FicWad

“Stop.” I said putting my hand up and blocking him as I leant to the side avoiding his kiss. He was still holding me in his arms tightly against him. He stroked the hair away from the side of my face as I turned from him. “No.” I said softly as he kissed my cheek.

“You know I love you Elle.” I hear him say gently and I can feel his breath on my cheek.

“Please just stop.” I said shutting my eyes and taking a deep breath. I could feel his face against mine… his hand in my hair. I felt his lips brush against my cheek again and I turned my head even further from him in disgust. He didn’t seem to notice… Just moved his kiss down my neck and I shivered at familiarity of the sensation…

“Elle.” He sighed my name and I suddenly felt weak in the knees. “Let me take care of you, hmm, like it was.” He whispers in my ear. “We were good together…remember?” He says faintly and I feel myself being sucked into my memories…I did remember. I remembered how safe I use to feel with him… Like nothing bad could ever happen cause he was always there to take care of it. If I had a problem I’d go to him and never think twice about it again. In fact I never had to think at all... He made all the decisions… Being with him was easy… It was too easy… that’s how I knew it was wrong…

“Paul no I can’t.” I say roughly pulling back from him. He sighed a little like what the hell… “I can’t go back to way things were I just can’t…” I tell him and he sighed again in frustration… He was use to me just going along with him, mostly cause I always did… I mean I would talk about being independent and self-sufficient but it was all crap. Anytime anything got too tough I would go to him…

“It wasn’t so bad now was it?” He says and I just looked at him. “Elle come back to me and I promise I will treat you they way you deserve to be treated.” He says stroking my cheek softly and for a second it sounded appealing… He looked so sincere… I almost wanted to believe him…”I will take care of you and you’ll never have to worry about anything again love.” He says and I sighed a little. “I know you Elle, that’s what you want…it’s what you’ve always wanted.” He says grabbing my hips and pulling me closer to him.

“No Paul stop!” I say loudly pushing back from him. “You just wanna fucking put me in a glass box on your shelf next to your trophies.” I tell him and he shrugs.

“So…what's wrong with that?” He says and I widen my eyes at him.

“I'm not some plaything!” I say a little outraged. “You think you're just gonna pull me down and play with me and when you're done you could just put me back in my box to keep me safe!” I start to yell at him and he half smiles at me.

“You make it sound like a bad thing.” He says and I studied his face for a second to see if he was serious… Holy shit. He was.

“It is a bad thing.” I say and he laughs.

“Elle wanting to keep someone you love safe isn’t a bad thing.” He tells me and I just looked at him sadly. ”I'm only telling you this cause I love you.” He says and I bite my lip a little. “You're too delicate for this world.” He says and I frown. “You are baby, I'm sorry.” He says and I shake my head no.

“I'm stronger then you think.” I tell him and he laughs lightly.

“And the world is crueler then you could imagine.” He replies and I frown. “Elle I've always tried to protect you from it, so you don’t know.” He sighs. “But I can’t keep doing it.” He adds.

“Well you don’t have to.” I tell him and he kinda ignored me and kept talking.

“I'm not gonna be able to keep doing it, -especially if you're gonna continue to hang around with them.” He says and I roll my eyes a little. “Its one or the other Elle, and you need me.” He says and I shake my head no.

“No. No I don’t.” I tell him and he faintly smiles.

“You can’t do this alone.” He says and I rubbed my eyes a little remembering Frankies words…

“I'm not alone.” I say and he grabs my hand and holds up my ring less finger.

”You sure about that now?” He says and I don’t know what hurt more, his words or the way he was twisting my hand…

“Just let me go.” I said pulling my hand back from him.

“Elle don’t be stupid about this.” He tells me and I sighed as I picked my bag up off the floor. “I'm giving you another chance now.” He says and I laugh.

“You're giving me another chance!” I repeat back to him slightly amused.

“Mm-hmm.” He says and I just looked at him in disbelief, I thought maybe he was kidding but he was serious.

“You know what? I don’t even know what to say to you anymore Paul.” I tell him and he gives me that boyish grin he’s used on me so many times before…

“Say that you’ll give us another shot.” He says and I smile at the ridiculousness of the thought…

“I can’t.” I say and I guess he mistook my smile as encouragement…

“You can.” He says smiling back at me.

“I wont.” I say putting on a serious face. I had to put an end to this…

“You will.” He grins back at me.

“Paul!” I kinda laugh at his persistence.

“Naw Elle, you will… you’ll see I've changed.” He insists and I frown.

“You looked like the same asshole this morning.” I say under my breath and he heard me.

“Elle I've told you those fucking punks are bringing you down.” He says and I sigh.

“Are we gonna go through this again?” I say frustratedly. “I mean it’s like a fucking loop with you! It’s the same fucking conversation over and over again! You haven’t changed at all!” I cry out and he frowns.

“I have changed and I'm gonna prove it to you.” He says and I roll my eyes a little at him.

“Yeah well good luck with that.” I say pushing past him as the bell rang faintly… You could hardly hear it outside…

I left Paul under the bleachers and headed back into the school… Although I don’t know why I was going back into the school… I had totally ditched art with Gerard…The late bell was ringing now. I was suppose to be in gym class with Bob…

But I couldn’t bring myself to face him either for some reason. I mean he's probably gonna give me the same lecture that Frankie did… That I ‘have’ to talk to Gerard…That I can’t keep avoiding him…fuck…

I bet he's realized by now that I've been avoiding him…Shit, if he wasn’t pissed at me before I bet he's gonna be now…And I still don’t know what to say to him…

I found myself walking past the gym. There was no way I was gonna be going there. And really, what the fuck did it matter anyway? I had already ditched like almost every class today… I'm probably gonna end up in suspension tomorrow…Which may not be that bad actually. Sitting in a quiet room all day…away from everyone…

Unless I get out of school suspension…then I’d have to stay home…and I don’t have a home! Fuck! Maybe I should call Lia… I wonder if she’ll let me stay over there… Aw don’t be silly Elle! Of course she’ll let you stay with her! She's your best friend, she loves you, you were almost sisters for crying out loud!

I went down the English hallway again to the same payphone I used before… Since the last bell had already rung there weren’t that many kids left in the hallway. I dialed Lia's number half expecting Crystal to answer and tell me Lia's napping but she didn’t. Lia answered. Rather quickly too.

“Oh god Li something awful happened-“ I start to say and she cut me off before I could finish.

“Yeah yeah Gerard ripped your teddy bear I know, I was there remember?” She says rather annoyed.

“No, that’s uh not what I was gonna say.” I tell her and she sighs rather obnoxiously into the phone. “What the matter with you today Lia?” I ask her and she sighs again.

“Nothing I'm just in a bitchy mood.” She says and I bite my lip a little.

“Oh.” I reply.

“You know tomorrow’s my birthday.” She says and I can hear her shuffling papers around or something.

“Yeah I know.” I say and she laughs a little.

“I called my mom and she hung up on me.” She says and I frown.

“Aw Lia, I'm real sorry.” I say pulling the phone closer to my ear.

“Yeah whatever.” She replies. The annoyance was back in her voice even stronger then before. “So what's the problem Elle?” She says and I frown a little confused.

“What?” I ask her.

“You're fucking calling me from school for what?” She says sharply. “You said something happened hmm?” She says and I nod.

“Yeah I –“ I tried to say but she kept talking…

“What's the problem now Elle? You dropped your pencil and can’t find it? Maybe break a nail? What's the fucking tragedy in your life this time?” She says and I frown.

“Lia, Oliver Hammond died this morning.” I say and she gasped a little.

“What?” She says and I nod.

“He was huffing and he passed out and…” I started to sniffle.

“Oh god…” She said and I heard her shifting the phone a little. “That’s just horrible Elle.” She says and I lean against the wall slightly trying to hold back my tears yet again…”Where was he?” She asks and I shake my head a little confused.

“What?” I ask.

“Where was he?” She repeats. “Where did they find him?” She asks.

“Oh uh in the woods.” I say and I hear her exhale a little. “Frankie and I stopped and we were talking to him and then.” I try to say and she cuts me off again.

“Frankie?” She says loudly.

“Uh-huh.” I tell her.

“You and Frankie were in the woods?” She says with the same accusatory tone I've heard all day.

“We were just walking okay.” I say and I hear her sigh.

“Whatever.” She replies like she didn’t believe me.

“We were.” I insist. “We were late for school and.-“

“Wait you were late for school?” She interrupts me again.

“Yeah a little bit.” I shrug.

“And you were with Frankie cause…?” She encourages me.

“Cause he stayed over with me last night.” I tell her and she laughs. “That’s kinda what I was calling about…” I say lowering my voice a little since it was echoing in the empty hallway now…

“Aw Elle don’t tell me you fucked him!” Lia laughs and I frown. “ELLE!” She cries out when I didn’t answer her right away.

“No, but I tried.” I tell her. I figured it was best to just to tell her now. I mean she's gonna find out about it one way or another. And I didn’t want to keep secrets from her anymore. I mean she was my best friend, next to Bob that is…

“You tried?” She shrieks into the phone so loudly I had to pull it from my ear.

“Stop yelling.” I tell her and she laughs.

“Fine.” She says in her normal tone and I pull the phone back to my ear. “Just, what the fuck does that mean that you tried?” She says and I shrug.

“He turned me down.” I say softly and she laughed so loud I had to pull the phone from my ear once again.

“Oh shit!” She screeches. “Say it again! I want Crystal to hear!” She laughs loudly and I frown.

“Lia please I'm trying to tell you something here.” I say desperately…

“Okay Elle, I'm sorry…I needed a good laugh! Now, go ahead.” She says and I can hear her trying to compose herself…

“Well after… you know whatever. Frankie…” I stammered a little.

“Frankie what?” She says.

“Frankie burned my house down Lia!” I tell her and I hear her kinda laugh again. “I'm serious Lia, there was a big fire and…” I sniffle again.

“Aw Elle, are you serious?” She says and I nod.

“Yes.” I tell her and I hear her sigh. “I called the insurance company and they said I can’t go back there, not for a while…” I tell her and she doesn’t say anything. “Lia are you still there?” I ask.

“Uh yeah I'm here.” She says plainly.

“Well I was kinda hoping that I could come stay by you.” I say weakly shifting my weight from foot to foot… Lia paused for a moment before answering…

“No Elle, I'm sorry but you can’t…”

“I can’t?” I say totally dumbstruck…”What does that mean I can’t?” I repeat back to her.

“It means no.” She says and I frown.

“No?” I repeat again.

“That’s right. No.” She says slowly so it was clear.

“Why not!” I say a little outraged.

“Cause.” She replies plainly.

“Is this cause of Crystal?” I ask softly and she laughs.

“No, this has nothing to do with Crystal.” She says and I scrunch my face in confusion.

“Then why?” I ask and she sighs.

“Look Elle, I'm only telling you this cause I love you.” She says and I got a sudden flashback… Paul just said those exact words to me moments ago…”But you… you are the most ungrateful bitch I ever met.” She says and my jaw drops open a little.

“Lia?!” I gasp.

“No I'm sorry Elle, you fucking throw a scene over a god damn teddy bear like the spoiled little bitch that you are, and everyone comes running to help and I'm sick of it okay…” She says and at first I thought maybe she was kidding.

“What?” I reply shaking my head a little.

“I'm sorry I'm just telling you the truth Elle. You don’t fucking realize how lucky you are.” She says to me.

“Lia my house practically burnt to the ground!” I exclaim.

“Yeah I know you told me boo hoo! It’s always something with you isn’t it?” She says snidely.

“Lia!” I gasp.

“Whatever Elle.” She sighs. “The truth is you don’t have a fucking clue about how the world works.” She tells me.

“What?” I kinda yell back into the phone. “That’s fucking bullshit Lia.” I say lowering my voice down since I was still in the hallway and I didn’t want to cause a scene, well a bigger scene then I already was…

“No really tell me huh?” Lia laughs a little. “What are you gonna do now Elle? Huh? Sit around and wait for the insurance company to mail you a nice little check so you could go out shopping and replace all your pretty designer shoes? Hmm?” She says snidely. ”Maybe go pick paint swatches so you could redecorate once again! You have no fucking value of money Elle that’s for sure.” She says and I was just so shocked I couldn’t answer her… “You have no fucking idea how the world works Elle! You have no idea what its like to suffer.” She tells me and I lose it.

“Suffer?” I yell back, suddenly not caring where I was…How dare she! “You think I don’t know what its like to suffer! Are you kidding me Lia?” I say biting my lip a little.

“Yeah I know I lost your mom and your grandpa, and you don’t have a dad I know, it’s a real fucking tragedy Elle, but really get over it already.” She says and my jaw drops open again.

“Lia you wouldn’t be saying that if it was you. If you knew.” I start to sniffle.

“If I knew Elle!” She yells into the phone. “Ha! I have a fucking mother and a father and two fucking grandparents who wont even fucking talk to me!” She cries out and I frown. “While you sit in your fucking comfy house at night, I’m out taking my clothes off for money just to fucking pay my bills.” She says and I feel my heartache…

“Lia you don’t have to fucking do that! I said I’d write you a check.” I try to tell her and she laughs.

“I don’t want your fucking money Elle! It’s called self-respect. Self-reliance! You know, taking care of yourself! Wait I'm sorry that’s something you know nothing about.” She says and I frown…”I'm just fucking tired of helping you.” She says and I wipe the tears that were forming in my eyes… ”You need to stand on your own Elle. I'm sorry.” Lia says lowering her voice slightly. “You should be fucking grateful that your grandfather made sure you’d be taken care of financially and you’ve got two fucking guys who practically worship you and you still bitch about shit-“ She says and I laugh.

“What guys?” I say making a face. She can’t possibly mean Paul? Is she kidding me! I should be grateful for Paul! Lia ignored me and kept on talking. She was good like that…

“And yet you fucking don’t even realize how lucky you are.” She says and I sigh a little.

“Lia come on.” I say a little softly… Her words stung… some of it was true. I knew that deep down inside, but some of it was crap…It had to be… I wasn’t selfish? Was I?

“I'm sorry if the truth hurts Elle. I’m only telling you this cause I love you.” She says and I sigh again…

“Just please stop okay.” I say shutting my eyes slightly… I just had too much going on in my head already… I mean what really mattered in life? Oliver is dead… It just as easily could’ve been me… I mean not from huffing but from all the other stupid crap that I do…And Pauls right. I don’t want to end up alone…

“Look I’ll call you later okay.” Lia says softly, like she didn’t just ream me out. Like we were still bestest of friends…

“Where you gonna call me Li!” I laugh sarcastically. “I just fucking told you I can’t go home remember?” I say a little angrily lashing out at her… Why cant she just fucking be there for me, like I was for her...

“Well go get a hotel room then Elle.” She says and I hear her shifting the phone again. “Order room service, have them fucking wait on you, -It’ll be just like home.” She snickers.

“You know what fuck you Lia.” I say roughly.

“I'm sorry Elle, if you're looking for sympathy, you’ve come to the wrong person. I don’t even have enough sympathy for my own life right now. I just can’t deal with your shit too.” She says and I frown.

“Thanks a lot Lia. I’ll remember this next time you need me.” I say harshly as I slam the phone down, hanging up on her…

I shut my eyes for a second and just leant my head forward, letting the thoughts swirl around in my mind for a moment…

And then the bell rang out startling me… I didn’t realize I was on the phone with Lia that long… fuck… I wanted to go to my locker before going down to the guidance office. Put some of these fucking books away. I mean I'm certainly not gonna carry them home or to a hotel or to wherever the fuck I'm going…

I peeked down the hall. Gerard wasn’t by the lockers… He probably went by the gym to try and catch me… I don’t know why I was still avoiding him. I guess cause everything else has just been going so badly today I was afraid it would be no different with him…

I dashed over to my locker and threw my bag on the floor… I figured if it didn’t open right away- fuck it… I’ll just throw my books in the trash. My book bag too… I just didn’t care anymore… I couldn’t be hanging around the lockers. Gerard could show up any minute…

By some miracle of miracles I reached over to touch the dial and it popped open. I mean it was unlocked. It was weird. I kinda looked it over a little. All my books seemed to have been there. Nothing unusual… It was just weird… I wonder if I left it open all weekend?

I was so involved in my thoughts about my locker that I didn’t hear him come up behind me…