Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Fully Alive
“How much?” She asked carefully. Her hands were shaking in excitement, and the sudden cold breeze hit her in the face, making her shiver slightly.
“For a pretty thing like you? I’ll make it 30 even.” His soft voice spoke, and she could see his smirk even in the dimly lit streetlight. Layla nodded and fumbled through her pockets and handed him the money, where he handed her the small baggy where she gratefully took it.
“You’re too young to be doing this.”
“Excuse me?” She whispered.
“You look like you got a lot going for yourself, why you doing this?”
“You don’t know me.” She snapped.
“Honey, I see all kinds of people, and trust me none of them look the age of you.”
“Look, you don’t know anything about me. I got my reasons, and my only.” She retorted and he backed off. She had never been called out before, and the dude had some nerve. He looked her age as well, if not a couple more years older. She wasn’t in the position to be judged, she had enough on her plate. She didn’t need a damn reminder that what she was doing wasn’t right.
“No need to pounce sugar, we all got our stories.” He replied and she scowled.
“Just be careful.” Were his final words, and Layla walked off hands in her pockets, and he shook his head. She would be back. They always were…
~~~
Layla quickly walked back home, constantly checking over her shoulder, with every snap of branches she heard. She swallowed her paranoia, and continued to walk back to Frank’s house, anxiously awaiting for her meeting with her long lost friend. She held on to the bag with tight hands, making sure it didn’t fall out from her death grip. The wind had picked up and shook the trees in all kinds of directions, causing her to whimper and pick up her pace and sighed with relief when she reached the front door of Frank’s house.
She entered it and quietly shut it behind her, her eyes shifted for any detection if Frank was awake at all. The house was still dark and she fumbled her way back to her room shutting the door and quickly turning on the small lamp on the nightstand. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second, and then opened again.
“You’re home. Just be quick and quiet.” She told herself and walked to the bathroom, laying the baggy on the counter and walked back to her bag searching for the main utensil. She huffed when she couldn’t find anything to use, when she noticed the nightstand drawers. She looked around carefully and opened the drawer with curious hands and smiled when she spotted a ball point pen stuck in a corner, among the many papers. She grabbed the pen and closed the drawer, and grabbing her trusted razor blade. She took the pen into the bathroom and cut it open to grab the ink out and cut it again to cut off the main part before grabbing the plastic piece and setting it next to the bag. A comforting smile spread across her face as she opened the baggy and made two lines across the counter and her eyes twinkled from the familiar sensation, and put the plastic piece and set it to her nose as she leaned down and inhaled the fresh powder and tilted her head back as it began to rush at her all at once. She took deep breaths to get it into her system, and when it had, she leaned down and did the second line. The extra power swirled in the air from the breeze of her breathing. She lied down on the floor and looked up at the white ceiling, smiling as it coursed through her veins, and at the precise moment, she felt okay again. She closed her eyes for a while, letting it fully submerge her into it’s wicked spell and she was ultimately trapped in it’s pretty demise.
An hour at the least, had passed by and she sat up sticking the straw inside the baggy and wiping off the miscellaneous dust, covering her tracks and watching it fade into the plush carpet on the floor, while it twinkled in the light like glitter, as it slowly disappeared. She stood fully up and stored the baggy deep inside her bag, hidden under the minimal clothes she had. She took off her sweatshirt and climbed into her bed before switching the light off and sleeping into slumber, where for the first time, she welcomed the dark oblivion that pushed away all thoughts of tomorrow, and the fact she would face Frank as well…
~~~
“Layla!” Someone had called her. A woman’s voice, and she turned around only to be faced with dark woods, and the sun being locked out from the tall and bushy trees.
“Layla!” The voice had repeated itself, and her feet wondered into the woods, trying to find the source of the voice. She could her talking, but there was no way to get through the trees and the mushy soft ground that wedged into her bare feet as she struggled to find her way through and the voice continued to call her and she became distressed as she couldn’t find it.
“Where are you?” She called into the thick woods.
“Follow my voice.” It had replied and Layla listened to the soft humming and looked straight ahead and followed. She walked and walked, and finally she hit a dead end where the sun was released and the sky was bluer than she had ever seen. There was no darkness, and there was nothing around that wasn’t dull.
“Layla!” The voice called, and Layla’s eyes widened as she stared at the woman who gave her a soft smile.
“Mama?” She asked in surprise.
“Sweetheart.” The woman had replied and Layla gasped and ran towards her.
“Mama!” She yelled and fell into the arms of the woman who hugged her and kissed her on the head.
“Mama I missed you so much!”
“Oh darling, I missed you too.” The woman rubbed Layla’s arms and Layla smiled as she embraced into her mother’s arms who cradled her like she used to when she was a child.
“Layla you’ve grown so much.”
“Oh mama.” Layla looked into her mother’s dazzling eyes and longed for her mother to squeeze her harder.
“I love you so much Layla.”
“I love you mama.” She replied, and it was only when her mother’s arms began to pull away and Layla looked up at the woman who seemed to step back further and further away. Fear wracked Layla’s mind as she tried to grab onto the woman, but her hands had only fallen through.
“Goodbye Layla.”
“Mama?”
“I love you.”
“Mama please don’t go!” She whimpered as the figure fully disappeared and Layla fell to her knees, sobbing.
“Come back.” She whispered, but there was no answer and she was alone once again…
~~
“Mama?” Layla asked as she stared into the empty room only to frown and wipe her wet cheeks. She had awoken with the sun that peered over the horizon and heart began to sink back into abyss as she pulled her knees to her chest and rocked back and forth wishing it was nothing but a dream. Had her mother really come to see her? She prayed she did. She looked back around the empty room and sighed from the loneliness.
She peered eyes to the door when the sound of pans collided softly and cupboards opening. She got up from the bed slowly knowing Frank must’ve been up and she opened the door and walked to the kitchen where Frank was twisting hips as he walked back and forth grabbing items from the fridge and onto a frying pan.
He felt her there and turned around with a smile.
“You’re up early.” He cheered and she nodded.
“Not sure why.” She shrugged and he giggled softly.
“Are you hungry?”
“Not quite right now.”
“How about some coffee?” He asked and she nodded.
“Please.” She smiled as he was already pouring her a mug of the steaming brown liquid. He handed her creamer and sugar and her fingers delicately tossed the sweet smelling substances and twirled it onto her coffee, and taking a sip where her body surprisingly welcomed the warmth of the liquid and spread along her body. She drank some more, and soon Frank was refilling her cup. He leant against the counter and looked at her.
“So how are you?”
“I’m just…hanging in there.”
“You’re doing good though.” He encouraged and when he turned away, Layla looked down ashamed. He had no idea of what happened last night, and she didn’t want him to. She could imagined his disappointed face and shaking his head as he looked at her with disgrace. She couldn’t handle it, and never could.
“I don’t if you would want to, but I have to change out my garden, the flowers have died since the new season, and I could do some replanting. Would you like to help me pick them out? I could use a girl’s perspective.” He asked and Layla smiled involuntarily.
“I’d love to.” She replied and he nodded smiling.
“Good.”
“I should go clean up then.” She muttered.
“Okay, but take your time though. No rush.”
“Okay.” She smiled and turned her heels to the room, guilt etching her face as she walked away from him…
~~~
“So purple or pink?” He asked her and Layla shrugged.
“Umm…purple?”
“I thought so too.” Frank smiled as he tore open the seed package and began spreading the seed, in hope it would turn into purple Iris’s. They had planted several new flowers and Layla patiently waited for each to blossom. It was bittersweet for her as she was acting normal and behaved, but the flowers made her think of her mother, and her heart began to feel heavy again. She blinked away tears that had threatened to fall.
“I think we’re good here. We just need some more rain, and the pretty little ladies will be sprouting in no time. There’s another storm coming off the coast, shouldn’t be too long.” Frank smiled as he pulled off his gloves and stood up, wiping the dirt from his pants. Layla’s hair blew softly in the wind as she sat up on the patio floor.
“I can’t wait.” She replied and looked back at the buried seeds once more.
“You’re gonna love them. The way they blossom…man.”
“I’ll bet.” She softly giggled at his expression, clearly fond of flowers. She never pictured him to own such an unique garden, but he had surprised in many ways. That’s what she admired most about him. No matter how surprising it was, it always suited him.
“I think I planted myself out.” He told her and she nodded in agreement.
“Come on, let’s have some dinner.” He pointed the kitchen and Layla followed…
They spent the rest of the night softly talking to each other, and Layla found comfort in his words and the stories he told when he was a kid, before the real world had messed him up. She related to him in so many ways, she never realized it till now. When the dishes were put away, and the television was shut off. Frank said goodnight to her and she did the same before walking back to her bedroom, seeking her favorite friend, and ignoring the outer world, while replaying Frank’s words in her head…
~~~
“Ho-how is she?” Ray asked.
“She’s getting there. She’s still trying to find herself.” Frank replied, and Ray sighed as he looked out his window and kept his voice at a quiet level. He was risking enough as it is by making this phone call. He just had to know how she was.
“Has she had any breakdowns?”
“One so far.” Frank answered sadly and Ray frowned.
“I really miss her.”
“She misses you too man.”
“I’m sorry to call, but Layla’s ex boyfriend keeps keeping tabs back where he lives, and I just wanted to make sure she’s safe.”
“What exactly did her ex boyfriend do?” Frank whispered making sure his door was closed. He could hear Ray sigh on the other end.
“He abused her Frank. Emotionally and physically. She’s not the same because of it, he really did a number on her, that’s why she tends to isolate herself. She’s scared.”
“Of him?”
“Yes. She fears he’s going to find her and hurt her again.”
“I wouldn’t let that happen.” Frank assured Ray who nodded and smiled through the phone.
“I know you wouldn’t Frank. Take care of her please, let her know I love her, I mean umm… you know.”
“Of course man. I’m gonna try and help her as best I can. I only hope she sticks it out. I see strength inside her, I just wish she could see it too.”
“I wish she could too Frank. I got to go now, but please keep me updated if ya can?”
“Of course.” Frank said softly and they both said their goodbyes. Frank hung up the phone and quietly opened his door and walked to Layla’s room where he found her on her bed sleeping. He tip toed over to her and watched her breathe. He smiled softly and covered her in bedspread and pulled away strands of hair that clung to her face. If he only knew the truth...
“I know its hard, but one day you’ll understand. Just try sweetheart.” He whispered to her and with that he left the room and shut the door, before walking back to his and falling asleep as well. Both of them dreaming about being somewhere else, and hoping it would promise tomorrow…
There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.” - Buddha
“For a pretty thing like you? I’ll make it 30 even.” His soft voice spoke, and she could see his smirk even in the dimly lit streetlight. Layla nodded and fumbled through her pockets and handed him the money, where he handed her the small baggy where she gratefully took it.
“You’re too young to be doing this.”
“Excuse me?” She whispered.
“You look like you got a lot going for yourself, why you doing this?”
“You don’t know me.” She snapped.
“Honey, I see all kinds of people, and trust me none of them look the age of you.”
“Look, you don’t know anything about me. I got my reasons, and my only.” She retorted and he backed off. She had never been called out before, and the dude had some nerve. He looked her age as well, if not a couple more years older. She wasn’t in the position to be judged, she had enough on her plate. She didn’t need a damn reminder that what she was doing wasn’t right.
“No need to pounce sugar, we all got our stories.” He replied and she scowled.
“Just be careful.” Were his final words, and Layla walked off hands in her pockets, and he shook his head. She would be back. They always were…
~~~
Layla quickly walked back home, constantly checking over her shoulder, with every snap of branches she heard. She swallowed her paranoia, and continued to walk back to Frank’s house, anxiously awaiting for her meeting with her long lost friend. She held on to the bag with tight hands, making sure it didn’t fall out from her death grip. The wind had picked up and shook the trees in all kinds of directions, causing her to whimper and pick up her pace and sighed with relief when she reached the front door of Frank’s house.
She entered it and quietly shut it behind her, her eyes shifted for any detection if Frank was awake at all. The house was still dark and she fumbled her way back to her room shutting the door and quickly turning on the small lamp on the nightstand. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second, and then opened again.
“You’re home. Just be quick and quiet.” She told herself and walked to the bathroom, laying the baggy on the counter and walked back to her bag searching for the main utensil. She huffed when she couldn’t find anything to use, when she noticed the nightstand drawers. She looked around carefully and opened the drawer with curious hands and smiled when she spotted a ball point pen stuck in a corner, among the many papers. She grabbed the pen and closed the drawer, and grabbing her trusted razor blade. She took the pen into the bathroom and cut it open to grab the ink out and cut it again to cut off the main part before grabbing the plastic piece and setting it next to the bag. A comforting smile spread across her face as she opened the baggy and made two lines across the counter and her eyes twinkled from the familiar sensation, and put the plastic piece and set it to her nose as she leaned down and inhaled the fresh powder and tilted her head back as it began to rush at her all at once. She took deep breaths to get it into her system, and when it had, she leaned down and did the second line. The extra power swirled in the air from the breeze of her breathing. She lied down on the floor and looked up at the white ceiling, smiling as it coursed through her veins, and at the precise moment, she felt okay again. She closed her eyes for a while, letting it fully submerge her into it’s wicked spell and she was ultimately trapped in it’s pretty demise.
An hour at the least, had passed by and she sat up sticking the straw inside the baggy and wiping off the miscellaneous dust, covering her tracks and watching it fade into the plush carpet on the floor, while it twinkled in the light like glitter, as it slowly disappeared. She stood fully up and stored the baggy deep inside her bag, hidden under the minimal clothes she had. She took off her sweatshirt and climbed into her bed before switching the light off and sleeping into slumber, where for the first time, she welcomed the dark oblivion that pushed away all thoughts of tomorrow, and the fact she would face Frank as well…
~~~
“Layla!” Someone had called her. A woman’s voice, and she turned around only to be faced with dark woods, and the sun being locked out from the tall and bushy trees.
“Layla!” The voice had repeated itself, and her feet wondered into the woods, trying to find the source of the voice. She could her talking, but there was no way to get through the trees and the mushy soft ground that wedged into her bare feet as she struggled to find her way through and the voice continued to call her and she became distressed as she couldn’t find it.
“Where are you?” She called into the thick woods.
“Follow my voice.” It had replied and Layla listened to the soft humming and looked straight ahead and followed. She walked and walked, and finally she hit a dead end where the sun was released and the sky was bluer than she had ever seen. There was no darkness, and there was nothing around that wasn’t dull.
“Layla!” The voice called, and Layla’s eyes widened as she stared at the woman who gave her a soft smile.
“Mama?” She asked in surprise.
“Sweetheart.” The woman had replied and Layla gasped and ran towards her.
“Mama!” She yelled and fell into the arms of the woman who hugged her and kissed her on the head.
“Mama I missed you so much!”
“Oh darling, I missed you too.” The woman rubbed Layla’s arms and Layla smiled as she embraced into her mother’s arms who cradled her like she used to when she was a child.
“Layla you’ve grown so much.”
“Oh mama.” Layla looked into her mother’s dazzling eyes and longed for her mother to squeeze her harder.
“I love you so much Layla.”
“I love you mama.” She replied, and it was only when her mother’s arms began to pull away and Layla looked up at the woman who seemed to step back further and further away. Fear wracked Layla’s mind as she tried to grab onto the woman, but her hands had only fallen through.
“Goodbye Layla.”
“Mama?”
“I love you.”
“Mama please don’t go!” She whimpered as the figure fully disappeared and Layla fell to her knees, sobbing.
“Come back.” She whispered, but there was no answer and she was alone once again…
~~
“Mama?” Layla asked as she stared into the empty room only to frown and wipe her wet cheeks. She had awoken with the sun that peered over the horizon and heart began to sink back into abyss as she pulled her knees to her chest and rocked back and forth wishing it was nothing but a dream. Had her mother really come to see her? She prayed she did. She looked back around the empty room and sighed from the loneliness.
She peered eyes to the door when the sound of pans collided softly and cupboards opening. She got up from the bed slowly knowing Frank must’ve been up and she opened the door and walked to the kitchen where Frank was twisting hips as he walked back and forth grabbing items from the fridge and onto a frying pan.
He felt her there and turned around with a smile.
“You’re up early.” He cheered and she nodded.
“Not sure why.” She shrugged and he giggled softly.
“Are you hungry?”
“Not quite right now.”
“How about some coffee?” He asked and she nodded.
“Please.” She smiled as he was already pouring her a mug of the steaming brown liquid. He handed her creamer and sugar and her fingers delicately tossed the sweet smelling substances and twirled it onto her coffee, and taking a sip where her body surprisingly welcomed the warmth of the liquid and spread along her body. She drank some more, and soon Frank was refilling her cup. He leant against the counter and looked at her.
“So how are you?”
“I’m just…hanging in there.”
“You’re doing good though.” He encouraged and when he turned away, Layla looked down ashamed. He had no idea of what happened last night, and she didn’t want him to. She could imagined his disappointed face and shaking his head as he looked at her with disgrace. She couldn’t handle it, and never could.
“I don’t if you would want to, but I have to change out my garden, the flowers have died since the new season, and I could do some replanting. Would you like to help me pick them out? I could use a girl’s perspective.” He asked and Layla smiled involuntarily.
“I’d love to.” She replied and he nodded smiling.
“Good.”
“I should go clean up then.” She muttered.
“Okay, but take your time though. No rush.”
“Okay.” She smiled and turned her heels to the room, guilt etching her face as she walked away from him…
~~~
“So purple or pink?” He asked her and Layla shrugged.
“Umm…purple?”
“I thought so too.” Frank smiled as he tore open the seed package and began spreading the seed, in hope it would turn into purple Iris’s. They had planted several new flowers and Layla patiently waited for each to blossom. It was bittersweet for her as she was acting normal and behaved, but the flowers made her think of her mother, and her heart began to feel heavy again. She blinked away tears that had threatened to fall.
“I think we’re good here. We just need some more rain, and the pretty little ladies will be sprouting in no time. There’s another storm coming off the coast, shouldn’t be too long.” Frank smiled as he pulled off his gloves and stood up, wiping the dirt from his pants. Layla’s hair blew softly in the wind as she sat up on the patio floor.
“I can’t wait.” She replied and looked back at the buried seeds once more.
“You’re gonna love them. The way they blossom…man.”
“I’ll bet.” She softly giggled at his expression, clearly fond of flowers. She never pictured him to own such an unique garden, but he had surprised in many ways. That’s what she admired most about him. No matter how surprising it was, it always suited him.
“I think I planted myself out.” He told her and she nodded in agreement.
“Come on, let’s have some dinner.” He pointed the kitchen and Layla followed…
They spent the rest of the night softly talking to each other, and Layla found comfort in his words and the stories he told when he was a kid, before the real world had messed him up. She related to him in so many ways, she never realized it till now. When the dishes were put away, and the television was shut off. Frank said goodnight to her and she did the same before walking back to her bedroom, seeking her favorite friend, and ignoring the outer world, while replaying Frank’s words in her head…
~~~
“Ho-how is she?” Ray asked.
“She’s getting there. She’s still trying to find herself.” Frank replied, and Ray sighed as he looked out his window and kept his voice at a quiet level. He was risking enough as it is by making this phone call. He just had to know how she was.
“Has she had any breakdowns?”
“One so far.” Frank answered sadly and Ray frowned.
“I really miss her.”
“She misses you too man.”
“I’m sorry to call, but Layla’s ex boyfriend keeps keeping tabs back where he lives, and I just wanted to make sure she’s safe.”
“What exactly did her ex boyfriend do?” Frank whispered making sure his door was closed. He could hear Ray sigh on the other end.
“He abused her Frank. Emotionally and physically. She’s not the same because of it, he really did a number on her, that’s why she tends to isolate herself. She’s scared.”
“Of him?”
“Yes. She fears he’s going to find her and hurt her again.”
“I wouldn’t let that happen.” Frank assured Ray who nodded and smiled through the phone.
“I know you wouldn’t Frank. Take care of her please, let her know I love her, I mean umm… you know.”
“Of course man. I’m gonna try and help her as best I can. I only hope she sticks it out. I see strength inside her, I just wish she could see it too.”
“I wish she could too Frank. I got to go now, but please keep me updated if ya can?”
“Of course.” Frank said softly and they both said their goodbyes. Frank hung up the phone and quietly opened his door and walked to Layla’s room where he found her on her bed sleeping. He tip toed over to her and watched her breathe. He smiled softly and covered her in bedspread and pulled away strands of hair that clung to her face. If he only knew the truth...
“I know its hard, but one day you’ll understand. Just try sweetheart.” He whispered to her and with that he left the room and shut the door, before walking back to his and falling asleep as well. Both of them dreaming about being somewhere else, and hoping it would promise tomorrow…
There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.” - Buddha
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