Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Beginning Is Never The End
I don’t know how long I slept for. Not long enough that was for sure. Cause when Lia shook me to get up I was too exhausted to move.
“What are you doing here?” I grumbled looking at her though one open eye. It was so freaking bright in here. She had to have just let herself in cause I didn’t hear her knock.
“Where’s lover boy?” She grinned at me in reply.
“Gerard?” I said a little confused. Gerard was the only one she ever called my lover boy.
“Ha.” She laughed sharply. “No Will silly. Wake the fuck up already…Gerard.” She laughed at his name like the thought of him and me was funny, as she nudged me to get up.
“Will’s gone.” I told her stretching out on the chair. I didn’t want to get up, but I suppose I had to. I was afraid to even look at the clock to see what time it was…
“Yeah I know, he left bright and early on ya huh?” She grinned in amusement and I scrunched my face at her.
“What?” I reached for my crutch but Lia held out her arm for me to use instead. “Wait- how do you know that?” I looked at her curiously.
“Gerard told me.” She says plainly and I just stared at her.
“What? How would he know?” I gasped a little as she led me into the kitchen. I needed some coffee or something. I went to go get it but Lia stopped me.
“Go sit down Ill get it.” She tells me so I did.
“Well?” I ask her. She wasn’t just going to change the conversation on me.
“Well Ray stayed over last night.” She tells me as she took some cups down from the cupboard.
“What your parents let him stay over?” I widened my eyes at her a little and she laughed.
“Um no they weren’t home.” She giggled. “but he left before they came back this morning.” She tells me and I frowned a little in confusion.
“And?” I demanded of her. What the hell did any of this have to do with Gerard? Or Will for that matter?
“And Gerard picked him up this morning.” She shrugged. “I heard him talking with Ray.” She dropped my cup down in front of me and I just stared down at the coffee in it. I was suddenly to sick to drink it.
“What exactly did he say?” I asked even though I already knew the answer.
“Oh I dunno something about Wills car was still here.” She grinned again at me and I shook my head in disgust. This was just great. How the hell am I gonna explain this now. “So spill it.” Lia leant forward on the table looking at me eagerly for some gossip about my night with Will.
“I didn’t fuck Will.” I tell her and she smirked. “I didn’t!” I insisted and she leant back in her chair now.
“Sure Ellie.” She sighed like if that was the story I was gonna go with she’d play along.
“Did you fuck Ray?” I asked full well knowing she didn’t.
“No.” She laughed and I shrugged as I took a sip of my coffee. It was already getting cold now. Unless maybe she just didn’t microwave it long enough.
“Well then why is it so hard to believe that I stayed the night with Will and didn’t fuck him?” I asked her. Seriously. Did everyone here believe I was just that slutty?
“Whatever.” She sighed in annoyance as she stood up and opened the fridge. “Damn Ellie you got no food, its like my house.” She laughed looking it over.
“I gave it away.” I muttered. I was getting this pounding behind my eye now. Lia shut the fridge and went to check the pantry closet.
“You want to get breakfast or lunch whatever?” She asks me after seeing there was crap left in there too.
“No.” I shook my head at her. “I have something to do.” I glanced up at the clock. It was already three pm. Fuck. I had maybe 15 hours left now to find Will some pills…
“What?” Lia asked and I looked at her a bit confused. “What do you have to do?” She asked curiously and I tried to brush her off. I didn’t have time to explain I don’t even know what to her right now.
“Just. Nothing.” I shuffled over to the sink and dumped the rest of the coffee out.
“Elle.” she kinda whined and I took a deep breath before looking back over at her. I loved her but sometimes she was just a pain in my ass.
“Seriously I’ll come by later.” I tell her and she rolled her eyes at me.
“Yeah. Whatever.” She seemed pissed but she left.
I looked over at the phone book that was still on the table from last night. I absentmindedly opened it and started flipping through pages. Drugs. Drug treatment centers. But no drug dealers listed… I kinda laughed to myself how fucked up that would be if they were…
Fuck, maybe I should’ve asked Lia to stay. She was a dealer. Maybe she could’ve helped me with this… And then another idea popped into my mind. I knew exactly who to call. But I didn’t know his number anymore. I wobbled back to my room and dug through my drawers until I found it.
I dialed it with out even preparing what I was going to say. It only rang once before he picked it up.
“Hey Jay its Elle.” I tell him and he sounded stoned as fuck.
“Aw hey Hun whats up?” He sorta mumbled and I smiled a little at hearing his voice. It was just so long, I forgot what it sounded like. Jay was a decent guy. A low life, but a decent guy no less. I wasn’t quite sure what happened to him in the future. Last thing I heard was he was still living in basements smoking his life away. Got some teen girl pregnant too I think…
“Look Jay I need a favor.” I tell him and he sorta laughed. “No I mean like a big favor.” I added and I could hear him switching the phone around now.
“Yeah Ill be there in a few minutes Hun.” He laughed but I didn’t.
“Im serious Jay, You owe me.” I heard myself saying but I wasn’t sure if it was true or not.
“Aw youre calling in route 32?” He moaned a little and it took me a second to remember what the hell he was talking about.
“Yup.” I nodded trying not to smile at the memory.
“Shit Elle.” He moaned once more. “I got a lot of shit to do today, just what’s up?” He was a little pissed but I didn’t care. I told him I needed Haldol. And not like shit that was just like it, but specifically Haldol. A specific dose too. A hundred pills minimum. And I needed them by tonight.
He bitched a little but said he’d call me back in an hour or two. I went and took a shower while I waited. Got dressed too. It was warm out so I threw on a skirt and a light sweater. I found a pair of ballet flats that managed to fit over my bandaged foot. It still hurt like a bitch. I had to stop moving around on it so much or it was never going to get better. I decided once I fixed this with Will, Id ground myself to the house a few days. That way I couldn’t make any more trouble, and Id be able to get a break for a bit.
I was going to call Jay back cause I was getting tired of waiting for him but then the phone rang. He said hed be outside my house in 45 mins and to be ready. Ready for what? I didn’t know but he hung up so fast I didn’t get a chance to ask him.
This is good. I thought to myself as I sat on the front steps waiting for him. If he couldn’t get it, he would’ve just told me on the phone. I found myself trying to remember as much as I could about Jay but it probably wouldn’t matter. He was such a stoner, he didn’t remember half the shit about his own life, or mine so how would he notice if I didn’t either.
I did remember what I originally traded him my favor for. That damn guitar Ray wanted. Oh well, Ray will just have to do with out I sighed to myself. This was more important…
A few minutes later Jay pulled up. He honked the fucking horn even though I was outside already. “Hey.“ I tell him as I slid in to his car. He leant over and kissed my cheek. I didn’t say anything. I guess that was how it was between us, and I wasn’t about to tell him to back the fuck off until I had Wills pills anyways.
"What's with the ankle Elle?" He asked as we drove away. I told him about my fall and my papa. He just nodded. He reached in the ashtray and pulled out a baggie with four small white pills in it.
“What the hell Jay!” I kinda spat at him. Four fucking pills? That would hold Will off for what an day and a half?
“Naw these are for you.” He winked at me and I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Um thanks.” I took them from him. He just looked at me curiously as we stopped at a red light. I guess he thought I was going to take one. But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to get high with Jay. End up screwing around in his car or on his couch all night. I just wanted Wills pills.
“You don’t want em?” He asked giving me a funny look and I quickly blurted out the first lie that came to mind.
“I need some water.” I tell him and he nodded a little, buying it I guess. I tossed the bag into the ashtray carelessly as I looked out the window trying to figure out where were headed, although it didn’t really matter. Suddenly Jay makes a sharp and very illegal left turn and pulled into the 7-11.
“Ill be right back.” He winked at me once more, He paused as he got out, picking up the baggie of pills and taking them into the 7-11 with him.
I sat anxiously waiting in the car. A few minutes later he came out. Holding a freaking slushy. I didn’t see the pills, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have them.
“Here.” He handed it to me as he started the car back up. I sipped on it for a few seconds, it was quiet in the car now and once we were back on the road I asked him.
“Did you get them?” I paused from my slushy. I hardly ever drank them, but I didn’t eat anything today. Just that little bit of coffee. So I was really downing it.
“Naw it’s the next stop.” He tells me as he raised the volume up on the radio. I didn’t say anything. It wouldn’t have mattered if I did, he had the music that loud. I found myself spacing out the window as we drove. I started to feel funny. Damn I wonder how much sugars in this? I looked down at the cup but it didn’t say. It just said 7-11 was the place to go for slushy’s and I couldn’t argue with that.
I don’t know why but I just wanted to share that with Jay for some reason. When I looked back over at him I realized he had his hand on my leg. I didn’t even feel it.
“Jay.” I lifted it from me.
“Gimme a sec.” He tells me and I realized we were pulling into a lot. It was cruddy looking supermarket/pharmacy in I don’t even know what town we were in. Just that I had never been here before and never wanted to come back that was for damn sure.
Jay opened his door and got out. Leaving me alone in the car as he went to the side of the building. There was a guy there. He must’ve been the janitor or the stock man or I don’t even know who. He passed Jay something and Jay passed him something back and just like that, they both walked away.
Jay got back in the car and started it up right away. We were maybe a block or two from there when he reached in his pocket and pulled out a few bottle and that baggie of pills from before. He tossed them over at me and I read the labels over quickly trying to figure out which one was Wills.
“Thanks Jay.” I tell him when I found it.
“Yeah were even now.” He smiled at me and I smiled back. “Just toss the rest of the crap in the glove compartment.” He nods to it.
“kay.” I heard myself giggle and then something caught my eye. The little baggie. The one with four pills in it, now had two… “Jay where did they go?” I asked a little panic stricken. I mean was there a hole in the bag? You cant just be dropping shit like that.
“Huh?” He says so I repeated it.
“Where did they go??” I asked him once more and he kinda chuckled as he shifted his eyes to my slushy. “Oh fuck you didn’t!” I widened my eyes at him. God damn it wasn’t the sugar overload fucking me up. He spiked my slushy.
“What?” He said legitimately surprised and I just shook my head a little. It was alright, I tried to convince myself. I got Wills pills, that’s all that mattered…
“You gonna bring me home?” I asked and he nodded.
“Yeah just gotta make another stop.” He said I shrugged like I didn’t care cause I really didn’t.
We drove around for I don’t even know how long. Jay getting in and out of the car and glove compartment every now and then. Finally we pull up in front of this bar/club I don’t even know what it was cause the lot was so dark. Jay gets out and come around the car to open my door. He lifts me out of the car. I was too fucked up to protest.
"Can you walk?" he asks and I nod. He slid his arm around me and puts his hand on my ass as we walk in and I don't even care. There’s a band playing on stage. It's so fucking loud I couldn’t believe no one was complaining. He leads me through the crowd to a small table.
“What are we doing here?” I ask him and he ignored me. Or maybe he didn’t hear me.
“Im gonna get a drink.” He says instead and I shrugged as he made his way to the bar. He returned with some guy I never saw before. The guy sat down and Jay lifted me from my chair and pulled me in his lap. What like there wasn’t enough fucking chairs for him to choose from? He wanted mine?
His hands ran up around my waist as he spoke to the dude. I couldn’t really focus on what they were saying. Something about that damn Gibson guitar. Then Jay said hed be right back I told him I would too. I wanted to go splash some water on my face, try to sober up…
I don’t know how long I was in the bathroom for but when I came out I could see Jay was already back at the table. I started to head back to it too when a familiar voice made me pause….
“What are you doing here?” I grumbled looking at her though one open eye. It was so freaking bright in here. She had to have just let herself in cause I didn’t hear her knock.
“Where’s lover boy?” She grinned at me in reply.
“Gerard?” I said a little confused. Gerard was the only one she ever called my lover boy.
“Ha.” She laughed sharply. “No Will silly. Wake the fuck up already…Gerard.” She laughed at his name like the thought of him and me was funny, as she nudged me to get up.
“Will’s gone.” I told her stretching out on the chair. I didn’t want to get up, but I suppose I had to. I was afraid to even look at the clock to see what time it was…
“Yeah I know, he left bright and early on ya huh?” She grinned in amusement and I scrunched my face at her.
“What?” I reached for my crutch but Lia held out her arm for me to use instead. “Wait- how do you know that?” I looked at her curiously.
“Gerard told me.” She says plainly and I just stared at her.
“What? How would he know?” I gasped a little as she led me into the kitchen. I needed some coffee or something. I went to go get it but Lia stopped me.
“Go sit down Ill get it.” She tells me so I did.
“Well?” I ask her. She wasn’t just going to change the conversation on me.
“Well Ray stayed over last night.” She tells me as she took some cups down from the cupboard.
“What your parents let him stay over?” I widened my eyes at her a little and she laughed.
“Um no they weren’t home.” She giggled. “but he left before they came back this morning.” She tells me and I frowned a little in confusion.
“And?” I demanded of her. What the hell did any of this have to do with Gerard? Or Will for that matter?
“And Gerard picked him up this morning.” She shrugged. “I heard him talking with Ray.” She dropped my cup down in front of me and I just stared down at the coffee in it. I was suddenly to sick to drink it.
“What exactly did he say?” I asked even though I already knew the answer.
“Oh I dunno something about Wills car was still here.” She grinned again at me and I shook my head in disgust. This was just great. How the hell am I gonna explain this now. “So spill it.” Lia leant forward on the table looking at me eagerly for some gossip about my night with Will.
“I didn’t fuck Will.” I tell her and she smirked. “I didn’t!” I insisted and she leant back in her chair now.
“Sure Ellie.” She sighed like if that was the story I was gonna go with she’d play along.
“Did you fuck Ray?” I asked full well knowing she didn’t.
“No.” She laughed and I shrugged as I took a sip of my coffee. It was already getting cold now. Unless maybe she just didn’t microwave it long enough.
“Well then why is it so hard to believe that I stayed the night with Will and didn’t fuck him?” I asked her. Seriously. Did everyone here believe I was just that slutty?
“Whatever.” She sighed in annoyance as she stood up and opened the fridge. “Damn Ellie you got no food, its like my house.” She laughed looking it over.
“I gave it away.” I muttered. I was getting this pounding behind my eye now. Lia shut the fridge and went to check the pantry closet.
“You want to get breakfast or lunch whatever?” She asks me after seeing there was crap left in there too.
“No.” I shook my head at her. “I have something to do.” I glanced up at the clock. It was already three pm. Fuck. I had maybe 15 hours left now to find Will some pills…
“What?” Lia asked and I looked at her a bit confused. “What do you have to do?” She asked curiously and I tried to brush her off. I didn’t have time to explain I don’t even know what to her right now.
“Just. Nothing.” I shuffled over to the sink and dumped the rest of the coffee out.
“Elle.” she kinda whined and I took a deep breath before looking back over at her. I loved her but sometimes she was just a pain in my ass.
“Seriously I’ll come by later.” I tell her and she rolled her eyes at me.
“Yeah. Whatever.” She seemed pissed but she left.
I looked over at the phone book that was still on the table from last night. I absentmindedly opened it and started flipping through pages. Drugs. Drug treatment centers. But no drug dealers listed… I kinda laughed to myself how fucked up that would be if they were…
Fuck, maybe I should’ve asked Lia to stay. She was a dealer. Maybe she could’ve helped me with this… And then another idea popped into my mind. I knew exactly who to call. But I didn’t know his number anymore. I wobbled back to my room and dug through my drawers until I found it.
I dialed it with out even preparing what I was going to say. It only rang once before he picked it up.
“Hey Jay its Elle.” I tell him and he sounded stoned as fuck.
“Aw hey Hun whats up?” He sorta mumbled and I smiled a little at hearing his voice. It was just so long, I forgot what it sounded like. Jay was a decent guy. A low life, but a decent guy no less. I wasn’t quite sure what happened to him in the future. Last thing I heard was he was still living in basements smoking his life away. Got some teen girl pregnant too I think…
“Look Jay I need a favor.” I tell him and he sorta laughed. “No I mean like a big favor.” I added and I could hear him switching the phone around now.
“Yeah Ill be there in a few minutes Hun.” He laughed but I didn’t.
“Im serious Jay, You owe me.” I heard myself saying but I wasn’t sure if it was true or not.
“Aw youre calling in route 32?” He moaned a little and it took me a second to remember what the hell he was talking about.
“Yup.” I nodded trying not to smile at the memory.
“Shit Elle.” He moaned once more. “I got a lot of shit to do today, just what’s up?” He was a little pissed but I didn’t care. I told him I needed Haldol. And not like shit that was just like it, but specifically Haldol. A specific dose too. A hundred pills minimum. And I needed them by tonight.
He bitched a little but said he’d call me back in an hour or two. I went and took a shower while I waited. Got dressed too. It was warm out so I threw on a skirt and a light sweater. I found a pair of ballet flats that managed to fit over my bandaged foot. It still hurt like a bitch. I had to stop moving around on it so much or it was never going to get better. I decided once I fixed this with Will, Id ground myself to the house a few days. That way I couldn’t make any more trouble, and Id be able to get a break for a bit.
I was going to call Jay back cause I was getting tired of waiting for him but then the phone rang. He said hed be outside my house in 45 mins and to be ready. Ready for what? I didn’t know but he hung up so fast I didn’t get a chance to ask him.
This is good. I thought to myself as I sat on the front steps waiting for him. If he couldn’t get it, he would’ve just told me on the phone. I found myself trying to remember as much as I could about Jay but it probably wouldn’t matter. He was such a stoner, he didn’t remember half the shit about his own life, or mine so how would he notice if I didn’t either.
I did remember what I originally traded him my favor for. That damn guitar Ray wanted. Oh well, Ray will just have to do with out I sighed to myself. This was more important…
A few minutes later Jay pulled up. He honked the fucking horn even though I was outside already. “Hey.“ I tell him as I slid in to his car. He leant over and kissed my cheek. I didn’t say anything. I guess that was how it was between us, and I wasn’t about to tell him to back the fuck off until I had Wills pills anyways.
"What's with the ankle Elle?" He asked as we drove away. I told him about my fall and my papa. He just nodded. He reached in the ashtray and pulled out a baggie with four small white pills in it.
“What the hell Jay!” I kinda spat at him. Four fucking pills? That would hold Will off for what an day and a half?
“Naw these are for you.” He winked at me and I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Um thanks.” I took them from him. He just looked at me curiously as we stopped at a red light. I guess he thought I was going to take one. But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to get high with Jay. End up screwing around in his car or on his couch all night. I just wanted Wills pills.
“You don’t want em?” He asked giving me a funny look and I quickly blurted out the first lie that came to mind.
“I need some water.” I tell him and he nodded a little, buying it I guess. I tossed the bag into the ashtray carelessly as I looked out the window trying to figure out where were headed, although it didn’t really matter. Suddenly Jay makes a sharp and very illegal left turn and pulled into the 7-11.
“Ill be right back.” He winked at me once more, He paused as he got out, picking up the baggie of pills and taking them into the 7-11 with him.
I sat anxiously waiting in the car. A few minutes later he came out. Holding a freaking slushy. I didn’t see the pills, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have them.
“Here.” He handed it to me as he started the car back up. I sipped on it for a few seconds, it was quiet in the car now and once we were back on the road I asked him.
“Did you get them?” I paused from my slushy. I hardly ever drank them, but I didn’t eat anything today. Just that little bit of coffee. So I was really downing it.
“Naw it’s the next stop.” He tells me as he raised the volume up on the radio. I didn’t say anything. It wouldn’t have mattered if I did, he had the music that loud. I found myself spacing out the window as we drove. I started to feel funny. Damn I wonder how much sugars in this? I looked down at the cup but it didn’t say. It just said 7-11 was the place to go for slushy’s and I couldn’t argue with that.
I don’t know why but I just wanted to share that with Jay for some reason. When I looked back over at him I realized he had his hand on my leg. I didn’t even feel it.
“Jay.” I lifted it from me.
“Gimme a sec.” He tells me and I realized we were pulling into a lot. It was cruddy looking supermarket/pharmacy in I don’t even know what town we were in. Just that I had never been here before and never wanted to come back that was for damn sure.
Jay opened his door and got out. Leaving me alone in the car as he went to the side of the building. There was a guy there. He must’ve been the janitor or the stock man or I don’t even know who. He passed Jay something and Jay passed him something back and just like that, they both walked away.
Jay got back in the car and started it up right away. We were maybe a block or two from there when he reached in his pocket and pulled out a few bottle and that baggie of pills from before. He tossed them over at me and I read the labels over quickly trying to figure out which one was Wills.
“Thanks Jay.” I tell him when I found it.
“Yeah were even now.” He smiled at me and I smiled back. “Just toss the rest of the crap in the glove compartment.” He nods to it.
“kay.” I heard myself giggle and then something caught my eye. The little baggie. The one with four pills in it, now had two… “Jay where did they go?” I asked a little panic stricken. I mean was there a hole in the bag? You cant just be dropping shit like that.
“Huh?” He says so I repeated it.
“Where did they go??” I asked him once more and he kinda chuckled as he shifted his eyes to my slushy. “Oh fuck you didn’t!” I widened my eyes at him. God damn it wasn’t the sugar overload fucking me up. He spiked my slushy.
“What?” He said legitimately surprised and I just shook my head a little. It was alright, I tried to convince myself. I got Wills pills, that’s all that mattered…
“You gonna bring me home?” I asked and he nodded.
“Yeah just gotta make another stop.” He said I shrugged like I didn’t care cause I really didn’t.
We drove around for I don’t even know how long. Jay getting in and out of the car and glove compartment every now and then. Finally we pull up in front of this bar/club I don’t even know what it was cause the lot was so dark. Jay gets out and come around the car to open my door. He lifts me out of the car. I was too fucked up to protest.
"Can you walk?" he asks and I nod. He slid his arm around me and puts his hand on my ass as we walk in and I don't even care. There’s a band playing on stage. It's so fucking loud I couldn’t believe no one was complaining. He leads me through the crowd to a small table.
“What are we doing here?” I ask him and he ignored me. Or maybe he didn’t hear me.
“Im gonna get a drink.” He says instead and I shrugged as he made his way to the bar. He returned with some guy I never saw before. The guy sat down and Jay lifted me from my chair and pulled me in his lap. What like there wasn’t enough fucking chairs for him to choose from? He wanted mine?
His hands ran up around my waist as he spoke to the dude. I couldn’t really focus on what they were saying. Something about that damn Gibson guitar. Then Jay said hed be right back I told him I would too. I wanted to go splash some water on my face, try to sober up…
I don’t know how long I was in the bathroom for but when I came out I could see Jay was already back at the table. I started to head back to it too when a familiar voice made me pause….
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