FicWad

I don't know who was more upset…Ray or Laura…I mean we were driving down my block so slowly now in complete silence and I found myself wondering if Ray was gonna pull the same ‘then I wont stop the car so you can’t get out crap’ on her like he did to me that day… But I don't know. Laura seemed real freaked, like maybe she was just gonna jump out anyway. And he was going slow enough that she probably could with out getting hurt… I mean we were barely moving. It was like he was afraid to stop the car… afraid to let her go…

“Just anywhere is fine, I’ll walk back to the school from here.” She says to him and Ray just looked over and shot me like the evilest look I ever did see… Like he was telling me I better do something to fix this or else...

“Laura I never said that!” I cried out and she kinda turned around in her seat and nodded at me a little like yes I did.

“Elle?” Gerard says roughly like he fucking believed her over me! Unbelievable!

“I didn’t I swear!” I exclaimed tossing my hands up in the air in defeat and Gerard licked his lips looking at me.

“Then why does she think you did?” He asks plainly and I shrugged. I honestly had no idea…

“Elle you just asked me before, in math class, if I would like hook up with Gerard.” She says and Ray and Gerard both kinda gasped at me at the same time. And honestly I gasped a little too. I mean I was flabbergasted…

“I did not!” I exclaimed in total shock.

“You did!” She replies. “You even said like, if Ray was okay with it.” She reminds me and I suddenly remembered what the fuck she was talking about.

“Oh that.” I sorta laughed and Ray just had this totally priceless expression on his face. I mean he was in such shock that he could barely speak which was unusual for him… “I mean I did say that.” I correct myself and Gerard kinda frowned now. “I mean I did… but I didn’t. I didn’t mean it like that Laura.” I stammered a little trying to explain myself and she shook her head a little at me. Ray had totally stopped the car at this point, but she wasn’t moving like she was gonna get out or nothing… I mean they were all just kinda staring at me now like I was crazy…

“Well how did you mean it then Elle?” Gerard kinda laughed and I shrugged.

“I don't know.” I said apologetically as I looked up at her and Ray remorsefully…Ray kinda glanced over at Laura like if she was buying it… Like if my stupidity was enough of an explanation for her… But she kinda shook her head a little like it wasn’t…

“And your club Elle?” She says snidely. “I mean I know you think I'm a little naïve cause I came from Catholic school and all but I know what this means!” She says flashing the shocker back at me and I smiled.

“Fuck.” Gerard kinda mumbled to himself as Laura waved her hand slightly… I don't know why that bothered him so much to see like a girl doing that…but it did! And it was just too cute to watch him get all flustered over it…

“And if this is the kinda ‘club’ you have!” She paused and took a breath and I laughed.

“Its not!” I tried to say but she kept talking…

“And I don't know how the fuck Ray would’ve got membership!” She says and Gerard tried not to laugh too…”But it certainly wasn’t with me!” She says getting all worked up.

“Laura really its just a joke!” I tell her and I don't know if it was cause Gerard was laughing too now, or maybe the horrified look on Rays face but I think she was starting believe me…”Really Laura I didn’t mean to make you think that.” I tell her and she sorta frowned.

“Look Laura Elle’s…” Gerard kinda paused looking at me and I felt myself holding my breath. I'm what? Stupid? Crazy? An idiot? What?… “See I gave her this pill this morning.” He says and Ray kinda groaned a little. Laura kinda sighed as she bit her lip and looked at Ray.

“I'm not fucked up.” I say defensively and Gerard just looked at me like to be quiet and I pouted at him. I mean I wasn’t fucked up. I know when I'm fucked up and when I'm not…and right now I'm not. Well not really that badly, at least…

“Laura I can assure you that no ones switching nothing.” Ray says and I rolled my eyes a little. If no ones switching nothing then doesn’t that mean they're switching something? I was gonna point that out too but Laura seemed to be believing him. She glanced back at me so I nodded. Gerard did too.

“I mean I like ya and all Laura but uhh…” Gerard kinda chuckled and she laughed. “And there’s nothing between these two.” He says gesturing to me and Ray.

“Yeah okay.” Laura said like she got it and I swear I heard Ray exhale a little relieved. “But you and her and Bob are like…a couple?“ She says and I gasped a little.

“No!” I cried out before Gerard could answer her.

“But you said that you guys were in bed-“ She starts to say but I talked over her.

“Fuck, what kinda girl you think I am?” I tease her. “I mean you think I'm fucking my husband!” I laughed and she sorta smiled.

“Seriously Laura.” Gerard says to her. “There’s absolutely nothing going on with Elle and Bob, or me and Bob, or Elle and Mikey, or any shit like that.” Gerard says and I nodded. “And there never will be.” He adds roughly.

“Yeah and what happened with Frankie was an accident.” I blurt out stupidly.

“You and Frankie?” She asks and Gerard sighed a little at me. Aw fuck. I never know when to keep my mouth shut, that’s for damn sure…

“I can explain.” I start to say and Gerard kinda shushed me.

“Elle baby, just…why don't you go get your mail from Mr. Portman.” He says and I shrugged a little as he forced me out of the car.

He didn’t come with me. I guess he was gonna do ‘damage control’ for me or something… Damn am I pathetic… I mean damage control? What kinda walking disaster am I if I need someone to do damage control for me?

Luckily Mr. Portman wasn’t home, but Mrs. Portman was….I talked to her for a few minutes. I mean I told her I was only on my lunch break from school and I didn’t really have time to sit and chat with her. She gave me my pile of mail and tried to get me to like promise that I was gonna come back later and talk to her. But I told her I’d try my best but it didn’t look likely… I mean I had a pretty packed schedule, between Oliver’s funeral and meeting Frank Sinatra I didn't think I was gonna have the time…

I kinda thumbed through the envelopes as I walked back to the car. Mostly junk mail…Some bills and official looking envelopes and crap. I really only thumbed through the return addresses… Nothing marked from like a prison, but I don't know…

“Well?” Gerard said as I got back into the car. I kinda just looked at him out of the corner of my eye… I mean the way he said it was like he knew there was nothing there and he didn’t want to like rub it in my face but he couldn’t help it…

“I don't know a few don't have return addresses.” I say and Ray shook his head no as he pulled away.

“If its from the prison it would have to, its like a law.” He says and I frowned. I don't know where the fuck he gets this useless information from… Well actually now that I think about it. It’s not that useless… Sometimes its actually quite handy. Like now…

Now I know it’s all fucking junk mail… I mean if its wasn’t from my dad I could care less… I just didn’t understand why he wouldn’t write back to me… Maybe it was cause I said I didn’t know who he was? I mean like maybe that’s why… cause like he doesn’t know how to tell me he's my dad?

I don't know… It seemed a little far fetched but it was all I really had... Fuck I wish I could talk to Slim again. I mean he would know... He knows my dad. Maybe I could like ask him to like ask him to write me or something...bah... I dont even know how to get in touch with Slim...Dont call me I'll call you... Isn't that what he said?

No he said he'd find me... How the fuck is he gonna do that? I mean how will he know if like I need to talk to him or something... I mean shouldn't I be able to like call him if I needed help? Send him a signal or something? Like they do for batman...

I almost opened my mouth to ask Gerard what that was called. You know that beam of light they flash on the moon when the cities in trouble, but I stopped myself... First cause he already was saying that I was fucked up, which I'm not... and secondly cause he'll wanna know why and then I'll have to tell him I was thinking of Slim and my dad and hes gonna get pissed...

And it really sucked. I mean I really wished that I could talk to Gerard about it, about my dad and I don't know, but I cant… He has such strong feelings about the whole thing. He's obviously so bitter towards his own father that he wont even consider the possibility that my dads not a monster…

Maybe I can talk to Bob later… I mean he doesn’t get along with his father either, in fact that’s why they moved to Jersey, but he didn’t seem to hate him. I know he didn’t exactly like him though…And that’s kinda what I'm feeling. A mixture of hatred and love for someone I didn’t even know… But I wanted to…

And then it struck me how odd it was that I knew more about Bob and his relationship with his father then I knew about Gerard's… And I don't know how that happened. I mean I thought I knew about Gerard's family, I really did… But it turns out I didn’t… I wonder what else there is that I don't know about him…

I guess I got lost in my thoughts cause I sorta glanced out the window as we were pulling up to that same pizza place where we first went with Laura that day… I don't know if Ray did it intentionally or not… Like maybe trying to re enact their first date or what not…

But I looked over and Gerard was kinda shredding open my envelopes and I made a face at him. I mean it was all fucking junk so I don't know what the hell he was doing… I mean maybe its not enough that he's fucking smothering me at school. Maybe he wants to take over my finances as well… Maybe I should just give him my checkbook and let him handle it cause like obviously I'm too fucking helpless to take care of myself…

When I saw him kinda smirking as he looked over my credit card statement I reached over and snatched it from him…

“You done?” I asked him and he shrugged. I looked down at the paper in my hand to see what he found so amusing. Holy shit. I spent like a thousand dollars this month…crap.

I crumbled it up a little and shoved it into my purse and held out my hand for the rest of the mail, but he just kinda ignored me as he got out, continuing to rip open the envelope in his hand…

“Gimme.” I say and he handed me the stack of opened crap, but not the unopened ones… “Gerard stop opening my crap.” I say firmly and he smiled at me…

“Aw I'm just helping you out baby.” He says and I couldn’t help but smile at him as went into the pizza place, I mean he was just too cute… “I don't want you to fuck up your nails tearing them open you know?” He teases me and I laughed as we sat down. I mean he could give a fuck about my nails… He just wanted to open my mail… Ray went and ordered I don't know what. But the guy said he’d bring it over to our table when it was ready, so we went and sat…

“So what’s in that one Gerard?” I ask him as he shredded open another envelope.

“Don't know yet.” He kinda laughed and I smiled as he pulled the paper out from it… Looked like a piece of notebook paper, like lined paper with those little fucking shredded pieces on the edge of it and as he looked down at the writing on it, his expression totally changed. I mean his face just went totally blank, pale even and it immediately sent a chill down my spine…

“What is it?” I say anxiously reaching across the table for it and he leant back a little so I couldn’t snatch it from him…

“Its from Will.” He says and I can see his eyes scanning down the paper as he hastily read it to himself…

“Will.” I repeated back in disbelief but he didn’t acknowledge me, just continued to run his eyes down the paper in his hand…

“Isn’t he in New Mexico?” Ray asks and I nodded. Gerard kinda frowned as he lowered the paper down slightly. He twisted his hand around a little and glanced at the postmark on the envelope he was still clutching….

“Uh no actually he's not…”