FicWad

It was Ray. He was talking to the dude Jay and I were just sitting with. Well not so much talking as they were arguing… I couldn’t really follow what they were saying. Ray was pissed though. Something about the Gibson, and the dude was telling him it was gone, that if he was here earlier but that’s just the way it is. First come first serve. I found myself moving closer and closer to them as they spoke. Ray wanted to know who bought it..

“Elle! What are you doing here?” Ray kind of gasped surprised to see me there.

“Hi.” I said softly. I didn’t mean to interrupt them, but I did.

“Hey you still want it, I just sold it to her boyfriend.” The guy nodded towards me and Ray looked at me curiously.

“Will?” He says and I rolled my eyes.

“Will is not my boyfriend.” I pointed out and the guy just shrugged like he couldn’t care less who the fuck I was with before mumbling something to Ray and walking away. Ray then turned his attention back on me.

“Who are you here with Elle?” He asked and I pointed over to Jay at the table.

“Joey Marshall, you know him?” I asked cause I wasn’t sure. Ray shook his head no and then started babbling on about that damn guitar. I didn’t realize back then how many hoops Ray actually jumped through trying to get it. It was like Karma didn’t want him to have it. It turns out this was the third time he tried to meet up with the guy to buy it. And now that they were here, the dude freaking sells it to someone else moments before he walked in.

Ray wanted to know how much Jay paid for it. I told him I didn’t know. He then wanted to know what Jay was planning on doing with it, and once more I had not a clue. “Well, you think hes gonna sell it to me?” Ray asks and I shrugged. I didn’t want to say no but I knew it was going to be a no.

From what I could remember Ray told me he had met up with Jay a few times trying to negotiate a deal for it unsuccessfully before that day I brought him to his apartment. “Introduce me.” Ray nudged me a little and I almost fell over. “Jesus Christ how fucked up are you?” He leant over and squinted at my eyes.

“Im okay.” I lied to him taking his hand in mine and leading him back to the table. Jay pulled me back on to his lap and Ray sat across from us. I told Jay that Ray was a really good friend of mine but it didn’t make a difference. Once Jay realized how badly Ray wanted the guitar it was clear he wasn’t going to give it up that easily…

They were going back and forth negotiating but I wasn't listening. The music was so loud. I was starting to space out. Then I saw someone over Jays shoulder. Fuck I think I'm losing my mind. Is that?...no it couldn't be....Gerard? I blinked my eyes and the figure was gone

“Are you here alone Ray?” I interrupted their conversation and he shook his head no. “Oh god don’t tell me youre here with-”

“Gerard.” He says and he wasn’t finishing my sentence. He was acknowledging Gerard who was now standing a few feet from me sitting on Jays lap… Fuck

Gerards eyes locked on to mine for a second and then he quickly diverted them from me and wouldn’t look at me anymore. And that’s when I noticed her… It was Jade. Hanging on his arm like the coke whore she was.

I suddenly felt sick. I went to get up and I realized Jay had slid his hands all the way up my waist and was rubbing his hands along the bottom of my breasts. My skirt was higher up than before I sat down. Gerard was glaring looking off across the room but I know it was cause of me. I tugged at the hem of my skirt and looked over at Ray. He was leant back in his chair running his hands through his fro.. He seemed frustrated cause he wasn’t getting anywhere with Jay -unlike me who seemed to be getting to second base with him.. I pushed Jays hands down off me as I stood up.

"You ready to go?" I asked Jay as I stood up. My fucking head was spinning now. I didn’t think this night could get any worse, after seeing Gerard, and him seeing me with Jay like that, but it did. Fucking Jade. He was with his ‘J’ and I was with mine…

"Naw baby, not yet." Jay said shrugging me off as he reached for his beer on the table.

“Ill be right back.” I hear Jade say to Gerard and I watched her head to the bathrooms, probably to snort a few lines off the dirty counter.

God I hate her. It was funny cause I hadn’t thought of her in so long, but once I saw her with him. Oh man it all came flooding back to me. It was a good thing they didn’t get here earlier either. Yes, Ray might’ve been able to get his precious guitar but I might’ve ended up running into Jade in the bathroom. And if I did, and I found out she was here with Gerard - there would’ve been blood.

“Jay really I want to go.” I tell him once more and he made a face as he looked up at me.

“Naw you wanna be here.” He patted his lap and I almost threw up. He grabbed my arm to try to pull me back down on to him and Gerard grabbed my other arm and pulled me back.

"I'll take her home." He said and I wiggled my hand out of Jays grip.

"What the fuck man?" he mumbled to Gerard. Shit. Jay was beyond drunk. He was gonna make a scene. He started to get up and I pushed him back down into his seat.

"No its ok Jay...it's cool" I leant forwards towards him and I could see him peeking down the front of my shirt. "I'm not feeling well anyway. " I sighed. I ran my hand through his hair and tilted his head up so he was looking at me instead of down my top. "But thank you. I owe you one now okay?” I tell him and he sorta grinned. He knew what I meant. At least I hope he did.

“Ray tell Jade Ill catch her later okay.” I hear Gerard say and I breathed a small sigh of relief to myself. Oh thank God. He wasn’t here with her. I mean he was here with her, but they didn’t come together. Fuck, I don’t know what I was thinking but whatever joy I felt from leaving with him was quickly extinguished when he somewhat roughly tossed me into his car…

He started it up and we drove in silence. He was pissed and I wanted to say something, but I honestly didn’t know what. I wasn’t even sure what he was pissed about and I didn’t want to apologize for the wrong thing. Was he mad about Will, cause I could explain that. Or about me being out with Jay? Cause I could explain that too.. Or maybe he was mad cause I ruined his night? That he had to bring me home?

We drove the whole way home in silence. No radio, no nothing. Just the sounds of Gerard’s lighter flicking every so often. He was chain smoking. Every so often he would cough or clear his throat and I felt a flutter of anticipation that he was actually going to speak but he never did.

He pulled into my driveway and didn’t shut the engine so I didn’t move. There was no way I was just going to leave like that. Not after riding the whole way in silence.

“We’re here.” He finally speaks but the way he said it was like I was stupid or too fucked up to know Im home so hes gotta tell me. I know this is my house. I was gonna spit back at him. This was our house actually…and with that thought any bitterness I just felt towards him melted instantly.

“thank you.” I said softly as I reached down and unhooked my seat belt slowly. I looked up at him after I said it and gave him a small smile. He didn’t respond as well as I would’ve liked. He wouldn’t smile back, not even a little one.

“No, you know what this is going to be the last time.” He pressed his lips together and he was nodding to himself now.

“The last time?” I repeated back not really following what he meant. “The last time you drive me home you mean?” I said cautiously.

Gerard suddenly slammed his hands on the steering wheel roughly. “Of anything!” He cried out and I guess I shook a little when he did it, cause he glanced over apologetically for a second He kind of groaned a little and the reached and turned off the car. “I can’t do this.” He says pulling his hand back. He had the keys in them now and he was holding them up to me.

“Drive?” I said stupidly but I guess he wasn’t really holding the keys up to me, he just had them in his hand.

“Not fucking drive! Drive you!” He was getting all worked up and I replayed the last few minutes in my head. I felt like I missed something.

“I said thank you.” I said softly and he widened his eyes at me now.

“Holy fuck Elle with the thank yous.” He started to yell at me.

“What?” I couldn’t help but sniffle. I didn’t want to cry but I don’t know how much longer I could hold on.

“Thank you?” He waved his hand at me once more dramatically. “Thank you for what huh?” He demanded and I bit down on my lip. “Thank you for watching me toss my life away?” And with that the tears started to fall silently down my cheeks. “I cant fucking sit here and watch that, Im sorry I wont.” He shifted in his seat He saw I was crying but made no motion to comfort me. It was like he didn’t care but I knew he did.

“Then stop me.” I hear myself say and he smiled. I know he didn’t mean to but he did.

“Elle.” He sighed my name trying to regain that serious look he had before, but I know I had him.

“What?” I replied plainly to him calling my name.

He took a deep breath and I turned slightly in my seat now so I was facing him more. When he looked up at me, his eyes were softer. He reached his hand out and wiped the one tear that was left on my cheek away, cupping my face in his hand and I had to shut my eyes a second. If I didn’t I was going to cry again just from him touching me like that… “If this is how you live then I cant.” I hear him say and I opened my eyes back up a little confused.

“How?” I asked him and he dropped his hand from my face.

“Hooking up with whoever.” He gestured at me and I frowned. I needed a name. If I was going to have to explain I would. But I wasn’t going to start babbling on about Will if he was pissed about Jay, or about Paul or maybe cause of how I was talking to Slim at the funeral that day. Shit. This is why people think you’re a slut Elle. The thoughts swirled in my mind.

“Who whoever?” I asked him.

“My friends.” He blurts out and I felt my face drop. Shit. I didn’t even add Frankie to the list. I really am a slut. “My brother.” He added and I widened my eyes in protest.

“I did no such thing with Mikey!” I cried out and he shook his head a little like it didn’t matter but it did. “No you tell me.” I insisted.

“You didn’t invite Mikey over?” He says and I scrunched my face as I thought about it. “To tutor you.” He says making air quotes around tutor and I couldn’t help but smile.

“I really do need help in math.” I try to tell him.

“That’s bullshit Elle. I was in your math class last year.” He says and I exhaled loudly.

“Well that was last year.” I start to try to explain. “Last year I was good in math. This year Im not.” I paused and looked over at Gerard. He wasn’t saying anything but he was giving me a look like he wasn’t buying it. “Look things change.” I added and he smirked a little.

“Yeah well things change a little fast with you huh?” He tells me and I shifted back slightly in my seat.

“No.” I sort of pouted.

“Like how one day you break up with Paul out of the clear blue sky.” He waved his hand at me.

“It was raining that day.” I muttered softly and I don’t know if he didnt hear me, or if he ignored me and just kept talking over me.

“And then you make it like you want something with me, you invite me to your house-” He says letting the sentence hang there like that. I felt myself starting to tremble at the memory of my papa dying. “And then two fucking days later what? Things change?” He scowled at me. “Two fucking days and it changes.” He carried on. “I guess I should be glad I got two days, Will only got one before you moved on huh?” He smirked.

“Fuck you Gerard.” I spat at him. I couldn’t help it. There’s a thin line between love and hate and I felt myself crossing it. “You know what. I don’t want to do this right now.” I swung my door open and got out. I kinda expected Gerard to just start his car back up and peel out but he didn’t. He got out too. Unlike last night, he wasn’t quite done with me yet…

“Oh no, I think you do.” He called out taunting me and I paused. “I think you don’t give a fuck either.” He says and I rolled my eyes and started to limp towards my door. Just walk away Elle, I told myself. Don’t argue with him anymore tonight… “And Ill tell you another thing.” He continued to carry on as he followed me on to the porch now. “I’m not gonna play the fucking hero anymore. Next time youre out -fucked up out of your mind with your skirt hiked up in a bar, don’t go looking for me cause Im done with this shit.” He declares and I shook my head a little amused by his ‘speech’. “You think Im kidding?” He says noticing my face. And I didn’t. I knew he wasn’t kidding but…

“Gerard Ive never heard someone talk so much shit in all my life.” I tell him as I fumbled in my purse getting my keys out. Now he was looking at me in amusement.

“Oh you think I talk shit.” He says and I tried not to smile.

“I know you do.” I told him as I started to unlock the door. “You wont leave me.” I glanced over my shoulder at him and he was almost smiling now.

“Oh yeah?” He says in amusement and I nodded as I spun back around to face him.

“Yeah you cant.” I tell him plainly and he arched his eyebrow up at me. “You want me and I want you. Its just how its suppose to be.” I reached over and ran my hand along the edge of the opening on his jacket. “Seriously Gerard you kiss me and tell me you feel nothing and you don’t want this with me and I’ll let you go.” I pulled him a bit closer to me now. “And not like a little kiss. You kiss me and tell me you don’t want me and youre still gonna walk away and Ill take back everything I said.” I began to babble. “Ill-” I began to say and he leant forward and pecked me lightly on the lips.

“Shut up?” He says and I laughed. His face was so close to mine still.

“That wasn’t a kiss-” I began to protest, but no sooner then I said it, did he press his lips back to mine. Filling me with all the pieces I lost when he died on me…