FicWad

I suddenly felt a wave of terror pass over me. Gerard was saying something but it sounded so far away. I fluttered my eyes open and took in a sharp deep breath and then it was like I forgot how to exhale. I was just that frozen.

I collapsed down on my knees another overwhelming breath filling me. I was hyperventilating. I squeezed my eyes shut as I shook, gasping for air. I could feel his hands on my neck, the needle pricking my skin, my mind was sucking me back in and I couldn’t stop it.

Suddenly I felt Gerards hand on my back trying to steady me and I shuddered back from him. He was on the floor in front of me now. “Just relax, calm down.” He says but the more he said it, the worse it made it. I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to stop it.

Whatever he was holding he tossed to the side and leant down even further in front of me. I was curled up on the floor, my face pressed into my thighs trying to breathe… “Youre having a panic attack.” I hear him say and I wouldn’t look up at him. “Elle come on look at me.” He lowered his voice down. He sounded so calm.

I lifted my head slightly to him. “Good.” He said softly locking his eyes onto mine. “You hear me?” He says and I nodded the best I could. “Just breathe nice and easy.” He encouraged me and I tried. I focused myself in his eyes letting his words fill me as he repeated it over and over again, helping me regain control of my breathing. I was slowly steadying myself back down and I reached over and grabbed his hand squeezing it tightly now.

He pulled me up slightly from the floor and then into his arms. And that’s all I needed. The comfort in knowing I was his. Feeling him so warm and alive around me, my trembling began to subside. I pressed my head up to his chest his heart was beating rapidly but not as fast as mine was.

I took his hand and pressed it over my heart right where my tattoo would be and I shuddered a little against it. I pressed it harder almost as if the pressure would relieve some of my pain but it didn’t. We sat there for what seemed an eternity…

“Come on.” Gerard finally said softly as he got up, lifting me with him. He carried me to my bed and I gripped tightly to him as he tried to lay me down. I didn’t want to let him go. Not even for a second.

He managed to lay down, pulling me on top of him. He was still dressed I could feel his belt jabbing me but I didn’t care, I just pressed myself harder on top of him, his steady heartbeat was the only thing keeping me together right now.

He ran his hand down, stroking my hair softly for a few minutes. “You okay?” He finally says and I nodded a little. “Yeah?” He exhaled a little.

“Yeah.” I squeezed my eyes shut and felt his hands drop lower on my back now, rubbing me gently.

“Shit you scared me Elle.” I hear him say and I shifted lightly on top of him.

“Im sorry.” I said weakly and he gripped me a little tighter.

“No Im sorry.” He replied and I didn’t have the energy to ask him what for… This wasn’t his fault. I was just glad he was here with me. Ive never needed him so badly…

We fell asleep like that, him fully dressed and all… I woke up curled up on my side with him snuggled up behind me, his arms were wrapped around me and he had one hand slowly reaching up my shirt, stoking my side a little. It faintly tickled.

“mmm you awake?” I hear him say and I rolled over stretching my arms up over head.

“aw what time is it?” I tried to focus on the clock but it was so far away and it wasn’t even that light out yet. Not that you could tell, I had all the curtains closed.

“Almost 6.” He replied lifting my shirt up a little more. When I had rolled over it caused his hand to shift on me slightly and he was stroking my stomach now. He leant over and kissed it lightly before shifting himself fully on top of me now. He started bringing his kisses lower and lower and I giggle a little as I tried to stop him. He was starting to disappear under the blankets now.

“What are you doing?” I tried to pull him back.

“I want to see your panties glow.” He teased me as he disappeared under them.

“Gerard.” I laughed and then I gasped as I felt him kiss me on top of them. His breath was so warm and he was sliding his fingers along the edge of them now. He slipped his fingers underneath them for a second, running his hand along my flesh. “Mmm so you like them?” I couldn’t help but to tease him.

“Not really.” He slipped his hand back out and tore them down off of me. I gasped once more as he pressed his face down into me, trying desperately not to crush him with my thighs it was just that intense.

I forgot how good it felt to be with him. Imagining it, remembering it., dreaming of it even, fuck -its not the same as actually experiencing it.

He pressed my legs open wider as I struggled against the pressure growing deep with in me. I pulled the blanket up over my head now too and reached for him. “Gerard.” I was almost breathless as I tried to pull him up to me. I needed him but he resisted. “I want to please you too.” I pouted and he lifted his mouth from me.

“Mmm but you are.” He replied as he ran his fingers along me. I gasped as he pressed them into me.

“yeah?” I exhaled as he began to massage me with his thumb now.

“Mmhmm.” He replied and I arched my back a little as he pressed a little deeper. “Come on Elle.” He lowered his voice down instructing me. “Please me.” He pulled his hand back as he said it and just pressed his fingers back in so quickly and so deep that I shook.

I was still trying to catch my breath from it when he sat up over me unbuckling the belt on his swollen jeans. He didn’t even take them all the way off, just enough to free himself from them.

He threw my legs over his shoulders as he came down on top of me. I didn’t think I had anything left to give in that moment and I think he could tell. “Come on Elle.” He caught my lips in a quick kiss before pulling back slightly increasing his rhythm. “Once more.” He demands of me and I could feel it growing once more inside me. I had barely come down from before and was getting caught up in yet another wave

“Oh God.” I cried out feeling myself tightening around him. One final thrust and he sent us both over the edge. I pulled my legs down from him and he kissed me a few times on the lips before pulling himself off of me. I shut my eyes and began to snuggle back into my bed as he climbed off of it.

“Come on you gotta get up.” I hear him say but I ignored him. “Elle.” He said a bit firmer and I frowned a little as I looked over at him buckling his pants back up.

“Where are you going?” I asked and he laughed a little.

“Same place as you - school.” He says and I made a face. Fucking school, I hated it…

“Its still too early.” I whined as I patted the bed for him to get back in it with me.

“I gotta go pick up Frankie.” He says and I sighed loudly. “I do!” He seemed annoyed by it too which was somewhat of a consolation. “I forgot to tell the fucker I wasn’t gonna so-” He shrugged a little as he lit up a cigarette.

“I guess.” I tried not to pout.

“Don’t pout.” He laughed as he reached over and ran his thumb along my lip. That was another thing I missed so dearly about him. I shut my eyes so as not to cry from his touch. “Don’t be going back to sleep.” He scolded me and I fluttered my eyes back open at him. “Im serious.” He insisted and I groaned a little.

“Im getting up.” I whined and he handed me his half smoked cigarette.

“I’ll see you in school baby.” He gave me another kiss before he left.

I wanted to go back to bed but he really screwed me giving me his cigarette. The ashtray was clear across the room, so I had to get out of bed and once I was, that was it, I was up…

I went and took a shower, washing the mess of goo from between my legs before getting dressed for school. I made myself a nasty cup of instant coffee and downed half of it before walking out, cursing Frankie the whole way. I mean what the hell! Gerards gotta go drive him? What about me, Im the cripple, Frankies a healthy two legged fucker getting a ride and Im limping up the street alone…

When I got inside Gerard was already there. I went to my locker and before I even touched the dial he tells me its already open. Hes so fucking sweet to me sometimes. I got all my books out as he waited and then I went to kiss him and he kinda turned his face so it landed on his cheek.

“Come on don’t make us late.” He mumbled as he grabbed my bag.

“What?” I was a little surprised by him but followed him to the photo lab no less. I wanted to ask him once inside what was up cause he seemed to be in a weird mood. Maybe something with Frankie? I didn’t know…But he was definitely ‘off’.

I didn’t get a chance to though. I didn’t even get to walk in the room. Vice Principal Bonner was waiting for me by the door. He dragged me all the way down to his office to ream me out. I forgot to call in sick yesterday. I told him that and he said my claim of being home sick in bed would’ve went over better if he didn’t see me on school property during lunch…

I babbled all sorts of excuses but it didn’t matter. He was sending me to suspension for the day which wasn’t the worst thing in the world. I mean I got to rest my ankle a bit cause I didn’t have to shuffle from class to class. And it gave me an opportunity to actually try to make sense of some of my class work cause math wasn’t the only class I was struggling with anymore.

And when lunch time rolled around I told the monitor I didn’t bring lunch cause I wasn’t suppose to be here and didn’t have any money on me to buy it, so she gave me a pass to get a free lunch. But she wanted me to ‘run down’ and grab it quickly. I told her with my crutches I could leave now and be back some time next week so she had someone else do it.

Overall it was a decent day, that was until I got back to my locker and once more Gerard was giving me the cold shoulder…