Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Life Is A Perception Of Your Own Reality
Brendon’s POV
Ryan had been in the coma for the last three days.
Over time his heart beats had become steady and normal. The nurse said that he SHOULD be fine, and SHOULD wake up soon. Should being the operative word, meaning they don’t know for sure if he’s going to wake up.
I didn’t leave, Carolyn didn’t leave, Spencer didn’t leave, nobody left. At least permantanly. At one point we all drove home to grab clothing and other nessities. We all stood by Ryan’s side, hoping that he’ll come back.
“Hey, I’m gonna go get a latte. Anybody want anything?” Paige asked as she headed towards the door.
“Can you grab me a strawberry frap, pwease?” Caro tilted her head.
“Mhm, sure.”
“Thanks.”
“All in a days work.” Paige disapeared out of the room.
The tention from all the ex’s died down after the first day. They all put aside their differences, and got along. I doubt this state of peace will last long.
I’m not gonna lie, sitting in here, not sure whether your friend is going to live or not, but just staring at him anyhow, yeah its not the funnest thing in the world. I spent the last 72 hours in a very unproductive way. I slept through 18 hours, walked around the hospital aimlessly for probably 6 hours, talked to the elderly in the hospital for 4 hours (I had to spend time with old people for a school thing, and since they were here, and I was there, I just decided to get it over with), spent 6 hours in the food court with everybody else, and stopped at home for an hour. The rest of the 34 hours was spent in the hospital room with the rest of da cru. We watched a bunch of Spanish soap operas, played a bunch of board games, reread last years issue of People magazine, gossiped, and just bonded.
I’m not sure if its sick to say that Ryan’s possible death brought us together, but it did.
I can’t even fathom how confused I am by this whole iccident. We know for sure that he had an overdose of medicine.
Kyle, Adam, Paige, and William don’t think that he the overdose was on purpose. They think that it was accident of some sort, or maybe his dad did something.
Although, Caro, Hagen, Oli, and Spencer, think that it was on purpose, and that it was a suicide attempt.
I personally think that it wasn’t a suicide attempt. I think Ryan’s smart enough not to stoop to that level. Death isn’t the answer.
Paige came back into the room with the her and Caro’s drink.
“How’s he doing?” Paige sat down, throwing a magazine on her lap.
“Nothing too drastic happened in the last five minutes.” Spencer answered.
“I’m really scared for him.” Hagen, next to me, pulled her knees up her chest, and wrapped her arms around her legs.
“Don’t be.” I put my arm around her shoulders, and kissed her forehead. She sighed and curled closer to my chest.
I swear we spent most afternoons like that.
Spencer’s POV
Yeah, so he’s been in the coma for a good 3 days.
And they’re all wondering why? Why would he do that to himself? Others haven’t even caught on to the whole suicide thing. They think that his dad did something to cause this state. Ha, like his dad’s smart enough.
No. Ryan overdosed. It was a mixture of the shit he always got from his peers, and his home life. I honestly wonder what happen this time to push him over the edge.
/There’s a moment in time
And it’s stuck in my mind
Way back, when we were just kids
Cause your eyes told the tale
Of an act of betrayal
Oh, waves of time
Seem to wash away
The scenes of our crimes
But for you this never ends
Can you stay strong?
Can you go on?
Ryan, are you doing okay?
A rose that won’t bloom
Winter’s kept you
Don’t waste your whole life trying
To get back what he took away
I knew that something was wrong
And I should have spoke out
And I’m so sorry now
I didn’t know
Cause we were so young/
I spent my time in the hospital writing it. The scary thing is, that song was only about the past. What does the future hold? Cliche, cliche, I know. Is he going to back to his ‘family’? If he does that, I may have to slap a hoe. He can’t do that. I know its not my descion, but still. But then again, Ryan’s not concious, and we don’t know for sure if he’s going to wake up. I don’t think this is going to be the death of Ryan. I really don’t. Deep inside Ryan, he wants to be alive, and he’s still fighting.
I just wonder how long the battles gonna last.
Midnight- ish
Brendon’s POV
“¡Usted engañó en mí con la niñera! ¿Cocino, I limpio, mimo, y esto es lo que consigo!? ¡Veinte años de boda para esto?! ¡Maldígale, yo están llevando a los niños a la madre!” More Spanish soap operas. Whoo. There is just nothing to do at the hospital. Me, William, Caro, Oli, and Hagen sat in the wooden chairs across from the Ryan lay in. Kyle, and Paige sat on the floor, up against the bed, and Adam was just sprawled across the carpet, snoring. Spencer sat on the table with the magazines. It wasn’t too comfortable, and we were all cramped, but nobody complained. Everybody fell asleep, but Paige, Kyle and myself. Paige and Kyle were just too into the the show, which was weird because neither of them understood Spanish, they just enjoyed listening to the actors speak in their thick Spanish accents. I had the hardest time sleeping in the hospital. It wasn’t nesseceraly because the chairs were as hard as hell, and there was no butt cushion, it was mostly because the second I close my eyes, it could possibly be Ryan’s last breath. I am just so paranoid. For some reason, I am so certain that the second that I close my eyes, Ryan will be gone.
Ryan’s heart beat started to speed up a bit, then it went back to normal.
“Uhhhhhhh.” Ryan moaned, as he sat up a bit.
He was awake!
Paige and Kyle shot up.
“Ryan?!?!” We all shouted, almost waking up the sleeping people.
“What am I doing here?” He asked, his voice barely audible.
“You’re okay.” Paige smiled, ignoring Ryan’s question.
We all sighed in relief.
“How do you feel?” I asked him.
“I feel weird. Where am I?” Ryan asked, scratching his head, noticing the IV’s on his arm.
“You’re in the hospital.” I answered.
“Why?” He stared at me like I was insane.
“I was about to ask you the same thing.”
“Wait, what is going on?” He looked around, scared.
“Ryan, you’re in here for an overdose. Care to explain?” Paige asked in a motherly tone.
“I’m in here for a what?! I don’t even know what the- oh shit. So, I guess this means I’m not dead, huh? Heh heh.” He smiled slightly.
“How is that funny? Ryan, you almost died.” She said in her high pitched, mad voice.
“I know, that was kinda the point.” Holy fuck. That explains alot.
For once in her life, Paige was speechless. “So it was a suicide attempt.” Kyle mumbled.
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!?!??!?!?” Paige pretty much screamed.
“Paige, shut your face.” William groaned, half awake.
“William, get your ass up, Ryan’s awake.” She said in a harsh tone.
“Ryan’s awake!?” William shouted, waking up everybody else up. He stumbled out of his chair, flipped on the lights, and stood by the bed.
“Ryan?!” Everybody else woke, and crowded the bed.
There was a moment of silence when everybody just gaped at him, then questions broke the silence.
“Ryan, are you okay?!?!”
“What the hell did you do to yourself!?!!?”
“You had me worried fucking sick!!!!”
Ryan looked at them like they were crazy.
“Guys, I’m fine.”
“You were in a coma for 3 days.” Spencer informed him.
“That’s a long time.” Ryan smirked.
“What the hell is so funny, Ryan?” Paige asked him again. “I’m still alive. I find that to be outlandish.”
“You thought you were dead?”
“Well, I didn’t think I would still be alive after.”
“After what?” Caro asked, overly concerned.
“After, um-” Ryan started, not really wanting to admit anything.
“Oh just spit it out, Ryan. We know you’re in here for an overdose, just admit it. You attempted suicide, but it didn’t fucking work out. Cut the shit.” Oli spat.
“Oliver!” Hagen shot him a glare.
“Look, okay, I admit it. I overdosed. I am tired of all the shit in my life. I want it to end.” Ryan admitted.
“Ryan, it doesn’t have to end this way. You’re better than that. You’re so much better than that. You think nobody loves you, all of us in this room have been here the for the past 3 days fucking watching you sleep. We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t care. You have a reason to be here right now. The shit in your life doesn’t overshadow all of th-” Caro started her little spiel before Ryan interupted her.
“You. Don’t. Know. Half. Of. What. Goes. On. In. My. Life.” Ryan glared at her. “Try. Me.” She matched his tone.
Right in the middle of the cat fight, the nurse rushed into the room. “Ah, Ryan. I’m so glad you’re all right,” The nurse pushed past us and the moniter, “would you guys mind stepping out of the room for a second, I need to run some tests on Ryan.”
We left the room, and stood in the hallway. Nobody said anything.
The nurse came back out with a clip board.
“Well, kids, I would suggest letting him go back to sleep. I don’t know what exactly you guys were talking to him about, but it made his blood pressure go up.” She chuckled, and walked away.
We entered the room again, and Ryan was back to sleep.
I sat back in my chair, and drifted to sleep.
Seven in the Morning
Spencer’s POV
Ow!
I hit my head on the wall next to me.
Hm. Its early. I looked over at Ryan, who was awake.
I got up, careful not to wake anybody else, and stood by his bed.
“Hey Spencer.” Ryan smiled.
“Hey Ryan, how ya feeling?”
“Ehh, okay.”
“They attacked you last night, sorry about that.” I ran my fingers through my hair.
“Its okay. They’re just concerned, I understand. But they don’t get it.” He shook his head and looked away.
“They really don’t understand.” I agreed.
There was a short pause.
“Spence, there’s something I’m not telling you.” He sighed.
“There’s alot you’re not telling me.”
“What do you know?” He asked wearily.
“That bruise on your eye, you didn’t get it from baseball.”
“You’re good?” Ryan smirked.
“You got it from your Dad. Ryan, I’m not an idiot. All of those bruises and contusions aren’t from yourself tripping or whatever excuse you would give the next day, you’re abused by your Dad. You’re neglected, beaten, harassed, call it what you want, you know its all true.” I returned the smirk.
He bit his lip and twiddled his thumbs.
“You are good.” Ryan looked back up at me. “I know too much.” “So, you see why I was so fed up?”
“Yeah, Ryan, I get it.”
Oli started snoring loudly, and moving in his sleep.
“Hey Spencer, please, please, don’t tell anybody.” Ryan pleaded with desperate eyes.
“Don’t worry, I won’t.” I assured him. “Thanks.” He smiled, relieved.
“Under one condition.”
His smile fell, “What condition is this?”
“Move out.”
“What?”
“Move out of your house.” I repeated.
“Where am I supposed to go?”
“Go somewhere, I don’t care where. Hell, move into my house, we have room. You can’t live with him anymore. Its not safe for you.”
“Wait, are you sure? I can live with you?”
“Of course its okay, my parents love you. Just get out of there.”
He thought for a minute.
“Okay Spencer, whatever you say.” He smiled.
“Good, you have my word. I’m going to grab breakfast, I’ll see you later.”
“Kay, and Spencer?”
“Huh?” I answered.
“Thanks.”
“Anytime, man. Anytime.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ahh. Sorry for wait.
I have spring break next week, so hopefuly I get so bored I write (to be honest, I really don’t like WRITING. I like thinking, writings just not fun for me. Repeat: I am a story teller.)
Song: Kristy, Are You Doing Okay? by The Offspring.
Gonna be honest, that song is about rape, but rape, beating, pretty much the same thing in my book.
Ficwad hates me, it won’t show me your reviews at this moment in time. but THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU. YES. NO. 3.14159. JESUS (Jesus is always the answer)
TA TA.
Ryan had been in the coma for the last three days.
Over time his heart beats had become steady and normal. The nurse said that he SHOULD be fine, and SHOULD wake up soon. Should being the operative word, meaning they don’t know for sure if he’s going to wake up.
I didn’t leave, Carolyn didn’t leave, Spencer didn’t leave, nobody left. At least permantanly. At one point we all drove home to grab clothing and other nessities. We all stood by Ryan’s side, hoping that he’ll come back.
“Hey, I’m gonna go get a latte. Anybody want anything?” Paige asked as she headed towards the door.
“Can you grab me a strawberry frap, pwease?” Caro tilted her head.
“Mhm, sure.”
“Thanks.”
“All in a days work.” Paige disapeared out of the room.
The tention from all the ex’s died down after the first day. They all put aside their differences, and got along. I doubt this state of peace will last long.
I’m not gonna lie, sitting in here, not sure whether your friend is going to live or not, but just staring at him anyhow, yeah its not the funnest thing in the world. I spent the last 72 hours in a very unproductive way. I slept through 18 hours, walked around the hospital aimlessly for probably 6 hours, talked to the elderly in the hospital for 4 hours (I had to spend time with old people for a school thing, and since they were here, and I was there, I just decided to get it over with), spent 6 hours in the food court with everybody else, and stopped at home for an hour. The rest of the 34 hours was spent in the hospital room with the rest of da cru. We watched a bunch of Spanish soap operas, played a bunch of board games, reread last years issue of People magazine, gossiped, and just bonded.
I’m not sure if its sick to say that Ryan’s possible death brought us together, but it did.
I can’t even fathom how confused I am by this whole iccident. We know for sure that he had an overdose of medicine.
Kyle, Adam, Paige, and William don’t think that he the overdose was on purpose. They think that it was accident of some sort, or maybe his dad did something.
Although, Caro, Hagen, Oli, and Spencer, think that it was on purpose, and that it was a suicide attempt.
I personally think that it wasn’t a suicide attempt. I think Ryan’s smart enough not to stoop to that level. Death isn’t the answer.
Paige came back into the room with the her and Caro’s drink.
“How’s he doing?” Paige sat down, throwing a magazine on her lap.
“Nothing too drastic happened in the last five minutes.” Spencer answered.
“I’m really scared for him.” Hagen, next to me, pulled her knees up her chest, and wrapped her arms around her legs.
“Don’t be.” I put my arm around her shoulders, and kissed her forehead. She sighed and curled closer to my chest.
I swear we spent most afternoons like that.
Spencer’s POV
Yeah, so he’s been in the coma for a good 3 days.
And they’re all wondering why? Why would he do that to himself? Others haven’t even caught on to the whole suicide thing. They think that his dad did something to cause this state. Ha, like his dad’s smart enough.
No. Ryan overdosed. It was a mixture of the shit he always got from his peers, and his home life. I honestly wonder what happen this time to push him over the edge.
/There’s a moment in time
And it’s stuck in my mind
Way back, when we were just kids
Cause your eyes told the tale
Of an act of betrayal
Oh, waves of time
Seem to wash away
The scenes of our crimes
But for you this never ends
Can you stay strong?
Can you go on?
Ryan, are you doing okay?
A rose that won’t bloom
Winter’s kept you
Don’t waste your whole life trying
To get back what he took away
I knew that something was wrong
And I should have spoke out
And I’m so sorry now
I didn’t know
Cause we were so young/
I spent my time in the hospital writing it. The scary thing is, that song was only about the past. What does the future hold? Cliche, cliche, I know. Is he going to back to his ‘family’? If he does that, I may have to slap a hoe. He can’t do that. I know its not my descion, but still. But then again, Ryan’s not concious, and we don’t know for sure if he’s going to wake up. I don’t think this is going to be the death of Ryan. I really don’t. Deep inside Ryan, he wants to be alive, and he’s still fighting.
I just wonder how long the battles gonna last.
Midnight- ish
Brendon’s POV
“¡Usted engañó en mí con la niñera! ¿Cocino, I limpio, mimo, y esto es lo que consigo!? ¡Veinte años de boda para esto?! ¡Maldígale, yo están llevando a los niños a la madre!” More Spanish soap operas. Whoo. There is just nothing to do at the hospital. Me, William, Caro, Oli, and Hagen sat in the wooden chairs across from the Ryan lay in. Kyle, and Paige sat on the floor, up against the bed, and Adam was just sprawled across the carpet, snoring. Spencer sat on the table with the magazines. It wasn’t too comfortable, and we were all cramped, but nobody complained. Everybody fell asleep, but Paige, Kyle and myself. Paige and Kyle were just too into the the show, which was weird because neither of them understood Spanish, they just enjoyed listening to the actors speak in their thick Spanish accents. I had the hardest time sleeping in the hospital. It wasn’t nesseceraly because the chairs were as hard as hell, and there was no butt cushion, it was mostly because the second I close my eyes, it could possibly be Ryan’s last breath. I am just so paranoid. For some reason, I am so certain that the second that I close my eyes, Ryan will be gone.
Ryan’s heart beat started to speed up a bit, then it went back to normal.
“Uhhhhhhh.” Ryan moaned, as he sat up a bit.
He was awake!
Paige and Kyle shot up.
“Ryan?!?!” We all shouted, almost waking up the sleeping people.
“What am I doing here?” He asked, his voice barely audible.
“You’re okay.” Paige smiled, ignoring Ryan’s question.
We all sighed in relief.
“How do you feel?” I asked him.
“I feel weird. Where am I?” Ryan asked, scratching his head, noticing the IV’s on his arm.
“You’re in the hospital.” I answered.
“Why?” He stared at me like I was insane.
“I was about to ask you the same thing.”
“Wait, what is going on?” He looked around, scared.
“Ryan, you’re in here for an overdose. Care to explain?” Paige asked in a motherly tone.
“I’m in here for a what?! I don’t even know what the- oh shit. So, I guess this means I’m not dead, huh? Heh heh.” He smiled slightly.
“How is that funny? Ryan, you almost died.” She said in her high pitched, mad voice.
“I know, that was kinda the point.” Holy fuck. That explains alot.
For once in her life, Paige was speechless. “So it was a suicide attempt.” Kyle mumbled.
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!?!??!?!?” Paige pretty much screamed.
“Paige, shut your face.” William groaned, half awake.
“William, get your ass up, Ryan’s awake.” She said in a harsh tone.
“Ryan’s awake!?” William shouted, waking up everybody else up. He stumbled out of his chair, flipped on the lights, and stood by the bed.
“Ryan?!” Everybody else woke, and crowded the bed.
There was a moment of silence when everybody just gaped at him, then questions broke the silence.
“Ryan, are you okay?!?!”
“What the hell did you do to yourself!?!!?”
“You had me worried fucking sick!!!!”
Ryan looked at them like they were crazy.
“Guys, I’m fine.”
“You were in a coma for 3 days.” Spencer informed him.
“That’s a long time.” Ryan smirked.
“What the hell is so funny, Ryan?” Paige asked him again. “I’m still alive. I find that to be outlandish.”
“You thought you were dead?”
“Well, I didn’t think I would still be alive after.”
“After what?” Caro asked, overly concerned.
“After, um-” Ryan started, not really wanting to admit anything.
“Oh just spit it out, Ryan. We know you’re in here for an overdose, just admit it. You attempted suicide, but it didn’t fucking work out. Cut the shit.” Oli spat.
“Oliver!” Hagen shot him a glare.
“Look, okay, I admit it. I overdosed. I am tired of all the shit in my life. I want it to end.” Ryan admitted.
“Ryan, it doesn’t have to end this way. You’re better than that. You’re so much better than that. You think nobody loves you, all of us in this room have been here the for the past 3 days fucking watching you sleep. We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t care. You have a reason to be here right now. The shit in your life doesn’t overshadow all of th-” Caro started her little spiel before Ryan interupted her.
“You. Don’t. Know. Half. Of. What. Goes. On. In. My. Life.” Ryan glared at her. “Try. Me.” She matched his tone.
Right in the middle of the cat fight, the nurse rushed into the room. “Ah, Ryan. I’m so glad you’re all right,” The nurse pushed past us and the moniter, “would you guys mind stepping out of the room for a second, I need to run some tests on Ryan.”
We left the room, and stood in the hallway. Nobody said anything.
The nurse came back out with a clip board.
“Well, kids, I would suggest letting him go back to sleep. I don’t know what exactly you guys were talking to him about, but it made his blood pressure go up.” She chuckled, and walked away.
We entered the room again, and Ryan was back to sleep.
I sat back in my chair, and drifted to sleep.
Seven in the Morning
Spencer’s POV
Ow!
I hit my head on the wall next to me.
Hm. Its early. I looked over at Ryan, who was awake.
I got up, careful not to wake anybody else, and stood by his bed.
“Hey Spencer.” Ryan smiled.
“Hey Ryan, how ya feeling?”
“Ehh, okay.”
“They attacked you last night, sorry about that.” I ran my fingers through my hair.
“Its okay. They’re just concerned, I understand. But they don’t get it.” He shook his head and looked away.
“They really don’t understand.” I agreed.
There was a short pause.
“Spence, there’s something I’m not telling you.” He sighed.
“There’s alot you’re not telling me.”
“What do you know?” He asked wearily.
“That bruise on your eye, you didn’t get it from baseball.”
“You’re good?” Ryan smirked.
“You got it from your Dad. Ryan, I’m not an idiot. All of those bruises and contusions aren’t from yourself tripping or whatever excuse you would give the next day, you’re abused by your Dad. You’re neglected, beaten, harassed, call it what you want, you know its all true.” I returned the smirk.
He bit his lip and twiddled his thumbs.
“You are good.” Ryan looked back up at me. “I know too much.” “So, you see why I was so fed up?”
“Yeah, Ryan, I get it.”
Oli started snoring loudly, and moving in his sleep.
“Hey Spencer, please, please, don’t tell anybody.” Ryan pleaded with desperate eyes.
“Don’t worry, I won’t.” I assured him. “Thanks.” He smiled, relieved.
“Under one condition.”
His smile fell, “What condition is this?”
“Move out.”
“What?”
“Move out of your house.” I repeated.
“Where am I supposed to go?”
“Go somewhere, I don’t care where. Hell, move into my house, we have room. You can’t live with him anymore. Its not safe for you.”
“Wait, are you sure? I can live with you?”
“Of course its okay, my parents love you. Just get out of there.”
He thought for a minute.
“Okay Spencer, whatever you say.” He smiled.
“Good, you have my word. I’m going to grab breakfast, I’ll see you later.”
“Kay, and Spencer?”
“Huh?” I answered.
“Thanks.”
“Anytime, man. Anytime.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ahh. Sorry for wait.
I have spring break next week, so hopefuly I get so bored I write (to be honest, I really don’t like WRITING. I like thinking, writings just not fun for me. Repeat: I am a story teller.)
Song: Kristy, Are You Doing Okay? by The Offspring.
Gonna be honest, that song is about rape, but rape, beating, pretty much the same thing in my book.
Ficwad hates me, it won’t show me your reviews at this moment in time. but THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU. YES. NO. 3.14159. JESUS (Jesus is always the answer)
TA TA.
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