FicWad

I was as blank as a clean porcelain plate fresh out of the dishwasher, and I knew my face showed it. I tried my best to regain my composure, keeping my face stoic as I fought an internal battle.

The mixture of being anxious and guilt swirled together, making me feel sick to my stomach. Beads of sweat collected in my palm as I played with my tall gingerbread latte. It was the only thing I could do as I waited for Brendon to come and meet me in Starbucks. I didn’t even want anything to drink, but I had arrived much earlier than the time Brendon wanted to meet up. I took a sip, and the usually vibrant flavour seemed dull and lacklustre.

I placed it down with distaste, a trickle of coffee sloshing out of the little oval hole on the lid. I nestled back into my chair, immersed in my own world of thought.

I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing Ryan. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make myself forget the way his arms held me tightly against his chest in a protective comforting way. I wanted to stop remembering what it was like, the slight attractive aroma of his cologne mixed with the minty scent of spearmint gum.

I had been thinking in a pattern. First, of how nice it was to finally have actually kissed Ryan. It wasn’t exactly how I imagined it, though. I would have thought that I would have been blissful, but the happiness that I wanted was replaced with a deceiving glee.

I was happy, but more so, I was not.

This morning, Brendon had called me quite early, waking me out of my short slumber. I had barely gotten any sleep. The horrifyingly depressing image of Brendon’s pure shocked disbelief kept reappearing in front of my eyes. Whenever I’d be seconds from dozing off, I’d have to open my eyes as wide as I could to rid the image from my mind and roll over to find a new comfortable position.

The normally unnoticeable dingle of the bell on the door to the entrance sounded like a siren. I was afraid to turn around. I already knew who it was. I listened to the quiet thud of his footsteps as he approached me. He plopped himself down in the armchair across the coffee table in front of me.

I looked up at him, trying to appear like I hadn’t noticed that he had just walked in. I could hear the soft padding of his rubber soles as he approached. He plopped himself down parallel to me in the armchair across the low chocolate coffee table. He was sitting on just the edge of chair with his legs spread, leaning forward with his arms on his knees. He gazed at me intensely for a second.

For the split second it took for him to sit down, I contemplated whether I should look surprised, as if I hadn’t noticed his entrance until he was right in front of me. But I didn’t have time to do much of anything. My worry had frozen me solid.

“Hello.” His voice was monotone and quiet.

I breathed in carefully, trying to plot my words- with no success. I loved how articulate I could be when it mattered. Not.

“Hi.” I was quiet and sheepish.

I hadn’t thought about how I wanted to make myself sound- and now that I sounded guilty and embarrassed, I wish I had looked further into it. Even though I was guilty and embarrassed. I hadn’t really planned out what I wanted to say to him, either.

“I guess you were never really into me, huh?” He asked.

I looked back up at him in a flash. He was suddenly interested in his shoes.

“No! Brendon! It’s not that at all. You know I really like you. And I still do.” I breathed. He shook his head in disappointment.

“I have so many questions on my mind, and that barely answered any of them. You know, Delilah, I don’t want to be with you if you’re more interested in Ryan.” He said. I tilted my head in thought.

“I’m confused, Brendon. I had this really important friendship with Ryan and then I basically lost it all. And you were there. You’re funny, nice, loving, cute. You’re a good person. And I was happy with you. I really was. Then Ryan came back along the same path. And now- I’m just really confused. I’m with you, but just this constant memory of Ryan is nagging at me in the back of my head, and I really don’t know what I have to do.”

Every speech that I had planned in my head was nothing compared to this. I was rambling a little, but other than that, it was exactly what I wanted to say. Except I didn’t prepare myself for what Brendon’s reaction was. I thought that he would have created a speech telling me that he was just as confused as I was, and that we were in the same boat. That’s what I wanted him to say, anyways.

He uttered only a few words. “You were happy with me? Aren’t you happy being with me now?” I was shaken. Had I really said that? Was that the only part Brendon had paid attention to?

“N-no! I mean, I- You’re one of my best friends, and I know that I could trust you with a lot. And I am happy being with you. I’m really glad you called me this morning.” I paused. “I just got out of this five year long relationship, that I got nothing out of but a few nice kisses, a shoulder to cry on, and hurt. I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship with anyone right now. I miss just being friends with everyone. I’ve just confused everyone; You, Jon, Spencer, Brent, and Ryan.” He merely nodded in understanding.

“That’s alright. This doesn’t mean our friendship’s over though. You can still have a shoulder to cry on and a few nice kisses if you want.” A grin reappeared on his face, and so did mine as I wiped away one of my tears.

“Brendon, I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean to hurt you.” He nodded again.

“That’s alright. Come here.” He opened his arms for a hug, and I got up out of my chair as he stood up. I buried my face in his chest one last time, trying to hide my reddened, tear streaked face. I felt him kiss the top of my head lightly, and I smiled. “So, Delilah,” I looked up at him, stepping away a little. “Let’s go get Ryan. I’m going to apologize to him, and we’ll go do something three BFF’s would do together.” I laughed and we walked out of Starbucks, my gingerbread latte forgotten, bound to make another ring on the table.


*


I peeked out of the car window to see if anyone was coming out of Ryan’s house. The time was ten forty-seven. It had been at least fifteen minutes since Brendon went in to try and talk to Ryan. Brendon had offered for me to come in with him, but I decided that it was a good idea if only he should go talk to him alone. While we were driving here from Starbucks, I had asked Brendon why he had to apologize to Ryan. Brendon told me that he had confronted him last night after I had left, and it got a little more than a reasonable chat. They were apparently yelling at each other and making a scene. I was really embarrassed when I heard this, and I apologized profusely.

I felt my phone rumble in my pocket. I didn’t even bother looking at the caller ID because I saw Brendon’s laughing face pressed against the glass of Ryan’s window to make himself look like a pig. I saw a phone on the side of his head.

Even though I was speaking, the grin didn’t fade from my face. “Hello?” I heard Ryan yelling in the background and some chuckling for a moment before I heard snorting in the background. I didn’t stop laughing until Brendon pulled his face away from the window and I heard his voice on my phone once more.

“Come in.”

“Alright.” I hung up and slipped my phone back into my purse, took the keys out of the ignition, and locked every door before jogging up to Ryan’s front step. I knocked politely on the door, waiting for an answer as I shuffled my pajama pants around to straighten myself out.


Ryan’s Point of View
I awoke to a loud knocking sound. I jumped out of my bed and started to tidy my room hastily. I threw my dirty clothes in the closet and straightened out the papers with all of the lyrics I had written on on my desk. I stopped for a second since I thought I heard my father’s heavy footsteps coming up stairs. I listened even harder, and realized that it was someone knocking on the front door. I sighed a dropped the pair of pants I was holding in my hand on the ground. I thought it had been my dad, and I wouldn’t want him to get angry because I hadn’t gotten up yet.

I looked at the digital clock. It read 10:30. I yawned and roughly pulled on a shirt and some old long johns that I often used for sleepwear, over my boxer shorts. I ruffled my hair as I walked down the stairs. I finally focused my eyes and saw Brendon standing in front of me. I was surprised, angry, and a little anxious to get whatever he was here for out of the way.

“Hey.” My voice was stiff. He didn’t smile.

“Can I come in?”

I murmured, “Yeah, I guess.” And then shuffled backwards out of the way. I lead him to my couch and gestured for him to sit down while I sat in my Dad’s armchair.

“Sorry about last night.” He said. Was he apologizing? After what I had done with Delilah? I arched my eyebrow. I hadn’t expected him to come here to apologize, I thought he’d want to get his CD’s and pants that I had borrowed from him, and return my stuff or something like that would finalized our friendship. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be friends with him, but I said some things that might have upset him enough to do something drastic like that. I sighed and gave up my feelings of frustration and my tough facade.

“Yeah, I’m sorry too, about Delilah and everything else.” I felt embarrassed that Brendon and I had gotten into a fight over a girl. ‘Not just a girl.’ I thought. He nodded.

“I guess I just over reacted.” Brendon looked down at my coffee table, and then a grin plastered his face. He looked up at me. “I think the manager was regretting booking us again.”

“What?”

“Oh, right. You and Delilah left before he came up. He wants us to play again before Christmas.” A mixture of pleasure and guilt overran my emotions. We were going to play again.

“Great! We’ll have to do another couple of big practices, and I think that I should get my guitar professionally tuned this time so we won’t have a repeat of last time. And we’ll have to paint some kind of logo on Spencer’s drum.” I started to ramble excitedly. Brendon grinned.

“So, we’re alright?”

I shrugged. “If you can forgive me.” He nodded, and then clapped me on the back. I smiled and went back on my ramble. “We’ll have to find someone with a talent for art or a professional. What’s the budget?” Brendon shrugged.

“Only what of yours, Spencer’s, and my paycheck is left over.” He jumped up, and breathed in with his teeth bared, and an expression that said he had just remembered that he forgot something. He went over to the main window and opened up the blinds, accidentally slamming his head on the window. “Damn!” I laughed. His left hand held his forehead and his right hand digging in his pocket for his cell phone.

“What’s up?” I held my hands in between my thighs trying to warm them, barely even sitting on the chair with my back straight.

“I forgot Delilah in the car.” My heart and stomach jumped simultaneously at the sound of her name but I played it off as if I hadn’t just gotten ten times more excited to see her again then I was when Brendon told me we had been booked again. He pressed his face up against the glass and slid down a little. He looked like a pig from the side. I smiled. I liked how he sounded like he had only forgotten a wallet or something small like that in the car instead of our close friend. And maybe because Delilah was here.

I got up to see if I could crane my neck far enough to see her, but I had forgotten about the leg rest a few inches in front of my knees. I tripped over it in my haste, and yelped as I fell to the floor. Brendon started laughing and then snorted a few times, sending me into a spasm of laughter. I was sprawled on the floor next to the coffee table shaking with laughter. I heard another light knocking on the door and got up while Brendon sauntered over to the entrance and opened the door again. I hopped up from my stance and ruffled my hair again.

She walked in; the light reflecting from the snow behind her making her complexion look like it was glowing and bright. I hadn’t noticed how long her natural light blonde hair was when she didn’t have it back combed. It was curled nicely, and pinned off to the side. She looked at me shyly, smiling, and then looked back down at her petit feet slipping out of their shoes.

“Why do you wear such little things all the time?” I hadn’t even noticed that Brendon was talking to her. It was strange how she could still look so captivating even in such a simple outfit. She was wearing simple grey sweatpants with no logo, tangled strings coming down from the front. I could tell that she was wearing multiple long sleeved shirts, but the dark navy blue one on top made her skin tone look brighter. She was wearing a beige scarf around her petit neck. I had noticed how usually, dark colors made girls with fair skin tones made them seem even paler, but not with Delilah. It only increased the radiance in her skin shade. Her cheeks were bright pink from the cold.

“You’re just jealous because you know that I’m more fashionable than you are.” She retorted. Brendon snorted, and Delilah walked into the living room. “Hi, Ryan.” She was quiet, and had a shy smile making her face seem more luminous.

“Uh, Hey.” I was lost for words. I didn’t know when I had become so shy around her. Maybe it was because I hadn’t really talked to her in the last month, or maybe when she let me kiss her last night, it changed my entire perception of her. I really couldn’t tell. Brendon jumped back into his spot on the couch.

“So, my friends, what’s the plan?” He asked. I yawned again.

“I think we should go to the mall.” She suggested. I looked at Delilah again. Her bright blue eyes flashed on me for a second, before she looked at the wall opposite where she was standing, the same shy smile carved into her face.

Brendon made a long whining sound. “We always go to the stupid mall.” I laughed.

“So?” Delilah held her hands on her hips and her face was furrowed, looking at Brendon sprawled over the couch with his head tossed back, looking at the ceiling. “I want to go so you guys can tell me what you want for Christmas. It’s already the tenth of December, and I want to get started. Besides, I know that Ryan wants to go to the mall.” Brendon sat up.

“No he doesn’t.” In a millisecond they were facing me.

“I- Uh-” I placed my hand on the back of my neck. I looked at Brendon glaring at me. I couldn’t take him seriously since he was trying to stop himself from laughing. I looked at Delilah. She still had her hands on her hips, and I smiled at her. Her face turned from a frown to that familiar introverted smile. “I guess we could go to the mall.”

Brendon whined again. “Humph. Not fair. If I had boobs then you’d pick me! What ever happened to the saying, ‘Bros before Hoes?’ huh?” Delilah turned to face Brendon.

“Hoes?” Delilah asked angrily. Brendon threw his hands up in the air.

“Not what I meant!” He said defensively. I laughed. “Fine. Let’s go to the boring mall.” He stood up and slumped his shoulders as he walked.

“Wait. Let me get some pants on.” I stood up. I saw Delilah nod, and Brendon sighed. “I’ll be just a minute.” I said reassuringly. Brendon finally gave the thumbs up and threw his head back on the arm rest of the sofa once more.


Delilah’s Point of View
I watched Ryan jump up the stairs. I turned to Brendon, who was collapsed lazily on the couch. I walked towards him.

“It’s too early for this.” He moaned.

“Brendon.” I whispered his name and he looked up at me, his expression was concerned. “What happened to Ryan’s mother?” I sat down beside him, and he sat up straight. His voice was almost quieter than mine.

“His parents go divorced when he was three.” He said. I nodded gloomily.

“Oh.” I said dismally. Ryan came bounding down the stairs with a tight fitting sweater and some skinnies with a simple pair of white skater shoes. I smiled at him. He half-grinned back at me. His hair wasn’t done up like normal, but I really liked the “You just caught me coming out of bed” look. It was cute. His deep brown eyes were perfect. They were deep and profound. I wondered what kinds of terrible things they had witnessed.

“Let’s go.” Brendon sighed and got up off of the couch. “I want to drive Ryan’s car.” Ryan nodded. I walked towards the door, and Ryan stopped to let me go through. I felt myself smiling once more.


*


“Why do you keep asking us what we like, and you won’t tell us what you like? Unless you want a shovel for Christmas, how am I supposed to know what you want?” Brendon was tugging on my scarf like a little child.

“Because you don’t have to get me anything.” I said. Ryan scoffed. We had started talking more frequently with the passing hour that we had been in the mall.

“Well, why would you expect to give presents without receiving them?” He ordered. I shrugged without looking at either of them.

“That’s not what Christmas is about.” I shook my head while browsing through the boy t-shirts on the rack. “What about this one, Ryan?”

Brendon interjected, “I think that’d look good on you, Delilah. Remember to put that on your list.” I grunted, and put the shirt huffily back on the shelf, throwing up my hands in defeat.

“Let’s go get something to drink.” I rushed out of the dark store and headed towards the food court. Brendon and Ryan were chatting happily behind me. I noticed that the mall already had large plastic snowflakes hanging from the ceiling, and large decorative Christmas trees placed strategically around the mall. There was a strong feeling of Christmas even though December had just begun. A soft Christmas carol was coming from inside a store that we were passing.

“Delilah!” I thought I heard my name being called, so I stopped walking, and looked around.

“What’s up?” Brendon looked around as well, and then looked at me.

“I thought I heard my-”

“Delilah!” I looked into the store that had been playing Christmas carols and I saw my friend, Audrey waving at me from behind the counter. I heard Brendon mutter something to Ryan, but I ignored it as I bustled up to Audrey. We were in a nice clothing store, every item was priced over a hundred dollars. Audrey wasn’t a large person, but she was about five inches taller than me. Her hair was dyed black with her bangs dyed blue. She had some rope wrapped around the top of her head, and a short black dress.

“What are you doing here so early?” I smiled.

“Oh, just browsing around for Christmas presents for those stubborn boys over there.” She laughed.

“Why are boys so hard to shop for?” She asked, in a sad tone. Brendon snorted in the background.

“What are you talking about? Have you ever had to shop for a girl?” Audrey furrowed her brow at Brendon and a frown was cast over her cheerful expression. I had quickly learned that Audrey wasn’t the type of person who was easy to get along with. Anyone that disagreed with her was put into an interrogation until they finally submissively established that Audrey was right. It hadn’t really happened to me since we pretty much agreed on the same things, and a few topics I knew we’d disagree on, I would narrowly avoid chatting about.

“Yeah, actually I have. It’s not hard if you listen to them.” Audrey stated. Brendon’s face was frowning in obvious disagreement.

“I do listen to them, but they seem to want everything that pops up on a commercial, or something that looks good on a different girl. I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of buying things for boys. They tell you exactly what they want, and if they don’t tell you what they want, just be creative.” Audrey didn’t really have anything to say. It looked like the first time anyone had made her change her mind.

“I like you. What’s your name?” I rolled my eyes.

“Brendon Urie. And yours is...” Both of them smiled simultaneously.

“Audrey Kitching. You know, I get off shift in about half an hour. Do you want to do something after that?”

“Yeah, sure. I can just stay here and wait for you if you want.”

“Oh, perfect.” Brendon and Audrey were immediately immersed in conversation. I shuffled over to Ryan and tapped him on the shoulder. He looked at me and smiled. I couldn’t help but take a quick look at his lips before looking back into his poetic coffee colored eyes.

I whispered to him. “Want to go to my house?” He nodded and smiled.


*


As Ryan and I walked into my house I heard my mother singing Christmas carols quite badly in the kitchen. There was a heavy aroma of baking cookies.

“Mum?” Shortly after, my mum bustled in with her oven mitts on and an old worn apron. She smiled.

“Oh, hello Dear. Hello, Ryan. Are you having a sleepover tonight?” Ryan took off his shoes and I tried to give my mum gestures to just get back in the kitchen and hide herself.

“Well, I-” My mum bustled in and put her arm around Ryan. She smelled like flour and sugar. I hung up my scarf on the banister.

“Oh, c’mon. I just made cookies. They’ll be ready in a minute and you can have as many as you want. Only if you stay the night.” I rolled my eyes and grabbed Ryan by the arm.

“Jesus, Mum! You sound like a pedophile trying to lure in little children!” She stood in front of me with her hands on her hips in a motherly way with her mouth agape. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ryan hiding a smile.

“Delilah. You know you don’t sound very ladylike when you say those awful things, you know. Anyway, Ryan-”

“Bloody hell, mum!” I turned to Ryan. “Please, for the love of god, say you’re staying over tonight so she’ll shut up!” I was close enough to see that Ryan’s was tempting himself not to smile or laugh.

“Of course, Ms. White.” He smirked. She clapped her hands together and smiled.

“Excellent. I’ll put on the tea, Hm?” She walked into the kitchen, humming to herself. I rolled my eyes.

“Let’s watch a movie?” He nodded his head and then slipped his shoes off, following me to the couch. He sat down while I showed him ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ movie cover and he nodded his head vigorously with a smile on his face. I popped the DVD into the player and sat down with the remote in hand. I hadn’t noticed how close I was sitting by Ryan until I felt the warmth from his leg against my own. He grabbed the blanket from the corner of the couch and unfolded it, covering both of us up. I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them while I felt Ryan crossing his legs. I looked at the blinking time on the DVD player. It said that it was four o’clock in the afternoon. We had spent a long time just browsing through shops at the mall. It was already dusk outside. It was strange since I was still used to it getting dark at around ten o’clock at night.


*


By the end of the movie it was six o’clock and mum had already made us a nice salad for supper. Ryan was lying across the couch, and I was lying on top of him. I enjoyed feeling my body rise and lower to the rhythm of Ryan’s breath. It was steady and smooth. His chin was resting on my head, and I could tell that this was going to be a very good night. I reluctantly got up and looked outside, stretching. It was already pitch black outside, and it felt like it was eleven o’clock at night. I turned off the television and yawned.

“Want to go up to my room and see what there is to do there?” He nodded and smiled, quickly and sloppily folding the blanket back up. He looked really cute when he was struggling with the first fold. He kept dropping the corners, and it seemed like his arms just weren’t long enough to fold it completely. He shook his head and said ‘No’ when I offered to help him. As he placed the blanket back on the corner of the couch, he stood looking proudly at it for a second. I patted him on the back and we sauntered up to my room. For the longest time, I was sitting on my bed just chatting with Ryan while he looked through all of my things. He finally got to my desk and saw my art project on top.

“Did you draw this?” He held up a large piece of square paper with charcoal markings on it. The brown, yellow, and turquoise colors complimented each other nicely on the blank paper. It showed a boy holding an old time music player with smoke around him, and two large bats flying out in the distance. I nodded when he finally looked away from the picture and at me. “This is awesome. You really have a talent for this.”

“I used to draw every day in London. You know, for recreation and such. I took a lot of classes, and when I’m here I just don’t feel like doing it, except after I hang out with you.” I felt silly confessing this to him, but he just smiled and placed my drawing back on the desk. He came over to my bed and sat by me. When he sat down, our hips and shoulders were connected. “What are your talents?”

“I don’t think I have any.” I hated how he was so insecure. I hated everyone who made him like this. He deserved to love himself in the least, and he couldn’t even do that. I shook my head in disagreement.

“You play guitar marvelously, and you can sing quite well. Here-” I got off of the bed and got on my hands and knees to reach under the bed. I pulled out a guitar case and tossed it gently onto the bed. Ryan looked at it in awe like it was some kind of treasure. I really didn’t know anything about guitars.

“Do you know how to play?” He asked, looking at me, and then looking back at the instrument. I opened the case to expose a nice, slightly worn guitar.

“Oh, gosh, no. It was my Dad’s. He said that I could have it before he left.” Ryan traced the guitar strings with his fingers. I felt suddenly shy. “Will you play me something, Ryan?” He looked at me, and smiled. He then took the instrument carefully out of the case and shoved the case aside, placing the guitar’s strap around his neck and the acoustic guitar on his lap. We were sitting on the very edge of my bed.

“I’m not as good at singing as Brendon, though.” I shook my head and gestured for him to start playing anyways. He strummed on the guitar and started singing to me softly. I was mesmerized by his soft, masculine voice. I watched his face, relaxed, yet still concentrated while he played. His eyes were watching his own hands strum on my father’s guitar. He was singing one of his own songs that I hadn’t heard before. It was slow and the lyrics were as complex and meaningful as always. We were sitting side by side on the edge of my bed. I leaned on him as he sang.

On the inside, I felt elated and happy, but I was calm. I rested my head on his shoulder. He kept time by tapping his foot gently on the carpet. He finished his song on a low note and placed the guitar squarely on his lap. I sat up straight again, and smiled at him.

“Ryan, that was absolutely beautiful.” He grinned, but didn’t say anything. I put my hand on his lap. His eyes were looking into mine, and his handsome face was smiling.

“Now, they say pictures say a thousand words, but-” I snapped out of my trance and looked at my mother standing in the door way with glasses of milk and cookies on a tray. I jumped to my feet with my hands clenched at my sides.

“Ryan lets go for a walk.” I got up, and walked out of my room. I heard him apologize to my mother as he walked by, and as soon as we were in the hallway I apologized to him for my mum. For a few minutes, I didn’t let him see my face straight on, because I was smiling like crazy and blushing profusely. I had offered a large jacket to Ryan, and helped myself to one. We left the house with my mother calling her apology from the kitchen, but it was too late. I had shut the door, well, more or less accidentally slammed it while she was talking. I covered my hand with my mouth.

“Oh gosh! I hope she’s not mad.” I opened the door once more. “It’s OK Mum. We’ll be back in a little bit.” She hustled out from the kitchen and smiled, waving us off. I was glad that she wasn’t angry. I closed the door with a little more grace than before. Ryan was smiling. We started walking. I really had no map in mind, just being with Ryan felt like enough at the time. We were walking side by side, connected by the shoulders. Someone would occasionally walk off beat, and we’d bump shoulders, but it only made me smile more since it was a reminder that he was there.

We walked for about fifteen minutes. It was getting cold and dark. We had just passed the local skating rink. We went up to the doors to get some hot chocolate, but it was closed for renovations for the next week.

“I’m sorry about my mum, by the way.” I said. He shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s fine. You look cute, though.” He sounded kind of concerned.

“Oh, I- P-pardon?” Had he just said cute? I was facing Ryan. He had his eyebrow arched, and then he looked embarrassed and surprised.

“I-I meant cold. You look cold.” I smiled. I had heard what he said. Even if it was simply a slip of the tongue, it made me blush. I decided that I was going to be more outgoing than I felt.

“Well, I think you look cute.” I mechanically raised my hands to cover my mouth. Too outgoing! Oh gosh! He stood there for a second. The sky was brown, the color that it gets after it snows outside. It gave enough light for me to see Ryan’s blushing, smiling face perfectly. We simply stared at each other happily for more than a moment, before I stuttered, “Uh, maybe we should head home now?” He smiled even wider, and nodded. We started walking back along the ice coated sidewalk.

I was going to watch my feet to make sure that I didn’t make a fool of myself and fall. I certainly wasn’t going to ruin this for myself. I looked over at Ryan, and he looked back at me, and smiled, exposing his teeth. I stepped on a polished piece of ice and started to struggle to regain my composure. I grabbed onto Ryan, but it was too late. My heart stopped beating for a second, and I held my breath, ready to plunge into the foot deep snow. I fell backwards into someone’s front lawn. It felt like falling into a nicely made bed with feather quilts and light blankets that flew all over you, except it was cold and wet.

I was about to open my eyes, when I felt Ryan fall on top of me, pushing me even farther into the layer of thick snow. I opened my eyes. Ryan was looking right at me. I felt myself blushing from a mixture of the cold, and embarrassment.

“You know I meant it when I said you were cute.” My stomach twisted into an excited knot. Ryan’s face was only inches from my own freezing one.

“So did I.” I looked into his hypnotizing hazel eyes, and at his striking features. I was shaking from the cold, but I pretended that I didn’t notice. It felt like I was being teased with Ryan so close to my face, and so close to my body, pushing me into the ground. I was getting tired of just looking at him. I raised my snow covered arms and put my wet hands on his cheeks, raising my head so my lips could touch his.

He left his lips on mine for a few seconds before pulling back. I blushed, embarrassed. He jumped up. I wasn’t sure what he was doing. I had to apologize to him. I was so mortified. He must think I’m the biggest loser ever. He didn’t even wait to offer his hand. His hands quickly grabbed my own and pulled me up. I stood there, confused. He held my waist and then came close to my face, his lips crashed against mine.

I half smiled and threw my arms around his neck.