FicWad

Gerard sighed and shifted in his seat slightly. I quickly glanced over at him but he had turned and was sort of looking out the window now. Not like it would’ve made a difference if I could see his face, I wouldn’t have been able to tell what he was thinking anyway, not if he didn’t want me to… He was real good at concealing shit like that when he wanted to. I know he hated Lia and all, but still…

“You don't think he would hurt her do you?” I asked Gerard softly and he shook his head quickly.

“Naw not physically.” He says and I don't know if he thought that that was suppose to make me feel better but it didn’t. I mean I know what he thought. He thought ‘John’ was using Lia, and I don't know, maybe he was…

“I don't know, maybe its for the best?” I offer and Gerard looked over at me like he wasn’t sure what I meant. “I mean like, since he is a shrink and all maybe it’s for the best.” I tell him and he widened his eyes at me. “You know, maybe he can actually help Lia.” I tell him and he just smiled at me like he couldn’t believe how naïve I was.

“Elle.” He sighed my name softly as he looked over at me.

“No wait, hear me out Gerard.” I tell him as I drove towards the police station. I mean I didn’t ask him if that’s where we were going, I just assumed it was… “It might be good for Lia. I mean a stable life like that, she's never had that and he can give her that since he's got a job.” I say quickly and I catch myself. “I mean, he doesn’t have a job right now, but I'm sure he can get another one, and he's got a really nice house and with his training, I bet he can definitely help her with her issues-“ I start babbling on and Gerard cuts me off.

“Her issues?! “ He snaps at me. ‘He IS the fucking issue Elle!” Gerard cries out and I frowned at him.

“Yeah but if he can take of her.” I try to tell him and he shook his head no. “He can Gerard, just like you take care of me.” I add softly and he scoffed at me.

“Do NOT compare them to us.” He says pointing his finger at me and I didn’t reply.

Shit, he was getting all worked up now and I don't know why. I mean if I knew what I said that set him off I wouldn’t have said it. I hate to see him like this...

“I. I fucking love you Elle, but he… “ Gerard began carrying on. “Fuck! take care of her? Is that what you said?” Gerard repeated back and I nodded. “What like her father should've?” He scoffs and I licked my lips lightly as he spoke but still didn’t answer.

I figured it was best for him to just get it all out now, I mean we were pulling into the police stations lot now. I didn’t want him going in all wound up and shit…

“Fuck knows he's old enough to be her father…to be your father! …Fuck that shit…it just ain’t right Elle.” He tells me and I nodded as I pulled into a spot in the way back of the lot.

“Yeah I know Gerard.” I tell him and it was silent for a moment. I don't know if he thought maybe I was just agreeing with him to keep him calm or what. But he finally looked over at me and when he did there was something different about him.

“Elle I'm really trying you know?” He says lowering his voice down softer. Fuck his whole demeanor was softer, like he use to be when he was ‘hiding’ his rage from me.

“Its all right Gerard.” I reply and he shook his head no.

“No, no its not Elle.” He says insistently.

“It is.” I try to reassure him. “I get that your pissed and it’s my fault.” I tell him and he wrinkled his face at me in disagreement.

“Its not your fault.” He tells me and I sighed. I cant believe he's gonna argue with me on this.

“Gerard you're always angry now, you were never like that, it’s because of me.” I tell him and he reached over and grabbed my hand roughly and squeezed it in his tightly.

“Don't you ever say that.” He tells me as he tightened his hand a bit harder around mine for emphasis I suppose. But he was practically breaking my bones.

“Ah!” I cried out and he loosened his grip lightly but not all the way, like he wanted to make sure I was still listening to him.

“Elle I am not angry at you.” He says and I just looked over at his eyes. He was being sincere, I was sure of it. It was like he took of that mask of emotionless-ness that he sometimes wears and I could see him again… I could see his very soul...

“Okay.” I tell him weakly and he nodded.

“I'm just pissed at the shit that’s going on okay?” He says and I wanted to point out that it’s all cause of me but I didn’t… I didn’t want him to pull back again…I just lowered my eyes to the floor as he spoke, “I waited to be with you for so long and I just want everything to be perfect.” He says to me and his words just cut at my heart.

“But you said life’s not perfect remember?” I whispered over at him and when I looked back up he was sorta smiling.

“Uh yeah I did.” He says and I nodded.

“Gerard I cant help but be worried about Lia.” I tell him and he sighed.

“Yeah I know baby.” He replied as he went to open his door signaling the conversation was over I suppose…

“Wait Gerard, you're not gonna say anything in there about Mr. Samuel are you?” I ask him and he paused upon getting out and looked over at me. “Gerard!” I gasped and he shrugged.

“You gonna say anything?” He asks me and I looked at him slightly confused. “You wanna go in and ‘recant’?” He says and I frowned. I was referring to his suspicions about Mr Samuel being involved in the robbery. He was still going on about that day. “You wanna file a complaint Elle? Cause if you're worried about him and Lia being together then-“ He laughed lightly at his ‘solution’ as he got out.

“That’s not funny Gerard.” I tell him and he shrugged once more. “But seriously Gerard, don't go fucking mentioning your ‘suspicions’ in there. I mean you don't have any proof or anything really.” I tell him and he sighed but didn’t answer me, he just took my hand in his as we walked slowly across the lot. I guess he was thinking about what I said cause he paused at the main entrance to the station.

“Elle, look I want you to go call Mr. Reefer while I'm in there.” He says and I rolled my eyes at him. What the fuck? He's bringing up my divorce to Bob now of all times!?

“Gerard.” I groaned and I guess he knew what I was thinking cause he smiled.

“I want you to ask him what he knows about Chris Hunter and the other guy Nick.” He says and I scrunched my face at him.

“You mean my dad.” I tell him and he shifted his eyes from me for a second.

“Elle you don't know that he's your dad.” Gerard tells me softly as he brushed the hair from my face and I pouted as I looked up at him.

“No Slim said so….and Mr. S too.” I add and he nodded like he was appeasing me.

“Yeah I know baby, but I don't trust John Samuel and Slim is an ex-con you met in the street for Christ’s sake.” He tells me and I felt my heart tensing up at the thought… Could they both be lying to me? I mean that thought never even entered my mind…

“No, why would they-“I start to say and Gerard shrugged like he didn’t know, either that or he didn’t want to get into it now.

“Look, I would just rather you call Mr. Reefer, okay baby?” He says shrugging and I sighed.

“Yeah cause lawyers are KNOWN for their honesty right Gerard?” I tell him as I reached around him and flung the door open and quickly ducked inside. I mean I don't know if he was still doing that whole ‘independence’ thing or what but we were just standing outside in the cold for so long and I don't know about him but I was freezing my ass off.

Gerard didn’t even get to answer me though cause as we were going in that fucking cop was coming out from one of the offices. Robocop or whatever the fuck his name was. I guess he thought the same thing Gerard said, like I was coming to ‘recant’ or something cause he came over to us right away.

Gerard told him it was about something else and I don't know, he sorta pushed me over to the phone and told me he’d be right back. He obviously didn’t want me coming in which freaked me out… Made me wonder what exactly the letter said that he was so worried about me seeing it but I don't know… I mean Ray read it…but he said the same thing as Gerard -that I shouldn’t look at it…

And I trust Gerard. I trust him completely; he's the only thing that I have any faith in in this world anymore and I know he’d never lead me wrong…at least not intentionally.

I went over to the pay phone and called Mr. Reefer but it was a waste of time. His secretary said he wasnt there and that I should call him tomorrow. But whatever. I'm just so fucking tired of calling his office, he's never there! And this is just ridiculous already. I told her that but she didn’t really seem to care.

I hung up the phone in defeat and walked over to the big bay window they had at the end of the hall. It had a nice view of a little pond, there was a bench there too. If it wasn’t so cold I would’ve went out and sat on it…

Or maybe not. I mean Gerard would probably freak if he came out and I wasn’t in the hall where he left me… I found myself just silently staring out the window for what seemed like forever... I got so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even hear him come up behind me and I gasped when he touched my shoulder.

“Aw sorry Elle.” Gerard says and I nodded like it was okay.

“What did they say?” I asked but I could tell by his expression that whatever it was wasn’t good…

“Nothing baby, lets go.” He says lowering his voice down as he took my arm and led me outside with out uttering another word. Which only meant one thing… he was pissed… Like seriously pissed…

And before the exit door even shut he was lighting up his cigarette mumbling somekinda obscenities about Robocop but I couldn’t quite make out what he was grumbling about…I waited till we were pretty close to my truck to ask him again.

“So they said what exactly?” I asked cautiously and he sorta smiled as I unlocked the door but he wouldn’t get in. I mean I hope he doesn’t think he's gonna drive! I mean he's way to pissed off to be driving, and anyway he said I could drive today… We were just standing next to the truck now…

Gerard kinda rubbed his forehead and once he started talking I realized how stupid I was thinking he was concerned about who was gonna drive… Apparently Robocop told him there was nothing they can do for a variety of different reasons…

First cause it wasn’t a specific threat to him, it was a letter to me that just said shit about him. According to what Gerard said Robocop told him there wasn’t anything specific in the letter which made no sense to me cause it sounded pretty damn specific from what Gerard told me but what do I know… I mean I'm sure the cop read it and he is a cop, he knows the laws right?

“So what that’s just it?” I ask Gerard and he sorta shrugged.

“He said that Will would have to do something, like physically violate his probation in order for them to do something.” Gerard replies and I frowned.

“Do something physical? Like what? Kill you!” I say raising my voice up and Gerard shook his head no quickly and I looked at him uneasily… I was so borderline hysterical that it wasn’t even funny. “I don't understand Gerard” I tell him and he just looked at me apathetically…

“Honestly, I don't either.” He tells me and I nodded. Somehow those words made me feel better. Honesty is all I ever wanted from him…

“They called his probation officer in New Mexico who said he checked in two days ago so unless he doesn’t check in again-“ Gerard says tossing his hands up in the air and I nodded a little more relieved. “And they said that I could file like a civil suit like harassment or some shit.” Gerard says and I nodded once more. “Look, lets just go okay.” He says finally realizing that I'm shivering in the cold now…

“Um okay, but I don't know where we’re going.” I tell him and he held out his hand like I should give him the keys then. “No!” I laughed. “Just tell me where to go.” I tell him and he smiled as he got in the passengers seat.

“To my house.” He says and I shrugged. I mean the funeral was still like an hour away and I had to change too… I was racking my brain trying to remember if I bought anything black that’s funeral appropriate at the store that day cause there’s no way I'm putting that dress on again.

I glanced over at Gerard as I drove and he was sorta looking at me funny…

“Mmm what?” I asked him and he paused like he wasn’t sure he wanted to say whatever he was thinking…”What?” I ask him again.

“I just…” He stammered a little and I nodded for him to go on. “You just seem really calm.” He tells me and I shrugged.

“Well why shouldn’t I be?” I asked but I didn’t let him answer. “I mean I called Mr. Reefer.” I tell him and he looked at me eagerly and I shook my head a little. Damn, that sounded misleading.. “He wasn’t there.” I add quickly. “But um. I don't know. I was thinking about a lot of shit before.” I tell him and he nodded.

“Yeah I know you didn’t even hear me come up behind you just then.” He says and I shrugged like whatever. “Elle, I'm serious, you gotta pay more attention.” He scolds me and I tried not to roll my eyes. Pay attention? Pay attention for what? I mean Will’s in New Mexico, he's gotta check in with his probation officer, I don't know how the envelope got marked from Texas and I don't even care. He's not on his way here, that’s all that matters…

“Yeah I know.” I say blowing him off slightly and he frowned.

“Elle I'm serious you need to be more careful, especially since we don't know where Will is.” He says and I shook my head at him.

“He's in New Mexico, you told me he has to check in.” I tell Gerard and his face dropped a little.

“Oh shit.” He grumbled and I got the feeling like maybe I was missing something. “Okay Elle um, he checked in two day ago.” He says and I nodded.

“And he has to check in like what every two days?” I ask and Gerard lowered his eyes slightly, “What like once a week?” I ask and he shook his head no.

“Uh no more like once a month.” Gerard says and I felt the blood drain from my face. Once a month? great…

“That means he could be anywhere!” I cried out and Gerard held up his hand like I should stay calm and I should. I mean I was driving for fucks sake…Pretty fast too, I didn’t realize I was speeding down the highway now… I mean it was like the more upset I got the harder I pressed on the gas pedal…

“Elle pull over up here and let me drive.” Gerard says to me and I nodded to weak to argue back.

“Okay.” I tell him softly as I took my foot off the gas…I mean it was for the best… My hands were trembling lightly now and I felt like I could just pass out at any given second… and the feeling was intensified a thousand times over when I shifted my foot to the brakes and realized that I had none…