Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > You're My Best Nightmare
Six months later...
Another normal day. I woke up to the sound of my alarm at 8:30.
I had to be in work at 10. I managed to get a job working in Virgin Megastores in London.
My old high school best friend Samantha works there and helped me get the job.
Yeah, you guessed it. I ran away again.
After Ali came round telling me that...well I couldn't face anyone. I felt so horrible, and I didn't want to see Mikey. It would've killed me.
So, as soon as Ali left my apartment, I packed all I could and went to the airport and come back home in London.
I met up with my old friends a few days after. I told them everything from the moment I met up with...him...to the moment I left for the airport. It took a while telling them, but they were really supportive and helped me get my life back together.
I no longer have to lie about who I am. Jennifer Kathryn Tyler is dead now. And Kathryn Roxanne Richards is back after five and a half years.
Currently, I am living with Ruby, but I'm hoping to get my own place soon, although Ruby said there's no rush to move out.
Everyday I still think of what happened in New Jersey. Those thoughts can never go away. I have nightmares now and can't sleep well.
I still cry about it. Every night, I watch old videos from when I was with the guys. I look at pictures of me and him together that was taken when he was here for that week before I moved to the states. And haven't once not cried over it.
What I have found weird though, is that the police haven't searched for me. I did kill someone, but nothing has been done about it. But I try not to think about...that night.
Right now I have good friends helping get over everything. They know I'll never get over it completely and understand that I can't.
They always say the same thing.
'You're feeling this way because you realised that you loved him. And you never told him.'
So when I got up, I went in the shower, washing away some of my troubles. I got out, got dressed, dryed my hair and applyed my make-up.
Today was 20th March 2008. In only 20 days it would be his birthday. 31 he would have been.
But I try not to think of those things anymore. They just bring me down.
At about 9:45, I left for work. It was only a ten minute walk.
When I got there, Sam was already there.
"Hey Sam." She looked over to me.
"Hi Katie, how are you today?" That is always the first thing she asks me. Ever since I moved back here she has been worried about me.
"Okay, I guess. Better than yesterday, but not as good as tomorrow." That was always my answer. It's my way of telling her that I feel better everyday.
She smiles, "I'm glad."
Soon after, around lunch time, Ruby and Roxy come in to see us. They both work at Dead Good, the Alternative clothing shop in town.
"Hey Katie, is everything okay today?"
I smile, "Yes I'm fine. I wish everyone would stop worrying about me. It's been six months."
"I know, but you're our best friend and we want to be worried." I laughed.
"Okay, when's your break so we can get something to eat?" Ruby asked.
"About 5 minutes." Sam replied.
Once we were on our break, we all left Virgin and went for lunch. We chose McDonalds.
For a Thursday, it wasn't busy, so it was easier for us to get our food.
Over lunch, we talked about normal stuff. Like Sam getting married in September to her fiancee Jordan. They had been dating three and half years before he proposed and have been engaged for about a year.
Ruby and Roxy were still single like me. They hadn't found the right man. Me, I don't think I'll trust another man again. The only man I could ever trust is gone.
After lunch, we went our seperate ways. Sam had the afternoon off, and I had to work double time because I didn't come in yesterday. So I was there for the rest of the afternoon and had to lock up.
Once I said bye to the girls, I went back to the store. I felt uneasy though.
I don't know what it was, but it felt as if someone was watching me.
The rest of the day went really slow.
Hardly anyone came in, and when they did, they never bought anything.
I just sat behind the till for a while until I got really bored, so I decided to sort out all the CD's and make sure they were where they were suppose to be.
Yeah I know what you're thinking, but I was really that bored.
It was around 4:30 now, half and hour before I could go home. Each minute seemed like an hour.
Around 4:45, a man came in. Wearing mainly black. He wore a hoodie and had his hood up so I couldn't see his face.
He walked aimlessly around the store, just looking at nothing in particular.
But he finally picked up a CD, although it was at random, he still picked something out.
I scanned it, "That's £9.99 please sir." He handed me a £10 note and I gave him a penny change.
"Is something wrong? You don't seem like you're all there." He asked kindly in a pretty convincing British accent.
"I'm fine. Just had a lot going on lately. I've kind of gone into a depressive mode for the second time." I replied with a smile.
"Oh I'm sorry to here that. What happened? If you don't mind me asking."
"No it's fine. Well, someone who I was really close to, died six months ago, pretty much my fault, I'm still trying to get over his death."
"I'm sorry. Was he your boyfriend?"
I thought about it for a second, "You could say that I guess. Sorry, I'm closing now."
"Oh yeah sorry, see you around sometime, bye." And he left.
I sighed. It was weird that I told him that. I don't even know the guy and yet I told him what was wrong with me. I took me a while to tell my friends.
I sighed once again and got up to leave, making sure all the lights were switched off, and locked the door.
I was walking down the street peacfully, hoping to just get home and have a long soak in the bath, when suddenly I was pulled into a allyway.
I caught a glimpse of who pulled me, and saw it was the guy who I just spoke with.
He dragged me further down the ally and pinned me to the wall. I shut my eyes.
"Give me once reason why I don't kill you now!" He spat at me.
I opened my eyes, I gasped.
And then I passed out.
When I woke up, I didn't recognise where I was straight away, but when my vision had ajusted properly, I saw that I was in a hotel room. A familiar hotel room. Though I couldn't put my finger on it.
I looked around the room further, until I saw a male figure asleep on a table chair, his head slightly resting on his shoulder, and his hair covering most of his face.
Just like that I remembered what had happened. There was no way this could be real. I had to see for myself.
I got up off the couch and tip toed towards the sleeping man. Slowly I moved his hair away from his face.
As soon as I did that, I stepped back quickly, screaming like hell, which woke him up.
He blinked a few times before looking towards me.
I collapsed to the floor, crying uncontrollably.
"This can't be happening." I said to myself.
I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my head in them, and kept on crying.
How is this happening? How?
I heard the chair squeak, telling me he had stood up and made his way to me.
He knelt down and put one arm around me as he used his other hand to get me to look at him.
"Hey, hey. Katie look at me." I shook my head.
"I said look at me." I half yelled. I looked up at him slowly, tears running down my face.
"Are you scared of me?" I shook my head. "Then what's wrong?"
"Y-you're not...you-you are n-not supposed to b-be h-h-here." I choked.
He looked at me a little confused, but he continued to rub my back, calming me down a little.
I brought me back up so I was standing, I couldn't take my eyes off his, and he couldn't take his eyes off mine.
"Your eyes are blue again." He whispered. "And your hairs black as it was before." I slowly nodded.
When I moved back here, I changed back to the old me, no more blonde hair and no more fake green contacts.
"Are you still g-gonna kill me...that's what y-you --"
"Ssh. No I'm not, don't worry, I'll never hurt you again. I promise." He whispered.
This is all just a dream, none of this is real, it can't be real. It's impossible to be real.
"You're not real." I said.
He sighed, "Of course I'm real. What made you think I'm not?"
I couldn't answer. My mind was a complete blank right now.
His arms were still wrapped around me, holding me up.
"You can't be real. It's just...impossible."
Slowly, he backed me up against the wall, but never took his eyes off me, and I never took mine of his.
He then buried his face in my neck, breathing in my scent, and planting little kisses.
"You still smell good." He said, "I've missed you...have you missed me?"
I nodded, "More than anything in the whole goddamn world. But I can't believe that you're here."
He took one arm from around me and moved my hair from the tear stained face and stroked my cheek.
"I am here Katie, and I'll always be here. If I wasn't here would you be able to feel my skin on yours. Would you be able to feel my lips on yours," He brushed his lips against mine.
This made me cry harder. He shook his head.
"Sugar, why are you so upset about seeing me?"
I sniffed, and looked him dead in the eye.
"I killed you Gerard. Ali told me you were dead."
Another normal day. I woke up to the sound of my alarm at 8:30.
I had to be in work at 10. I managed to get a job working in Virgin Megastores in London.
My old high school best friend Samantha works there and helped me get the job.
Yeah, you guessed it. I ran away again.
After Ali came round telling me that...well I couldn't face anyone. I felt so horrible, and I didn't want to see Mikey. It would've killed me.
So, as soon as Ali left my apartment, I packed all I could and went to the airport and come back home in London.
I met up with my old friends a few days after. I told them everything from the moment I met up with...him...to the moment I left for the airport. It took a while telling them, but they were really supportive and helped me get my life back together.
I no longer have to lie about who I am. Jennifer Kathryn Tyler is dead now. And Kathryn Roxanne Richards is back after five and a half years.
Currently, I am living with Ruby, but I'm hoping to get my own place soon, although Ruby said there's no rush to move out.
Everyday I still think of what happened in New Jersey. Those thoughts can never go away. I have nightmares now and can't sleep well.
I still cry about it. Every night, I watch old videos from when I was with the guys. I look at pictures of me and him together that was taken when he was here for that week before I moved to the states. And haven't once not cried over it.
What I have found weird though, is that the police haven't searched for me. I did kill someone, but nothing has been done about it. But I try not to think about...that night.
Right now I have good friends helping get over everything. They know I'll never get over it completely and understand that I can't.
They always say the same thing.
'You're feeling this way because you realised that you loved him. And you never told him.'
So when I got up, I went in the shower, washing away some of my troubles. I got out, got dressed, dryed my hair and applyed my make-up.
Today was 20th March 2008. In only 20 days it would be his birthday. 31 he would have been.
But I try not to think of those things anymore. They just bring me down.
At about 9:45, I left for work. It was only a ten minute walk.
When I got there, Sam was already there.
"Hey Sam." She looked over to me.
"Hi Katie, how are you today?" That is always the first thing she asks me. Ever since I moved back here she has been worried about me.
"Okay, I guess. Better than yesterday, but not as good as tomorrow." That was always my answer. It's my way of telling her that I feel better everyday.
She smiles, "I'm glad."
Soon after, around lunch time, Ruby and Roxy come in to see us. They both work at Dead Good, the Alternative clothing shop in town.
"Hey Katie, is everything okay today?"
I smile, "Yes I'm fine. I wish everyone would stop worrying about me. It's been six months."
"I know, but you're our best friend and we want to be worried." I laughed.
"Okay, when's your break so we can get something to eat?" Ruby asked.
"About 5 minutes." Sam replied.
Once we were on our break, we all left Virgin and went for lunch. We chose McDonalds.
For a Thursday, it wasn't busy, so it was easier for us to get our food.
Over lunch, we talked about normal stuff. Like Sam getting married in September to her fiancee Jordan. They had been dating three and half years before he proposed and have been engaged for about a year.
Ruby and Roxy were still single like me. They hadn't found the right man. Me, I don't think I'll trust another man again. The only man I could ever trust is gone.
After lunch, we went our seperate ways. Sam had the afternoon off, and I had to work double time because I didn't come in yesterday. So I was there for the rest of the afternoon and had to lock up.
Once I said bye to the girls, I went back to the store. I felt uneasy though.
I don't know what it was, but it felt as if someone was watching me.
The rest of the day went really slow.
Hardly anyone came in, and when they did, they never bought anything.
I just sat behind the till for a while until I got really bored, so I decided to sort out all the CD's and make sure they were where they were suppose to be.
Yeah I know what you're thinking, but I was really that bored.
It was around 4:30 now, half and hour before I could go home. Each minute seemed like an hour.
Around 4:45, a man came in. Wearing mainly black. He wore a hoodie and had his hood up so I couldn't see his face.
He walked aimlessly around the store, just looking at nothing in particular.
But he finally picked up a CD, although it was at random, he still picked something out.
I scanned it, "That's £9.99 please sir." He handed me a £10 note and I gave him a penny change.
"Is something wrong? You don't seem like you're all there." He asked kindly in a pretty convincing British accent.
"I'm fine. Just had a lot going on lately. I've kind of gone into a depressive mode for the second time." I replied with a smile.
"Oh I'm sorry to here that. What happened? If you don't mind me asking."
"No it's fine. Well, someone who I was really close to, died six months ago, pretty much my fault, I'm still trying to get over his death."
"I'm sorry. Was he your boyfriend?"
I thought about it for a second, "You could say that I guess. Sorry, I'm closing now."
"Oh yeah sorry, see you around sometime, bye." And he left.
I sighed. It was weird that I told him that. I don't even know the guy and yet I told him what was wrong with me. I took me a while to tell my friends.
I sighed once again and got up to leave, making sure all the lights were switched off, and locked the door.
I was walking down the street peacfully, hoping to just get home and have a long soak in the bath, when suddenly I was pulled into a allyway.
I caught a glimpse of who pulled me, and saw it was the guy who I just spoke with.
He dragged me further down the ally and pinned me to the wall. I shut my eyes.
"Give me once reason why I don't kill you now!" He spat at me.
I opened my eyes, I gasped.
And then I passed out.
When I woke up, I didn't recognise where I was straight away, but when my vision had ajusted properly, I saw that I was in a hotel room. A familiar hotel room. Though I couldn't put my finger on it.
I looked around the room further, until I saw a male figure asleep on a table chair, his head slightly resting on his shoulder, and his hair covering most of his face.
Just like that I remembered what had happened. There was no way this could be real. I had to see for myself.
I got up off the couch and tip toed towards the sleeping man. Slowly I moved his hair away from his face.
As soon as I did that, I stepped back quickly, screaming like hell, which woke him up.
He blinked a few times before looking towards me.
I collapsed to the floor, crying uncontrollably.
"This can't be happening." I said to myself.
I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my head in them, and kept on crying.
How is this happening? How?
I heard the chair squeak, telling me he had stood up and made his way to me.
He knelt down and put one arm around me as he used his other hand to get me to look at him.
"Hey, hey. Katie look at me." I shook my head.
"I said look at me." I half yelled. I looked up at him slowly, tears running down my face.
"Are you scared of me?" I shook my head. "Then what's wrong?"
"Y-you're not...you-you are n-not supposed to b-be h-h-here." I choked.
He looked at me a little confused, but he continued to rub my back, calming me down a little.
I brought me back up so I was standing, I couldn't take my eyes off his, and he couldn't take his eyes off mine.
"Your eyes are blue again." He whispered. "And your hairs black as it was before." I slowly nodded.
When I moved back here, I changed back to the old me, no more blonde hair and no more fake green contacts.
"Are you still g-gonna kill me...that's what y-you --"
"Ssh. No I'm not, don't worry, I'll never hurt you again. I promise." He whispered.
This is all just a dream, none of this is real, it can't be real. It's impossible to be real.
"You're not real." I said.
He sighed, "Of course I'm real. What made you think I'm not?"
I couldn't answer. My mind was a complete blank right now.
His arms were still wrapped around me, holding me up.
"You can't be real. It's just...impossible."
Slowly, he backed me up against the wall, but never took his eyes off me, and I never took mine of his.
He then buried his face in my neck, breathing in my scent, and planting little kisses.
"You still smell good." He said, "I've missed you...have you missed me?"
I nodded, "More than anything in the whole goddamn world. But I can't believe that you're here."
He took one arm from around me and moved my hair from the tear stained face and stroked my cheek.
"I am here Katie, and I'll always be here. If I wasn't here would you be able to feel my skin on yours. Would you be able to feel my lips on yours," He brushed his lips against mine.
This made me cry harder. He shook his head.
"Sugar, why are you so upset about seeing me?"
I sniffed, and looked him dead in the eye.
"I killed you Gerard. Ali told me you were dead."
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