FicWad

The next morning I was dreading going to school. I had barely slept the whole night I was just so wound up from the anxiety of it all. By the time I fell asleep it was time to get up, so I had no choice but to inhale a few lines before leaving for school. I needed the pick me up or I wouldn’t make it through the day…

I got to my locker and started twisting the dial around trying to open it. Gerard was a few feet away from me putting his books away in his and Frankie was casually standing next to him. I was going to ask Gerard for help, I mean that’s why I looked over at him, but he wasn’t looking at me. Frankie was though. He smiled at me as he slid across the Wang’s lockers towards me. He extended his arm up casually leaning on the locker now looking down on me.

"So Ellie… are we gonna pick up where we left off...?" He said looking me over and grinning. Gerard slammed his locker door harshly and glared at Frankie before walking off with out saying a word to me.

"Fuck you Frankie." I said to him plainly trying not to laugh as I spun the dial around and around with no avail.

"Mmm, anytime Elle." he said licking his lips as he looked me over. I rolled my eyes at him before elbowing him in the gut. He groaned in pain but quickly laughed it off, changing the subject as he did. He wanted to know if I was coming to his party on Halloween at Lias. I told him yes, then I told him no, then I told him maybe. I was just so conflicted. I wanted to go, but I didn’t think I should. Frankie begged me to come once more and I promised him I would think about it and let him know at the end of the day.

When the bell rang overhead I still had no books. I couldn’t get my damn locker open so I was just gonna go with out them. I really had no other choice. That was until I saw Bobby coming down the hall. He could tell right away something was wrong. I tried to brush it off but he insisted so I told him how my locker was the fortress of doom and I needed a damn crowbar to get my books out.

He kinda laughed and I felt bad cause he walked me all the way back to it and helped me open it- so now we were both late. Mr Edwards was pissed cause we were doing a test, so he made me sit in the big stool as some sort of punishment I guess.

I don’t know what that was suppose to teach me, but he should’ve known better then to try to make me sit on something so high. I have no sense of balance. Like none. No sooner then I climbed up on it, I slipped off. Crashed to the ground, twisting my ankle slightly. It wasn’t that bad, but he sent me to the nurse anyway. I would’ve objected harder but I didn’t want to do the test and Gerard wasn’t even looking at me either. When I fell it was Frankie who came over and helped me up. Gerard just glanced over and didn’t say anything…

The nurse gave me some ice and declared me cured just as first period was ending. When I came out of the nurses office I was surprised to see Gerard in the hallway. Part of me secretly hoped he had come by to check on me, but it was probably just wishful thinking on my part cause when he saw me upright on two feet he started to walk away.

“Wait. Gerard. ”I called out after him and he stopped. ‘thank you’ I whispered and he shook his head in annoyance.

“Stop saying that.” He grumbled and I frowned.

“huh?” I asked a bit confused “you don’t want me to say what?“ I asked and he began to mumble.

"you know..just this…isn't working..." he mumbled looking at his feet.

"What?" I wrinkled my eyebrows a little confused just as Bob and Mikey walked by. “hey.” I nodded to Bob who gave me a smile and Mikey gave me some kind of weird salute back. Fucking Mikey is so cute sometimes. I couldn’t help but smile which seemed to make Gerard pissed.

"Look, this.“ He gestured in the air between us. “This game isnt working." He had stopped walking. We were right in front of the library doors, maybe 20 feet from the office directly across from study hall now. I didn't understand what he was saying to me.

"What the fuck are you going on about? What game?" I stammered. I really didn’t know what he was talking about. Gerard moved towards me tossing the hair from his eyes.

“What ever it is your up to with Paul.” he tells me and I felt my jaw drop at the implication. "Just- you cant be friends with my brother..." he said waving his hand at me. "and you can’t go fucking my friends.. Just find a new hobby." He tells me and I felt my own emotions swelling up inside me now.

I started to get loud. "I didn't fuck Frankie" I cry out and someone in the library looked up at us in the doorway. I didn't care. "Is that what he said? Cause that’s not true and Paul?? What the fuck!" I tell him and he made a face as he pulled me from in front of the doorway. He was shaking his head no. “Im not with Paul.“ I told him for what seemed like the millionth time already.

“Does he know that?” He kinda smirked and I frowned. I hadn’t talked to Paul in a while. I was ignoring him. I mean he would call and I wouldn’t answer and the few times I did actually talk to him it was pointless. We would argue and it would always end the same way. Him telling me hes gonna give me some time to think about things…

“Um he should.” I tossed my hands up a little. “I don’t really fucking know and I don’t care.” I crossed my arms on my chest and Gerard just looked at me.

"You're not listening to me Elle. This isn't working out.. I just..." His voice trailed off as he looked back down at his feet. And my heart was just shattering into a million pieces now. I felt my eyes start to well up with tears. I bit my bottom lip as he looked up at me. "Elle, please don't cry.." he said gently and I felt myself tensing up.

“You owe me an explanation Gerard.” I found myself swallowing my tears and telling him. I could be mature. He taught me how to be mature actually… And I did just travel through time for this! He owes me an explanation and I wasn’t going to let him go with out one.

“Look Paul thinks you’re his girl.” He shrugged and I scoffed. “And he made it clear what would happen if anyone started dating you.” He added and now I was scoffing at him. What kind of bullshit excuse was that?? The number of times he and Paul got into it? Did he really expect me to believe that? That he was scared of Paul??

“Gerard that’s bullshit. If you don’t like me-” I tried to tell him but he spoke over me.

"How could you think that Elle? After everything..." He said stepping close to me… and I paused at his words. The way he said it.. after everything…almost like he knew...

"So you do like me?" I asked him softly. Gerard stepped back and threw his hands in the air.

"God damn it Elle." He cries out…Now he was getting loud in frustration. He reached up and was pulling his hair. "Don't you fucking hear me? I cant fucking hurt you like that?” He says and my eyes started to well up again. Him hurt me? No he had it backwards. I hurt him… “And Im not gonna let Frankie hurt you, or Mikey or just fucking let it go.I saw the pictures okay” He stepped back from me and I was so freaking confused.

“ Pictures?” I shook my head. He was walking away from me… Away from study hall too now. “What pictures?” I called out after him but he wouldn’t stop. He turned and quickly pushed open the emergency exit door and darted outside as the siren blared out. I called his name but he was gone. I was just about to follow him when a woman came out of the office and saw me by the door. She was frowning.

"Uhhh,I didn't know it was gonna make noise?" I said weakly… I mean it was only a bright red door covered in warning stickers about how it will make noise if opened. I wasn’t going to tell her Gerard went out it and get him in trouble.

She pointed me to the office where I had to endure a lecture on fire safety and school rules before I was able to go to study hall. Gerard was already there. He was sitting at the table where he usually sits but this time he had his back to the door. I had to talk to him. He crushed my heart and I wasn’t even sure if he realized it or not…

I walked towards him. He was drawing in his notebook, and because of how he was sitting, he didn't see me coming up behind him. I peeked over his shoulder and gasped at his drawing. There was a lady with long hair laying on the ground and some sort of a monster looking man leaning over her. It was reaching down and ripping her heart out.

He saw me out of the corner of his eye or maybe he heard me gasp. But he just quickly shut his notebook and spun around to face me. His face was expressionless. Mine was pleading. I wanted to talk to him. I needed to talk to him. I wanted to tell him everything. It was going to be a risk, but I felt like I had to. That maybe if I just explained everything, he would understand and we could forget all this shit and just be together like we were. Fuck Paul, fuck what ever picture hes talking about. Fuck Bobby. Fuck all of them.

“I um.” I stammered all these words were swirling in my head and then it hit me. I couldn’t do this… Not here. Not like this. I was gonna cry. He just stared at me blankly. "Come home with me!" I blurted out. He looked confused. "For lunch, I mean- come have lunch with me.... please.." I said softly and he took a deep breath but didn’t say anything. “thank you.“ I added and he smiled. But it wasn’t a Im happy smile. It was more like an amused one.

“thank you?” He used the same hushed tone as I did and I felt my heart warming at the words. “I didn’t say yes.” He shifted his eyes down but I didn’t care. It was enough. He said thank you back. It was a sign. A message from his soul to mine.

“yeah but you will.” I whispered back to him and turned and walked away before he could answer....I went and sat over with Heather and the other girls, knowing full well he wouldn’t come over there.

I spent the next two periods stressing about lunch. I had second thoughts about telling Gerard everything. I went back and forth about it a million times and decided I just wasn’t going to. I was gonna play it by ear. Just talk to him at first. Find out what he meant about Paul, see where the conversation goes. If I couldn’t fix it, then I would tell him, but it would be the last resort…

Gerard was already waiting on the corner for me. I just walked up to him and slid my arm around his. He didn't push me off so I gripped him a little tighter as we started to walk down the street in silence for a few seconds. He was kicking the leaves in front of feet as he walked.

"Why did you invite me Elle?" he lowered his voice down and I sighed a little.

"I wanted to talk to you." I tell him and he shrugged like talk then. “Look you don’t really expect me to believe youre scared of Paul and I know you like me so whats up?” I blurt out all at once and he smiled a little at my directness I suppose.

“Ok well um, first Im not scared of Paul.” He says like it’s the most ridiculous thing he ever heard. “And secondly what makes you think I like you?” He added clearly teasing me and I smiled.

“Aw come on.” I nudged him and he sorta laughed. “But seriously Gerard you said something about Paul and hurting somebody so if youre not scared then..” My voice trailed off and he got very serious again.

"I never said hurt me." he tells me softly and I pressed my lips together trying to figure out what that meant.

‘You mean hurt me?’ I asked and he didn’t say anything so I laughed. “Gerard Paul may be an ass but he wouldn’t hit me like that!” I try to point out and he shook his head no.

“I never said hit.” He diverted his eyes from me. We were almost at my house now and we seemed to be walking slower and slower.

“Ok not hit, hurt.” I started to think outloud. “How is Paul gonna ‘hurt’ me?” I asked and he still wouldn’t look up at me. “Wait is this about the pictures?” I asked and he cleared his throat a little but didn’t speak. “Look I don’t know what pictures youre talking about.” I shook my head in annoyance now.

Fucking Paul. He must’ve told Gerard he had some incriminating pictures of me. And would what? Pass them around if we started dating? Shit the whole thing was so juvenile. Plus Paul was stupid. For every incriminating picture he had of me, I had one to match in that box under my bed… Suddenly I was flooded with the memory of how I got rid of Paul in the first place.

“Gerard, come in I want to show you something!” I cried out eagerly. I would take Gerard inside, show him the pictures. Explain to him how stupid this whole thing was. He thought he was protecting me from pain by not being with me when he was really just doing the opposite.

I dragged him up the driveway and when we got to the front porch I found Mr Portman, the mail man just standing there.

“Youre early today.” I smiled politely at him and I reached out to take the envelope in his hand and he wouldn’t give it to me…

“Uh I knocked already your grandfathers coming.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and I looked at him suspiciously as my papa opened the door. He exchanged pleasantries with Mr Portman before Mr Portman handed him the envelope. He was trying to hold it so I wouldn’t see what it was. And if I didn’t know any better I wouldn’t have. But one glimpse of the envelope and I knew what it was.

They don’t let you mail letters from Sing Sing in regular envelopes. Its to protect citizens from getting mail from inmates and thinking its from someone else. They mark it clearly that its from a prison and once I saw the stamps on it I just knew. It was from Nicky…

Suddenly I felt a wave of anger rise up on me. What the hell? Mr Portman knew? I mean maybe he didn’t know everything but he knew enough to not want to give the letter to me. To hand deliver it to my papa…

We stepped inside and no sooner then my papa shut the door I couldn’t hold it anymore. I had to say something. I was going to say it later this week anyway. And it didn’t matter that Gerard was here.

“When were you going to tell me about my father?” I demanded and my papa just looked at me. “That’s a letter from him no?” I tried to grab it but my papa wouldn’t let it go.

“Elle!” Gerard kinda gasped. I mean my papa was old. I shouldn’t have been trying to wrestle the letter from him but I was.

“Let me see Papa.” I whined and he wouldn’t let it go.

“No No NO” he started yelling at me and Bobbi-Jo appeared in the hallway now. Suddenly my grandpa dropped the letter and clutched his heart falling to the floor.

I screamed.

Bobbi-Jo dropped her tea cup, shattering it on the floor.

Gerard called the paramedics.