FicWad

Tuesday morning…

I was sleeping in the chair sleeping by the window, dreaming of Gerard…We were walking it the park, holding hands and he paused and reached down and picked a dandelion from the dirt and he held it out for me. ‘Don't forget,’ he says holding it out to me and I just looked at him. ‘forget what?’ I asked him in my dream. ‘That I love you.’ He replied and as I went to take it from him this sharp pain radiated from my chest.

I don't know if it was in my dream or in real life but it was so painful that it woke me up. I gasped for air as I jumped up out of the chair and looked around. I was alone in the room, panting and sweating slightly. I was spooked and I don't know why…

Gerard didn’t come home last night... But I was okay. I wasn’t gonna give up. I made it through one night sober and I could do it again if I had to. I would wait a lifetime for him if I had to…He was gonna come home and he was gonna be so proud of me, I was gonna make sure of it…

I went into the kitchen and poured myself some coffee and brought it back to the bedroom. I sat back in my chair and stared out the window. But that awful feeling from before – the one that woke me from my dream was back… Suddenly the room felt cold and the air was stale and I don't know why but I was starting to freak out in the silence so I reached over and flicked the TV on.

There was some kinda awful movie playing. One of the twin towers was on fire and then this other plane crashed into the other one and it was terrible. I flicked the channel in disgust but it was on that channel too, and that’s when I realized it wasn’t a movie… It was live TV and it was a horrific scene unfolding….

‘Tuesday Sept 11, 2001. A day that will go down in history.’ The news lady says and then suddenly the one building collapsed and there was dust and people screaming and I screamed too. I dropped my coffee cup on the floor and it shattered but I couldn’t tear my eyes from the screen to pick it up. Then the other tower collapsed and the phone started ringing and I picked it up. I don't know why, I purposely hadn’t answered the phone all day yesterday but it rang now and I just reached for it…

“Elle?” It was Mikey and his voice sounded kinda hollow.

“Yeah?” I replied absentmindedly. I mean I was still so engrossed in the screen. His voice sounded so far away in my mind…

“Are you watching the news?” He says and I think he could hear it in the background.

“Its awful.” I whispered into the phone and he cleared his throat slightly.

“Gerard went into the city this morning Elle...” He says and the words just hung in the air. I felt my knees buckle out from under me as I collapsed to the floor, refusing to believe what he's telling me as truth…

His words swirled around in my head…

God, No. This wasn’t happening.

Gerard was coming home.

I was waiting.

I was waiting and that was that…

Fuck the lady on the news ‘there are no survivors’ Fuck her, fuck all of them. Gerard is coming home to me. I need him and he needs me…

’He called my grandma from the train…’ bullshit.

‘He said he had things to do…’ Impossible! Gerard had no business there!

‘We haven’t heard from him…have you?’ have I? have I?

No. He was coming home because I was waiting. I couldn’t accept it. I wouldn’t accept it…

I stood by my window and I pressed my hand to the glass and I waited. I stood and I waited and I didn’t cry because I didn’t want him coming home and seeing me like that…

Hours passed and I refused to move. And I wouldn’t move… Not until he walked through my door.

Suddenly headlights filled the driveway and the front door opened and footsteps came down the hall. He didn’t have to say a word… I knew it was him… I could see his reflection in the glass but I wouldn’t turn around. I wouldn’t leave my window.

“Get the fuck out of here Bobby.” I tell him but he didn’t leave, he just stepped into the bedroom.

“Elle.” He says as he stepped closer reaching for me.

“No you get the fuck out of here.” I yelled at him as he pulled me back from the window. He spun me around, and my eyes instantly overflowed with tears that came out of nowhere. I pounded my fists on his chest as my body shook with sobs. “Get out of here!” My voice shook. “Gerard's coming home and I don't want him to catch you here.” I sobbed and Bob just pulled me tightly against him…

“Aw honey… you gotta know, he's not coming home…”