FicWad

“What’s do you mean they’re true?” Gerard asked, his voice taking on a strange tone I’d never heard him use before...

“Everything. I mean not everything, but most of it.” I start to sob and Gerard reached over and put his hand on top of mine.

“What?” He said a little confused.

“About me being a whore Gerard!” I cry out and I shifted in my seat so I couldn’t see his face. I couldn’t bear to look at him… “About me leading Mr. Samuel on, about me being a lousy friend! Lia's right I'm fucking pathetic!” I declare and I hear him sigh a little.

“Elle please.” He says and I shook my head a little.

“No she’s right… She’s the only one with enough fucking guts to tell me the truth.” I tell him and he laughed a little in frustration I suppose, cause they're was really nothing funny about any of this…

“Lia’s a fucking nutcase. I told you that already Elle.” Gerard says squeezing my hand a little and I wouldn’t turn to look at him.

“That may be Gerard. But that doesn’t mean that she's wrong.” I tell him and I could practically feel him rolling his eyes at me. “I'm a whore.” I add and he pulls his hand from mine to light a cigarette up… I was stressing him out, and I really didn’t mean too… “This is what I mean Gerard. You need to get away from me!” I cry out looking over at him and he arched his eyebrows up at me like I had just totally lost it.

“Cause I wanna have a smoke?” He asks and I make a face at him.

“Cause I'm stressing you out.” I try to explain and he took a deep drag from it before answering me.

“Then stop fucking talking shit Elle.” He scolds me waving his cigarette menacingly at me and I bit my lip a little. “Look whatever happened in the past baby, is just that- the past…” He sighed a little and I turned and looked back out the window… I wanted to believe him so badly, but I just couldn’t…

“Yeah but you cant say what you said about her and not have it be about me too.” I tell him weakly.

“You're nothing like her Elle.” He says I guess trying to make me feel better but it wasn’t working... “Her… and him… that’s just wrong…” He adds a little disgusted.

“The only thing wrong with her being with Mr. Samuel is the fact that it’s Mr. Samuel Gerard.” I tell him and he scoffed a little.

“And it’s wrong.” He says and I frowned. “She was underage. And that makes it wrong.” He insists.

“How could love be wrong?” I ask him and he sorta smiled.

“Elle, first of all they are not in love.” He says and I couldn’t help but smile myself. I guess he was right about that… “And Lia knows what she's doing is wrong Elle, and she's fucking doing it anyway, that’s the difference between you and her.” He tells me and I frown.

“Are you saying I'm stupid?” I ask a little hurt. “That I'm too stupid to know the difference between what’s right and what’s wrong?” I say a little defensively.

“No.” He laughed lightly. “I'm not saying that at all baby.” He says reaching over and taking my hand back in his. “I'm saying that you think with your heart too much, and people take advantage of that Elle.” He says and I just looked at him a little lost still…

“So you're saying you agree and it is all my fault?” I try to clarify and he sighed a little loudly in annoyance.

“No Elle. I didn’t say that.” He says insistently and I frowned.

“But you just said I don’t think clearly. That makes it my fault.” I try to explain my logic back to him...

“What’s your fault, huh? Tell me Elle!” He says seemingly getting angry now. “That some motherfucker took advantage of you when you didn’t know any better?” He says and I wasn’t sure if he was referring to Mr. S or Brutus, or what, but I was too afraid to ask…”Fuck.” He grumbled to himself as he lit up another cigarette…He was chain smoking now…that’s never good…We sat in silence for a few moments…

“You think I should call her tomorrow?” I ask him and he widened his eyes at me slightly.

“For what?” He asked.

“To apologize Gerard.” I tell him plainly and he almost swerved off the road.

“What the fuck for?” He yelled so loudly I cringed. “Didn’t you hear what she said to you?” He says flicking his cigarette butt out the window and immediately lighting another one up…

“She was upset Gerard.” I tell him and he had paused to take a drag from it so I kept talking…”It was my fault she was upset. I should've said something.” I tell him and he shakes his head no.

“Elle, what she said…” He shook his head a little and I turned to look out the window once more. “You're gonna tell me that didn’t hurt?” He says a little softer… I guess trying a different approach…

“Of course it hurt Gerard.” I tell him turning back and facing him. “But don’t you get it? I deserved it.” I say and he lowered his eyes slightly.

“Elle don’t say things like that.” He says and I shrugged.

“You don’t see it, cause you love me so much.” I tell him turning back to my window once again… I just couldn’t bear to look at him anymore…”But I deserved it Gerard… Every single bad thing that’s happened to me, I asked for one way or another.” I sighed a little.

“I'm warning you Elle, you shut the fuck up.” I hear Gerard say and I shrugged once more… He mustve really been at the end of his rope, I mean first he tried to yell at me- to scare me into agreement or something, then he tried to reason with me, and now… now he's fucking threatening me…

“I just wish-“ I start to say and change my mind.

“You wish what?” He says glancing over at me and I felt my eyes welling up with tears suddenly…”Aw honey.” He says squeezing my hand a little and I didn’t even smile at him calling me that… I was just too far depressed to care…

“I just wish I wasn’t so stupid all the time you know?” I tell him wiping the tears from my eyes…”I mean I should've known better then to go with Brutus Gerard...” I said finally finding the courage to speak once more… “It was my fault Gerard. I shouldn’t have been there, he said I was a tease.” I say, Brutus’s words suddenly flooding my mind…

“Elle, don’t go there.” Gerard says squeezing my hand but I ignored him.

“He said I’d never forget.” I say clutching at my heart slightly. I could still feel the sensation of the needle poking my flesh just as intensely as I did that day… “But you think I ever fucking learn?” I say a little disgusted with myself… “No! I don’t. I never do!-I mean you heard Mr. Samuel -he said I was just asking for it.” I tell him and I could see his eyes instantly fill with rage.

“Elle, Mr. Samuel…” He says like the name itself was a sin. “I cant even…” He stammered a little at a complete loss for words, that’s how angry he was… Aw fuck… what the hell was I doing? I was getting him all upset… I don’t know how, or why but I was… Fuck. I never know when to keep my mouth shut…

“Mmm, you have any chocolate Gerard?” I ask him and he shakes his head a little confused.

“Do I what?” He says a little annoyed at my suddenly changing the subject.

“Chocolate.” I repeat and he just looked at me out of the corner of his eye and didn’t say anything... “I mean Bob usually carries little chocolate bars.” I tell him and he half smiled.

“Yeah I know.” He says like it sorta amused him. “That’s cause Bob knows you like them.” He says and I shrug.

“Well sometimes they makes me feel better.” I say softly… “So uh you don’t have any?” I ask and he turns and looks over at me and I just knew he didn’t... “Naw that’s all right, too bad Bobs not here huh?.” I tell him and he shook his head no.

“Naw Elle, you don’t need Bob. You want chocolate I’ll get you some.” He says making a sharp right turn back on to the road.

“Gerard!” I gasped a little. I mean we were so close to his house; he was just being ridiculous now…

“Naw baby you want chocolate. I”LL get you some chocolate.” He says and I kinda smiled.

“Its almost 3 am!” I point out and he shrugs. “Where you gonna find me a chocolate bar at this hour?” I laugh and he shrugs.

“I’ll go to the supermarket. They're open 24 hours.” He says and I laughed.

“Gerard please its late.” I tell him and he just smiled that stubborn smile of his…”And I'm tired.” I tell him as he pulled into the parking lot.

“Just stay here then.” He says taking the keys from the ignition. “I’ll be right back.” He tells me as he locked the doors. I watched him jog towards the entrance and I couldn’t help but smile. I mean what the fuck was wrong with him! I don’t know what got him so worked up…He's acting all crazy, like he's my own personal superman… And he kinda is, the way he takes care of me…

I yawned a little and leant my seat back and shut my eyes as I waited for him… I must’ve started drifting off to sleep cause the next thing I hear is the door opening and him getting back in…

“Elle?” He says softly placing his hand on my thigh and I shifted slightly.

“Mmm?” I replied struggling to wake up, but I couldn’t… I was just too exhausted…

I felt him reach over and fasten the seat belt buckle around me before pulling off and then just as quickly it felt like he was undoing it and lifting me out of the truck... I guess we were at his house now cause I felt him carrying me down some steps and I recognized his bed as soon as he put me down on it…It smelt just like him… And it made me feel so warm and so safe that I found myself wishing I could lie there forever and never wake up…

I heard some more noises like maybe he was going up and down the stairs. And then the sounds of some bags rustling… I guess he was bringing in all the shit I bought at the mall before…Then it got kinda quiet and I felt his hand on my legs as he slid my boots off of me. I heard a soft thud as he threw them carelessly onto the floor and I silently scolded him in my head… I mean he knows I hate that, when he tosses shit around… But I was just too tired to react…

I felt him lift me up a little in his arms as he grabbed the bottom of my dress to lift it up off me. He was trying to be real careful so as not to tug too hard, like he didn’t want to wake me…I guess he didn’t realize I wasn’t fully asleep yet…He pulled it slowly up over my head and somehow he managed to pull my bra off with the dress, but I don’t know if it was intentional or not. But once he pulled my arms out, I felt the cold air hit my skin for just a second, cause he quickly laid me back down on to his bed. And then suddenly I felt his warm skin pressing against my own, as he laid down slightly on top of me…

He ran his lips gently along my jaw and down along my collarbone and rested them on my tattoo, kissing it softly and I felt myself shiver at the sensation…

“Its not you're fault Elle.” I heard him whisper as he traced along the mark with his finger now. “Why can’t you understand that?” He sighed softly and I felt my heart clench up in pain… I was so sure he could feel it… That’s how hard my heart was aching… But if he did, he didn’t say anything… He just rested his head down on my chest and I felt a tear escape from the corner of my eye, but I just couldn’t find the strength to reach up and wipe it away…