Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > This blood that runs down your face, such a delicate disgrace.
The sun had rose and the moon had disappeared in the night, it was only when Ray’s mother awoke she had discovered Ray’s lifeless body and let a deep loud cry as she fell to the floor and cradled her son’s broken body. Blood soaked into her robe and her tears fell down his face as she rocked him back and forth muttering in Spanish. She ran to the phone and called 911 where she had to restrain herself in order to get the words out. Five minutes later the ambulance and police officers came rushing down the street and the sirens filled the air as paramedics jumped out of the car and into the house, one officer comforting Ray’s mother as she broke down in tears…
~~~
Frank groaned as his alarm clock screamed at him to wake up. He slapped his hand on the button and finally stopped. It was 9:45 and Frank stretched his limbs as he got up and went to use the bathroom and brush his teeth. He looked in the mirror for a good couple seconds before sighing as purple rings began to show the fact that he had not been sleeping properly. He would have to put concealer on after he took a shower. He walked downstairs where his parents were sadly drinking their coffee and gasped as he sat down at the table.
“Hey mom, hey dad.”
“Good morning Frankie.” His mother replied softly. He could feel the tension, and his stomach began to turn. He was used to it by now, to know when something wasn’t right.
“Is everything okay?” He asked while searching his parents eyes, only to find sadness. His mother looked at his father before turning back to him and sighing.
“Frank I’m afraid we have some terrible news to tell you.” She frowned remembering the call she had received not too long ago.
“What is it? Is it grandpa?”
“No sweetie, I’m afraid it’s about Ray.” Frank raised an eyebrow.
“Ray? What’s wrong with Ray?” Frank said confused, and his mother looked at his father for help. She could not continue like she thought she could. His father stepped in and put his hands together and sighed.
“Frank, this morning we got a call from Mrs. Toro, and she found Ray in the bathroom…He’s dead son.”
Frank immediately scoffed. Ray couldn’t be dead.
“That’s impossible.” He retorted. He saw his mother look down and he knew it must be true. His eyes filled with tears.
“Mom, its not true right? Please tell me it’s not true and that you’re joking.”
“Frank, we would never joke about something like that. I’m afraid Ray killed himself. Their were cuts all over him. I’m so sorry.” His mother’s voice cracked. She had been fond of Ray. Always polite, and respectful. Frank let the tears go as his father got up to hug him. When he did, Frank pushed away and stood up.
“This can’t be right.” He muttered before running out the door in his black pajama pants, and black shirt.
“Frank!” He heard his mother call him, but he didn’t listen. He ran straight to Gerard and Mikey’s house and knocked furiously. Mikey opened the door with red eyes as Frank almost broke down.
“It’s really true isn’t it?” Mikey nodded and sniffled.
“My mom went to see Mrs. Toro, he’s really gone.” Mikey let a tear go. Frank hugged Mikey while they walked upstairs into Gerard’s room where he was painting. Not a single word he spoke, only sniffles. Frank knew Gerard had been crying too.
“Gee.” Frank whispered. Gerard looked up with tears streaming down as Frank sat on his plush bed.
“I can’t believe it.” Gerard’s voice was dry and deep. It wasn’t like him at all. Frank took Gerard’s hand and gave a small squeeze. They locked eyes as they shared their hurt. Their best friend was gone, and there wasn’t a damn thing they could do about it….
~~
“You really think he killed himself?” Tati whispered. The group sat in silence in their favorite spot while grieving over the loss of Ray. Mrs. Toro was still shaken from the incident and Ray’s body was transported to the morgue as he left his friends behind. Frank didn’t speak one word as they all met up. Gerard was lost in his own world while Mikey’s face and eyes were still flushed and red. There was no speak of happiness and even Bob looked as if he had been crying.
“I don’t understand, why would he do this? Ray didn’t seem the ‘type’.” Gerard spoke. They all agreed. Ray would never harm another soul, much less his own. Now he was dead and his friends were left to put the pieces together.
“Maybe there’s something we missed. Something we should’ve saw but didn’t. I just never thought…” Mikey’s voice had trailed off.
“Ray never spoke about his home life, he kept to himself. What if that was it?” Leia added.
“He’s gone, and I don’t know what do. We just saw him yesterday. I don’t fucking understand! Why did he do this.” Gerard had cracked. When heard the news he just laughed. Ray couldn’t be dead, but when his mother started to tear, Gerard knew it was true. He fell to his knees and put his head in his hands. He ran up to his room and slammed the door shut pretending today didn’t exist. He could hear Ray speaking to him like he did yesterday. He tried not to stare at the open space between them all. There was a piece missing. They were missing Ray.
Silence filled the air as it seemed to grow colder. Leia and Tati hugged each other while sharing a tear or two as it finally sunk in. They spent the whole day in the grass, looking up into the sky and hoping Ray would suddenly appear and everything would be okay. But never showed and the day was wasted on the emotions over a lost friend.
“He was always so sweet, I just can’t imagine what was going through his head when did this. I just hope he wasn’t in pain. That’s the last thing you want see, is Ray in pain.” Bob commented. They all nodded and silently prayed he gone peacefully.
If they only knew the truth….
~~
Xander sat at the edge of the dock hanging his feet into the water, which were invisible as he swung his legs back and forth. He smiled as he recalled his encounter with Ray. It had been easier than he thought.
“Its not rainbows and laughter when losing your life now is it?” He looked up to the sky and wondered if he had heard him. It was a long night as some part of Xander wished he could be at his home. Playing with his little sister and his dog Hannah. But he was invisible and no one could see him, only the people he hated which meant it was a small group.
“I blame myself. I shouldn’t have fallen for their tricks in the first place. Now I’m fucking stuck here where I can’t even feel my own damn heart beat.” He whispered bitterly. He never wanted to harm anyone, but he was due a wrongful death, and he felt that classified for revenge. It was mainly their fault in the first place. He scoffed as he remember their first encounter. They had seemed so cool to him. Always laughing and joking with each other. The kind of friends he always wished he had. He remembered being spotted by a boy named Frank one day. He had talked to Xander and asked if he was new. When Xander said no, Frank invited him to sit at the table and he recalled the confused faces of the people that sat at the table. He could feel their eyes boring into him with curiosity. He felt self conscious as he could guess what they were saying.
He’s different. Maybe that was it. He still tried to prove himself worthy of their friendship. Xander now pitied himself for ever feeling that way. Always proving to someone he could do something. Even when he felt excepted he always felt as if maybe he really wasn’t. Especially Gerard. He felt uneasiness as he felt slightly small compared to him. He was the leader of the group, and was always in control of things.
But things were different now. He had the upper hand and he was in charge. They would be for their life and they would understand the way he felt falling down into the water and into the abyss while feeling his bone crack as he hit the rocks at the bottom. Did they care?
Xander wondered what they were doing right now. How they were coping with the loss of Ray. It really wasn’t that big of deal now was it? Sure they cry for a couple days, say a few goodbyes and the whole nine yards, then what? Would he be a memory, or would be forgotten just like he was? Xander became bitter at the thought. It was pissing him off now and he jumped from the deck to relieve his anger by walking around the woods and wishing he could feel the crunch of leaves again. The sun was hidden from the trees, but he couldn’t feel it. He was like smoke. He couldn’t touch things that made him happy. That also made him bitter. He didn’t want to hate, he didn’t want to kill. But they took his happiness away. All because he wanted friends. He was better off being the loner he used to be. At least he’d be able to feel that…
Xander walked around until he heard voices. Familiar voices. He gritted his teeth as he followed the sound. He came to an open area covered with grass and scoffed as the group was sitting down with sullen faces.
Bunch of babies He thought. He found it hard to believe he was actually crying. Gerard Way, shedding a tear? The whole sentence just sounded wrong.
“I can’t imagine when he have to bury him.” Tati whispered. Frank sat still thinking about Ray.
Was he happy now? Was he in heaven? Could he see us? Frank didn’t even want to think about when they would have to bury. It was just wrong. He didn’t want his best friend six feet under. He wanted here, living and breathing. Making him smile when he was down. Who would do that now? So many questions, yet he wondered if they will ever be answered. Frank couldn’t help but think about Xander now. Were they together? Did Xander welcome Ray to the new world? Frank wanted to cry as he pictured his best friend, and friend up in the sky looking down on them. He couldn’t bare any longer…
“It’s getting late.” Frank muttered. They all agreed and stood up. Xander watched from behind the tree and shook his head as he try to understand their thoughts. He could only read one person at a time, and they were too far to pick up anything. He would need to get closer and he planned out who to take out next.
Oh the dramatics. So many to choose, yet he couldn’t find the right one. Ray was just foreplay. He had new challenges now, and even more scores to settle. He followed behind the group as no one spoke a word on the way home. They ran out of things to say, and when they did find something, it reminded them of Ray. They had tried long enough to not shed tears. They knew he wouldn’t want that.
Frank wandered behind and felt uneasy. He checked behind his shoulder after feeling someone watching him. No one was there, but the feeling lingered. It began to worry Frank as he caught up with the rest of the group.
“I miss him.” Tati whispered. Bob wrapped his arm around her shoulder for comfort, and Tati shuddered from such personal contact. But she appreciated his gesture. Even if Bob hadn’t fully been close to Ray, he was still his friend. That counted for something.
“I miss him too.” Mikey whispered amongst himself and blinked his sore eyes. Gerard stared straight ahead and blocked out everyone. He didn’t dare to speak for fear of losing his presence with Ray. He tried to picture him talking to Gerard and hoping his spirit was still out there. Even if Gerard wouldn’t admit, he had lost another close member. It hurt just like it hurt when his grandma passed. Too much to deal with in one day.
“I’m gonna head home.” Gerard said in a soft tone, while everyone agreed they would too. For once, they all knew it was best if they just each had time for themselves.
“I’ll see you guys later.” Bob waved and turned the corner to his house. One by one they separated until it was just Leia and Frank.
“What do we do Frank?” She asked. Frank shook his head. He was the last person to ask questions.
“I have no idea Leia. Not one single clue.”
“I just can’t stop thinking about him.”
“We all can’t.” Frank replied while stopping at the street that was between him and Leia.
“Let’s just pray he’s happy. That’s a start.” Frank added. Leia nodded and looked down.
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah.” Frank nodded. She half smiled and turned on her heels to her house.
“Leia?” Frank called. She turned around.
“Yes?”
“Goodnight.” He smiled.
“Goodnight.” she replied and walked down her driveway and disappeared into her house. Frank walked back home and collapsed on his bed.
That was first time in a long time, Frank got on his knees and prayed.
“Please watch over them. I miss you so much already.” He added and fell onto his bed.
~~
Xander wandered along the neighborhood and stopped on the sidewalk. He bit his lip as he pondered to between the group. He looked to his left and saw Tati standing in front of the mirror in her bedroom. She was holding her stomach and frowned as she stared. Xander walked closer in listened in on her. He shook his head. Always knowing she was never happy with herself. The things she did. It put Ray to shame.
“Just as messed up on the inside as you are out.” He said to himself and made his final decision.
Maybe he was doing her a favor after all…
~~~
Frank groaned as his alarm clock screamed at him to wake up. He slapped his hand on the button and finally stopped. It was 9:45 and Frank stretched his limbs as he got up and went to use the bathroom and brush his teeth. He looked in the mirror for a good couple seconds before sighing as purple rings began to show the fact that he had not been sleeping properly. He would have to put concealer on after he took a shower. He walked downstairs where his parents were sadly drinking their coffee and gasped as he sat down at the table.
“Hey mom, hey dad.”
“Good morning Frankie.” His mother replied softly. He could feel the tension, and his stomach began to turn. He was used to it by now, to know when something wasn’t right.
“Is everything okay?” He asked while searching his parents eyes, only to find sadness. His mother looked at his father before turning back to him and sighing.
“Frank I’m afraid we have some terrible news to tell you.” She frowned remembering the call she had received not too long ago.
“What is it? Is it grandpa?”
“No sweetie, I’m afraid it’s about Ray.” Frank raised an eyebrow.
“Ray? What’s wrong with Ray?” Frank said confused, and his mother looked at his father for help. She could not continue like she thought she could. His father stepped in and put his hands together and sighed.
“Frank, this morning we got a call from Mrs. Toro, and she found Ray in the bathroom…He’s dead son.”
Frank immediately scoffed. Ray couldn’t be dead.
“That’s impossible.” He retorted. He saw his mother look down and he knew it must be true. His eyes filled with tears.
“Mom, its not true right? Please tell me it’s not true and that you’re joking.”
“Frank, we would never joke about something like that. I’m afraid Ray killed himself. Their were cuts all over him. I’m so sorry.” His mother’s voice cracked. She had been fond of Ray. Always polite, and respectful. Frank let the tears go as his father got up to hug him. When he did, Frank pushed away and stood up.
“This can’t be right.” He muttered before running out the door in his black pajama pants, and black shirt.
“Frank!” He heard his mother call him, but he didn’t listen. He ran straight to Gerard and Mikey’s house and knocked furiously. Mikey opened the door with red eyes as Frank almost broke down.
“It’s really true isn’t it?” Mikey nodded and sniffled.
“My mom went to see Mrs. Toro, he’s really gone.” Mikey let a tear go. Frank hugged Mikey while they walked upstairs into Gerard’s room where he was painting. Not a single word he spoke, only sniffles. Frank knew Gerard had been crying too.
“Gee.” Frank whispered. Gerard looked up with tears streaming down as Frank sat on his plush bed.
“I can’t believe it.” Gerard’s voice was dry and deep. It wasn’t like him at all. Frank took Gerard’s hand and gave a small squeeze. They locked eyes as they shared their hurt. Their best friend was gone, and there wasn’t a damn thing they could do about it….
~~
“You really think he killed himself?” Tati whispered. The group sat in silence in their favorite spot while grieving over the loss of Ray. Mrs. Toro was still shaken from the incident and Ray’s body was transported to the morgue as he left his friends behind. Frank didn’t speak one word as they all met up. Gerard was lost in his own world while Mikey’s face and eyes were still flushed and red. There was no speak of happiness and even Bob looked as if he had been crying.
“I don’t understand, why would he do this? Ray didn’t seem the ‘type’.” Gerard spoke. They all agreed. Ray would never harm another soul, much less his own. Now he was dead and his friends were left to put the pieces together.
“Maybe there’s something we missed. Something we should’ve saw but didn’t. I just never thought…” Mikey’s voice had trailed off.
“Ray never spoke about his home life, he kept to himself. What if that was it?” Leia added.
“He’s gone, and I don’t know what do. We just saw him yesterday. I don’t fucking understand! Why did he do this.” Gerard had cracked. When heard the news he just laughed. Ray couldn’t be dead, but when his mother started to tear, Gerard knew it was true. He fell to his knees and put his head in his hands. He ran up to his room and slammed the door shut pretending today didn’t exist. He could hear Ray speaking to him like he did yesterday. He tried not to stare at the open space between them all. There was a piece missing. They were missing Ray.
Silence filled the air as it seemed to grow colder. Leia and Tati hugged each other while sharing a tear or two as it finally sunk in. They spent the whole day in the grass, looking up into the sky and hoping Ray would suddenly appear and everything would be okay. But never showed and the day was wasted on the emotions over a lost friend.
“He was always so sweet, I just can’t imagine what was going through his head when did this. I just hope he wasn’t in pain. That’s the last thing you want see, is Ray in pain.” Bob commented. They all nodded and silently prayed he gone peacefully.
If they only knew the truth….
~~
Xander sat at the edge of the dock hanging his feet into the water, which were invisible as he swung his legs back and forth. He smiled as he recalled his encounter with Ray. It had been easier than he thought.
“Its not rainbows and laughter when losing your life now is it?” He looked up to the sky and wondered if he had heard him. It was a long night as some part of Xander wished he could be at his home. Playing with his little sister and his dog Hannah. But he was invisible and no one could see him, only the people he hated which meant it was a small group.
“I blame myself. I shouldn’t have fallen for their tricks in the first place. Now I’m fucking stuck here where I can’t even feel my own damn heart beat.” He whispered bitterly. He never wanted to harm anyone, but he was due a wrongful death, and he felt that classified for revenge. It was mainly their fault in the first place. He scoffed as he remember their first encounter. They had seemed so cool to him. Always laughing and joking with each other. The kind of friends he always wished he had. He remembered being spotted by a boy named Frank one day. He had talked to Xander and asked if he was new. When Xander said no, Frank invited him to sit at the table and he recalled the confused faces of the people that sat at the table. He could feel their eyes boring into him with curiosity. He felt self conscious as he could guess what they were saying.
He’s different. Maybe that was it. He still tried to prove himself worthy of their friendship. Xander now pitied himself for ever feeling that way. Always proving to someone he could do something. Even when he felt excepted he always felt as if maybe he really wasn’t. Especially Gerard. He felt uneasiness as he felt slightly small compared to him. He was the leader of the group, and was always in control of things.
But things were different now. He had the upper hand and he was in charge. They would be for their life and they would understand the way he felt falling down into the water and into the abyss while feeling his bone crack as he hit the rocks at the bottom. Did they care?
Xander wondered what they were doing right now. How they were coping with the loss of Ray. It really wasn’t that big of deal now was it? Sure they cry for a couple days, say a few goodbyes and the whole nine yards, then what? Would he be a memory, or would be forgotten just like he was? Xander became bitter at the thought. It was pissing him off now and he jumped from the deck to relieve his anger by walking around the woods and wishing he could feel the crunch of leaves again. The sun was hidden from the trees, but he couldn’t feel it. He was like smoke. He couldn’t touch things that made him happy. That also made him bitter. He didn’t want to hate, he didn’t want to kill. But they took his happiness away. All because he wanted friends. He was better off being the loner he used to be. At least he’d be able to feel that…
Xander walked around until he heard voices. Familiar voices. He gritted his teeth as he followed the sound. He came to an open area covered with grass and scoffed as the group was sitting down with sullen faces.
Bunch of babies He thought. He found it hard to believe he was actually crying. Gerard Way, shedding a tear? The whole sentence just sounded wrong.
“I can’t imagine when he have to bury him.” Tati whispered. Frank sat still thinking about Ray.
Was he happy now? Was he in heaven? Could he see us? Frank didn’t even want to think about when they would have to bury. It was just wrong. He didn’t want his best friend six feet under. He wanted here, living and breathing. Making him smile when he was down. Who would do that now? So many questions, yet he wondered if they will ever be answered. Frank couldn’t help but think about Xander now. Were they together? Did Xander welcome Ray to the new world? Frank wanted to cry as he pictured his best friend, and friend up in the sky looking down on them. He couldn’t bare any longer…
“It’s getting late.” Frank muttered. They all agreed and stood up. Xander watched from behind the tree and shook his head as he try to understand their thoughts. He could only read one person at a time, and they were too far to pick up anything. He would need to get closer and he planned out who to take out next.
Oh the dramatics. So many to choose, yet he couldn’t find the right one. Ray was just foreplay. He had new challenges now, and even more scores to settle. He followed behind the group as no one spoke a word on the way home. They ran out of things to say, and when they did find something, it reminded them of Ray. They had tried long enough to not shed tears. They knew he wouldn’t want that.
Frank wandered behind and felt uneasy. He checked behind his shoulder after feeling someone watching him. No one was there, but the feeling lingered. It began to worry Frank as he caught up with the rest of the group.
“I miss him.” Tati whispered. Bob wrapped his arm around her shoulder for comfort, and Tati shuddered from such personal contact. But she appreciated his gesture. Even if Bob hadn’t fully been close to Ray, he was still his friend. That counted for something.
“I miss him too.” Mikey whispered amongst himself and blinked his sore eyes. Gerard stared straight ahead and blocked out everyone. He didn’t dare to speak for fear of losing his presence with Ray. He tried to picture him talking to Gerard and hoping his spirit was still out there. Even if Gerard wouldn’t admit, he had lost another close member. It hurt just like it hurt when his grandma passed. Too much to deal with in one day.
“I’m gonna head home.” Gerard said in a soft tone, while everyone agreed they would too. For once, they all knew it was best if they just each had time for themselves.
“I’ll see you guys later.” Bob waved and turned the corner to his house. One by one they separated until it was just Leia and Frank.
“What do we do Frank?” She asked. Frank shook his head. He was the last person to ask questions.
“I have no idea Leia. Not one single clue.”
“I just can’t stop thinking about him.”
“We all can’t.” Frank replied while stopping at the street that was between him and Leia.
“Let’s just pray he’s happy. That’s a start.” Frank added. Leia nodded and looked down.
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah.” Frank nodded. She half smiled and turned on her heels to her house.
“Leia?” Frank called. She turned around.
“Yes?”
“Goodnight.” He smiled.
“Goodnight.” she replied and walked down her driveway and disappeared into her house. Frank walked back home and collapsed on his bed.
That was first time in a long time, Frank got on his knees and prayed.
“Please watch over them. I miss you so much already.” He added and fell onto his bed.
~~
Xander wandered along the neighborhood and stopped on the sidewalk. He bit his lip as he pondered to between the group. He looked to his left and saw Tati standing in front of the mirror in her bedroom. She was holding her stomach and frowned as she stared. Xander walked closer in listened in on her. He shook his head. Always knowing she was never happy with herself. The things she did. It put Ray to shame.
“Just as messed up on the inside as you are out.” He said to himself and made his final decision.
Maybe he was doing her a favor after all…
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