FicWad

I shot my eyes back up as the cold wind hit my face. I looked around anxiously but I didn’t see anything. Had to be the wind. I reasoned to myself stupidly.

I mean I didn’t know that I quite believed it, but the other possibilities were just too terrifying to consider… I didn’t even know if Will was following me, but I had to assume he was, and that he had that gun – I think… I don't even know… I ripped open the zipper on the duffel bag and peeked inside. A wave of relief passed over me as I reached in and pulled out the gun.

“Aw thank God.” I sighed to myself. I mean it was good… There was no way Will was gonna come up behind me and shoot me now… I had the gun. But I don't know. I mean was it even loaded? I twisted it around in my hand, as I looked it over. It was a different kinda gun then the one he had before. It had like that little wheel thing that spun around with the bullets in it. Like a cowboy would use. It was sorta cute for being a gun and all.

Shit where the fuck was Will getting guns from anyway? His parents weren’t gun people! But I don't know…At least I had the gun and not him you know? It made me feel a little better but not really. I mean the fact that Will didn’t seem to be following me was making me nervous. Shit, if something happened to him after I left him I’d never forgive myself…

I continued to dig through the bag fretfully, letting out another sigh of relief when I saw that the rope was in there too. Which was good cause it meant that Will wasn’t gonna be hanging himself either… But fuck… the bag was like a multitude of sins, filled with money and drugs and shit.

I didn’t think Will was into that. I mean I know he wasn’t into drugs - at least he never use to be. But there was like some syringes and what I suppose was for heroin but I don't know. I couldn’t imagine Will was shooting up, but you never know. Would explain some of his behavior. I pulled out what looked like that little pink pill Gerard gave me one time. I think it was the same thing but I don't know. I mean it was the only thing that looked familiar in the bag and I need something to keep me calm, so I swallowed it down with out a second thought…

But everything that could’ve been harmful to poor Will seemed to be in that bag. I think the only things I had left him with was the hammer and some nails, oh and the fucking duct tape…But he couldn’t hurt himself with that. Oooh and my cigarettes! Damn it! That’s just great… Well I guess if he was patient he could take up smoking, I mean that’ll kill him in oh…30, 40 years or so? I thought and I giggled to myself… Shit. I don't think that pill was what I thought it was. Unless like Will said the dosages were off… Fuck he had some funky pills. And I don't know why but that made me giggle too.

Shit. I gotta stop this. I mean I'm fucking sitting here giggling to myself. But honestly it was the only thing keeping me from freaking out. But I don't know… that and the fact that I had the gun. I mean if Will came up to like grab me or something I’d shoot him.

I think.

I mean I don't know. Unless that was his plan. Like he thought he’d make me kill him. Well, fuck that then I ain’t shooting him. And as I thought it I tossed the gun to the floor and took a step back from it…

Shit. That wasn’t a good idea either, cause what if he finds it and he shoots at me! Or some kid can just stumble across it. I mean kids shouldn’t be playing in the woods but whatever. It was just too dangerous to leave like that. And I still didn’t know what happened to Will, I may need it… I mean I wont shoot him unless I have to, and even then I wont kill him. I’ll shoot him in the leg or something. I mean I think I saw that in a movie one time. Like you cant die from being shot in the leg… aw who the fuck am I kidding. I mean I cant even hit a fucking 2 inch ball with a 12 inch racket, what makes me think I have the skills to not only aim but to hit him in the fucking leg!

I’ll just have to play it by ear I guess… I nodded to myself as I went over and picked the gun up off the floor. And as I brushed the dirt from it, it made like a clicking sound.

“Oh shit.” I cursed under my breath as I looked at it. What the fuck did I do? I mean is it on?

I twisted it around in my hand a little and looked at it. I don't know what I was looking for. I mean I didn’t expect to find an off button but isn’t there like a safety switch or something? Fuck! Why don't I know how to use a gun?

I was gonna put it in the bag but I was afraid it was gonna go off. So I ended up fucking clutching it against me as I ran towards the 7-11. As I approached the pay phones on the wall I realized how stupid I was. I mean I was scared it was gonna go off so I clutch it against myself as I run? Shit… this is why I shouldn’t be left alone…

Oh well…I fished out some change from the bottom of the duffel bag and as I lifted the receiver up I contemplated who to call. I mean I know who I wanted –Gerard. But it didn’t seem likely that he was gonna be just sitting at home waiting for my call. And I doubt he’d still be at the hotel either. The same goes for Bob. But I don't even know if I’d call Bob!

I mean he took my underwear- he had to have. And I don't know why. I mean maybe Gerard was right; maybe that’s his thing. Maybe he likes going after people’s girlfriends? Even as I thought it, I didn’t believe it. It wasn’t like Bob –and I know Bob. At least I thought I did.

Maybe he was just pretending to be my friend all this time. I mean we really didn't have anything in common. But I don't know. I just couldn’t really believe it was all just a sick a game to him, but then again I watched Paul and his friends do some pretty fucked up shit. So maybe this was something like that? Maybe I was just a stupid pawn to Bob. Another notch on his bedpost or some shit…

I hated where my thoughts were taking me. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there before Will did come up behind me. Or even worse the cops! I mean I'm fucking standing outside 7-11 with a gun and a bag of money and drugs. And they're not gonna wanna hear my shit excuse for why, I mean I don't even think I’d be able to cry my way out of that one…

And I couldn’t call the police on Will. I mean is it a crime to crucify yourself? I don't think so… And he didn’t have all the drugs and incriminating shit- I did… But was it a crime him coming to Jersey at all? I mean Gerard said something about him violating his probation but I couldn’t remember what… Shit I really needed to talk to him…

‘fuck Gerard.’ I sorta mumbled to myself. I mean I could easily have just paged him –if he had given me his fucking pager number! But no! Don't tell Elle shit. And now when Elle needs something- what?! “motherfucking ass…I'm gonna get your pager number.” I mumbled as I started dialing…

I was calling Brian cause I knew he’d have it. Jay would have it too but I doubted he’d be at home since it was Friday night and all. But I knew exactly where Brian would be- at the strip club. I mean he works there. So he’d have to be… I tapped my foot anxiously as I waited for Brian to get on the phone.

“Gimme Gerard's pager number.” I blurt out rudely once he picked up.

“Uh hello Elle.” He says and as he spoke I saw this car pull slowly into the lot. It looked a lot like Wills car but it wasn’t… Some lady got out and I exhaled a little relived.

“Shit Brian just give it to me!” I hissed into the phone. I was getting all worked up now, my anxieties were starting to crush me now. I mean the reality was starting to set in and I couldn’t deal with it…

“His what?” He says obviously trying to cover for him but I wasn’t in the mood.

“Damn it Brian!” I yelled into the phone. “Stop fucking around I need it.” I tell him and I could feel the panic was overtaking my voice now.

“You okay Elle?” He says and I feebly sniffled back my tears.

“No.” I tell him. I mean I couldn’t lie.

“Where are you?” He says and I exhaled a little frustratedly.

“I'm at the 7-11 by Henderson Park, I just need his number Brian.” I tell him and I could hear him sigh in response.

“Okay I’ll get it, hang on.” He says and I panicked once more.

“-Wait” I cry out stopping him. I mean I don't know if he was gonna put the phone down but I was scared that he’d never come back on if he did… “Umm I wanted to ask you too, like how do you turn a gun off?” I say and there was silence on the line for a second. “Brian?” I ask anxiously. I mean I thought he was gone…

“Sorry Elle, did you say how to turn a gun off?” He repeated back and I nodded but then realized he couldn’t see me.

“Um yeah but not like that other one, this ones got like this spinney thing.” I try to explain to him and I can hear him swallow nervously. “And when you spin it, it clicks.- you wanna hear?” I tell him and he snapped at me.

“No!” He yelled out and I frowned. I mean how was he gonna help me unless he knew what I was talking about? “Just fucking don't touch it anymore.” He said and he mumbled something I couldn’t quite make out.

“Yeah but-“ I try to protest but he wouldn’t let me talk.

“Just stay there, I’ll be there in two seconds.” He says and I pouted my lip out.

“What about Gerard?” I whined. I mean I wanted Gerard to save me, not Brian… But I guess it didn’t really matter… And I think it was the pill talking. Brian seemed to be able to hear it too cause he mumbled something about me being fucked up and I don't know… I mean he was right. The club was fucking up the road a bit. I just felt bad that he was leaving work and all for me… I mean we weren’t even that good of friends…

“Do you hear me?” He says and I did hear him. I just wasn’t listening to what he was saying. “Don't move Elle, okay?” He says and I sniffled a little defeatedly.

“Kay.” I replied. “But ummm what do I do with the gun?” I asked and he groaned a little.

“Put it in your pocket.” He tells me and I frowned.

“Mmm my pockets are too tight Bri.” I tell him and I could hear him shuffling the phone on his ear in frustration.

“I don't know Elle. Fucking stick it in the waistband of your jeans then.” He says and I nodded. I mean I could do that.

“Oh shit!” I cried out hysterically not realizing that that would alarm Brian.

“What? What happened Elle?” He gasped.

“I'm wearing fucking…purple underwear…”