Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Who Really Needs The Past With The Allure Of Something New?
Brendon stood before me, each of his hands holding mine. A small smile had somehow snuck it’s way onto my face. We were standing on the sidewalk in front of my house, saying our farewells after having coffee. We had been dating for almost two months. I saw the curtains to the living room flutter out of the corner of my eye, but quickly dismissed the thought as the heating system simply turning on. My cheeks were flushed, and I was sure that it wasn’t because of the cold weather.
It was still quite early in the morning. Brendon had just taken me out for a gingerbread latte from Starbucks before he had to go to his forty-eight hour band practice binge. There was going to be a big practice today and tomorrow. I highly doubted that they’d even spare a minute to stop working. They had just received news of their very first gig, planned for them at a small, local club. Nothing big, but I knew them better than to just sit around and wait for it. Brendon was practically shaking with excitement after his coffee.
He was standing straight, occasionally shuffling his feet in a cute manner, with that familiar thousand watt smile shining on his face.
“I love you.” His whispering voice seemed like it was echoing through a megaphone. I buried my head in his chest, embarrassed, yet very happy. My smile was quite large. I didn’t think I should say it back to him just yet. It wasn’t that I didn’t think that I loved him. In fact, I was sure that I might have even had strong affections for him that were close to love. I was just afraid of committing myself to another person again. I didn’t want to get myself into something that would just end in heartbreak.
My voice was muffled into his chest. “You’re adorable, R- Endon.” He pulled me closer to him. My smile faded immediately. I had almost said Ryan’s name, but shabbily and hastily turned it into Brendon’s. I was in silent prayer that he hadn’t noticed that I had left out the ‘b’. I was ashamed of myself. I looked up at him, my chin resting on his collarbone. He had never seemed to act awkward with being close to me like Harry had.
“Talk to you soon, alright?” He smirked. I nodded my head, not removing myself from him at all. The gentle purr of the car’s engine soothed me, and Brendon’s arms around me, only made the bitter wind less noticeable.
“Practice hard, ‘Kay?” I stuck out my tongue foolishly. He smiled, and leaned in and kissed me lightly on the lips for a moment. I was blushing and I tried my best not to grin like an idiot, but some things just happen. He let go of me, smiling happily and started walking back to his car. He waved at me, and my grin widened. I watched him drive off, even though the wind was trying to persuade me to go back inside. I turned around as soon as Brendon’s car disappeared behind a slight bend in the distance. I walked up the pathway quickly, and I could have sworn that I saw the white curtains shiver once more.
I kicked my flats into the closet and threw my coat over the railing. Mum would be pissed off, but that was the point. I sauntered into the living room, eyeing the curtains behind the couch. I grabbed the remote control and the blanket. I sat on the couch and flicked on the telly. I heard some shuffling behind the couch that was nearest the window. I could have even sworn that I heard some grunts. My mother popped up from behind the couch with a dangling earring held in her hand.
“There’s that little sodding thing.” She emerged triumphantly. I scoffed at her.
“Why were you watching me?” I demanded. She sighed and the placed the earring back into her ear. She marched forward and plopped beside me on the couch.I didn’t even have to look at her to know that she quickly dropped her facade and placed the earring back into her ear. She came back and sat on my left side looking at me flick through the basic cable channels. “Put a movie in for me, mum?”
“Who was that that dropped you off? Is he your boyfriend?” Her tone suggested something someone in grade one would taunt their friends with when they had a small crush, and I almost kicked her off of the couch when she started to imitate kissing noises with her fat mouth.
“Yes. In fact, Brendon is my boyfriend. Movie, mother.” I pointed towards the television weakly with my remote. She shuffled in her seat, from facing the television to look at me with her legs half off the couch. I rolled my eyes, as I knew that she was intending on having a ‘nice’ motherly-daughterly chat with her annoyed offspring.
“What about that cute Ryan boy that used to sleepover every other day? I was for sure that-”
“What about that gigantic ego-centered prat? Lay off, mum.” She threw her hands up in the air in defeat. Why won’t anyone leave the sodding Ryan issue alone? He was much happier with that blonde, tanning salon toned, and completely loyal whore that he called his girlfriend. Even my own mother? How pathetic is that. I huffed.
“Oh, now. He’s not that at all, dear. I’ve talked to him a few times; he said that he really liked you.” My heart fluttered hearing this. I secretly wanted her to tell me more, but I shook it off coolly.
“People have the tendency to lie, mum. Or change their minds the instant someone that’s prettier and has bigger boobs than one appears and asks her out the day after they meet, happens quite frequently.” My voice was dripping with sarcasm. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mother roll her eyes.
“Is that what happened? That’s odd. He seemed quite intent on- oh, never mind.” I hated how my mother was just about to say something important, and she decides that I’m not allowed to hear it.
“No, say it.” The remote lay forgotten on my lap.
“I think that you’re just jealous that he might have another little crush going on.”
I swore loudly. Mum gasped and gave me a disappointed look, but I didn’t care. “Why does everyone think I’m so sodding jealous. Why on earth would I be jealous of her?”
“You shouldn’t be. You don’t know why Ryan chose her over you. It might be a simple reason, or it could be a complex one that he doesn’t understand or know how to react to.” I shrugged my shoulders melancholically. She threw her arm over me and pulled me into a hug. “Don’t worry about it, dear. You’ve got the boy who just dropped you off. You should ask him over for a sleepover tonight.”
“He can’t. He’s practicing with the rest of the band for their first ‘gig’ type thing, and they’re brainstorming names for themselves tonight. I’m going to be busy tomorrow night, I might not come home.” She nodded. I once again pointed to the movie shelf with the remote and she sighed and got up, shuffling over the movies.
“One second, my phone’s ringing.” I reached over to my phone and read the caller ID.
Oh dear lord.
‘No, no, no, no, no. That couldn’t be right. He would never call me. Would he call me?’ I blinked and brought the screen closer to my face. I stared at it, letting it ring. My heart was pounding a mile a minute, and my hands instantly got sweaty. Butterflies whirled and flapped inside of my stomach. Mum arched her eyebrow, as if to say, èwell, are you going to pick it up or not Éè and staredIt was Harry. For a second, I wasn’t going to answer it, but Harry always got the better of me.
“Hello?” My voice was shaking. I was nervous, playing excessively with the blanket, trying to calm my nerves. I heard some shuffling and a sigh in the background. “Harry?” My mom spun around with a smile on her face. I hadn’t told her about the phone call with Jas yet. She came and sat down by me, and I stood up, walking to my room. I heard her grunt in annoyance.
“Hey Delilah.” Harry’s voice was still as calm and smooth as ever. He sounded determined, and I could imagine him standing in the next room of his house, restricted by the spiraling phone cord.
“What’s up?” I knew I sounded quite anxious.
“Nothing really.” There was a pause. I was waiting for him to tell me why he was calling. I wanted to know why he’d bother to talk to me, even after what he’d done to me. I heard my mom try to sneak up behind me so she could listen, but I walked right by her, going upstairs to my room making sure to close the door behind me, and turn on the radio softly. It had been at least a minute since anything was said last. “Are you doing anything this weekend?” He asked weakly. I rolled my eyes.
“I’m going to Brendon, Jon, Brent, Spencer, and Ryan’s first show at this local bar thing.”
“Who are they?” I frowned.
“My friends and my boyfriend.” He paused for another half a minute.
“You have a boyfriend?”
“Why are you calling, Harry?”
“You do sound like an American now. Jas was right.”
“Harry...” I didn’t know what to think. Why was he trying to make small talk with me, when there were so many other important things that I wanted him to say, and so many things I needed him to say to ease both of our souls?
“I wanted to apologize.”
I snorted rudely. “Oh, what for?” I heard his calming voice sigh. It didn’t have the same effect on me as it once did. I would have done anything that Harry asked only five months ago, but hearing it now, made me want to do anything to just stop this conversation.
“Because I still love you, and I’m sorry because I’ve been putting you through this.” He had just told me that he still loved me. I didn’t really believe this at all. There was no reason that I needed him to love me anymore. I had Brendon.
“Harry. Don’t tell me that. You don’t love me. I’m starting to doubt that you’ve ever loved me. It’s like a word that you’ve just been throwing around to make me feel better. How many times did you tell Jas that you loved her? If you loved me, you would have firstly respected my choice to not have sex every day, or to do things in the school bathroom with you, and wouldn’t have hooked up with Jas.” He was quiet, but this time I was sure because he was dumbfounded and had nothing left to say to me rather than being anxious to apologize to me. I fidgeted with the phone awkwardly.
“I love you, Delilah.” I couldn’t say it back. I didn’t feel anything for him anymore. I used to be so committed to him, and it only ended in heartbreak.
“Goodbye, Harry.” I slid my phone closed, not wanting to hear anymore. My face had fallen, and it seemed hard to simply smile. I shuffled over to the bathroom, knocking on the door. My mom’s smiling face was shining back at me.
“How is Harry? How are things in London?” She was just so naive.
“It was a different Harry.” I grunted. Her face fell, and she rolled her eyes. I walked into the bathroom without another glance at her.
*
“Are you sodding ready to go yet? We have five minutes to get into the car before I change my bloody mind.” My mother was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs, yelling up at me to hurry up as per usual. I hadn’t seen any of the boys in at least two days, and Brendon in one and three quarters. I was excited to see them up on a stage with a spotlight, audience, and everything. I rushed around my room looking for my other black flat. My hair was curled as it was a special occasion. I was wearing my white spandex shorts even though the weather was forecasted to be chilly. I was wearing my only tna sweater, a nice sea green color with a light purple laced tank top underneath. My make-up was put on with a little more effort than usual. I tossed my pillow off of my bed desperately and found my black flat underneath it.
“Why was it under there?” I asked myself, irritated and confused.
“DELILAH!” I slipped it on and grabbed my purse, hopping out of my room.
“Coming!” She studied my outfit with distaste.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” I rolled my eyes.
“Yes. I’m glad you noticed. Let’s go. I want to be there fifteen minutes early.” I rushed out of the house, my mother sauntering along, most likely trying to make this trip as long as she possibly could. She was still halfway down the walkway when I reached my door, signaling her to unlock it with the remote on her keychain. She dug in her purse for about thirty seconds as I waited impatiently.
“Aha.” She took about another forty years to press the ‘unlock’ button on the remote, followed by a short beep from the car, and the simultaneous clicks from the locks. I opened the door and jumped in. She slowly moseyed into the car and took put the keys in the ignition as slowly as she possibly could. I reached over and yanked the metal key, making the car start up with a shudder.
“Let me help you, Mrs. I-am-going-to-take-about-another-trillions-years-just-to-make-sure-that-my-daughter-is-late-for-this-really-really-important-night-because-I-get-a-kick-out-of-it.” My mother huffily pressed on the gas pedal and we thankfully started moving towards the club. I fidgeted excitedly. It was about seven thirty. My mum told me she knew exactly where we were going because she worked across the street from it. The boys would be starting the show for another band, but the manager told them that if they did a terrific job, that they’d get another gig as the main band in a few weeks.
*
“Thank you for the ride, Mum.” I waved at her cheerfully.
“You’re welcome dear. Are you coming home tonight?” I rolled my eyes. I knew that she really didn’t care if I didn’t come home. In fact, she’d probably want me to stay over at someone else’s house so that she could invite Duane over for a little ‘sleepover’. Euch.
“Perhaps yes, perhaps no. Love you.” She was about to say something, most likely a complaint, but I hastily got out of the car and shut the door, waving her off. She sighed, and I saw her roll her eyes in her annoying manner once more, and then drive out of the parking lot. The weather was nippy. It wasn’t really cold, but it stung a little to breath through my nose. I looked at the large building. Definitely somewhere you’d only find if you were tipped off by a local, but the parking lot was filled with various cars and trucks. It was lighted by the luminous sign and a few street lamps.
I walked into the building. It was really warm and smelled like chicken. It was a cross between a bar, and a dinner theatre. There was a lighted stage up front, but it was closed off with a deep red velour curtain. The wooden paneling and brown paint made it feel quite cozy. On the left, there was a bar with a good number of people chatting and talking. There was a small staircase that divided the dining area and the dance floor from the bar. I scanned the area, and all of the tables seemed to be filled, every chair occupied. A lady in a black outfit with a red apron came up to me. I feigned a smile.
“Hello there, welcome to Webster’s. Do you have a reservation?” She led me over to her small wooden podium.
“Oh, well, I’m not too sure. I was invited by the opening band.”
“Name, please?” Her friendly demeanor fell quickly, and I wondered what I did wrong.
“Delilah White.”
“Well, there was a table reserved for you and two other people, Miss White, but they brought guests.”
“Oh. There aren’t any other tables open?”
“Of course- Just for one?” She asked. I felt like looking around me and introducing her to my imaginary friends and request seats for them. Instead I nodded politely and followed her. She brought me to a two person table in the darkest area of the entire place, and possibly the furthest table from the stage.
She asked me if I wanted to order something, and I asked for some water. She walked off with a polite nod. I was feeling sort of rejected and angry at Sally and Shaye. I knew that they probably brought their little girl posse to giggle and point. I studied the people sitting at the tables around me, eating and talking. Their ages seemed to range from seventeen to twenty-five. No one younger, no one older. At the very front, with an absolutely spectacular view of the stage were Sally and Shaye, sitting with five other boys, one of them being Ace Hankinson. I grew furious. Now I was supposed to sit and watch from the back while they talk and enjoy the show with bloody other boys that had no interest in seeing my friends perform. I slumped over the table in detest and frustration. I watched Shaye play with one of the boy’s hair next to her. Ace Hankinson turned around to the stage angrily. I inadvertently smirked. Afterwards my heart sunk, as I realized she wasn’t only doing that to Hankinson. She was doing this to Ryan as well. The lights turned low, and the spotlights were turned on, and I grew anxious with a smile on my face. A man in another black suit with a velour apron came up to the microphone.
“Please welcome the opening band, Panic! At the Disco.” The boys were sitting and standing at their places on the stage. Ryan tuned his guitar, Jon strummed on his own, Spencer was doing something to his drum set, and Brendon walked up to the microphone like this wasn’t the first time he was doing this, and he wasn’t about to explode with excitement. I couldn’t see Brent anywhere. Brendon said a few words that made the audience chuckle, and then Spencer started to count the band in with his drumsticks before starting a familiar beat. Brendon started to sing, and I practically melted. Sally giggled and squealed loud enough for me to hear it from the back.
“…Better to face these kinds of things, with a sense of poise and rationality.” I felt like a crazed fan girl as I straightened up my posture to get a better look at them playing. They were really going for it, and I didn’t know that there was even a possibility of them improving, but they had definitely done it in the last forty eight hours.
*
The show ended with a meager applause compared to the one that was given to Panic! At the Disco. I smiled as I thought how strange it sounded to call the boys a name that made them sound like rock stars. I watched as Brendon, Ryan and then Jon walked out from the side of the stage to talk to Shaye and Sally and their ‘boy-toys’. I stood up from my table and started trotting towards them. Brendon’s looked rather upset as he talked to Sally. I got closer and finally heard her talking.
“..Maybe she just didn’t bother coming to the most important night of your life, Brendon. But I’m here.” I felt like grabbing her hair and giving her a good smack or two, but I ignored her and her petty comments to try and get together with him.
I yelped, “BRENDON!” and his head swung towards me, a growing smile on his face. I wrapped my arms around his neck. As I felt his arms wrap around my waist in that familiar style that made me feel warm, comfortable, and safe all in one, I smiled even more. “I’m so proud of you! Panic! At the Disco. You boys were fantastic!”
“Why weren’t you sitting up here? I-I thought you didn’t come.” I frowned and rested my chin on his collar bone again. He kissed my forehead and my stomach jumped.
“I wouldn’t miss this for the world. I had to watch you from a table back there because they said that my table was full.” His smile faded, and he glanced at Sally and Shaye angrily. “Don’t worry about it. I promise I’ll be front and center at your next one.” He rested his head on my own, and I gave him a light kiss on the neck. He let go of me, and I smiled at him. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I spun around to see Jon’s smiling face.
“You were absolutely thrilling, Jon!” I hugged him and then patted him on the head. I saw Ryan only talking to Shaye. He wasn’t even smiling. Just kind of nodding and giving the occasional sentence. Shaye was talking non-stop using girly gestures with her hands, pointing at the stage and other random places. I couldn’t see Spencer or Brent anywhere. I stood and talked to Jon for a few minutes until I felt Brendon’s arms wrap around my stomach, and I felt his body against my back. I leaned my head back on his shoulder.
“Are you hungry?” He asked.
Sally came up and stood behind Jon. I couldn’t believe her; she looked almost like an exact replica of Shaye, except for her body shape and face. “No, I’m not. I had a nice salad, and I, like, didn’t even have to pay because I’m family to Brent.” She giggled. I cringed at her use of the word ‘like’.
“Are you hungry, beautiful?” Brendon looked at me once again. Sally slumped a little, but didn’t retreat an inch.
“Oh, I-” As if on cue, my stomach grumbled loudly. Even if Brendon hadn’t heard it, which I’m sure he had, he would have felt it. He grinned and swung me around, leading me towards an empty table. I had to walk slowly, and I was sure that Brendon looked like a duck, waddling behind me, refusing to let go.
*
“Thank you so much Brendon. I should have eaten something before I came.” We walked out of the dining area.
He grinned. “No problem. You look cute when you eat noodles.” I laughed. I felt his hand touch mine gently, and I grabbed it, interlocking his fingers with my own. I felt quite happy when I was with Brendon. He always made me feel so special. Everyone was off doing their own thing. I occasionally saw someone I knew walking around with a drink in their hand, or with someone else.
“I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back, alright?” I said, feeling a sudden urge to just be alone for a moment. He kissed me on the forehead and nodded. I let go of his hand, and walked towards the bathrooms I had noticed earlier. They were located in a dark hallway. I awkwardly walked by a making-out couple. The boy had spiked black hair and looked really into what he was doing. The girl had blonde hair and a face caked with make-up. Something clicked in my head immediately.
“Shaye?” The girl pulled off of the boy and looked at me. She was squinting in the darkness, trying to see who was talking to her, looking quite miffed.
“What do you want, you little weirdo?” Her voice snapped, apparently angry that I had interrupted her snogging session. I stood there astonished. She was just standing there, making out with some random guy, acting like she wasn’t doing anything wrong at all. She stood innocently, waiting for my response.
“What are you doing?”
“You’ll learn about it when you’re older.” She and the boy laughed and I growled under my breath.
“You can’t do this to Ryan.” My fists were clenched and my voice was low and serious. She snorted, and turned so that her whole body faced me. The boy had a bored expression on his face. He stopped leaning on the wall, and walked away.
“To who? Oh, right. Him. I don’t care about him. He never gives me what I want. It’s not really cheating. I’m just finding what I want from someone who’ll give it to me. I never really cared about him, at all, to be honest. I just wanted a boyfriend that was in a band so I could say that I was dating someone who was bound for fame. Even though now that I’ve heard them perform, I’m not so sure whether they are anymore. It’s like he’s useless to me now.” I noticed that her speech was different, that she didn’t use the word ‘like’ more than eight times in a sentence, and her girly pitch was now in a normal tone. He never gave her what she wants. I had heard this sentence before, and I started to dislike Shaye with an even more passion.
“Why don’t you just break up with him, then? Why are you trying to hurt him?” She just laughed in her high pitched voice.
“Because it’s funny to watch you be jealous that I took your ‘boyfriend’. He always talks about you, it’s really annoying. So I’m getting you back.”
“That made absolutely no sense. That’s not even a good reason to be such a big bitch to Ryan.” Her face grew serious and angry. She got close to my face, her words sounding like a hissing snake. I drew back a little, but tried to stand my ground.
“It’s none of your fucking business, you little slut.”
“It’s ironic that you’re calling me a slut.” I retorted angrily.
“Delilah? Shaye?” I turned around to see Ryan standing in the hallway with a look of surprise on his face.
“Oh, like, Ryan! It’s you! Thank gosh.” Shaye’s girly and fake manner quickly resurfaced once more, and she shuffled over to him giving him a big hug. I rolled my eyes and put my hands on my hips, my feet together. I smiled a little, seeing Ryan’s expression and body language as she clutched onto him. “She’s harassing me.”
“What?!” My mouth dropped in angst. Ryan looked angry now.
“Delilah.” He sounded disappointed. “I told you…”
“Ryan! Just stop! I was trying to protect you since you can’t see past your own big head! She was kissing some random guy!” Shaye’s mouth dropped in a girly method. She stepped away from Ryan dramatically.
“Why would I, like, do such an awful thing? I totally love Ryan!” She cooed. I snorted and rolled my eyes. Ryan was about to say something, but I interjected.
I shouted, “FINE! JUST FUCKING LISTEN TO HER.” I stormed out of the hallway, completely forgetting that I had to use the bathroom. I accidentally bumped into Brendon.
“I was just coming to make sure you were- Are you alright? What happened?” My head was buried in his chest once more. I felt him hug me, pulling me closer to him.
“Ryan and Shaye.” I looked up at him. He nodded.
“Don’t worry about them, alright? Let’s go sit down.”
Ryan’s Point Of View
“She’s, like, such a stupid little whore, isn’t she?” I looked down at Shaye, still holding onto my arm. She was so surprising. Earlier, she was telling me how I could improve my guitar playing after our very first gig, which was useless since she’s never held any type of instrument in her life. Delilah was thrilled and excited after our show, but all Shaye could say was that I wasn’t as good as I normally was. When had she even watched me play before? She only really ever hangs onto me when we’re around other people. When it’s just me and her, she always talks about herself, and how many boys looked at her, trying to make me invidious.
“I don’t think so. I just don’t know why she’s acting like this.” My voice was low, and I felt even lower. I didn’t want to be with Shaye. She was as glamorous as a Barbie doll, and about as fake and plastic as one, too.
“Oh. Well, Oh Em Gee. I think I seriously, like, need a drink. Kay, Talk to you later, babe?” She blew me a kiss and then shuffled off towards the bar. I stood there for a minute looking at her. There was a big possibility that she was cheating on me. I just couldn’t tell Delilah she was right about Shaye. I didn’t want Delilah to know that I was too weak without her that I’d let myself get hurt like that just to show her that I wasn’t. I walked out of the narrow and dark hallway and looked around the large room to see if I could find anyone I knew. I saw Delilah with her head resting on Brendon’s chest. My stomach jumped. I was so jealous of Brendon. How he held her gently and kissed her.
As soon as I started ‘dating’ Shaye, Delilah would always try to spark up conversations. Not any more though. I guess she got sick of me ignoring her when Shaye was around. I missed the conversations we’d have about absolutely anything, and how they were reduced to me acting like an asshole to try and impress someone I really wasn’t interested in. I ruffled my hair as I walked passed them. I couldn’t help but glance at Delilah giving Brendon a kiss on his lips, another wave of jealous angst washing over me. I sighed and I walked away huffily, not really knowing where my destination was. I stood near the bar, looking around the room. The lights from the stage had turned low and music was slowly getting louder, encouraging patrons to dance.
I thought I heard Delilah’s laugh nearby, and I automatically turned around to check if it was her. Brendon was behind her, leading her by the shoulders like a bicycle. Delilah was talking rapidly, trying to turn around. I turned back sullenly. I walked off towards the bathroom. I walked around the now full dance floor. I walked into the even darker hallway that led to the bathrooms. Now with no stage light flooding through the entrance, it was gloomy. I turned into the men’s bathroom, carefully not looking at any of the couples that were kissing in the dark hall. I looked at myself in the mirror, and stopped to study carefully. I didn’t touch the counter, as water was dripping off of it onto the floor. I was wearing a scornful expression. I loosened my face to look more neutral, and less angry. I straightened out my clothes and ruffled my hair to the shape I liked it. I smiled, but it looked so feigned and forced. I walked out of the bathroom after I was done fixing my appearance. I was about to emerge from the hallway into the dance floor, when I heard a familiar voice.
“Oh Em Gee! Gerry, you’re so, like, totally amazing at this!” I didn’t want to turn around. No sound was left but the somewhat disturbing suckling noises. I put my hand on the back of my neck and turned around.
“Shaye?” My voice was surprisingly loud and bold, not reflecting my nervous stature at all. There was a little bustling between one couple, and then her platinum blonde hair shone through the dark. She was about two yards away. The boy had blonde hair, and he was glaring at me. I just looked at him, and then looked at Shaye. I shook my head at her. She was trying to look innocent and cling onto my arm.
“Ryan! H-he was, like, trying to-” She stopped groveling, and backed off when she noticed my serious expression. How could she even pretend to be innocent? I guessed that she was asking herself the same question.
“Delilah was right about you. I can’t go out with you anymore Shaye.” Her mouth dropped, and I walked away. Delilah hadn’t been lying. I should have listened to her instead of trying to pretend to know what was going on. As soon as I thought of Delilah, my stomach sunk, and the impact of Shaye cheating started to hurt. I didn’t really realize that if I hadn’t gone out with Shaye, it would be me and Delilah instead of her and Brendon, and now, I had no one. I didn’t enjoy being with Shaye at all. I started to walk faster with the increase of my frustration. I saw Brendon, Jon, Spencer, Brent and Sally sitting at a table, talking together. I looked sadly at Delilah, until I saw her looking back at me with her shining turquoise eyes. I wrenched my head away, and started to walk faster, dodging everyone in my way. I was just going to go home. I was sick of this.
Delilah’s Point Of View
I was sitting with my back against the leather booth bench, sipping on an iced tea listening to Brendon and Spencer talk excitedly about how well they played. I was looking off at the DJ in his booth spinning and mixing music like a pro.
“I hope the manager comes to talk to us soon.” Brendon seemed excited and nervous at the same time. I smiled, but continued to absentmindedly watch the DJ. “Oh god! Oh god! I didn’t mean that! He’s coming over to us now!” I laughed, but it quickly diminished as soon as I saw Ryan behind the portly manager, looking flustered, almost at a light jog. I saw his hazel gaze upon me, and he flicked his head away so quickly I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had gotten whiplash. He continued to speed walk towards the exit.
I quickly muttered, “Good luck, I’ll be right back.” I climbed over Brendon’s lap and then quickly slid over him, trying to catch up with Ryan’s fast pace. I had no idea what could be upsetting him, but I didn’t want him to be alone and do something stupid, or feel sad by himself. He had been separating himself from me lately because of Shaye, but something inside of me told me that I should get off of my ass and go find out what was wrong.
“Delilah?” Brendon sounded concerned. I jumped out of the way for the manager.
“Oh gosh, I’m sorry.” I apologized. He huffed, and I jogged out of the building. I could finally see Ryan, his pace was slowed and he was sauntering towards his car, looking at the ground. I walked forward a few steps and then stopped. I realized right then how nervous I was. I hadn’t really talked to Ryan is about a month and a half, since him and Shaye started to date.
“Ryan?” It was darker outside than before, the sun had finally disappeared behind the pulsing neon glow that was downtown Las Vegas. He stopped walking, and seemed almost hesitant to turn around. He didn’t have a jacket on, and his hands were in his sweater pocket. It was another awkward moment that we shared together. I felt the palms of my hands get sweaty. “A-are you alright?” He nodded shyly.
“I guess. Aren’t you cold?” I glanced down at my shorts and shrugged, even though my legs felt like they were covered by a layer of ice. Feeling more comfortable, I walked up towards Ryan. He followed suit. As soon as I reached him, I wasn’t sure what to do, but Ryan pulled me into a warm, much needed hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I was more comfortable hugging Ryan since he wasn’t much taller than me. We seemed to fit each other perfectly.
“What’s wrong, Ryan?” I was concerned. He pulled away, looking rather sheepish.
He sighed. “It’s Shaye.” As soon as he uttered her name, I knew exactly what must have happened.
“I’m sorry.” He shook his head.
“No, don’t be. I knew that I should have listened to you. And I’ve been the biggest jerk to you. I’m sorry to you, Delilah. For being such an idiot. I didn’t even want to go out with her.” He seemed sincere. I touched his arm.
“Why did you, then?” Everything was quiet except the scuttling leaves against the asphalt of the parking lot. The cold wind bit at my legs and made me shift uncomfortably. He came closer to me. My stomach flopped. His eyes dared me not to look away. I could tell that he was thinking deeply, considering his answer with utmost precaution.
He shrugged. “I don’t know.” I was a little disappointed. I wanted him to tell me that he chose her over me for a reason. “I think I love you, Delilah. I can’t get you off of my mind, even when I was dating Shaye.”
“When I was?” I repeated. I didn’t really have anything else to say. His expression faltered as if in dissatisfaction.
“I don’t think I could have stood another minute with her.” He smirked sadly. I tried not to, but my mouth curved into a grin. “You’re so perfect.” I don’t know why this made me sad. I couldn’t be with him. It wasn’t fair to blow off Brendon, just because Ryan was free. I wasn’t about to do that to someone I was so close to, even though I really wanted to be with Ryan. I was finally getting exactly what I wanted, and I couldn’t take it.
“Ryan.” I guess my facial expression and the tone of my voice gave it away. He looked taken aback and then sad.
“Delilah?” He came closer to me. I grew a little uncomfortable, but I didn’t move an inch.
“Yeah?” He had his hands rested on my hips. His eyes had captured my own, and I couldn’t look away or off to the side to ease my stiffness. His eyes kept me captivated and still.
“Can I kiss you?” My heart was thumping loudly in my chest, and with an approving nod of my head, my tension washed away. I watched as Ryan finally slowly eased closer to my face and his lips touched my own, sending an electric shock down my body that I had never felt before. I usually held my breath when I kissed Harry, or even that time that Mike had kissed me. But I felt so comfortable. His own steady breathing warmed my cheek, and I pressed myself closer to him, cupping his cheeks with my palms.
I normally only focused on the time being when I kissed a boy, but my mind wandered happily to that day in the park when Ryan kissed me on the cheek, and another time he had been sleeping over at my house, and he accidentally I’m sure, hit my bum with his hand and we spent the next ten minutes quietly blushing furiously.
Ryan slid his left hand to the small of my back pulling me in closer. I was blushing. I had forgotten about my freezing legs. The only parts of my body that I paid attention to were where Ryan’s body was touching my own. I kissed the corned of Ryan’s mouth, and then laid my head on his shoulder. A shadow of guilt over rid the pleasure. I slid my arms underneath Ryan’s and held his back while he wrapped his arms around my lower back.
“Brendon?” Ryan’s voice broke the silence with one frightening word. I let go of Ryan immediately, only for a mere instant was I tangled in his arms. I turned around to see Brendon standing by the door. I heard the leaves crunch as Ryan back a few feet away from me. Nothing was said for a few minutes. Nothing was said at all. Brendon turned around and went back into the club. Frustrated tears started pouring down my face. I heard Ryan dragging his feet through the leaves, and his hand rested on my shoulder.
“I’m so sorry Delilah.” I spun around and looked at him once again in his eyes. I wanted him to know that I was serious.
“Ryan. I like you, but if this is what happens, I don’t think- I just don’t- I don’t want anyone to get hurt again. Me, you, or even Brendon.” He nodded.
“Can I drive you home?” I shook my head to signify no.
“I’d love that Ryan, but I don’t think its appropriate tonight. I’m sorry.” He nodded. I listened to his footsteps retreat to his car in the parking lot. I got out my cell phone and called my mother.
“Hello?”
“Mom? Can you come pick me up please?”
“Oh, honey. What’s wrong?”
“Please just come pick me up.”
“Of course, I’m on my way right now.”
It was still quite early in the morning. Brendon had just taken me out for a gingerbread latte from Starbucks before he had to go to his forty-eight hour band practice binge. There was going to be a big practice today and tomorrow. I highly doubted that they’d even spare a minute to stop working. They had just received news of their very first gig, planned for them at a small, local club. Nothing big, but I knew them better than to just sit around and wait for it. Brendon was practically shaking with excitement after his coffee.
He was standing straight, occasionally shuffling his feet in a cute manner, with that familiar thousand watt smile shining on his face.
“I love you.” His whispering voice seemed like it was echoing through a megaphone. I buried my head in his chest, embarrassed, yet very happy. My smile was quite large. I didn’t think I should say it back to him just yet. It wasn’t that I didn’t think that I loved him. In fact, I was sure that I might have even had strong affections for him that were close to love. I was just afraid of committing myself to another person again. I didn’t want to get myself into something that would just end in heartbreak.
My voice was muffled into his chest. “You’re adorable, R- Endon.” He pulled me closer to him. My smile faded immediately. I had almost said Ryan’s name, but shabbily and hastily turned it into Brendon’s. I was in silent prayer that he hadn’t noticed that I had left out the ‘b’. I was ashamed of myself. I looked up at him, my chin resting on his collarbone. He had never seemed to act awkward with being close to me like Harry had.
“Talk to you soon, alright?” He smirked. I nodded my head, not removing myself from him at all. The gentle purr of the car’s engine soothed me, and Brendon’s arms around me, only made the bitter wind less noticeable.
“Practice hard, ‘Kay?” I stuck out my tongue foolishly. He smiled, and leaned in and kissed me lightly on the lips for a moment. I was blushing and I tried my best not to grin like an idiot, but some things just happen. He let go of me, smiling happily and started walking back to his car. He waved at me, and my grin widened. I watched him drive off, even though the wind was trying to persuade me to go back inside. I turned around as soon as Brendon’s car disappeared behind a slight bend in the distance. I walked up the pathway quickly, and I could have sworn that I saw the white curtains shiver once more.
I kicked my flats into the closet and threw my coat over the railing. Mum would be pissed off, but that was the point. I sauntered into the living room, eyeing the curtains behind the couch. I grabbed the remote control and the blanket. I sat on the couch and flicked on the telly. I heard some shuffling behind the couch that was nearest the window. I could have even sworn that I heard some grunts. My mother popped up from behind the couch with a dangling earring held in her hand.
“There’s that little sodding thing.” She emerged triumphantly. I scoffed at her.
“Why were you watching me?” I demanded. She sighed and the placed the earring back into her ear. She marched forward and plopped beside me on the couch.I didn’t even have to look at her to know that she quickly dropped her facade and placed the earring back into her ear. She came back and sat on my left side looking at me flick through the basic cable channels. “Put a movie in for me, mum?”
“Who was that that dropped you off? Is he your boyfriend?” Her tone suggested something someone in grade one would taunt their friends with when they had a small crush, and I almost kicked her off of the couch when she started to imitate kissing noises with her fat mouth.
“Yes. In fact, Brendon is my boyfriend. Movie, mother.” I pointed towards the television weakly with my remote. She shuffled in her seat, from facing the television to look at me with her legs half off the couch. I rolled my eyes, as I knew that she was intending on having a ‘nice’ motherly-daughterly chat with her annoyed offspring.
“What about that cute Ryan boy that used to sleepover every other day? I was for sure that-”
“What about that gigantic ego-centered prat? Lay off, mum.” She threw her hands up in the air in defeat. Why won’t anyone leave the sodding Ryan issue alone? He was much happier with that blonde, tanning salon toned, and completely loyal whore that he called his girlfriend. Even my own mother? How pathetic is that. I huffed.
“Oh, now. He’s not that at all, dear. I’ve talked to him a few times; he said that he really liked you.” My heart fluttered hearing this. I secretly wanted her to tell me more, but I shook it off coolly.
“People have the tendency to lie, mum. Or change their minds the instant someone that’s prettier and has bigger boobs than one appears and asks her out the day after they meet, happens quite frequently.” My voice was dripping with sarcasm. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mother roll her eyes.
“Is that what happened? That’s odd. He seemed quite intent on- oh, never mind.” I hated how my mother was just about to say something important, and she decides that I’m not allowed to hear it.
“No, say it.” The remote lay forgotten on my lap.
“I think that you’re just jealous that he might have another little crush going on.”
I swore loudly. Mum gasped and gave me a disappointed look, but I didn’t care. “Why does everyone think I’m so sodding jealous. Why on earth would I be jealous of her?”
“You shouldn’t be. You don’t know why Ryan chose her over you. It might be a simple reason, or it could be a complex one that he doesn’t understand or know how to react to.” I shrugged my shoulders melancholically. She threw her arm over me and pulled me into a hug. “Don’t worry about it, dear. You’ve got the boy who just dropped you off. You should ask him over for a sleepover tonight.”
“He can’t. He’s practicing with the rest of the band for their first ‘gig’ type thing, and they’re brainstorming names for themselves tonight. I’m going to be busy tomorrow night, I might not come home.” She nodded. I once again pointed to the movie shelf with the remote and she sighed and got up, shuffling over the movies.
“One second, my phone’s ringing.” I reached over to my phone and read the caller ID.
Oh dear lord.
‘No, no, no, no, no. That couldn’t be right. He would never call me. Would he call me?’ I blinked and brought the screen closer to my face. I stared at it, letting it ring. My heart was pounding a mile a minute, and my hands instantly got sweaty. Butterflies whirled and flapped inside of my stomach. Mum arched her eyebrow, as if to say, èwell, are you going to pick it up or not Éè and staredIt was Harry. For a second, I wasn’t going to answer it, but Harry always got the better of me.
“Hello?” My voice was shaking. I was nervous, playing excessively with the blanket, trying to calm my nerves. I heard some shuffling and a sigh in the background. “Harry?” My mom spun around with a smile on her face. I hadn’t told her about the phone call with Jas yet. She came and sat down by me, and I stood up, walking to my room. I heard her grunt in annoyance.
“Hey Delilah.” Harry’s voice was still as calm and smooth as ever. He sounded determined, and I could imagine him standing in the next room of his house, restricted by the spiraling phone cord.
“What’s up?” I knew I sounded quite anxious.
“Nothing really.” There was a pause. I was waiting for him to tell me why he was calling. I wanted to know why he’d bother to talk to me, even after what he’d done to me. I heard my mom try to sneak up behind me so she could listen, but I walked right by her, going upstairs to my room making sure to close the door behind me, and turn on the radio softly. It had been at least a minute since anything was said last. “Are you doing anything this weekend?” He asked weakly. I rolled my eyes.
“I’m going to Brendon, Jon, Brent, Spencer, and Ryan’s first show at this local bar thing.”
“Who are they?” I frowned.
“My friends and my boyfriend.” He paused for another half a minute.
“You have a boyfriend?”
“Why are you calling, Harry?”
“You do sound like an American now. Jas was right.”
“Harry...” I didn’t know what to think. Why was he trying to make small talk with me, when there were so many other important things that I wanted him to say, and so many things I needed him to say to ease both of our souls?
“I wanted to apologize.”
I snorted rudely. “Oh, what for?” I heard his calming voice sigh. It didn’t have the same effect on me as it once did. I would have done anything that Harry asked only five months ago, but hearing it now, made me want to do anything to just stop this conversation.
“Because I still love you, and I’m sorry because I’ve been putting you through this.” He had just told me that he still loved me. I didn’t really believe this at all. There was no reason that I needed him to love me anymore. I had Brendon.
“Harry. Don’t tell me that. You don’t love me. I’m starting to doubt that you’ve ever loved me. It’s like a word that you’ve just been throwing around to make me feel better. How many times did you tell Jas that you loved her? If you loved me, you would have firstly respected my choice to not have sex every day, or to do things in the school bathroom with you, and wouldn’t have hooked up with Jas.” He was quiet, but this time I was sure because he was dumbfounded and had nothing left to say to me rather than being anxious to apologize to me. I fidgeted with the phone awkwardly.
“I love you, Delilah.” I couldn’t say it back. I didn’t feel anything for him anymore. I used to be so committed to him, and it only ended in heartbreak.
“Goodbye, Harry.” I slid my phone closed, not wanting to hear anymore. My face had fallen, and it seemed hard to simply smile. I shuffled over to the bathroom, knocking on the door. My mom’s smiling face was shining back at me.
“How is Harry? How are things in London?” She was just so naive.
“It was a different Harry.” I grunted. Her face fell, and she rolled her eyes. I walked into the bathroom without another glance at her.
*
“Are you sodding ready to go yet? We have five minutes to get into the car before I change my bloody mind.” My mother was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs, yelling up at me to hurry up as per usual. I hadn’t seen any of the boys in at least two days, and Brendon in one and three quarters. I was excited to see them up on a stage with a spotlight, audience, and everything. I rushed around my room looking for my other black flat. My hair was curled as it was a special occasion. I was wearing my white spandex shorts even though the weather was forecasted to be chilly. I was wearing my only tna sweater, a nice sea green color with a light purple laced tank top underneath. My make-up was put on with a little more effort than usual. I tossed my pillow off of my bed desperately and found my black flat underneath it.
“Why was it under there?” I asked myself, irritated and confused.
“DELILAH!” I slipped it on and grabbed my purse, hopping out of my room.
“Coming!” She studied my outfit with distaste.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” I rolled my eyes.
“Yes. I’m glad you noticed. Let’s go. I want to be there fifteen minutes early.” I rushed out of the house, my mother sauntering along, most likely trying to make this trip as long as she possibly could. She was still halfway down the walkway when I reached my door, signaling her to unlock it with the remote on her keychain. She dug in her purse for about thirty seconds as I waited impatiently.
“Aha.” She took about another forty years to press the ‘unlock’ button on the remote, followed by a short beep from the car, and the simultaneous clicks from the locks. I opened the door and jumped in. She slowly moseyed into the car and took put the keys in the ignition as slowly as she possibly could. I reached over and yanked the metal key, making the car start up with a shudder.
“Let me help you, Mrs. I-am-going-to-take-about-another-trillions-years-just-to-make-sure-that-my-daughter-is-late-for-this-really-really-important-night-because-I-get-a-kick-out-of-it.” My mother huffily pressed on the gas pedal and we thankfully started moving towards the club. I fidgeted excitedly. It was about seven thirty. My mum told me she knew exactly where we were going because she worked across the street from it. The boys would be starting the show for another band, but the manager told them that if they did a terrific job, that they’d get another gig as the main band in a few weeks.
*
“Thank you for the ride, Mum.” I waved at her cheerfully.
“You’re welcome dear. Are you coming home tonight?” I rolled my eyes. I knew that she really didn’t care if I didn’t come home. In fact, she’d probably want me to stay over at someone else’s house so that she could invite Duane over for a little ‘sleepover’. Euch.
“Perhaps yes, perhaps no. Love you.” She was about to say something, most likely a complaint, but I hastily got out of the car and shut the door, waving her off. She sighed, and I saw her roll her eyes in her annoying manner once more, and then drive out of the parking lot. The weather was nippy. It wasn’t really cold, but it stung a little to breath through my nose. I looked at the large building. Definitely somewhere you’d only find if you were tipped off by a local, but the parking lot was filled with various cars and trucks. It was lighted by the luminous sign and a few street lamps.
I walked into the building. It was really warm and smelled like chicken. It was a cross between a bar, and a dinner theatre. There was a lighted stage up front, but it was closed off with a deep red velour curtain. The wooden paneling and brown paint made it feel quite cozy. On the left, there was a bar with a good number of people chatting and talking. There was a small staircase that divided the dining area and the dance floor from the bar. I scanned the area, and all of the tables seemed to be filled, every chair occupied. A lady in a black outfit with a red apron came up to me. I feigned a smile.
“Hello there, welcome to Webster’s. Do you have a reservation?” She led me over to her small wooden podium.
“Oh, well, I’m not too sure. I was invited by the opening band.”
“Name, please?” Her friendly demeanor fell quickly, and I wondered what I did wrong.
“Delilah White.”
“Well, there was a table reserved for you and two other people, Miss White, but they brought guests.”
“Oh. There aren’t any other tables open?”
“Of course- Just for one?” She asked. I felt like looking around me and introducing her to my imaginary friends and request seats for them. Instead I nodded politely and followed her. She brought me to a two person table in the darkest area of the entire place, and possibly the furthest table from the stage.
She asked me if I wanted to order something, and I asked for some water. She walked off with a polite nod. I was feeling sort of rejected and angry at Sally and Shaye. I knew that they probably brought their little girl posse to giggle and point. I studied the people sitting at the tables around me, eating and talking. Their ages seemed to range from seventeen to twenty-five. No one younger, no one older. At the very front, with an absolutely spectacular view of the stage were Sally and Shaye, sitting with five other boys, one of them being Ace Hankinson. I grew furious. Now I was supposed to sit and watch from the back while they talk and enjoy the show with bloody other boys that had no interest in seeing my friends perform. I slumped over the table in detest and frustration. I watched Shaye play with one of the boy’s hair next to her. Ace Hankinson turned around to the stage angrily. I inadvertently smirked. Afterwards my heart sunk, as I realized she wasn’t only doing that to Hankinson. She was doing this to Ryan as well. The lights turned low, and the spotlights were turned on, and I grew anxious with a smile on my face. A man in another black suit with a velour apron came up to the microphone.
“Please welcome the opening band, Panic! At the Disco.” The boys were sitting and standing at their places on the stage. Ryan tuned his guitar, Jon strummed on his own, Spencer was doing something to his drum set, and Brendon walked up to the microphone like this wasn’t the first time he was doing this, and he wasn’t about to explode with excitement. I couldn’t see Brent anywhere. Brendon said a few words that made the audience chuckle, and then Spencer started to count the band in with his drumsticks before starting a familiar beat. Brendon started to sing, and I practically melted. Sally giggled and squealed loud enough for me to hear it from the back.
“…Better to face these kinds of things, with a sense of poise and rationality.” I felt like a crazed fan girl as I straightened up my posture to get a better look at them playing. They were really going for it, and I didn’t know that there was even a possibility of them improving, but they had definitely done it in the last forty eight hours.
*
The show ended with a meager applause compared to the one that was given to Panic! At the Disco. I smiled as I thought how strange it sounded to call the boys a name that made them sound like rock stars. I watched as Brendon, Ryan and then Jon walked out from the side of the stage to talk to Shaye and Sally and their ‘boy-toys’. I stood up from my table and started trotting towards them. Brendon’s looked rather upset as he talked to Sally. I got closer and finally heard her talking.
“..Maybe she just didn’t bother coming to the most important night of your life, Brendon. But I’m here.” I felt like grabbing her hair and giving her a good smack or two, but I ignored her and her petty comments to try and get together with him.
I yelped, “BRENDON!” and his head swung towards me, a growing smile on his face. I wrapped my arms around his neck. As I felt his arms wrap around my waist in that familiar style that made me feel warm, comfortable, and safe all in one, I smiled even more. “I’m so proud of you! Panic! At the Disco. You boys were fantastic!”
“Why weren’t you sitting up here? I-I thought you didn’t come.” I frowned and rested my chin on his collar bone again. He kissed my forehead and my stomach jumped.
“I wouldn’t miss this for the world. I had to watch you from a table back there because they said that my table was full.” His smile faded, and he glanced at Sally and Shaye angrily. “Don’t worry about it. I promise I’ll be front and center at your next one.” He rested his head on my own, and I gave him a light kiss on the neck. He let go of me, and I smiled at him. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I spun around to see Jon’s smiling face.
“You were absolutely thrilling, Jon!” I hugged him and then patted him on the head. I saw Ryan only talking to Shaye. He wasn’t even smiling. Just kind of nodding and giving the occasional sentence. Shaye was talking non-stop using girly gestures with her hands, pointing at the stage and other random places. I couldn’t see Spencer or Brent anywhere. I stood and talked to Jon for a few minutes until I felt Brendon’s arms wrap around my stomach, and I felt his body against my back. I leaned my head back on his shoulder.
“Are you hungry?” He asked.
Sally came up and stood behind Jon. I couldn’t believe her; she looked almost like an exact replica of Shaye, except for her body shape and face. “No, I’m not. I had a nice salad, and I, like, didn’t even have to pay because I’m family to Brent.” She giggled. I cringed at her use of the word ‘like’.
“Are you hungry, beautiful?” Brendon looked at me once again. Sally slumped a little, but didn’t retreat an inch.
“Oh, I-” As if on cue, my stomach grumbled loudly. Even if Brendon hadn’t heard it, which I’m sure he had, he would have felt it. He grinned and swung me around, leading me towards an empty table. I had to walk slowly, and I was sure that Brendon looked like a duck, waddling behind me, refusing to let go.
*
“Thank you so much Brendon. I should have eaten something before I came.” We walked out of the dining area.
He grinned. “No problem. You look cute when you eat noodles.” I laughed. I felt his hand touch mine gently, and I grabbed it, interlocking his fingers with my own. I felt quite happy when I was with Brendon. He always made me feel so special. Everyone was off doing their own thing. I occasionally saw someone I knew walking around with a drink in their hand, or with someone else.
“I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back, alright?” I said, feeling a sudden urge to just be alone for a moment. He kissed me on the forehead and nodded. I let go of his hand, and walked towards the bathrooms I had noticed earlier. They were located in a dark hallway. I awkwardly walked by a making-out couple. The boy had spiked black hair and looked really into what he was doing. The girl had blonde hair and a face caked with make-up. Something clicked in my head immediately.
“Shaye?” The girl pulled off of the boy and looked at me. She was squinting in the darkness, trying to see who was talking to her, looking quite miffed.
“What do you want, you little weirdo?” Her voice snapped, apparently angry that I had interrupted her snogging session. I stood there astonished. She was just standing there, making out with some random guy, acting like she wasn’t doing anything wrong at all. She stood innocently, waiting for my response.
“What are you doing?”
“You’ll learn about it when you’re older.” She and the boy laughed and I growled under my breath.
“You can’t do this to Ryan.” My fists were clenched and my voice was low and serious. She snorted, and turned so that her whole body faced me. The boy had a bored expression on his face. He stopped leaning on the wall, and walked away.
“To who? Oh, right. Him. I don’t care about him. He never gives me what I want. It’s not really cheating. I’m just finding what I want from someone who’ll give it to me. I never really cared about him, at all, to be honest. I just wanted a boyfriend that was in a band so I could say that I was dating someone who was bound for fame. Even though now that I’ve heard them perform, I’m not so sure whether they are anymore. It’s like he’s useless to me now.” I noticed that her speech was different, that she didn’t use the word ‘like’ more than eight times in a sentence, and her girly pitch was now in a normal tone. He never gave her what she wants. I had heard this sentence before, and I started to dislike Shaye with an even more passion.
“Why don’t you just break up with him, then? Why are you trying to hurt him?” She just laughed in her high pitched voice.
“Because it’s funny to watch you be jealous that I took your ‘boyfriend’. He always talks about you, it’s really annoying. So I’m getting you back.”
“That made absolutely no sense. That’s not even a good reason to be such a big bitch to Ryan.” Her face grew serious and angry. She got close to my face, her words sounding like a hissing snake. I drew back a little, but tried to stand my ground.
“It’s none of your fucking business, you little slut.”
“It’s ironic that you’re calling me a slut.” I retorted angrily.
“Delilah? Shaye?” I turned around to see Ryan standing in the hallway with a look of surprise on his face.
“Oh, like, Ryan! It’s you! Thank gosh.” Shaye’s girly and fake manner quickly resurfaced once more, and she shuffled over to him giving him a big hug. I rolled my eyes and put my hands on my hips, my feet together. I smiled a little, seeing Ryan’s expression and body language as she clutched onto him. “She’s harassing me.”
“What?!” My mouth dropped in angst. Ryan looked angry now.
“Delilah.” He sounded disappointed. “I told you…”
“Ryan! Just stop! I was trying to protect you since you can’t see past your own big head! She was kissing some random guy!” Shaye’s mouth dropped in a girly method. She stepped away from Ryan dramatically.
“Why would I, like, do such an awful thing? I totally love Ryan!” She cooed. I snorted and rolled my eyes. Ryan was about to say something, but I interjected.
I shouted, “FINE! JUST FUCKING LISTEN TO HER.” I stormed out of the hallway, completely forgetting that I had to use the bathroom. I accidentally bumped into Brendon.
“I was just coming to make sure you were- Are you alright? What happened?” My head was buried in his chest once more. I felt him hug me, pulling me closer to him.
“Ryan and Shaye.” I looked up at him. He nodded.
“Don’t worry about them, alright? Let’s go sit down.”
Ryan’s Point Of View
“She’s, like, such a stupid little whore, isn’t she?” I looked down at Shaye, still holding onto my arm. She was so surprising. Earlier, she was telling me how I could improve my guitar playing after our very first gig, which was useless since she’s never held any type of instrument in her life. Delilah was thrilled and excited after our show, but all Shaye could say was that I wasn’t as good as I normally was. When had she even watched me play before? She only really ever hangs onto me when we’re around other people. When it’s just me and her, she always talks about herself, and how many boys looked at her, trying to make me invidious.
“I don’t think so. I just don’t know why she’s acting like this.” My voice was low, and I felt even lower. I didn’t want to be with Shaye. She was as glamorous as a Barbie doll, and about as fake and plastic as one, too.
“Oh. Well, Oh Em Gee. I think I seriously, like, need a drink. Kay, Talk to you later, babe?” She blew me a kiss and then shuffled off towards the bar. I stood there for a minute looking at her. There was a big possibility that she was cheating on me. I just couldn’t tell Delilah she was right about Shaye. I didn’t want Delilah to know that I was too weak without her that I’d let myself get hurt like that just to show her that I wasn’t. I walked out of the narrow and dark hallway and looked around the large room to see if I could find anyone I knew. I saw Delilah with her head resting on Brendon’s chest. My stomach jumped. I was so jealous of Brendon. How he held her gently and kissed her.
As soon as I started ‘dating’ Shaye, Delilah would always try to spark up conversations. Not any more though. I guess she got sick of me ignoring her when Shaye was around. I missed the conversations we’d have about absolutely anything, and how they were reduced to me acting like an asshole to try and impress someone I really wasn’t interested in. I ruffled my hair as I walked passed them. I couldn’t help but glance at Delilah giving Brendon a kiss on his lips, another wave of jealous angst washing over me. I sighed and I walked away huffily, not really knowing where my destination was. I stood near the bar, looking around the room. The lights from the stage had turned low and music was slowly getting louder, encouraging patrons to dance.
I thought I heard Delilah’s laugh nearby, and I automatically turned around to check if it was her. Brendon was behind her, leading her by the shoulders like a bicycle. Delilah was talking rapidly, trying to turn around. I turned back sullenly. I walked off towards the bathroom. I walked around the now full dance floor. I walked into the even darker hallway that led to the bathrooms. Now with no stage light flooding through the entrance, it was gloomy. I turned into the men’s bathroom, carefully not looking at any of the couples that were kissing in the dark hall. I looked at myself in the mirror, and stopped to study carefully. I didn’t touch the counter, as water was dripping off of it onto the floor. I was wearing a scornful expression. I loosened my face to look more neutral, and less angry. I straightened out my clothes and ruffled my hair to the shape I liked it. I smiled, but it looked so feigned and forced. I walked out of the bathroom after I was done fixing my appearance. I was about to emerge from the hallway into the dance floor, when I heard a familiar voice.
“Oh Em Gee! Gerry, you’re so, like, totally amazing at this!” I didn’t want to turn around. No sound was left but the somewhat disturbing suckling noises. I put my hand on the back of my neck and turned around.
“Shaye?” My voice was surprisingly loud and bold, not reflecting my nervous stature at all. There was a little bustling between one couple, and then her platinum blonde hair shone through the dark. She was about two yards away. The boy had blonde hair, and he was glaring at me. I just looked at him, and then looked at Shaye. I shook my head at her. She was trying to look innocent and cling onto my arm.
“Ryan! H-he was, like, trying to-” She stopped groveling, and backed off when she noticed my serious expression. How could she even pretend to be innocent? I guessed that she was asking herself the same question.
“Delilah was right about you. I can’t go out with you anymore Shaye.” Her mouth dropped, and I walked away. Delilah hadn’t been lying. I should have listened to her instead of trying to pretend to know what was going on. As soon as I thought of Delilah, my stomach sunk, and the impact of Shaye cheating started to hurt. I didn’t really realize that if I hadn’t gone out with Shaye, it would be me and Delilah instead of her and Brendon, and now, I had no one. I didn’t enjoy being with Shaye at all. I started to walk faster with the increase of my frustration. I saw Brendon, Jon, Spencer, Brent and Sally sitting at a table, talking together. I looked sadly at Delilah, until I saw her looking back at me with her shining turquoise eyes. I wrenched my head away, and started to walk faster, dodging everyone in my way. I was just going to go home. I was sick of this.
Delilah’s Point Of View
I was sitting with my back against the leather booth bench, sipping on an iced tea listening to Brendon and Spencer talk excitedly about how well they played. I was looking off at the DJ in his booth spinning and mixing music like a pro.
“I hope the manager comes to talk to us soon.” Brendon seemed excited and nervous at the same time. I smiled, but continued to absentmindedly watch the DJ. “Oh god! Oh god! I didn’t mean that! He’s coming over to us now!” I laughed, but it quickly diminished as soon as I saw Ryan behind the portly manager, looking flustered, almost at a light jog. I saw his hazel gaze upon me, and he flicked his head away so quickly I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had gotten whiplash. He continued to speed walk towards the exit.
I quickly muttered, “Good luck, I’ll be right back.” I climbed over Brendon’s lap and then quickly slid over him, trying to catch up with Ryan’s fast pace. I had no idea what could be upsetting him, but I didn’t want him to be alone and do something stupid, or feel sad by himself. He had been separating himself from me lately because of Shaye, but something inside of me told me that I should get off of my ass and go find out what was wrong.
“Delilah?” Brendon sounded concerned. I jumped out of the way for the manager.
“Oh gosh, I’m sorry.” I apologized. He huffed, and I jogged out of the building. I could finally see Ryan, his pace was slowed and he was sauntering towards his car, looking at the ground. I walked forward a few steps and then stopped. I realized right then how nervous I was. I hadn’t really talked to Ryan is about a month and a half, since him and Shaye started to date.
“Ryan?” It was darker outside than before, the sun had finally disappeared behind the pulsing neon glow that was downtown Las Vegas. He stopped walking, and seemed almost hesitant to turn around. He didn’t have a jacket on, and his hands were in his sweater pocket. It was another awkward moment that we shared together. I felt the palms of my hands get sweaty. “A-are you alright?” He nodded shyly.
“I guess. Aren’t you cold?” I glanced down at my shorts and shrugged, even though my legs felt like they were covered by a layer of ice. Feeling more comfortable, I walked up towards Ryan. He followed suit. As soon as I reached him, I wasn’t sure what to do, but Ryan pulled me into a warm, much needed hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I was more comfortable hugging Ryan since he wasn’t much taller than me. We seemed to fit each other perfectly.
“What’s wrong, Ryan?” I was concerned. He pulled away, looking rather sheepish.
He sighed. “It’s Shaye.” As soon as he uttered her name, I knew exactly what must have happened.
“I’m sorry.” He shook his head.
“No, don’t be. I knew that I should have listened to you. And I’ve been the biggest jerk to you. I’m sorry to you, Delilah. For being such an idiot. I didn’t even want to go out with her.” He seemed sincere. I touched his arm.
“Why did you, then?” Everything was quiet except the scuttling leaves against the asphalt of the parking lot. The cold wind bit at my legs and made me shift uncomfortably. He came closer to me. My stomach flopped. His eyes dared me not to look away. I could tell that he was thinking deeply, considering his answer with utmost precaution.
He shrugged. “I don’t know.” I was a little disappointed. I wanted him to tell me that he chose her over me for a reason. “I think I love you, Delilah. I can’t get you off of my mind, even when I was dating Shaye.”
“When I was?” I repeated. I didn’t really have anything else to say. His expression faltered as if in dissatisfaction.
“I don’t think I could have stood another minute with her.” He smirked sadly. I tried not to, but my mouth curved into a grin. “You’re so perfect.” I don’t know why this made me sad. I couldn’t be with him. It wasn’t fair to blow off Brendon, just because Ryan was free. I wasn’t about to do that to someone I was so close to, even though I really wanted to be with Ryan. I was finally getting exactly what I wanted, and I couldn’t take it.
“Ryan.” I guess my facial expression and the tone of my voice gave it away. He looked taken aback and then sad.
“Delilah?” He came closer to me. I grew a little uncomfortable, but I didn’t move an inch.
“Yeah?” He had his hands rested on my hips. His eyes had captured my own, and I couldn’t look away or off to the side to ease my stiffness. His eyes kept me captivated and still.
“Can I kiss you?” My heart was thumping loudly in my chest, and with an approving nod of my head, my tension washed away. I watched as Ryan finally slowly eased closer to my face and his lips touched my own, sending an electric shock down my body that I had never felt before. I usually held my breath when I kissed Harry, or even that time that Mike had kissed me. But I felt so comfortable. His own steady breathing warmed my cheek, and I pressed myself closer to him, cupping his cheeks with my palms.
I normally only focused on the time being when I kissed a boy, but my mind wandered happily to that day in the park when Ryan kissed me on the cheek, and another time he had been sleeping over at my house, and he accidentally I’m sure, hit my bum with his hand and we spent the next ten minutes quietly blushing furiously.
Ryan slid his left hand to the small of my back pulling me in closer. I was blushing. I had forgotten about my freezing legs. The only parts of my body that I paid attention to were where Ryan’s body was touching my own. I kissed the corned of Ryan’s mouth, and then laid my head on his shoulder. A shadow of guilt over rid the pleasure. I slid my arms underneath Ryan’s and held his back while he wrapped his arms around my lower back.
“Brendon?” Ryan’s voice broke the silence with one frightening word. I let go of Ryan immediately, only for a mere instant was I tangled in his arms. I turned around to see Brendon standing by the door. I heard the leaves crunch as Ryan back a few feet away from me. Nothing was said for a few minutes. Nothing was said at all. Brendon turned around and went back into the club. Frustrated tears started pouring down my face. I heard Ryan dragging his feet through the leaves, and his hand rested on my shoulder.
“I’m so sorry Delilah.” I spun around and looked at him once again in his eyes. I wanted him to know that I was serious.
“Ryan. I like you, but if this is what happens, I don’t think- I just don’t- I don’t want anyone to get hurt again. Me, you, or even Brendon.” He nodded.
“Can I drive you home?” I shook my head to signify no.
“I’d love that Ryan, but I don’t think its appropriate tonight. I’m sorry.” He nodded. I listened to his footsteps retreat to his car in the parking lot. I got out my cell phone and called my mother.
“Hello?”
“Mom? Can you come pick me up please?”
“Oh, honey. What’s wrong?”
“Please just come pick me up.”
“Of course, I’m on my way right now.”
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