FicWad

June 9th, 2009:


I'm missing my own girlfriend's birthday party as I write this, mostly because I couldn't get down there but also for another reason that I'm ashamed to repeat to anyone especially myself. Right now she's at DisneyWorld with her father and all the stepfamily involved with him. I really wanted to be there with her, partly because I love her and just want to be there (her dance recital would follow shortly afterwards and I wanted to stay there to watch; she's very passionate about her dance) but also because my childhood was fairly...different from someone else's, but I clearly didn't get to visit her at all.

The next time I get to see her in person will be in about a month for three weeks of TIP, all without parental supervision. Being grateful for this time doesn't match up to what I feel about getting to be with her again... She is my life and my world, and it seems like everything falls apart when we're apart. What makes it all worth it is knowing that at TIP, everything will be perfectly alright.

I've started mowing Mrs. Anderson's lawn for some money, my first day being about a month back, to pay for both Luna's birthday present and future gifts/visits. My plan for this year's birthday present is to send her a recording of a song I learned to play on the piano "Drops of Jupiter" by Train, and thus some cash is needed for a recording studio. The job's great, I'm paid well, and it's all worth it. There's just one problem: Aubrey.

I honestly didn't know that this would become any sort of complication; she and I were just friends, good friends at that. I mean, I know she used to have a crush on me even though I was a grade lower than her, but I was positive that she didn't anymore. Or at least, that's what came up first in my mind.

It started off small, as in she'd personally give me the "paycheck" after a glass of well-deserved water and then I'd be on my way, but after a few weeks Aubrey and I would start talking when she would hand me my drink, occasionally talking for over an hour; I still didn't suspect anything by this point. Then it got kind of out of hand... We began taking walks around the lake together, with its tranquil scenery and fresh air, always in secrecy; no one could know a thing, for they would assume the worst out of us. Eventually on these serene walks, we would hold hands and soon we were attached at the hip whenever I wasn't talking to Luna.

I'd tell Luna that I was going for a bike ride around my neighborhood, and I fed my mother some lie about just walking around, but in truth I was satisfying my craving for holding a woman in my arms. The attraction to Aubrey is only physical, and so I'm not in love with her; how could I be with an amazing future waiting for me with the goddess I fell in love with first?

Earlier today I had yet another outing with Aubrey, but this time I was taking her to a place that only Luna and I had been to before; it's a special place, a place where I always feel at peace, a place that I could clear my head, and it happens to be the place where Luna and I had first attempted to have sex and ended up making out instead. Now, it's the location that Aubrey and I kissed for the first time, tongues and all. I am fully disgusted with myself, since I'm considered a cheater as of this point. To hide this from Luna, the woman I'm supposed to have children with and marry, is going to tear me apart.

Happy Birthday baby... I pray you never read this.



okay sorry this took while and that it's kinda short but I promise it gets better next couple of chapters!!!