him clean the dishes, despite his protest. She wanted to feel useful for once in her life.
“You miss him don’t you?” He smiled. Layla looked at him confused.
“Who?”
“You know who.” He smirked. She couldn’t help but nod.
“He’s always been there.”
“Yeah Toro is amazing. Always want him around.”
“Yeah.” She smiled.
“I’m going to go wash up. If you don’t mind?”
“Of course not. Go ahead.” He motioned towards the bathroom. Layla hurried to the bathroom as she was hit with another attack. Her body tired of the sudden urge ached and itched. Layla ran to her room and grabbed a bag, then ran to the bathroom where she locked herself in. She opened the black bag and rummaged through with speed. She smiled when finally found her alternative for a cure. She carefully pulled out the small razor that reflected of the bathroom light. It was not the best idea, but Layla knew should would not be getting the fix she desperately needed. She sat down on the seat, where she blankly pulled her pants down to her knees, and ran a finger over the previous scar. She gasped as she slid it on her upper thigh. No one had to know, that she did this to herself. She tried to ignore the fact that she was ashamed of what she was doing to herself. A couple more slits, and she rinsed of the razor before tossing it at the bottom of her black bag and stepping into the shower once it warmed up. The cuts stung in the hot water, but she was used to it. It didn’t hurt as much as it used to. And while a little blood still seeped out, it was enough to feed her hunger.
She quickly finished and walked out to change her clothes. Frank had gone inside his room, but she swore she heard a guitar strumming. She figured it was just her imagination, sensing she had nothing to do, she walked back to the patio and sat on the steps cringing as she recalled the fit she had earlier, staring at the notebook she had brought in her hands. She had so much to say, but yet she couldn’t find the right words.
Ray, it’s only 4 days and I can’t handle it. I ache, I burn, I cry. It hurts so much, that all I want is relief. I didn’t know it would be this hard, and I just wish you were here with me. You would make me feel better.
Last night, I had a dream. I pictured myself in a forest, alone and happy. It was dark, but it glowed. The moon was so bright and the butterflies were so colorful. Is it crazy that I want to be there. In my own imaginary world where nothing is there but me. I answer to no one except the beautiful land that surrounds me? I do Ray. A forest that belongs to only me, a place where my mind just soars and it carries my spirit with it too. But I have yet to find my imaginary place have I? I can’t get myself to admit that the answer is yes.
Frank’s been helpful though. Sometimes I feel jealous though. He looks so pleased with his life and I wish I was that way. Just content with being by himself and not worried about someone looking for him, or the urges. I haven’t had them this bad. I just want them to go away, but I need them too. Does it make sense?
I keep you in my thoughts a lot. You, Gerard, even Bob sometimes. I picture what you’re up to, and what kind of things you’re getting yourselves into, I mean, what Gerard is getting himself into.
I also wonder about Daniel too. I had a dream he came and found me and killed me. Isn’t that terrible?
I woke up sweating and crying, and it only contributed to the fact that I feel worthless. I don’t want him to find me Ray. I don’t want to him hurt me anymore, and I don’t wanna be dependent anymore, but myself.
I’m sitting on Frank’s patio staring into nothing while writing you this letter. I’m getting lost in my own thoughts and I hope that one day I can you write a different letter. A letter telling you how my days are going and how different I feel, not a depressing letter.
Ray, I’m falling apart here. I’m having the scariest thoughts now, and I’m considering sneaking out to find something. Don’t tell Frank about this, but I want to be honest with you and whether or not I make it through tonight keeps haunting my mind. I can’t think of much else to say, but that I miss you very much, and I’m wishing away the day we see each other again.
You are and will always be my best friend.
~Layla.
She ripped out the sheet and folded it into her notebook. She would send it later. She walked to the front of the house and quickly sealed it in the envelope and pushed it through the mailbox. She sighed as the wind motioned the trees, and heart was aching.
She paced through the house into her room, where she still heard strumming and tunes from a guitar. They sounded amazing. Was it Frank? It sounded like it. Maybe she wasn’t imagining after all.
She entered the sand colored room and collapsed on the bed. Her body sore and tired from her fits. Her eyes begging her to close them, and she did.
She smiled as she entered her imaginary place once more, but this time it was sunset. The sky was pink. Blue, and orange, and her dress was white. The butterflies still swirling around her.
She stayed like that the rest of the night not a sound was made…
In my field of paper flowers, and candy clouds of lullabies, I lie inside myself for hours, and watch my purple sky fly over me.
My Imaginary - Evanescence.
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