FicWad

His words echoed in my head for a second… I mean I heard him I just didn’t believe him…

“No he's not.” I say shaking my head slightly and Mr. Samuel just looked at me…

“Elle I'm sorry they found him a little while ago.” He says and I can the lunch bell ringing now but it sounded so far away…

“He's not dead… he can’t be dead.” I said softly to myself and I could feel myself growing faint at the thought. I just talked to him. I told him I’d see him later… He can’t be dead…

“Elle why don’t you sit down.” I hear Mr. S say as he reached for me and the next thing I know I'm sitting in the chair by his desk and he's kinda kneeling in front of me… Sorta like Gerard did yesterday. “Are you all right?” He says reaching up to brush the hair from my face and I let him… I mean a few seconds ago I was about to scream and now he's touching me and I don’t really care…

“What do you mean dead?” I ask and Mr. S frowned a little. “I mean you don’t mean like dead dead, do you.” I say desperately clinging on to false hopes.

“I'm sorry Elle.” Mr. Samuel replies and I shook my head no again.

“No.” I say like if I don’t accept it it’s not true…

“He suffocated and-“ Mr. Samuel starts to say and panic grips me.

“Someone suffocated him!” I cry out terrified.

“He suffocated himself.” Mr. S says and I frown a little confused. “Elle he went unconscious from the lack of oxygen.” He says and I shut my eyes a little remembering him with that damn bag pressed up against his face. Breathing deeply from it as Frankie and I walked away…

“oh god.” I sighed and I felt myself trembling involuntarily.

“Elle huffing is incredibly dangerous, what he did was...” I hear Mr. S say and I open my eyes. He was still kinda kneeling in front of me… “Were you doing it to?” He asks me and I shake my head no. “But you were there.” He says as he kinda stood up.

“Frankie said it was a short cut that’s all.” I say softly squeezing my eyes shut again. “We stopped and talked to him for a few minutes and then kept going.” I say and I feel Mr. Samuels hand on my face… on my cheek, so I open my eyes.

“So you’re telling me you’ve never done that?” He asks me and I shake my head no. Mr. S sighed a little as he stood up. I think he believed me… I wasn’t sure…”Elle I want to tell you-“ He started to say and he sounded like it was something pretty damn important but I don’t know. There was a knock on the door that interrupted him. It was the secretary lady and Frankie was right behind her with a confused look on his face.

“Ah thank you Joanne.” Mr. S says to her. I guess he sent for Frankie, which was weird cause he came and got me himself…

“Elle what's going on-“ Frankie says cautiously as he came in. I mean it was obvious I was beyond distraught… Mr. Samuel wasn’t as badly stressed as when we were alone before but you could still feel it in the air…

“Oliver’s dead Frankie!” I blurt out and Frankie just looked at me for a moment. I don’t know if he didn’t believe me or maybe it’s just a guy thing but all he said was “whoa…” That was it… He didn’t cry, he didn’t’ fall apart like I did…He just kinda stood there nervously until Mr. Samuel made him sit down…”I told you I had a bad feeling Frankie.” I say as he sat.

Mr. Samuel said the cops wanted to talk to us both…I don’t know what for. I mean we weren’t there… I mean we were there, but we weren’t there when he died. I guess they just wanted to make sure. I don’t know. I couldn’t focus anymore. I mean I still didn’t believe it! Oliver can’t be dead! I just talked to him. I told him I’d see him later… Fuck… Why didn’t I stop him?

All of a sudden the door opened again and a cop walks in. As luck would have it, it was the same cop who was at my house last night during the fire.

“You two again!” He says looking at me and Frankie and Mr. S frowned.

Apparently some kids ditching class found him… The cop said he suffered an arrhythmia, causing sudden cardiac arrest… I wasn’t quite sure what that meant and I honestly didn’t want to know. Poor Jeff… I mean I don’t have any siblings but I know what its like to lose somebody close to you… He's gonna be devastated… His whole family is…

After many painful and pointless questions the cop finally shut his notepad and stood up… He said something to Mr. S before walking out… I wasn’t really listening… I was so fucking hungry since I hadn’t eaten all day but I felt too sick to actually eat… Didn’t matter now my lunch was practically over… I bet Ray told Gerard I was gonna be in the cafeteria too… fuck… I still don’t know what I'm gonna do about him…

I glanced up at the clock… Only a few more classes to go now, Fuck-‘you CAN do this Elle’… I said to myself and then it hits me… Do what? I mean what the fuck am I doing? Where am I gonna go when school gets out?

“Come on Elle.” Frankie says as he stands up and I nod and reach for my bag.

“Not so fast.” Mr. Samuel says harshly as he shut the door again.

“What?” Frankie kinda laughed.

“Sit. Down.” He says gesturing for Frankie to sit and Frankie frowns but obliged…”If I find out that either one of you were lying.” He says and I sigh loudly.

“What the hell!” I cry out and Mr. Samuel raised his eyebrow at me and I shrugged. Hell’s not a curse word... is it?

“I'm giving you fair warning.” He says to both of us but he was only looking at Frankie.

“I know Mr. S!” I say a little frustrated. “I know what you’re going to say. ‘I'm not gonna sit by and watch you throw your life away blah blah blah…’.” It was the same speech he's given me a million times… “You don’t want me to end up like my mother I know!” I tell him as I pick my bag up off the floor…

“Elle I just wanna stress to you-“ He starts to say and I shake my head a little.

“Look can we talk about it after school?” I ask him and he raised his eyebrows up a little at me.

“After school?” He says like he didn’t really believe me.

“Yeah you said I could come back for my box.” I say and Frankie’s making a face me like what the hell was I talking about.

“Uh yes I did.” Mr. Samuel replies.

“So it’s not like I have anywhere else to go.” I shrug and Frankie’s frowning now but I'm trying not to look at him… “So I thought maybe I could go through it here, if you don’t mind.” I say and Mr. S smiled. I mean it looked like he was trying not to but he couldn’t help himself.

“Yeah sure that’s no problem Elle.” He tells me shifting some papers around on his desk and I nod. “You're going to lunch now?” Mr. S says and I look up at the clock again.

“Uh actually no, my lunch is almost over.” I tell him.

“You're not gonna eat again!” Frankie cries out and I frown.

“Again?” Mr. Samuel says frowning himself.

“Look there's no time okay.” I tell them both.

“Elle why don’t you have something to eat before going to English class.” Mr. S tells me and I shake my head no.

“No I've missed English too many times already, I cant.” I tell him and he sighed a little.

“I’ll call the office and let them know to mark you excused.” He says and I frown. “Just go grab yourself something to eat and come right back.” He tells me and I make a face.

“I don’t have my truck, I can’t go anywhere.” I say as he stands up, putting his suit jacket on.

“Well I'm on my way out to lunch now, you could come with me.” He says and I shrug like I suppose so…Frankie suddenly coughs loudly and we both look over at him.

“Or she could grab something in the cafeteria…with the rest of the students” He says and I shrug like whatever…

Mr. Samuel kinda just looked at him for a second.

“Whatever you want to do Elle.” Mr. S says and I hesitated. Whatever I want to do? I don’t know what I want to do… I guess Frankie sensed my hesitation caused he grabbed my arm roughly.

“We’re going to the cafeteria.” He says his voice matching his actions.

“All right.” I tell him. I really didn’t care. I was in no mood to argue. I mean Frankie could’ve told me we were going to fucking sewers and I would’ve agreed…

As we walked out Frankie was giving me this look… It was weird… He wouldn’t stop either. I had had enough by the time we got to the cafeteria.

“What is it Frankie!” I kinda yell at him.

“Elle what were you thinking huh?” He says coming out of nowhere.

“I wasn’t thinking anything.” I tell him and he smirks.

“You got that right!” He says and I frown. “I mean you were gonna go on a date with him!” He says rather outraged. I turned to see if maybe he was talking to someone behind me but he wasn’t…

“What are you talking about?” I say as we went up to the food line.

“Mr. Samuel!” He whispers harshly at me.

“Frankie!” I laugh. What the hell is he talking about!

“Well, when two people go out for lunch, that’s called a date!” He says and I laugh again.

“Fuck Frankie don’t tell me you're one of them now!” I say and he makes a face. “I mean really you guys should all start a ‘I don’t trust him club’. Gerard could be president, Ray could be treasurer, and you could be the mascot.” I laugh.

“I don’t know what the fuck you're talking about Elle.” Frankie says laughing a little himself as he filled his tray with assorted crap as we made our way down the line. Mine was still empty though… nothing seemed appealing to me for some reason…”But all I'm saying is that there's something off about him.” He tells me and I shrug.

“He's just…” I pause a second trying to come up with the right word but I couldn’t seem to find it…”That’s just the way he is you know?” I say and Frankie rolls his eyes a little at me.

“Whatever.” He shrugs. “But Gerard's not gonna like you going there after school.” He says and now I roll my eyes at him.

“Frankie don’t start okay.I haven’t talked to Gerard all day and I'm not about to now.” I say and Frankie frowns.

“You haven’t talked to him yet?” He says and I shake my head no. “Shit.” He mumbles.

“Why have you?” I ask him and he shakes his head no.

“I've been avoiding him Elle.” He says and I kinda smile.

“Yeah me too.” I say and he frowns.

“You gotta talk to him.” He tells me and I shrug. “Seriously Elle.” He says and I shrug again.

“Why?” I ask and Frankie kinda laughed. “Why don’t you talk to him huh? Why are you avoiding him?” I ask Frankie as we wait on line to pay now…

“I just thought it would be better for you to tell him what happened.” He says lowering his voice down and I smile.

“But you said nothing happened.” I tease him.

“Well nothing did happen Elle, but I doubt I'm gonna get past the second sentence without him knocking me out.” Frankie says and I laugh. Frankie didn’t.

“Oh come on.” I nudge him.

“I'm serious Elle.” He says and I laugh again.

“You guys are so dramatic. Gerard's not like that!” I say and Frankie just shook his head a little like I was wrong… “So that’s why you didn’t touch me.” I say and he grinned a little. “Cause you were scared of Gerard.” I say and he looked around the room quickly.

“Actually no.” he says and I wrinkle my eyebrows at him as the cashier lady totaled up his order. “I was more scared of Bob.” He says and I laugh.

“Bob!?” I laugh. Now he's being ridiculous… Why would Bob care if I got with Frankie? I was about to ask him to when the cashier lady spoke interrupting us.

“That’s 8.75” She tells him and he starts patting his pockets.

“Oh man.” He says a little panicked. “Elle I think I left my wallet in my gym locker.” He says and I smile. “My keys too.” He says and I shrug. The cashier lady just looked at him. “I got like two bucks on me.” He says pulling two crumbled bills from his pocket.

“Well that’ll pay for some of it.” She says and he frowns. “Your gonna have to put some of it back.” She tells him and he looks over at me.

“Aw come on Frankie you're seriously not gonna eat all that crap!” I tell him and he makes a face.

“We’re gonna share it.” He says and I laugh sharply. “Well what's on your tray!” He says and I look at it… it was empty still.

“mm nothing.” I say and he nods. “Whatever Frankie- here.” I say pulling a ten out of my purse and giving it to the cashier. “Damn you’re an expensive date.” I tell him and he grins.

“You could’ve went with Mr. Samuel. I'm sure he would’ve taken you someplace nice.” Frankie laughs as he headed towards the table where they usually sat… I spotted Chrissy right away. She was looking over at me frowning a little…I don’t think she likes me… well actually I don’t think she likes me being around Frankie…She leant over and said something to Mikey and he looked over and frowned at me too…But it was more like a ‘what the hell are you doing here’ kinda frown… I didn’t see Bob anywhere but I know this is his lunch… Unless he went out for lunch…

As we walked towards the table I heard someone whispering about Oliver… I guess it got around… Sounded like everybody knew… I suddenly felt sick…The thought of Oliver dying alone in the woods like that…

“Um Frankie I'm just gonna take my stuff to class.” I say grabbing a bagel off his tray and a juice bottle.

“What?” He says like he didn’t believe it.

“No really I… I just, I gotta get back to class.” I tell him and he sighed a little. I didn’t give him a chance to argue back. I just took off out the door and down the hall… I wasn’t going to class, that was for sure… I just needed some air…

I needed to clear my head and think a little and I knew exactly where to go- under the bleachers in the back of the gym…I figured I could be alone for a while…And I was…for a little while atleast…

I never thought he’d find me there…but he did.

I don’t know how he found me either… I mean I don’t think he was looking for me. I think maybe we both just kinda ended up there… Unless maybe he was looking for me I don’t know…

I was sitting there a good ten or fifteen minutes by myself eating my bagel slowly, lost in my thoughts when he came up behind me. I didn’t ever hear him at first…

“Hey.” He says kinda softly and I jumped a little his voice startling me.

“Aw Paul, you scared me half to death!” I said swatting at his arm as he sat down next to me on the cold floor.

“Why you sitting on the floor love?” He says and I shrug. Sitting on the floor was not like me… Especially not in a dress, but for some reason I didn’t really care right now…

“What are you doing here?” I ask him as he kinda pulled his knees up to his chest.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He says to me and I don’t answer him. I just take a sip from my juice bottle. It was silent for a moment…

“I didn’t want to go to class…I…” I sniffled a little. “I just don’t know what to say to Jeff.” I tell him and I'm not sure why I'm even talking to him… Why I'm opening up to him... After everything that’s happened…

“Elle Jeff went home.” He says and I shrug. ”And what do you mean what are you gonna say to him?” He asks me and I sigh.

“I mean what do I say to him!” I say a little loudly. I was getting upset suddenly. “I mean what the fuck do I say to him huh!” I say and Paul just looked at me like he wasn’t sure what I was saying. “Do I send fucking flowers? Is that how it works!” I cry out throwing my juice bottle down… Fuck.. I was littering. I hate littering…

“Uh Elle, you know how it works.” Paul says and I shake my head a little staring over at the glass bottle. It had come to rest by the foot of the bleachers. I was gonna have to go pick it up.

“Fuck. I know how it works Paul!” I tell him a little annoyed. “That’s not what I'm saying!” I tell him and he just looked at me. “All the fucking flowers and sympathy cards, mean shit.” I say and he sighs a little.

“Elle that’s not-“ He tries to say but I talk over him.

“Don’t even say its not true cause I'm telling you. All the I'm sorrys in the world mean shit. Olivers dead Paul.” I say trying to hold back my tears.

“I know baby.” He says reaching over and putting his hand on my back and I didn’t stop him.

“I should've fucking stopped him.” I say wiping my eyes a little.

“What?” Paul asks me and I just start crying. I couldn’t help it. I just felt so guilty… Even if I didn’t stop him, I should've stayed with him. Atleast then he wouldn’t have died all alone…

“I should've stopped him.” I sobbed and Paul reached over and pulled me against him… I just cried into his chest. “I should've stayed with him…”

“Elle wait you were there?” He says pulling back from me slightly. I kinda nodded as I looked at him through my tears. “Elle were you-“ He starts to say accusingly and I shake my head no quickly…

“No, we were cutting through the woods and we stopped and talked to him for a few minutes and then we left I swear.” I say and Paul sighs a little and pulls me back against him…

“Aw Elle.” He sighs and it hits me… I would’ve never been in the woods if it wasn’t for him. If he wasn’t such an ass about giving Frankie a ride…

“This is your fault!” I cry out suddenly angry as I try to pull back from him, but he tensed up. And he was so much stronger then me, he just held me close against him.

“What?” He says sounding slightly amused.

“If you gave me a ride.” I say and he smiles.

“I was gonna give you a ride.” He says and I frown. “Just not him.” He tells me.

“Whatever.” I say struggling against him. “Just let me go.” I tell him roughly… I don’t know what I was thinking opening up to him. He's an ass. He's always been and he always will be…

“See this is exactly why Elle.” He says letting me go. I should've gotten up and walked away… But stupidly I let him lure me back in to conversation…

“Why what?” I ask.

“Why I don’t want you hanging around them.” He says and I frown.

“Excuse me?” I demand.

“Elle you shouldn’t have fucking been there.” He tells me and I shake my head.

“Oliver would’ve died if I was there or not.” I tell him and he shrugs.

“Yeah but you.” He says pointing at me. “You shouldn’t have been there.” He says and I just looked at him. “Elle ever since you got with ‘him’ I don’t know what the fucks been going on.” He tells me and I roll my eyes a little.

“Paul please.” I tell him as I get up to go fetch my juice bottle. Paul stood up too…

“No really I mean is that how you want to end up?” He asks me and I make a face at him. “You wanna end up like Oliver huh?” He says to me and I feel my eyes welling up with tears again. “Cause that’s what he's doing to you Elle.” He says and I shake my head no.

“Just stop.” I tell him and he laughs a little in frustration.

“Bunch of suicidal freaks Elle.” He tells me and I bite my lip a little. “You wanna be one of them?” He says stepping in front of me blocking the way out…

“Paul.” I say lowering my eyes down. It just wasn’t worth it arguing with him anymore.

“You wanna sit around in the dark?” He mocks me. “Listen to death metal hmm? Maybe slit your wrists?” He says and he grabs my arm and twists it a little and my scar seemed to glow in the sunlight…

“No.” I cry out in panic as I pulled my arm back from him. But it was too late. The expression on my face must’ve given me away…

“Oh fuck. You did this didn’t you?” He says grabbing my arm again and examining it.

“Stop!” I tell him straining to pull it back.

“Elle I…” He suddenly didn’t know what to say… But his voice, it was filled with such disappointment… He was just looking at me like how could you... I shut my eyes a little. I don’t know why I felt like I had to justify myself to him but I did…

“I thought…I was pregnant.” I said softly and I felt his grip tighten on my arm. “Ow.” I wince a little and he lets me go. I open my eyes and he's completely infuritated.

“I'm gonna kill him.” He says and I reach over and grab his arm.

“It wasn’t him!” I say loudly and he looked at me a little confused. “It was…oh fuck..” I sighed a little. Paul just looked at me like I better go on… “It was from Christmas.” I say my voice shaking from the memories. "I just couldnt deal with everything..." I say biting my lip once again...

“Aw Elle.” Paul says his face softening and he pulled me back into his arms and I let him… I let him comfort me… I don’t know why. I guess cause I needed it… And he was there…

It was strangely familiar in a way being back in his arms… It was like time had somehow rewound itself and I was back in a different place. A different time… Back when we first got together. Yeah my mom was dead and it hurt, but I had my papa. And I had Bobbi-Jo taking care of me, making me birthday cakes and I had my friends and I had a home… I never realized how much that meant to me until it was gone…

I found myself sobbing once again into Pauls arms…

“Elle let me take care of you huh?” I hear him say and I wipe my eyes a little.

“what?” I say trying to compose myself.

“Like the way it was hmm?” He says. I guess he felt it too…

“Paul.” I say softly protesting.

“Elle please.” He says taking my hand in his. I felt him run his hand along my finger where my ring from Gerard no longer was, but he didn’t say anything…”Elle I wanna take care of you.” He says and I feel my heart tensing up but I'm not sure why. “You don’t want to be suffering like this baby.” He says and I shut my eyes a little… He's right…I don’t want to suffer anymore…"And you dont need to. I promise you." He says and I feel myself tremble in his arms...

“Paul.” I repeat again and he shushes me, placing his finger softly on my lips.

“Just let me take care of you.” He says gently running his finger along my lip and as he pulled it away he leant forward to kiss me...