FicWad

Three weeks later
Me and Frank were in Lauren's room. Doctors say that she's getting better but only very little each day. They say that there might be some permanant damage but they won't know until she wakes up.
Frank was talking to Lauren as if she was awake. He was trying to keep things as normal as possible. He wanted needed to be strong for his best friend, whatever happens.
"Me and Jamia are trying for a kid. You can raise two on your own, we're trying to raise one with two people. How hard can it be? If you were awake you would of hit me." I laughed quietly to myself.
"Erm..I'm gonna get a drink, do you want anything?"
"No, I'm fine, I'll just stay here."
Frank left to get a soda or a coffee, he hadn't decided.
It was just me alone with Lauren. I moved my chair closer to her bed and rubbed my thumb on her hand. It was cold. It shouldn't be. It was really warm in here, yet her hand was freezing.
I started crying. Why was I crying? Of course I knew the answer to that. I just didn't want to admit to myself. Not yet.
I rubbed her hand and I swear it moved. I stopped crying and looked at her hand. It twitched. I looked at her face and her eyes were moving.
"She's awake." I whispered.
"Mmmm." Lauren groaned.
"Lauren, you're awake." I whispered louder.
Then her eyes shot open. They searched the room until they landed on me.
"Wha--wha--wha--"
"Shhh. It's okay Lauren, you're in hospital.
She looked scared, not of being in hospital, but of me.
"Wha--what are...you...doing here?"
She was shaking and breathing hard.
"Lauren, are you afraid of me?"
She looked at me for a second before she nodded.
"Why?" I whispered.
"You hit me...Gerard...you --"
"Ahhh. Your awake." Her doctor said.
Lauren calmed down a little and tried sitting up. As she did, she yelled out in pain.
"Why do it hurt...why do it hurt so bad?" She started crying and clenched her hands into fists, trying to sit up.
Once she got there she stopped crying and relaxed a little.
"Ms Idol, do you know why you're here?" The doctor asked.
"Yeah."
"Why did you do it Ms Idol?"
She stared at her doctor before replying.
"I didn't do anything, I didn't try to kill myself."
"Ms Idol, an ambulance came to where you were and you had a knife in your stomach, it went in very deep, and the knife had your fingerprints on it."
She shook her head. "No I didn't do it."
I looked away. She was right. I didn't want to admit it, to me or anyone. She did want to kill herself but she wasn't the one to stab herself. We all tried getting the knife off her but she had a tight grip on it. I had to hold back the tears. I wanted to forget. I knew she wasn't gonna let go, so I moved her hands away from her chest and I used her hands to stab her in the stomach.
I am a horrible person.
I could of killed Lauren that night. It was my fault she's here.
"Ms Idol. If you didn't try to kill yourself then who did?"
Lauren looked at me, I looked at her, my eyes telling her not to say anything, because I knew she knew it was me.
She looked back at the doctor. "I don't know. But it wasn't me I swear."
The doctor nodded and then his concerned expression turned to a more serious expression.
"Ms Idol --"
"Lauren. Don't call me Ms Idol, I sound old."
"Okay, Lauren, we have some news."
"Good or bad?" I asked.
"We don't know yet, er, Mr Way?"
I nodded.
"Well, tell me what's wrong." Lauren said impatiently
"Well, where you were hurt, the knife, as I said, went in quite deep. And, I'm afraid the knife got your womb. Don't worry, you still have your womb, but we can't tell whether you are able to conceive or not. Do you have children?"
She nodded, not sure how to react to the news.
"So, I might not be able to have more kids, is that what you're saying?"
"Yes. I'm sorry."
She started crying. "Leave please."
"Ms Idol, I --"
"Leave please!"
The doctor left and she started crying harder. I felt so bad for what I did. She may not be able to have more children because of me.
I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She didn't pull away. She held onto my hand.
I was crying also. Why did I have to be so harsh towards her? Why did I hit her? If I had just kept my distance, none of this would of happened.
"Gerard...Gerard..."She was saying my name over and over.
"Yeah?"
"Why did you do it? Do you hate me that much, that you tried to kill me. Do you hate me that much, that you don't want me to have more children? Do you hate me that much Gerard?" She was crying so hard, her tears were coming fast, as if they were never going to stop. I was crying just as much as her.
"No, I don't hate you, not at all. I never have. I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry Lauren I really am."
"Then why did you do it?"
"I--I--you wouldn't let go of the knife. If I hadn't of done something, you would of stabbed yourself in the chest, then you would of died."
Her crying slowed down and she looked at me, she looked right into my eyes. They were still the same icy blue eyes I loved all those years ago.
"Shouldn't you be getting back to your wife?"
"Lauren, please don't push me away. I said I'm sorry please, don't push me away."
"Go home Gerard. To Lyn-z. Your wife."
"Are you jealous?"
"No. No I'm not."
"Then why don't you like her?"
"Oh I don't know, maybe because six years ago she stole the love of my life, the same day I was gonna tell you I was pregnant. Maybe because she's not being totally honest with you, even though she is your wife and --"
"Woh woh, what do you mean she's not being totally honest with me?"
"It's not really my place to say. Ask her."
"I will." I stood up and headed towards the door until Lauren called me back.
"Gerard."
"Yeah?" I went back and sat down.
"While I was 'asleep', I had a dream that you were sitting next to me, alone, talking to me. And you were crying. You were in the middle of saying something to me. You said you could tell me because I wouldn't of heard you. Anyway, when you went to say it, you were cut off by Mikey walking in."
I was shocked. She heard me talking to her. I didn't know what to say.
"Gerard? Did that happen?"
I nodded. "Yeah, it did."
"What were you gonna say, before Mikey walked in?"
I didn't want to say it yet. I wasn't sure if I said it that it would be true.
I had to tell her. Now was the best time.
"Gerard?"
"I was gonna say that...that I --"
"LAUREN! WOO! You're awake! Screamed Frank, dropping his coffee on the floor.
"Yes I am, come here handsome."
They hugged, Frank minding her stomach.
I sat there, thinking that I'll proberbly never get another chance to tell her.
Damn.

Lauren P.O.V
Gerard was gonna tell me something I could tell was bothering him. But then Frank came in saying how happy he was to see me awake. You gotta love Frank.
When I get home I need to talk to Gerard. Just so I can be near him. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to smell him again.
Then I realised that I was still in love with Gerard.