FicWad

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related concepts are owned by someone who isn't me. I will never seek or accept money for the circulation of this work.

Author's apology for the potentially incendiary dialogue: JKR lightly skirted around issues of faith in making the Potterverse, but I've always felt that the question of why the Muggle-raised might decry 'By Merlin!' was the elephant in the room everyone was politely ignoring. Like anything, I'm making Holly face it head-on. I'm sorry if this upsets anyone but I think I've handled the topic respectfully, more so than authors who write from a "Druidism is real, and Christians are just silly muggles" perspective. Besides, it makes more sense than S.P.E.W. If you're curious, I was raised without any specific religious background, aside from what is suffused within our media & culture. Maybe that's why I find the topic interesting. It might also explain why I have such a dark and messy world for Holly to fix.

Holly Evans and the Spiral Path
Chapter 40: Rule Changes

20th September, 1994

Dear Mum,
Figured you'd want to know why I wanted to use the other spare Transfiguration lab, so Newt's going to tell yesterday's tale. It also explains the owl.

The tale of the cackling owl
It is September 19th, and Holly enters the Great Hall seeking breakfast somewhat late. As she approaches the Slytherin table, a hat-wearing firstie invites her to sit next to him. As Holly sits down, she turns and mumbles something to him, causing the young wizard to bolt from the table, running out of the Great Hall at great speed. Hermione notices the interchange and rises from her seat next to Neville at the Gryffindor table, striding over to Holly very purposefully. Holly looks up from her hasty eating as Hermione stands in front of her, fuming. Neville gets up from the Gryffindor table and begins to head over, in fear of a potential altercation.
"Well?!"
"(Gulp.) Good Morning, Hermione. Have a seat. You look uncomfortable."
"What did you say to that poor boy that sent him running in fear?"
"I told him he was going to be late."
Hermione stops in her confusion, choosing instead to sit down in front of Holly.
"I... I'm sorry, but I'm a little testy today."
"Really? Is there something special about today that's making you confrontational?"
"I... well..."
Neville steps up to the table as well and begins to explain.
"Yeah, Holly! You should know. Today's Herm..."
Hermione stops him with a harsh glance and the tall boy clamps his mouth shut with a confused look. Holly looks back between the two with a mixture of fatigue and impatience, but her attention like many others is suddenly drawn by a strange, madcap laughing sound.
"Hee hee HAH HAH! Hee hee HAH!"
What makes this particularly odd is that the sound is coming from a smallish brown and white owl that has just entered the Great Hall with a package attached, later than the other Post owls that had already brought deliveries. The owl continues to cackle madly while circling the ceiling for several laps, finally diving to land directly in front of Holly. The owl turns to her, opens its beak and begins a strange warble, ending once more in a laugh not unlike some of the prank items available from Zonko's.
Holly stares at the owl for a moment bemused and then reaches forward. The owl grabs her finger, drawing a bit of blood from the sharp snap of its beak. It samples the taste for a moment and then proffers forth its cargo, a rectangular package wrapped in waxed butcher paper. Holly retrieves the package, reads the note on the top and finally speaks.
"It's from Sirius. This is his new owl, a Whekau called Joker."
"I thought Whekau were extinct."
"I guess not. Wait. Hermione, how on Earth did you already know what a Whekau was?!"
"If you hadn't gotten Crookshanks for me, I was going to get an owl and..."
"Hee hee HAH HAH! Hee hee HAH!"
Neville stares at the strange owl, reaching out to touch its wing only to earn himself a bite. The owl cackles one more time and then flies off towards the Owlery exit.
"... would have looked for a Whekau, except that they bite everyone. Also, extinct. Very reliable post-owls though, and quite fast at delivering, even to constant travellers."
"Probably because they track by blood. Oh! Muffliato."
"Holly, what is it?"
Holly shows Hermione and Neville the contents- a pair of booklets that resemble a traveller’s postcard collection, where the cardstock pages are joined by pliant folding material. Even the covers advertise 'Greetings from Sensational Sydney!'
"New Maps! Neville, be a dear and give this back to the Twins. This one... is for the Professor. And the last one is for me!"
Neville accepts a scrap of parchment drawn from Holly's robes that he stuffs into his own pockets for later delivery. Hermione looks crestfallen. Holly starts playing with the unfolding booklet, reading instructions that appear after a small flash from her fingertip.
"Oh. Well, are they the same as before, content-wise?"
"Umm, no. Here, flip this one over and incant the appropriate phrase."
Holly stuffs her new Map into an interior pocket while handing the other copy to Hermione. The gleeful Gryffindor draws her wand as she takes the postcard book, noting that it seems to be easy to fold in any direction desired. Hermione taps the top while incanting, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
Words spread across the page.
'Kittyhawk; You bear before you the revised and updated Marauder's Map. To see the deeper secrets, incant Scarpin's backwards. - Padfoot'
"It recognises the one opening it!"
Hermione mumbles in Latin several times to no avail.
"Oilaever silaiceps! I think Padfoot is taking the mickey! I've tried using the incantation backwards but nothing's happening."
"Hermione, if Padfoot left you instructions then you're not taking them with the proper spirit. He knows you a little, so he'll know how to get your goat."
"Oh. OH! That furry... snipracs."
The Map begins scrolling out highly-detailed Arithmantic equations and notes, primarily in Moony's handwriting. Hermione's eyes bulge out in wonder and excitement.
"Happy Birthday, Hermione."
"You did remember!"
"I did, but this isn't my present- it's theirs. Please come with me."
Hermione clutches the Map to her chest and then taps it to clear the writing, storing it into her robes as the two girls leave the table. Holly grabs several pieces of fruit after stuffing a last piece of muffin in her mouth. After leaving the Great Hall, Holly leads them up several flights to the secondary Transfiguration lab. When Holly opens the door, Hermione steps in to find twenty young students arranged in a semicircle of desks.
"What...?"
"What do you say, friends?"
En masse, the students intone a very friendly and welcoming, "Good Morning, Professor Granger!"
Hermione yelps and drags Holly back out of the classroom, closing the door behind her.
"What did you do?!"
"Well, it started with a few of my protectees, but pretty soon most of the firsties we saved on the train and some of their new friends started coming as well, asking me questions and requesting tutoring in stuff that even I would've considered fairly basic. That was five days ago. Now I have a quorum of eager minds and no idea how to proceed, not to mention I'm still mid-negotiation with my House for the right to live peaceably. They need our guidance, I need your help, and you've always said you wanted..."
Hermione breaks down in tears, hugging Holly for all she's worth. She leans back to look at Holly's smile once more and smiles back, leaning in once more for an emphatic kiss. They kiss warmly but chastely for a minute before breaking. Hermione wipes away her tears and smiles at Holly, shaking her head.
"How can you keep doing things to make me love you? It's so unfair!"
Holly smiles while waving a hand at her own face to provide a cooling breeze.
"No, unfair is you getting me hot and bothered when you've got a class to teach with me. Shall we, Professor?"
"We shall!"

~

Hermione refers to it as our RE-class, short for 'Remedial Everything'. We're going to teach them some basic defense while distracting them with tales of our experiences. In exchange they'll come back with homework assignments like 'what you can get in Diagon Alley' for the magically-raised or 'how to take the Underground' from the muggle-raised. I was already informally working through that, but Hermione has them write it out and read their work out loud, so they'll get used to speaking up, and the topics always lead to discussions. One hour, three times a week. It's a start. Also, the class is unusually loyal to each other- I've seen a trio of troublemakers suddenly surrounded by seven of our class when they had thought they had isolated a victim for their use. Never mind that none of them knew a spell worth casting, just having seven wands pointed at their opponents worked wonders. Of course, it didn't hurt their cause when I stepped up to back their play. Sometimes scary is useful.
By the way, when I said the Map was 'for the Professor' I meant Hermione. If you really expect us to hand over a copy of the Marauder's Map to you, I suggest that you demonstrate some sort of dedication to the spirit of Chaos, first.

Mum, I just realised how uppity that sounded and that you can appropriate any contraband for any reason, given your position. Please forgive me; Hermione and I will make you a copy as soon as we can.

Holly

*

Holly,
I will enjoy my gift as soon as it is delivered. I would also appreciate three or more feet of scroll on the Map, the Marauder Monitor Charms and any other information on how the Map gathers information through the animated portraits, due in my office by the end of next week. The sooner you deliver, the more likely it is that no one else in the faculty will be informed of the Maps' existence. Do I make myself clear?

Now that we have Order satisfied...

I daresay that Severus will be putting forth your name for a Prefect pin next year if you continue aiding the younger students in this manner. The room is yours for now, but I reserve the right to monitor the class at random to make sure your lessons are leading them in the right direction. This is not to impugn on yours or Miss Granger's earnest efforts, but a simple comment can sometimes lead students in the wrong direction. This is something you'll experience quite soon, I'm sure. Every educator worth her salt has made that mistake and most live to regret it and learn how it can be avoided. The rest... well Professor Binns may yet be among us for not having that selfsame salt.

With love,
Minerva

*

Grandmum,
For the scrapbook.

30th September. A half-round wooden box on a table surrounded by five students in a dorm room echoes out the last fading notes of a hard rocking song. The students let their bobbing heads settle as they smile at each other, listening carefully to the small device.
"This is WWRX, your prescription for music in the cold night. I am Holly Evans and that was 'Back in Black' by AC/DC. Further DJ duties for the rest of our first hour back on the air will be filled by loquacious Lee Jordan, as I've used up my quota of words I'm willing to share with you lot. Fred and George Weasley will no doubt return to broadcasting as soon as they figure out where I hid their tongues. Volley to you, gentlemen. (Now, that was an unkind gesture...)"
"Ever a pleasure, Holly! I'd like to also thank you for keeping those Slytherin House point totals to near zero for the first month of the term."
"That wasn't on purpose, Lee. My Housemates and I are in the midst of an ideological debate. I'm not trying to ruin Slytherin and I don't ignore all rules out of hand. Just the dumb ones. Which reminds me, for those in my own House that are hearing this broadcast with friends from across the aisle, we'll be selling more Weasley Wireless boxes through any red-haired troublemaker you can contact for... what are they now?"
"Three Galleons. Price went up since we've moved beyond the charity market."
"Hmm, I sense a subtle Slytherin influence in this price hike. As in you're assuming they can afford to pay it. Any more news?"
"I'm happy to report that Fabulous Fred and Genius George have extended our signal into Hogsmeade, where fine proprietors such as Madame Rosmerta at the Three Broomsticks, Mr. Zonko, the grouchy old goat at the Hog's Head and the decent folks at Honeyduke's Sweet Shop have all installed receivers for the pleasure of their visitors."
"Not to mention the advertising you just gave them..."
"Amen, sister! We're in it for the fun, but certainly don't mind the financial incentives!"
"Yah. You probably don't want to emphasize that too often, Lee."
"Right. Let's play some music. What do we have queued, Hols?"
"Uhh, hold on. (Damnit Peeves! You can't play polkas until Sunday! Learn to play the accordion yourself if you like it so much!) Sorry. Next up is a classic song by a Canadian band called Rush, the tune is 'The Spirit of Radio'."
"Holly, are you trying to say something with these selections?"
"No, Lee. I let the music speak for itself. Enjoy."

~Newt~

*

5th October, 1994

Minerva,
It's not my fault. Hermione started it. Actually, this is a serious issue, but not really because of theology.

Transcription: 5th October, 1994 starting 10:34 AM GST
Holly and Hermione are sitting in the front center table of the Defense against the Dark Arts class, the only mixed pair of Gryffindor and Slytherin in the room. Professor Moody is stomping about the front of the class, a look of gleeful anticipation on his scarred face.
Prof. Moody "How many Unforgivable Curses are there?"
Prof. Moody twitches a look around the frightened students and finally acknowledges Hermione's raised arm.
Prof. Moody "Granger?"
Hermione "Three, sir."
Prof. Moody "And they're so called?"
Hermione "Because the use of any one of them will..."
Prof. Moody "RIGHT! Earn you a one-way trip to Az-ka-ban."
Hermione "Excuse me, sir. That wasn't my answer."
Prof. Moody "Close enough, Granger."
Hermione "Sir, I'd like to finish."
Prof. Moody "So would I and I have fewer years left to me. (sigh) Alright Granger, speak your peace."
Hermione "The Unforgivable Curses are called thus because the use of any one of them will condemn your soul for usurping God's authority. Only God may strike down a person with impunity. Only God has the right to inflict the tortures of Hell onto a person, and God gave us free will, so only God make take it from us."
Prof. Moody "Muggleborn, aren't you?"
Hermione "What difference does that make?"
Prof. Moody "None at all, but you shouldn't be showy about it in magical places or you'll end up mangled in a ditch one day. It's a fine theory you have there, if a bit fanciful. I assure you, the Ministry didn't declare them Unforgivable to support your beliefs."
Hermione "Then why did they choose those spells as Unforgivable? No one is likely to survive a successful Entrail-Expelling Curse, but it is classified as Dark, not Unforgivable."
Prof. Moody "Because, Miss Granger, there is no defense against them! The Unforgivables attack the magic directly. Any Shielding spell will just draw them straight to you."
Hermione "Exactly. They exceed the parameters of a mortal altercation by attacking in God's realm, the immortal soul."
Holly (mumbling) "This? You're making a stand on this? You should've just tried fighting for elf rights."
Prof. Moody continues speaking to the class while pointing a gnarled hand towards Hermione.
Prof. Moody "This is why arguing with fanatics is pointless. Evans! You've been quiet on the matter, where you actually have a personal interest! What is your take on Granger's theory?"
Holly looks up from her note-taking to think for a moment, and then plainly states her response.
Holly "I'm damned."
A titter of laughter passes between many of the students.
Hermione "Oh, Holly! I didn't mean it like that!"
Holly "No, but I assure you it's true anyway."
Prof. Moody "Evans, stand and speak."
Holly stands up and looks over to Hermione apologetically before addressing the Professor.
Holly "Sir."
Prof. Moody "Well? How many Unforgivable Curses are there and why're they named thus?"
Holly "Depending on your definition, there are from zero to... five."
Hermione gives Holly a questioning look and then reseats herself, taking quill in hand.
Prof. Moody "Continue."
Holly "If you're taking the question as 'what is Unforgivable?', then I can find a way to use nearly any spell for a legally justifiable reason, particularly the ones currently classed as Unforgivable. If it's taken from a legal perspective, three spells are identified as requiring a mandatory life sentence for their unauthorised use, but I was absolved of that punishment despite having used one because the intent of effect defied the usual classification, so that's your 'two' and 'three' answers, and I can probably include the 'one' if you accept that only the Killing Curse is truly irreversible and therefore irredeemable in effect. No matter how or why it is used, something is dead when you're done, and all I've been told suggests that there is no magical fix for that. That doesn't mean there aren't legally justifiable reasons to kill something."
Prof. Moody "Legal murder? How do you suppose that is justified?"
Holly "The same way that slaughterhouse workers suggest that a steel pin shoved through a calf's brain is a humane way to process beef. It's quick and the victims haven't been able to tell us if they really suffered in the process. A rogue dragon, an insane Nundu or an unrepentantly violent criminal constitutes the same uncontrollable threat that is best put down for the protection of society. For all we know, using the Killing Curse may be a painless and merciful method to do that. It's interesting to note that people killed by the Killing Curse have never reappeared as ghosts."
More whispering accompanies Holly's latest statement, mostly from ill-looking Gryffindors. Holly looks around for a moment, realising she has ventured off-topic.
Holly "Anyway, for those spells that directly attack the soul bypassing conventional Shielding spells, there are five that I know of, though the last mightn't really be called a curse."
Prof. Moody "Really? Enlighten us!"
Holly "The Cruciatus, Imperius and Killing Curses are the first three, then there's Purgatorio..."
Prof. Moody "Purgatorio is an emetic. It's just a jinx."
Holly "Against the living, that's the effect. Try it on Peeves or the Bloody Baron and it'll work like Crucio. Use it in a duel and your opponent will think his shielding skill is out of practice, something he'll no doubt ponder while upchucking onto the field."
Hermione "Oh! And that's why it's specifically banned in duelling circuits!"
The class titters again, as Hermione recedes from verbalising one of her many thought processes. Moody calls Holly's attention back to the lecture.
Prof. Moody "And your fifth?"
Holly "Dormus."
This statement causes actual laughter to run between the aisles, mostly from magically-raised students.
Prof. Moody "Are you serious? The Napping spell?"
Holly "As I said, for the purposes of defining those spells that will bypass a Protego because they attack the Soul directly, Dormus qualifies. The only reason you might not classify it as a curse is that the caster has to truly love and care for the target. Other than that, it's a spell cast by one onto another to disable them against their intent, with the effect permanent until countered, expired or lifted; therefore, a curse."
Most of the classroom begins chattering about the comparisons. Hermione moves her hands down into her lap to readjust her skirt while twisting about in her seat.
Prof. Moody "Shut up, you lot! Back on topic then, how would you interpret Granger's idea, Evans?"
Holly "Hermione's right in that these spells attack the soul and certainly all are unlike any other type of charm, hex or transfiguration in how they're used against an opponent. I don't presume to know God's will, but if you believe what's claimed in many churches then we're all damned for being practitioners in magic. If you see the magical people as a race separate from the mundane, well it seems we're lacking in God's guidance compared to the muggles, as our lives don't fit in their patterns. Magic lets us cheat against their rules, so we need a different set. 'Turn the other cheek' isn't enough. If Jesus meant to speak to our world, then He was predicting the end of humanity and the rise of House-elves as the inheritors of the Earth."
The room ripples with laughter from the provocative idea. Hermione gestures for Holly to lean down for a whispered exchange.
Hermione (mumbling) "You are making me so hot right now."
Holly (mumbles back) "Mission accomplished."
Professor Moody merely smirks, his uneven face becoming even more off-kilter.
Prof. Moody "You surprise me, Evans! I didn't figure you for a pureblood supporter."
Holly snaps back up to full standing and answers the Professor's allegation.
Holly "I'm not, really. They believe that magic grants them a higher authority and greater rights, particularly over muggles. I believe our talents require a greater level of responsibility and stricter rules on our behavior."
Hermione "Ohh! (Gulp) P-professor may I be excused?"
Prof. Moody "Evans' got yer dander up?"
Hermione "In a manner of speaking, yes."
Prof. Moody "Tough. Sit down, Evans. You've done enough damage to my lesson for the day. Ten points to Slytherin. Now, let's take a look at why the Ministry feels these spells are worth damning you for..."
Transcription ends.

Reminding us that the class has to do with Defense and not theology or philosophy, Professor Moody proceeded to demonstrate the first three Unforgivables on a collection of spiders. Then he tried the Imperius Curse on me.
It took me all of two seconds to throw off his Imperio, for which everyone was greatly impressed. Moody decided to take out his annoyance on Hermione once more. He prodded, "So Miss Granger. I see that your Lord above hasn't seen fit to strike me down for my impudence." Hermione just sat, somewhat cowed, so I piped up an unusual response for me.
"Or, sir, you are already facing God's servant, which is why the effect ended so quickly."
"Didn't you say you were damned, Evans?"
"I also said I wouldn't guess as to God's will. Just because I'm damned doesn't mean He doesn't love me."
I lost the ten points from earlier, but Hermione grinned at me for the support. Thankfully the class ended before Moody could put Hermione under the Curse.
If you're wondering why I'm not rushing to ask what the Hell you and Albus were thinking in allowing Moody to teach us these spells, I'd just like to add a second wrinkle to today's madness.

Transcription: 5th October, 1994 starting 12:39 PM GMT
Holly and Hermione are sitting at the end of the Gryffindor table during lunch, though Holly is looking distracted as she idly munches on a mix of diced fruits and vegetables. Several older Gryffindors further down the table keep taking angry glances at Holly, for which Hermione keeps glaring back at them.
Hermione "Where did you learn about Purgatorio? I don't recall anything from your mother's library about it, and you obviously didn't read about it from the same source that I did."
Holly "You were there for three hours and memorized all the book titles? Of course you did. Anyway, no. I got that from a book Luna gave me for my birthday a few weeks back."
Hermione "Luna? Gave you a book? What was it called?"
Holly "Spirit Magic of the Caribbean Houngans. It's a page-turner. We still haven't worked out the nature of our relationship. Last week she tried to throw herself from a balcony so that I could save her. She was rather disappointed to find herself left hung upside down with a Levicorpus as I walked away."
Hermione "Given what she did, I'm surprised you even speak to her. I certainly won't."
Holly "There's... something about her that I don't understand. What she did doesn't fit with the way she acts, quite."
Hermione "Holly, that's a common trait when referring to the insane. You will of course suit yourself, but I have no faith in the girl's air of innocence. I think she's dangerous."
Holly "So you can see the attraction, then?"
Hermione (Sigh.) "You and I will have to disagree on this topic as well, I'm afraid, but I think we can now at least concur that we have a competent instructor for Defense this year. That man is obviously well-versed in the topic, no doubt from practical experience, even if he is a complete... and utter... bastard!"
Holly "Maybe so; there's certainly more wrong with him than just the trophies of his field work."
Hermione sits thinking for several moments before coming to a dreadful realisation.
Hermione "Well, maybe you're just confused because that isn't Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody."
Holly's idle gaze snaps immediately to stare at Hermione.
Holly "What?! Why do you say that?"
Hermione "Because it was the Purgatorio Curse that got Alastor Moody banned from duelling, along with the spell. Our instructor acted like what you said was new information. That's not Senior Auror Moody. We need to tell someone!"
Holly "We will, but in the meantime we act like he's the scary bastard he's supposed to be."
Hermione "That won't be difficult- I'm more frightened of him now than I was before."
Holly searches through her robe pockets, finally retrieving her new multi-folding Marauder's Map. She activates it by touch and unfolds it discreetly in her lap to just show the Great Hall and nearby spaces. While inspecting the Map's identification for the professors at the staff table another name catches her eye at the other end of the Map page, causing Holly to grin- Callisto.
A great gasp is heard around the Hall as an unusual celebrity appears at the entrance and proceeds to walk over to the two girls. Holly looks up as Harry Potter approaches their end of the table, dressed in a fine set of midnight-blue robes. Holly gestures towards an open seat next to her, but Harry stops short, looking at Holly until he bursts out laughing, pointing at her hair. While Holly answers Harry's taunting laugh with a 'you'll get yours' expression, Hermione quickly scribes and enacts a Repelling rune on their table using French dressing, deterring the approach of several star-struck students. Natalia (in Harry-form) sits down quite closely next to Holly still giggling, but slowly becomes distracted, staring up at the Staff table after a few moments.
Holly "Hello, bro. Someone caught your eye?"
Harry-Tonks (whispering loudly) "That's not Mad-Eye!"
Hermione "Yes, well we actually figured that out. How did you realise it so quickly?"
Harry-Tonks "He's gazing lustfully at Susie Bones' rack."
Holly "So he has good taste; it's not like they're hard to miss... wait. Wrong taste?"
Hermione "No!"
Harry-Tonks "Yeah, except... no."
Holly "No? Ah, thus no as well."
Harry-Tonks "Yeah! How'd you lot twig to it?"
Hermione "Holly mentioned Purgatorio as a fourth Unforgivable and he genuinely acted like it was new information."
Harry-Tonks "That'd do it. Steal someone's tie, Hols?"
Holly "No, the whole House. It's a hostile takeover. I'm getting excellent exercise."
Harry-Tonks "I'll have to quiz you on that!"
'Harry' begins chomping down pieces of fruit salad from Holly's bowl. Holly smiles but continues to inspect the Map in her lap.
Holly "Did I mention I don't have a roommate?"
Hermione "Can we return to the problem at hand?"
Holly folds up the Marauder's Map and puts it into a pocket of her robes.
Holly "The Map says it's Barty Crouch. What stirs my noodle at the moment is 'why?' Why would that severely uptight man be posing as the cantankerous and combative Senior Auror? He can't possibly miss his House-elf that much. And why are you eating all my fruit when the serving bowl's right over there?"
'Harry' continues chomping while giving Holly a smug grin.
Hermione "And I was just saying we should reveal him for the fraud... wait, no we shouldn't."
Harry-Tonks "We shouldn't? Mad-Eye is likely held hostage somewhere or dead and you just want to sit silent on this?"
Hermione "He wouldn't be dead, as his replacement will need to keep him around to ask questions to ensure a complete disguise and to get fresh hair for the Polyjuice."
Holly "And we can't go find him and save him, or the non-Moody will know he's been found out. If we monitor him while letting Minerva know what's wrong, we can maybe find out the purpose of it all. How embarrassing would it be if this was meant to test the Staff on security protocols for the Tournament and we show them their arses? Hang on, that's actually a good idea."
Harry-Tonks "Still, I feel the burning urge to investigate my mentor's replacement. I don't think this was planned by good people. I'll be around."
Hermione "Wait, did you mean to say that the real Alastor Moody is both gay and impotent?"
Harry-Tonks "Not everything about the man appears in 'Which Wizard?', and thank Merlin for it! Battling the Dark Arts can cost you, Miss Hermione. Be glad you have all your parts, still. I am!"
'Harry' steps back and around the table, turning Hermione's thoughtful face towards his and then giving Hermione a brief but loving kiss on the lips. Hermione blushes and smiles for a moment before drawing back in surprise.
Harry-Tonks "See you later, lover!"
As 'Harry' leaves the Great Hall, Hermione turns to Holly with an irritated expression.
Hermione "Was she talking about you or me?"
Holly reaches across and flicks Hermione's eyebrow painfully.
Hermione "Ow!"
Holly "I'm sure HE'd be happy either way. If you decide to 'break up' with Harry, you should probably do it when I'm in his shoes. Otherwise I'm sure Natalia's over-acting will put you on Witch Weekly's secret hit list for breaking the heart of the 'Boy-Who-Lived'. One can only imagine the subsequent hate-mail you'd receive. Dobby's been burned a few times sorting various Howlers for Lady Evans."
Hermione "Why are you speaking so openly about this?"
Holly "Well, since joining Slytherin I've learned to cast Muffliato like other people sneeze, in this case when you brought up my mother's library. Doesn't mean Par and Lav aren't about to grill you about your secret romance. I'll let Minerva know what we've found out, but I'm heading to Garvin's class, so please, keep your pronouns straight."
Holly rises from table, pushing her plate forward so that it smears the rune-in-condiments that was keeping others at bay. Hermione watches her exit with an incredulous expression. She is then shocked out of her anxiety when Parvati and Lavender pounce down on either side of their roommate and begin asking questions about her relationship with Harry at a pace much too quick to be answered.
Transcription ends.

So, aside from the gossip I imagine we have a lot to talk about when the Headmaster has time for a meeting. Feel free to share today's events with him in preparation.

Holly

*

6th October

Holly,
I have brought your discovery to the Headmaster's attention and while he seemed surprised, he didn't make any indication of wishing to speak further on the matter. His assessment after hearing my own opinion on the situation (for a full hour, mind you) was simply, 'He will be watched." Albus also seemed inordinately interested in not meeting with you anytime in the near future. Was your provocation of Associate Professor Garvin's heart attack more dramatic than you communicated to me, or did you perhaps leave out some details of the conversations you shared with Professor Dumbledore over the summer?

Minerva

*

Mum,
God's honest truth- do you think given Newt's 'naked by the pool' detail that I left ANYTHING out? No, I don't believe I left anything out and I'm right torqued that he wants to play absent-minded Headmaster right now, when I'm living in the Viper Den!

Frustration... increasing... homicidal mania... returning...
I'll write again in a bit. Natalia just found me.

Holly

*

7th October

Mum,
I am as placid as a frozen lake. I'll meet you in his office at 7 PM. Whether he opens the door for me or not is entirely irrelevant; my access is guaranteed by a higher authority.

Holly

*

You have to admit, this one's a keeper, Mum.

Transcription: 7th October, 1994 starting 6:58 PM GMT
Minerva McGonagall enters into the Headmaster's office to find Albus reading over some scrolls.
Albus "Professor McGonagall? I hope this evening's meeting won't simply be another argument over something we've already resolved..."
Minerva "Well, good evening to you as well, Albus. I am here to stay informed and to make sure that you would be here as well. Our other attendee should be along shortly..."
Albus "Surely you don't mean Miss Evans? I am a very busy man, Minerva. I can't have my time dominated by a single student, no matter how important. It just wouldn't be fair."
Minerva "Fair? What time have you spent on Holly at all? I don't think I've seen you in the same room since the Welcoming Feast! The moment she arrives for a meal you rush off on some errand or supposed inspiration..."
Albus "Excuse me, Professor, but I believe the subject of your concern is entering now, much to my surprise."
Both Professors turn towards the door that opens easily to see Holly walk into the office. Albus stands up from behind his desk and gives an irritated huff before addressing the new visitor.
Albus "Good evening, Miss Evans. I apologise if Professor McGonagall misinformed you, but we will not be meeting this..."
Holly "You're a coward."
Minerva "Holly!"
Holly "Not you, Mum; the Headmaster. See, I was shuffled out of Divination after last year, but that doesn't mean I didn't get to visit with Professor Trelawney on a quiet Sunday before the end of last term, so when Tonks showed up and I explained how squirrelly you've been, she went back to the Divination tower and happily collected up my transcription rune for me."
Albus "Now Holly, you couldn't take Divination because you chose to enroll in the Magical Society, Politics and Law class..."
Holly "It's Law and Politics, sir. Magical SLAP. The class constitutes one of the most comprehensive overviews of magical-muggle commercial dynamics and economic theory as can be believed, and includes a more accurate explanation of the muggle world for magical people than three years worth of the Muggle Studies class, but that's not the injustice I wish to discuss today."
Holly spreads out on the desk a page of parchment with words already written on it, followed by a sliced agate bookend. With a tap of her finger, the strained voice of Sibyll Trelawney begins hoarsely echoing through the room.
Sibyll's voice: "kkhhheeehhhhhh... The white wizard will meet his blood-red end at the tip of a righteous black wand spitting green death. The burning dark girl shall complete her defiant trio of darkest magic redeeeeeemed..."
Albus' voice: "Sibyll? Are you sure?"
Holly taps the stone again to end the recounting.
Holly "So, as I said this summer, I will kill you. Now that you know it will happen you've been avoiding me, just so you aren't tempted to use a spell on me and precipitate your own bloody end. Coward. Can't you keep your wand in your pocket?"
Albus "I... we can't be sure it meant..."
Holly "No, Albus. She spoke this one to you the day after you visited me at the Weasleys' swimming hole. Basically, you were freaked when you realised that I had Confunded you and so you set your pet prophetess to ask the Symphony whether I was just being petulant back at the Dursleys and they said 'No Albus; she'll do you in for sure. Thank you for shopping Destiny-Mart.'"
Minerva "You... are going to murder the headmaster?"
Holly "Again, it would be best to hear from the professionals on this, since neither of you seemed to have been tutored in Divination or read many books on it."
Albus "Do you consider yourself a 'professional' Diviner, Miss Evans?"
Holly "No, but Adrian is."
The Sorting Hat groans from his place set on the bookshelf.
Adrian: "Miss Evans, why are you dragging me into this?"
Holly gives the Hat a skeptical huff.
Holly "You owe me a favour. And you love to talk."
Adrian: "Blast it, you're right. I do. So, who wants to hear a proper interpretation?"
Albus "Adrian? I was unaware that you had any skill with Divining..."
Adrian: "I am the sum of the will of the Founders of Hogwarts and I spend a great deal of time looking into the heads of young children, placing them in the House best suited to their needs. With which hand did you think I was flipping a coin?"
Minerva "Adrian, how would you interpret the prophecy we just heard?"
Adrian: "Well Minerva, in the simplest I'd say the Headmaster will lose his life to Holly's wand one day. She certainly personifies the 'burning dark girl' these days, eh?"
Holly "So you like the hairstyle?"
Adrian: "Not in the least. For one, you still smelled of peroxide when I re-Sorted you. Also it's growing out, so the flame-like qualities..."
Albus "Adrian! Would you kindly please continue your interpretation?"
Adrian: "As you wish, Albus. The relevant and important portion for your peace of mind, Headmaster, is that this will constitute the last of three Forgivable uses of an Unforgiveable curse that Miss Evans has made such an historical habit of achieving. Murdering you would not qualify, nor would it be forgivable as vengeance or the execution of a lawbreaker. It will be... a mercy."
Holly "So unless you're terminally ill we've got some time. Can we get back to business? The Tournament's coming and you have a traitor in your midst. Oh! Thanks, Adrian. That was illuminating."
Adrian: "My life has been improved by your involvement, Holly. Think nothing of it."
Holly smiles up at the Hat sitting on the shelf.
Holly "I do love having friends in high places."
Minerva "A higher authority... you learned the password from Adrian!"
Albus "Another mystery solved. And another traitor on my staff, it seems."
Adrian: "I still haven't been paid, Albus."
Albus "What would you do with the money?"
Holly slams her hand down on the desk in sudden anger.
Holly "Sir, every time you hold back money from someone because you don't see why they need it is another act of ego-driven embezzlement. Dishonourable, miserly cowardice, compounded by deceit and arrogance. Pay the Hat what he's due and let's talk about Moody."
As Holly takes a chair next to Minerva, Albus reels back as if he has been struck. Minerva looks between the two before expressing her concern.
Minerva "Albus, are you unwell?"
Holly "Mum, Albus is still suffering under my 'Respectify' runes. Every time I state a harsh truth to him about his behavior, he feels like he's being slapped."
Albus "H-how did you learn so much about runes...?"
Holly "Holly equals Harry plus LILY! Her notes and memory extracts are now a part of my well-tuned mind. Catch up."
Minerva "Are your runes permanent?"
Holly "Effectively. I doubt the Headmaster has it in him to do what's necessary to enable their removal."
Albus "And what would that be, Miss Evans?"
Holly "Acknowledge your fault in my suffering and ask forgiveness. You'd have to remember it all first, sir. I don't think your mind could handle the strain. Now, why is Barty Crouch playing dress-up?"
Silence hangs in the room for a moment before Fawkes begins to quietly croon to the occupants. All three humans begin to relax into their seats, but Holly suddenly sits up, her new wand snapping into her hand to point at the phoenix.
Holly "Fawkes, I swear to God you'll be regenerating for months if you don't shut up right now."
The song ceases and the phoenix turns his back to the room and begins preening his chest feathers. Albus looks first at his phoenix-friend and then back to the two women across his desk before clearing his throat to speak.
Albus "I believe that Barty Crouch's substitution for our new Defense professor may be part of a plan by Voldemort..."
Holly "Riddle, sir. Why would he be in on it? Was Mr. Crouch a Death Eater?"
Both Minerva and Albus scoff at the idea.
Albus "No, Bartemius Crouch was one of the most ardent pursuers of Dark Wizards in the time of Voldemort's first rise. He was a relentless agent of the Ministry in his role as Director of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. During his time, he authorised Aurors to use the Unforgiveable Curses in the execution of their duties against the Dark Lord and his agents, the Death Eaters. In addition, he condemned his own son to Azkaban for being a Death Eater, who later died there. That was the extent of his conviction, then."
Minerva "What you must understand is that having his own son be caught as a Death Eater was both humiliating and politically damaging to Mr. Crouch. The man then lost his son and his wife in quick succession. While I doubt his convictions have been reversed, his activities as the Director of the Department for International Cooperation have been much less... militant."
Holly "Well I would hope so! Wouldn't his general twitchiness and anal personality make him a horrible fit for the position?"
Albus "Perhaps, but the man is also a master of languages, speaking over one hundred and forty different tongues including several non-human languages that even I have yet to master. As you remember from our meeting with the goblins, understanding linguistic nuance can be the difference between success and failure."
Holly "That's what Professor Burton says, too. He usually says 'a feast or being eaten' but the lesson's the same. So you think Barty Crouch has been duped into a plot by Riddle. How does that work?"
Albus "I don't know. He certainly isn't under the Imperius as he hasn't left the castle often enough to have it reapplied, even by someone of Tom's power. If we were to start throwing diagnostic spells at him, he'll know he is suspected."
Holly smiles at the Headmaster for a moment, who stares back somewhat glumly. Minerva stares between the two, irritated.
Minerva "Am I being left out of any further conversation?"
Holly "What? Oh, no Mum. I was just reveling in a moment of victory, there. When was the last time He-Of-Too-Many-Titles here admitted he was clueless?"
Minerva smiles for a moment and then smacks Holly on the shoulder with her hat.
Minerva "Be polite if you can't be kind, Holly."
Holly flinches and her shoulders sag slightly.
Holly "Yes, Mum. So how do you see this playing out, sir?"
Albus "Because we cannot simply abduct the man and interrogate him, I would suggest we keep him under observation until he actually breaks the law."
Holly "Impersonating a Professor doesn't qualify? And we have to assume assault and kidnapping as well, don't we?"
Albus "Only if we know where the real Moody is, and can prove that Mr. Crouch is responsible for the crimes. For all we know, Barty has arranged this with Alastor in order to test my competence in maintaining a safe environment for the Tournament."
Holly "Yeah, Hermione and I thought of that, too. I could capture him as a prank. Being underage would provide a reasonable defense."
Albus "And what would that accomplish?"
Holly "Well, I leave him hanging overnight from the rafters and he'll have to explain himself, as the Polyjuice will have worn off. Also, me defeating the Defense professor has a certain cachet of Dark glory. If you're worried about Auror Moody's reputation, it'll be intact, as he wasn't the one really captured."
Albus "I almost want to encourage this just to show you your hubris. Barty Crouch wasn't merely a militant administrator, but also an accomplished duellist. He has Masteries in Transfiguration and Defense. That said, you would have an advantage or two."
Minerva "How so?"
Holly "He's not in his own body, and he's not using his own wand. Still, if it is a legitimate exercise, that will be revealed by the end of the month, right?"
Albus "I would think so. Director Crouch has a role in the organising and presenting of the Tournament, so he won't be able to appear as himself and Professor Moody without a Time Turner involved. Only one of those devices is currently in use at Hogwarts."
Holly "And I'm sooo jealous right now. So we watch and we wait. How do you want to work in Harry's appearances?"
Minerva "Well as Miss Tonks has arrived, I should think that wouldn't be hard to manage..."
Holly "Right, but where is she going to be when not being Harry? Also, shouldn't I practice as well?"
Albus "In truth, I was expecting you to act as Harry for the most part and Nymphadora..."
Holly "Auror Tonks..."
Albus "... yes, she would act as you if the both were needed, as for when the other schools arrive and when the champion selection is announced. I will want you as Harry to stand by my side on those occasions, for your protection as well as to reinforce the suggestion of your apprenticeship. In the meantime, I would recommend that you should introduce yourself as Harry to the Houses informally and start making an impression. Be vague about your actual residence and training, and I would appreciate a summary of 'facts' that you choose to reveal so that we may all have our stories straight. As Harry has no access to the dorms more than any student and hasn't been Sorted... well perhaps we should do that now?"
Adrian: "Gryffindor."
Albus "Adrian, a little presentation wouldn't go amiss...'
Adrian: "Harry will be accepted best by the public as a Gryffindor or a Hufflepuff, and once he's in the dorms, the Hufflepuffs will never leave him alone. Don't act like this is anything but a strategic decision, Headmaster."
Albus "Very well. At some point I will find a way to ingratiate myself back into the good graces of those who until recently were my most trustworthy associates."
Holly "Both treating them and calling them friends would be a good start. Adrian is my friend. I'd spend more time with him but you keep him locked in here, along with Fawkes. I'd be locked away if you had your druthers, and Harry's been in seclusion his whole life. It's becoming quite a trend for you. Sir."
Albus winces slightly, and then turns to speak solely to Professor McGonagall.
Albus "Minerva, I believe your godchild is becoming more rude the longer she's under your guidance."
Minerva stares politely at the headmaster for several seconds, and then turns to Holly.
Minerva "Please stop upsetting the Headmaster with the truth, Holly. He has a fragile constitution."
Holly "Yes, Mum."
Albus (Sigh.) "As for Miss Tonks, I have arranged for quarters in the staff wing under her 'official' duties as an Auror on protection detail. You will not be permitted to visit her there."
Holly "I wouldn't dream of it, sir. I don't want her to blow cover."
Professor McGonagall rolls her eyes.
Minerva "Holly..."
Holly "End of discussion. No problem. What?"
Minerva "And I don't expect her to be visiting your room either!"
Holly smiles indulgently.
Holly "Sucks that I'm not in your House anymore then, doesn't it?"
Minerva "I am still the Deputy Headmistress!"
Holly "You want me to disobey the instructions of a legally-certified Auror?"
Albus "I believe this has progressed into a family matter. May I have my office back now?"
Holly stands up cheerily at the same time Minerva stands and points Holly towards the exit.
Minerva "My office next, young lady!"
Holly "Yes, Mum."
Transcription ends.

I agree, Newt. That performance should keep the headmaster convinced that Minerva holds some sway over my behavior for the time being at least. Wouldn't you say so, Mum?

Holly

*

Holly,
The fact that I acquiesced to your argument that keeping you and Natalia separate within the same castle was as likely as successfully convincing water to self-ignite does not mean that I am pleased with the arrangement. You also haven't explained how you will be keeping the Weasley twins from discovering the truth of your identities through the original copy of the Marauders Map. Please respond when you have more answers and less cheek.

With Love, grudgingly,
Minerva

*

8th October, 1994

Holly,
I was hoping for a more prompt response on my last message.

Minerva

*

9th October, 1994

Mum,
I'd be prompter if I weren't so busy snake-handling. Also... we haven't figured out that last bit just yet. Hermione and Moony have been trading letters on the topic so hopefully we'll have a solution soon. Otherwise we may just have to bring them in on the secret, no matter how bad an idea we all think it is. They know we have a new Map, and they'll be doubly suspicious if we ask for the old one back for any length of time.

Holly

*

12th October, 1994

Mum, Grandmum;
I don't believe Hermione is trying to start a holy war but since you were both absent for this, I felt it would be good to share.

Transcription: 12th October, 1994 starting 6:42 PM GMT
Hermione drops her bag of books heavily to the table in the Library, cringing when Madame Pince gives her a harsh 'shush' noise. Hermione then drags out her assignments book and opens it up to the most recent page, and then heads off into a tall set of stacks in the Charms section. After retrieving several volumes, Hermione heads to the end of the aisle only to find her way blocked by a tall boy, a Ravenclaw from 6th year named Rutherford Renfield.
Renfield: "So, Granger. I understand you're here to pray for us poor sinners."
Hermione "Please allow me to pass."
Renfield steps forward, inducing Hermione to take several steps backward with her book-laden arms.
Renfield: "I feel insulted. Without knowing a thing about me, you believe I'm going to Hell."
Hermione "No, I don't. I also do not have time for a religious debate right now..."
Renfield: "Is that what this is? And here I thought we were going to test your conviction. Tell me you don't believe in God and maybe you'll leave here with your dignity..."
Hermione stops and drops her books to the floor. In the moment of distraction, Renfield misses Hermione drawing her wand or her next action- a harsh whisper.
Hermione "Expulso."
All Mr. Renfield knows is that he is suddenly flying out past the shelves and onto a library table at the head of a gale-force wind. Hermione emerges from the stacks with her wand pointed at the startled 6th year, hair flowing about her head in a corona of gold and brown curls. Hermione shifts her aim to his roommate Folsom who is standing anxiously at the end of the stack. Under threat of her wand, the second Ravenclaw boy moves back to behind the table where Renfield landed. Hermione now speaks loudly and with a clear voice, her hair settling down to its normal frizzy mass around her shoulders from the abating wind.
Hermione "Insult my blood, call me a bookworm or even ugly- fine. Ask me to renounce my faith again and you will find out what the smallest echo of God's wrath feels like, until you soil yourself in abject horror. Am I clear?"
Madame Pince walks up to the scene as Hermione looks around to catch the eye of all those witnessing the event. Hermione turns towards the librarian as she sheathes her wand back along her left forearm. They share a look. Madame Pince turns to the tall Ravenclaw sprawled across her table.
Mme. Pince: "Mr. Renfield! Ten points from Ravenclaw and a week's detention for abusing my furniture, and your access to the Restricted Section is hereby rescinded. Mr. Folsom, get your companion out of my library."
Folsom: "I-I told him it was..."
Mme. Pince: "Now!"
As the boys scramble out of the area Hermione shares a second look with the librarian, more humble this time.
Hermione "I... I apologise Madame Pince..."
Mme. Pince: "For what? I don't recall you doing anything noteworthy just now. Pax vobiscum, Miss Granger."
Transcription ends.

~Newt~

*

16th October, 1994

Mum,
Slytherin House has capitulated. Also, Flint and Clearwater now haunt the castle.
I'll be starting the 'Harry Potter Common Room Tour' tomorrow in Gryffindor, introduced by Hermione as her boyfriend and penpal. Next will be Hufflepuff with Cedric, Ravenclaw with Padma (Hermione says 'good choice for the internship selection', by-the-by) and finishing with Natalia as me in the Slytherin area on Thursday.
I'll include a list of 'Harry fun facts' at the end of the week for you to share with Albus.
Hmmm.
You're going to insist on knowing what I mean by 'capitulated'.
I convinced the House that if they didn't keep my secrets and give up trying to hurt me, I'd let Fred and George experiment on them at random intervals. That, coupled with making Flint's ghost scream for several minutes under Purgatorio, demonstrated to them that they would be happier living their lives under a vow of non-aggression. I even got kissed by a pretty girl for engineering the end of hostilities (and it wasn't Natalia this time). As you might guess, I am no longer bound by the secrecy vow that prevented me from describing my private little war. I still can't talk about what happened, but future events shouldn't hold any similar restrictions on me. Let's just start everyone off on a blank slate for now.

Holly

*

21st October, 1994

Mum,
It's a good thing we started with the Gryffindors. By the time the facts and rumours had made their way to the other Houses, we didn't need to explain too much about why Cedric and Padma had any access to the BoWL (short for Boy-Who-Lived) or where I had been hiding. I think my biggest problem now will be helping Hermione to defend her 'turf'; there are a lot of girls hinting heavily that they would like to see Harry keep their beds warm in the coming winter months, and it will probably get worse after Harry does something dangerous and photogenic in the Tournament. Don't worry; I have no plans to allow either actor playing the Great Harry Potter to leverage that fame for seduction purposes. I may be sex-empowered but Harry is going to be effectively virginal until graduation if I have anything to say about it. I've explained these rules explicitly and in detail with Natalia. There may have been some bribery required, but she has agreed to comply.
Some highlights from the Tour:

The Gryffindor dorm is the easiest to explain. Hermione and I gathered in front of the assembled hooligans and she introduced me while holding my hand conspicuously. I fielded a few tentative questions until Seamus Finnegan piped up with the real challenge.
"So, I heard you was already Sorted by the Hat, only no one knows what was decided. Is that true?"
"Umm, yeah. I was Sorted earlier this year, but until I attend as a student of Hogwarts, it doesn't mean..."
"So what are you then?"
"Well, I uhh..."
Ron stood up and turned towards the crowd.
"I don't know about the rest of you lot, but I know a Gryffindor when I see one!"
Ron turned around and faced me expectantly.
"I... imagine you'll notice an extra bunk in your dorm next year, yeah."
The cheer and subsequent party was loud enough to draw your attention, but really that was all I said. You lead a House of pushovers, Mum.

~

When Cedric was introduced to me by Hermione and several volunteers of WWRX, we established a quick friendship over Quidditch talk. Later, when he led me to their dorm, it seemed to become more like a temporary adoption.
It took little time to move on to their hard question, in this case brought forth by their 5th year girl prefect, Ophelia Zeller.
"Why are you a Gryffindor?"
"Umm, well normally I don't think the Sorting Hat really shares his reasoning..."
"Normally I reckon not, but rumour has it he did in your case."
"Well he did say something, but it doesn't make any sense."
"Tell us!"
"Yeah!"
"What did he say?"
I tried to dissuade everyone's heartfelt interest with a slightly nervous waving of my arms, but then Cedric stepped in to rescue me.
"Look, calm down people. Harry has a right to privacy as much as anyone."
"Well, yeah. Thanks Cedric. Actually, it might be better if I did tell you; you might be able to explain it to me. He said 'Harry, you have a responsibility to lead. But more importantly, if you were to enter Hufflepuff as a member, well, I doubt we'd ever see you again.' Do you know what he meant by that?"
It really took all my ability to ask that with a straight and clueless face. Girls throughout the room started grinning at each other, exchanging knowing looks, while the upperclass boys just stood back and shook their heads, smirking knowingly. Also, not to disparage the Weasleys or Neville, but I suddenly noticed that the male Hufflepuffs on the whole were an attractive bunch. And Hufflepuff girls from 3rd year upward, with the exception of their 6th year prefect Erin something, are quite chesty. I'm thinking hard work is frequently awarded by hard play in that dorm, and that they rarely win the House cup because they're more concerned with their own internal reward system. Sometimes having a destiny... really sucks.
During the mixed conversations I was approached by Susan, Hannah Abbott and finally that prefect, Ophelia. Each one said basically the exact same thing. 'Harry, I can explain what the Hat was talking about if you'll just follow me over to our sitting room...'
In all three cases (actually four, as Susan and Hannah tried a tandem approach a little later) Cedric stepped in and nodded apologetically to the others in the discussion, saying he had someone else he wanted me to meet. At the end of the gathering, we had a brief innuendo-laden conversation as he once more intercepted Ophelia's earnest offer. Did I mention that these conversations usually involved our faces being no more than three inches apart, with some very friction-worthy inter-fabric communication near to starting? Cedric took care of me though.
"Ophelia! I wouldn't appreciate you giving Harry that much attention! Perhaps you should let things flow as they will...?"
"Ohhh, alright Cedric. It was wonderful to meet you Harry! Think of me if you need a study partner..."
Cedric used his gentle but firm grip on my collar to direct me away from the couches and back towards the Common Room entrance.
"Any questions for us, Harry?"
"I think... that I should thank you for whatever you just did. Thanks."
"Someday soon you might decide that I did you a disservice, but for now I'll take the thanks. You're welcome, Harry."
"Um, okay. So, you're dating Ophelia?"
"No, where'd you get that idea?"
"You said you wouldn't appreciate her giving me so much attention, as if..."
"Oh that! No, actually I'm seeing Cho Chang in Ravenclaw. Ophelia and I have just worked on a few projects together is all."
"Did you get good grades for them?"
Cedric's smile took on a rather lethal amount of charm. If it had been directed at me, we might have had a scandal.
"It's not the grades that matter, so much as the... satisfaction of a job well done, y'know?"
"Why do I feel like I'm only halfway a part of this conversation?"
"No idea. Welcome to Hogwarts, Harry."
"Thanks, Cedric."
We wizards shook hands and nodded to each other once more as I then departed.

~

Once it became known that Harry was touring the dorms, it wasn't hard for Hermione to convince Padma to act as ambassador.
Padma and I stood next to each other in front of the assembled Ravenclaw host. Their common room is laid out like a combination amphitheatre and library, with four concentric circles spaced at seven-foot separations of height, lined with bookcases and interrupted by four staircases to allow access and a round sitting area set back at each interval where the windows bring in light. The students were all standing along the ironwork railing at each of the demi-floors, staring down at me like I was a prisoner up for parole.
"I... uhhh... take it you have been hearing rumours about me from my appearances in Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, so you haven't any real questions left. Is that... it?"
"I have two questions!"
A subtle moan escaped a few of the less-disciplined students as Luna Lovegood stepped forward from the second stratum.
"How long have you been a part of Minister Fudge's secret organisation to enslave the goblins and ruin the teeth of every wizard in Britain? Also, do you dress left or right?"
A titter escaped a few more students. I genuinely blushed for a moment, looking to Padma who simply shrugged slightly and stood there with her hands folded in front of her.
"Umm, well, I'm only fourteen. I... don't think I'm cleared for that sort of information yet. As to the second question..."
That broke through the tense atmosphere and several students nudged each other in appreciation of my answer. I smiled warmly but caught sight of Luna's brief expression of humiliation, though she quickly masked it as distracted indifference.
"Yeh, as to the second question, I'd have to say that... YOU aren't cleared for that sort of information, and if I told you it could maybe compromise several operations in progress. I'm sorry, did I say that out loud? You'll all have to be Obliviated. So sorry."
Luna looked straight into my eyes and I stared back as the rest of the room broke out in laughter. Then, I swiped my index finger across the right side of my nose twice while maintaining a dead serious expression, which caused Luna to goggle briefly before stepping back and grinning madly to herself while executing a celebratory pirouette.
Later as the group began to settle back into their study groups, I pulled Padma aside.
"Um, Padma. That girl..."
"Luna Lovegood. Do not take her too seriously. She..."
"I want you to keep an eye on her."
"What?"
"She... she isn't... well. She's alone. I know something about alone. I've heard from Holly what happens to girls who are alone for too long."
"Something about which Miss Evans is also familiar."
"You might call it a family curse at this point. Anyway, alone people don't have... counter-arguments. They agree with themselves without question. Did you hear that she convinced the giant squid to throw her body across the Black Lake in front of where Holly was reading with some firsties, in hopes Holly would give her the 'kiss of life'? One Anapneo later and Luna was stomping off wet and angry, but breathing."
"Yes, that was embarrassing for us as well."
"So... talk to her. As a favour to me. Try to get her to talk about what she's thinking."
"You are asking me to befriend her. The girl is deliberately unapproachable."
"Look at it as a puzzle then. It's not like you don't have the ...time. Follow me?"
Padma gave me a very suspicious look before confronting me on my request.
"Why is this important to you?"
I turned and faced Padma directly, challenging her with my eyes.
"Padma, she's in your House. Why ISN'T it important to YOU?"
Padma reeled back slightly at the accusation, her eyes bouncing back and forth in her head. I gave her a real challenge. I hope she takes it to heart.

~

In Slytherin, Tonks stood as me as I was introduced, but then Miles Bletchley asked Holly-Tonks to leave Harry to speak for himself, as they were worried 'that they would get a poor impression of him if I was lurking around intimidating everyone'.
Holly-Tonks did an excellent impression of cool detachment as she stood and thought, then threw her hands up idly and started walking out of the room.
"Sure. But if when I return I find he's been harmed there will be an immediate workforce reduction around here."
What followed was a painfully polite interrogation over all the idle 'facts' that had been revealed over the last week or so. Unfortunately, I tripped myself up towards the end.
"Well, yes I was raised with muggles but I did see some magical tutors along the way. They taught me the basics of the Art. I believe the Headmaster intended for me to not get a swelled head so they never brought along newspapers that talked about me."
"But you said you hadn't known anything about magic until you were moved to the castle."
"Well I didn't... umm... know it was... magic they were teaching me?"
Caught here, I realised that this was the ultimate of pranks. I smiled indulgently, bringing out just a little Holly in my look. Blaise Zabini stepped up and looked down his nose at me with a grimace.
"Care to explain yourself properly, hero?"
The 'hero' dig has to do with something I told the House about my adventures- they are under the (incidentally true) impression that Holly has done all the dirty work. My smile settled in.
"There's only one explanation, so I might as well tell you. I'm lying."
I said it with such an air of innocence and lack of malice that the whole room was stunned into confusion. Finally Blaise realised he was standing forth for everyone at that point and tried to regain some leverage.
"Well, how do we tell which things are the truth?"
"I don't know. It's a mystery. It was nice meeting you all."
I gave them a brief nod and turned to leave. As several students jump up to stop my exit, Holly-Tonks shimmered into being to block their access to me.
"Thanks for treating him nicely. Next time feel free to give him a little more grief- after all, he's just my brother."
By the time the students recovered from Holly-Tonks' sudden appearance, I had Disillusioned and left the room to go back to my dorm. Natalia openly returned to the room as me, happily conveying two new items of interest.
"Well, I think there's a quiet few that think Harry can Apparate in Hogwarts for being Albus' apprentice- you never opened the door to leave, Harry."
"Well, one mistake that increases my air of power and mystery isn't horrible."
"No, but this might be; as soon as you said 'I'm lying', my cousin stopped grousing and gave you the cutest little puppy-dog look..."
"Are you saying...?"
"Draco's in looooooove!"
Now she teases me when we're practicing the fast-switching of our appearances by calling 'Draco-bait!' when I'm supposed to change to Harry.
Suddenly the idea of Harry standing beside the Headmaster as a matter of safety holds a great deal of merit for me.

Holly

*

21st October, 1994

Holly,
I was going to remind you to provide a list of commonly-known facts for Albus' and my reference, but with your final performance of the week I now understand that keeping a straight story may actually be against our better interests.
Well done!

With love,
Minerva

*

22nd October, 1994

Holly.
Just exactly how did Slytherin beat my experienced and well-trained squad of Gryffindor Quidditch players on the pitch today?

Professor McGonagall

*

Prof McG.
The team of Green and Silver flew an exceptional game today, aided perhaps in no small part to their unofficial assistant coach who may have shared some insights on the weaknesses demonstrated in the skillset of your earnest if not well-trained squad. I expect the second such match of the year to be an epic battle of true sportsmanship on brooms.
Basically they were resting on their laurels and we cheated. I never encouraged them to do so; we were just working around Crabbe and Goyle's inability to distinguish the bludgers from any other round objects they see on the pitch. I'm sure Ron, Ginny and Alicia will recover soon. I even ordered Ron a helmet for Christmas.

I have more important news. Fred and George gave me similar grief after the game, but they were caught by our 'Mr. Moody' while skulking back from the argument. They lost the Map to him. I doubt he'll be able to penetrate its secrets immediately, but I've sent Winky with a rush order to Moony and Padfoot to figure out how to keep our identities hidden in case Crouch is faster than we want him to be. What's important is that he'll know his cover is blown if he figures out what the Map does at all. Please share with the Headmaster. I'm meeting with Hermione to do deep research.

Holly of Black

*

28th October

Mum,
I don't have much to say about the arrival of the other schools this evening aside from this; Joker's delivery yesterday included four plain silver rings with etching on the inside. When Natalia or I put them on, we can speak the name we wish for the Map to display. Moony included two extras for the sake of our clothes Switching. That's how I was able to stand up next to the Headmaster and just look docile and nervous- I wasn't in a near-panic that we were about to be detected.
Actually, I have one other thing to mention. That beautiful tall blond girl from Beauxbatons that walked in with Madame Maxime? Her name is Fleur Delacour and she's part-Veela. Also, a very good kisser. I know this because she was the other participant in my meteorological mishap as Jodi during the World Cup. She didn't recognise me; or rather, she didn't recognise Tonks being me. The fact that Tonks was being me at that moment probably helped.
I am... smitten.
Which is fine for Harry to appear so, even though I was actually able to resist the Allure she was putting out. It was powerful enough that Draco blushed (guess he's not completely bent after all) and I know you saw Professor Flitwick combing his eyebrows excitedly. Harry's... my... appearance of longing will just blend in with all the other males sniffing after her heels. It's not that power that makes me aim higher, but her remarkable attitude of command and her comfort with being desired. Not that there's anything wrong with perfect skin, a delightful smile, an enchanting laugh or a very provocative pout...

Sorry Mum. Strategically, it might become a complication. I'll let you know if it develops into something of concern.

Holly

*

31st October, 1994

I'm sending this one to Padfoot and Moony. My Godmother is the wisest of them all.

Transcription of the Great Debacle that became a Contest: 31st October, 1994 starting 5:48 PM GMT.
Albus Dumbledore is waving his arms outward with glee at the center of the podium while the Hogwarts tables, filled with students from all three schools, cheers for the selection of their champions. While Barty Crouch stands to Albus' right, officiating the selection of champions, there is one Professor notably absent from the Staff table- Alastor Moody. Harry sits at the end of the table next to Hagrid, chatting idly with the huge man about the circumstance of selection. Barty Crouch looks up and across the room with concern, grabbing the Headmaster's arm to bring his attention to the Goblet of Fire that is pulsing with a purple light this time, unlike the red, gold or blue flashing that accompanied the original Champion's selections. Finally a piece of paper is shot forth across the Hall until it reaches its apogee, after which it floats down into the hands of the smiling Headmaster.
Albus "Not to worry, not to worry. As a special treat and with the agreement of Mr. Bagman, I've added another participant to our contest. The fourth champion shall be... Harry Potter!"
Albus takes a quick look to confirm that he recognises the name and then turns to welcome Harry as he stumbles slightly while rising from the table to walk up and shake hands with the Headmaster. Harry then follows the direction of Ludo Bagman to head into the Staff study following the other champions. The reaction by the audience is somewhat stilted, and a few mumbled protests of 'glory hound' and 'not old enough' filter up through the background noise.
Albus "Harry will be participating in the contest in his role as my apprentice. Though he doesn't qualify by age to complete the contest, his participation will serve as an exhibition of sorts..."
The Headmaster's speech is interrupted by the Goblet of Fire once more spouting sparks and flashes of colour, this time predominantly green. A fifth scrap of parchment makes its way into the Headmaster's hands, as all watch in confused silence. Albus reads the name quietly, though it is heard throughout the Hall.
Albus "Holly Evans."
From the Slytherin table a quiet protest is immediately heard.
Holly-Tonks "Oh, Bollocks."
To cover for the tittering laughter, the Headmaster yells out across the Hall.
Albus "HOLLY EVANS. Come here please."
Holly-Tonks stumbles a bit trying to extricate herself from the Slytherin table, though the firsties surrounding her give her a quiet encouragement as she makes her way up the center aisle to the podium. Albus distractedly points her towards the path taken by the other champions, and then turns around to whisper with Barty Crouch and an approaching Ludo Bagman. Holly-Tonks sees Minerva stand up from the staff table and head directly for the side door, followed quickly by Professor Snape. Upon entering their room Harry immediately drops his jaw in shock, and then yells out at Holly-Tonks.
Harry "You couldn't leave this alone, could you?!"
Holly-Tonks "What are you talking about? I have no idea how this happened!"
Harry quickly glares at the incoming Professors and grabs Holly by the robes, dragging her back into a private loo attached to the sitting room.
Holly-Tonks "Well, this is a nice place. Why couldn't I get this room? It has a bathtub and everything..."
Harry yanks at Holly-Tonks' hair to focus her attention.
Harry "Get it together, will you? I know we didn't plan for this but we can't have you break character. There's no way I'd act all befuddled by a change of circumstance!"
Holly-Tonks "Look who's talking! If you weren't distracted by my arrival, I'm fairly sure you'd be humping that French girl's leg. Just how male are you right now?"
Harry "It's not the Allure; Fleur is... my mystery lightning bug."
Holly-Tonks "Oh! Oh this is priceless! D'you think she'd... play well with others?"
Harry "Not the priority!"
Holly-Tonks "Hols..."
Harry "Yes. I want her, and you, naked with me right now. Doesn't help. Let's switch- you're obviously too distracted to play this right."
Holly-Tonks "You sure you'll be able to function?"
Harry "Who cares? It will be me being me no matter what I do. You just keep quiet and look longingly at the French tart every few minutes and we'll be golden."
With the barest flash, Harry becomes Holly and Holly-Tonks grows tall into Harry-Tonks. They swap wands while giving each other a brief inspection for missed details.
Holly "Last thing- this conversation was Harry arguing with Holly about cheating her way into the Tournament."
Harry-Tonks "And what did I find out?"
Holly "You think I'm honestly not at fault. People will see Harry as either family-loyal or gullible. It works either way."
Holly pushes Harry-Tonks out of the loo to find that a greater argument has sprung out between the assembled champions, now joined by all three Headmasters, Barty Crouch and Ludo Bagman. Harry-Tonks grabs Holly's arm when one last participant in the escalating battle of insults is noticed- Professor Alastor Moody. Albus immediately turns to face the re-entering pair and bellows out a question.
Albus "Miss Evans, how could you?!"
Harry-Tonks "Hey! I just went through this with her, and she didn't do anything!"
Holly "Actually, what I said was 'I had nothing to do with this.' And I don't. And I won't. Just... rerun the selection."
Barty Crouch: "I'm afraid that is not possible. The Goblet of Fire is a powerful artifact, and your participation is now required."
Holly "Required how? I didn't volunteer!"
Barty Crouch: "Unlike more traditional contracts, the Goblet of Fire is of ancient design. It accepts the mark of the candidate as a binding promise to fulfill the obligations of the contest no matter how it was offered. You must compete, in all three Tasks."
Madame Maxime: "I did not bring my students to this place to be humiliated, Albus. If you wished to add your apprentice to be humbled, I had no protest, but now this is not a challenge of the honour of schooling. It is... a circus."
The arguments begin again, with Igor Karkaroff suggesting duplicity by Albus, Maxime suggesting something indelicate about Albus' relationship with Harry, Professor Moody accusing Karkaroff of attempting to shame Hogwarts by weaseling some sort of automatic victory, and nearly all the adults making accusations on the motives and character of Holly as a participant. After several minutes of this, Minerva points her wand at the center of the room, causing a twelve foot pink elephant to enlarge suddenly into place, causing everyone to step back in surprise. The elephant nods once at Minerva before she dispels it back into a gumball.
Minerva "There's nothing like a bad pun to stop a conversation. Gentle people, no matter the cause of this circumstance, we are now saddled with five champions compelled to compete. I suggest that, rather than attempt to destroy this event that was meant to bring our schools together, that we expand it."
Albus "Expand it, Minerva?"
Minerva "Yes. We already have two participants from Hogwarts, one of age and the other not. I propose that the two other schools provide a second player and that their scores be combined to determine the eventual winner of the contest. For the secondary participants, we can allow a looser interpretation of the rules of play- protective equipment or an additional clue. We would then still be able to compete fairly while expanding the schools' involvement. School teams might be allowed to cooperate on some Tasks."
Barty Crouch: "Professor, you are overlooking the problem. Only these selectees may compete!"
Minerva "Actually, you'll find that only these selectees MUST compete. There's nothing preventing others from joining in the challenge, aside from common sense or an instinct for self-preservation."
Igor Karkaroff: "And Mr. Potter?"
Minerva "Well unless Albus is hiding another apprentice somewhere, Mr. Potter will have to compete alone. I'd say his chances of winning the contest are quite slim. It's almost as if the Headmaster intended it to work this way, as I'm sure it wasn't his intention to invite you all the way here just to have you turn back in protest."
Ludo Bagman: "This is great! Barty, you have to agree. This works too well!"
Barty Crouch: "Despite my colleague's enthusiasm, I do not agree that this is a perfect solution. It is, however, an acceptable one for the Ministry. Do the Headmasters of Durmstrang and Beauxbatons agree to these new parameters?"
Igor Karkaroff: "Da."
Madame Maxime: "Oui. If this is how we shall play, I am glad that I brought along my best students. I submit Margaux Magritte as second to Miss Delacour in the contest."
Albus "Professor Karkaroff, do you have a candidate in mind?"
Igor Karkaroff: "Yes. Krum shall be partnered with... Ilya Izarek."
The bulk of the adults begin shaking hands in stilted acts of agreement and moving to leave the room to make announcements. Holly pipes up in protest.
Holly "Hang on! Did I just get Shang-hai'ed into this contest? And you're all okay with that?"
Professor Snape: "Yes. Is that a problem?"
Holly "Just checking."
Transcription ends.

I'll write it again; you are the wisest woman in the world. Now see if you can answer this riddle: how is it that Hermione kept watching her Map the whole time, and yet both men appeared as 'Barty Crouch', and with no subscript '1' to indicate a Turned version?

Holly

*

Tangent Alert: See Tangent 11: 'Spider in the Snake Den' for details on the process that led to Slytherin's 'capitulation' to Holly.

Author's Rant about dates: In the attempt to provide a workable calendar of events, I've become frustrated with the 'magical' tendency in HP novels for the 1st of September to automatically reset itself to Sunday each year, allowing for classes to start with a Monday schedule time and again. What's worse, this doesn't add up when projecting out significant dates like Hallowe'en (which is not universally a Friday, particularly if 1st September is a Sunday) or Valentine's Day, which does not slide into being a Hogsmeade Saturday every year for any reason. To fight this growing annoyance, I've started dating things using the Real World Calendar, starting now. 1st September in 1994 was a Thursday. We're working forward from there. Feh! If Valentines means so much to him, let Albus declare it a mid-week Hogsmeade day. I'm sure the vendors in Hogsmeade would appreciate the extra day of business.