Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I'm Just A Ghost, Haunting My Own Life
How long I was unconscious for, I really couldn’t say, but what I did know was that when I woke, I ached like I’d never ached before. It felt as though every muscle had seized and were all pulling in slightly different directions. As if a single movement would tear me apart. I was lying in a bed in a darkened room. At first I considered the possibility that I was in the hospital, but somehow it just didn’t feel right. Despite the pain, I tried to sit up, but nothing would work. My legs and arms stayed exactly where they were; I just couldn’t understand what was happening or where I was.
“Don’t even try to move, you can’t, you’re wasting your time and energy.”
The voice came from my right hand side and in amongst the darkness, I made out a female shape. Most likely the same person I had seen before I passed out. I don’t mind admitting, I was scared. I had woken, God knows where, and I couldn’t move. What she said had scared me, but more than anything, the way she said it almost suggested I’d been kidnapped; yet I knew this couldn’t have been planned. How could anyone know that Pete and I would argue? That I would storm out? Choose that particular doorway to shelter from the cold and rain? No, it didn’t make sense. Nevertheless, as she said, I couldn’t move, but, I could panic.
“What do you want?” I asked nervously, trying to push my pain and fear to the back of my mind.
“I want to help, of course,” came the surprised reply.
“Why can’t I move?” I asked timidly, uncertain that I wanted the answer.
“Because I’ve tied you to the bed,” she replied in a tone that was so matter-of-fact, I almost believed it sounded normal.
“Why?” By now, my voice was barely above a whisper.
“I don’t know who you are,” she replied. “You could be dangerous, I don’t know.”
“I’m not dangerous,” I muttered.
“That’s what you’d say if you were dangerous too.”
“Then I can’t win, can I?”
“Winning is really important to you.”
It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and it really freaked me out. It was almost as if she knew my thoughts following my argument with Pete. I was frightened all over again.
“Don’t be afraid, Patrick.”
“H…How…?” I stammered. “You said you didn’t know…”
“You had ID, you know. I had to undress you to put you to bed.”
“Oh, God!” I moaned, she’d taken my clothes off. Hopefully not all of them, but I felt… I think I felt violated. “L…Look,” I began shakily, “I appreciate you helped me, but… untie me, please. I’ll go, nothing will happen.”
“I know,” she shook her head sadly. “I know.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked pulling angrily on the restraints about my wrists, to no effect.
“What are you afraid of, Patrick?”
“Right now?” I snapped. “You!”
The girl took two or three deep breaths before continuing.
“I can fix this,” she assured me. “I know you argued with your friend. I saw him try to find you and you hiding from him. Just tell me exactly what you want.”
“Yeah, right!” I called back angrily. “You can stop Pete getting into jerk mode, can you? You can stop him screwing up? You can stop him…”
“No, that’s for you and him to sort out. How much do you believe?”
“About what?”
“That I can help.”
“Zero!” I frowned quietly, taking a deep breath before giving a more controlled response. “Try me.”
“How do you feel? What’s your overriding feeling when you argue?”
I thought hard for a few moments. I wasn’t certain why I was even answering, but there was something about her that demanded my attention. Besides, tied to the bed, I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
“Failure. That and being controlled.”
“Yes!” she replied as if reading from an examination script. “What else?”
“I’m drifting,” I admitted. “I don’t know what’s next. I feel like I’m a ghost, haunting my own life.”
“Hmmm.”
She seemed to be thinking about my words. I couldn’t believe I’d been so straight with her. Maybe I’d wanted to get it off my chest, maybe I thought she’d let me go if I did. Whatever I thought, I was not expecting what happened next.
“Well, if that’s how you feel, maybe you should try it?”
“What?”
I was fairly certain I’d spoken, but the word seemed to be snatched away from me as I said it. I felt a horrible dragging sensation across and through my whole body. What the hell was happening to me? Pulling, pushing, dragging! I was being torn limb from limb or at least that’s how it felt. Then I was floating and propelled backwards and down with such force I think I was dazed for a few moments when I hit the floor.
Looking up, my eyes widened in horror as I saw myself lying, over six feet away, eyes closed on the bed.
“H…how? W…what?” I couldn’t even form the words I needed to express my shock.
“You think you feel like a ghost? Be one. Now, go!”
She blew me a kiss and I was falling, spinning into oblivion. My eyes closed and I had no idea when or even if I’d open them again.
“Don’t even try to move, you can’t, you’re wasting your time and energy.”
The voice came from my right hand side and in amongst the darkness, I made out a female shape. Most likely the same person I had seen before I passed out. I don’t mind admitting, I was scared. I had woken, God knows where, and I couldn’t move. What she said had scared me, but more than anything, the way she said it almost suggested I’d been kidnapped; yet I knew this couldn’t have been planned. How could anyone know that Pete and I would argue? That I would storm out? Choose that particular doorway to shelter from the cold and rain? No, it didn’t make sense. Nevertheless, as she said, I couldn’t move, but, I could panic.
“What do you want?” I asked nervously, trying to push my pain and fear to the back of my mind.
“I want to help, of course,” came the surprised reply.
“Why can’t I move?” I asked timidly, uncertain that I wanted the answer.
“Because I’ve tied you to the bed,” she replied in a tone that was so matter-of-fact, I almost believed it sounded normal.
“Why?” By now, my voice was barely above a whisper.
“I don’t know who you are,” she replied. “You could be dangerous, I don’t know.”
“I’m not dangerous,” I muttered.
“That’s what you’d say if you were dangerous too.”
“Then I can’t win, can I?”
“Winning is really important to you.”
It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and it really freaked me out. It was almost as if she knew my thoughts following my argument with Pete. I was frightened all over again.
“Don’t be afraid, Patrick.”
“H…How…?” I stammered. “You said you didn’t know…”
“You had ID, you know. I had to undress you to put you to bed.”
“Oh, God!” I moaned, she’d taken my clothes off. Hopefully not all of them, but I felt… I think I felt violated. “L…Look,” I began shakily, “I appreciate you helped me, but… untie me, please. I’ll go, nothing will happen.”
“I know,” she shook her head sadly. “I know.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked pulling angrily on the restraints about my wrists, to no effect.
“What are you afraid of, Patrick?”
“Right now?” I snapped. “You!”
The girl took two or three deep breaths before continuing.
“I can fix this,” she assured me. “I know you argued with your friend. I saw him try to find you and you hiding from him. Just tell me exactly what you want.”
“Yeah, right!” I called back angrily. “You can stop Pete getting into jerk mode, can you? You can stop him screwing up? You can stop him…”
“No, that’s for you and him to sort out. How much do you believe?”
“About what?”
“That I can help.”
“Zero!” I frowned quietly, taking a deep breath before giving a more controlled response. “Try me.”
“How do you feel? What’s your overriding feeling when you argue?”
I thought hard for a few moments. I wasn’t certain why I was even answering, but there was something about her that demanded my attention. Besides, tied to the bed, I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
“Failure. That and being controlled.”
“Yes!” she replied as if reading from an examination script. “What else?”
“I’m drifting,” I admitted. “I don’t know what’s next. I feel like I’m a ghost, haunting my own life.”
“Hmmm.”
She seemed to be thinking about my words. I couldn’t believe I’d been so straight with her. Maybe I’d wanted to get it off my chest, maybe I thought she’d let me go if I did. Whatever I thought, I was not expecting what happened next.
“Well, if that’s how you feel, maybe you should try it?”
“What?”
I was fairly certain I’d spoken, but the word seemed to be snatched away from me as I said it. I felt a horrible dragging sensation across and through my whole body. What the hell was happening to me? Pulling, pushing, dragging! I was being torn limb from limb or at least that’s how it felt. Then I was floating and propelled backwards and down with such force I think I was dazed for a few moments when I hit the floor.
Looking up, my eyes widened in horror as I saw myself lying, over six feet away, eyes closed on the bed.
“H…how? W…what?” I couldn’t even form the words I needed to express my shock.
“You think you feel like a ghost? Be one. Now, go!”
She blew me a kiss and I was falling, spinning into oblivion. My eyes closed and I had no idea when or even if I’d open them again.
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