FicWad

I stayed slumped in the darkened alley for a long time. It felt like it was ages before I actually moved. When I heard the sound of a car rumbling by the alleyway, I finally came to my senses and realized I should get out of here. It certainly wasn't a good idea to stick around in a part of town like this, especially in the middle of the night.

Slowly and carefully, I tried to get up. Everything hurt. My legs felt weak and like jelly beneath me and blood was still trickling down the side of my leg. As soon as I managed to get to my feet, I grabbed hold on the wall next to me so I could keep my balance and prevent myself from toppling over. I bit down hard on my lower lip as I bent over and snatched my clothes from the darkest corner in the alley. I dressed myself as quickly as possible, without thinking or caring about the fact that I was getting my white skirt soaking wet with dark, crimson blood.

Once I was fully dressed, I took a tentative step away from the wall. My knees shook tremulously, but I was able to stay upright. I took another unsteady step and then another until I was out of the alley and onto the sidewalk. For some reason, as soon as I was on the sidewalk, I felt safer. I guess it was because I could see better, but I wasn't really sure.

After what seemed like hours of walking on my unsteady legs, I finally reached home. Exhausted, I slumped against the front door to my mom's little shack. I was grateful I hadn't keeled over on my way home like I had thought I might. I wasn't sure if the mental or physical pain was worse. Probably the mental though.

With the last of my energy, I pushed the door to my home open and staggered inside. I prayed that my mom would be in bed and wouldn't hear me come home. I knew I looked like a mess and the last thing I wanted was for my mom to ask me what had happened. I couldn't talk about this with anyone. If I told, Ray would somehow find a way to get those pictures of me completely stripped down to the whole school. I shuddered at the thought of that.

Trying to make myself think about something else, I made my way to the bathroom and slowly slipped inside, closing the door soundlessly behind me. After flicking on the light, I took a wary glance at the mirror. God, I looked even worse than I had thought I would. My skin was so pale it was almost translucent, my hair was all over the place, and my eyes looked like two unseeing blue holes in my skull. It was like Ray had sucked the life out of me.

Turning away from the image in the mirror, I stripped out of my blood-stained skirt and threw on some flannel pajama pants instead. I was going to brush my hair, but I was suddenly so overcome with fatigue that the thought of brushing my hair when I could be resting seemed silly. I quickly exited the bathroom and thought about heading upstairs to my room, but then thought better of it. There was no way I was going to make it all the way upstairs. As a matter of fact, just as I was contemplating this, I toppled backwards onto the couch and slept there for the rest of the night.

~ ~ ~ ~

The light seeping in from the windows in our living room woke me up early the next morning. Blinking, I looked over at the clock to find that it was only five in the morning. As soon as I woke up, I knew something was wrong. I felt really strange. There was a burning sensation in my legs and I felt scared for no good reason. And what was I doing sleeping in the living room? I always slept in my bedroom since the living room was my mom's private space. She had let me know quite clearly that she didn't want me sleeping in there since she would occasionally watch TV on the couch late at night.

Still half asleep, I tumbled out of bed and padded across the floor, surprised by my lack of energy and my wobbling legs. I had just slept; I shouldn't be tired! Just as I was making my way upstairs, I noticed a white and red colored object on the floor. Curious to what it might be, I leaned down and picked up a thin piece of fabric. Turning in over in my palms, I quickly realized it was the skirt I had been wearing last night. That was when all the events from last night came rushing back to me.

I remembered my morning at school with Ray and James and how I had been so infatuated with them. Then there had been lunch where James had sat by me and given me his bag of chips since I had nothing to eat. I had gone to my classes in the afternoon and then as I was leaving, James had invited me to stop by his house. I had said no since I had already agreed to meet Ray. And that's where the pleasant fantasy turned into a nightmare. Ray had dragged me into that damned alley and had proceeded to rape me without giving a shit to me or how I was feeling.

All of these memories came back to me so quickly that I felt dizzy. I closed my eyes for a few seconds to steady myself. Once the world had stopped spinning, I reopened them and slowly proceeded upstairs to get ready for school. I really didn't want to go to school today, mostly because of my fear of Ray, but it wasn't like I really had a choice. My mother would never allow me to stay here during the day. She insisted on having privacy while she sat wallowing at the table, drinking her life's problems away.

So really, all I could do was try to make the best of this situation, go to school, and pretend that nothing was in the least bit wrong. Of course, that was much easier said than done. What Ray had done to me last night had changed my view of things forever. Before yesterday, I hadn't had a single friend. It wasn't exactly like I had wanted one, but when I had first met Ray and James yesterday, I had for the first time in my life wanted someone to talk to.

Now, I knew that I could trust no one. Not even the friendliest person on earth. Nobody could be trusted. When I had thought Ray was trying to be friendly, he had really just been ensnaring me into his trap. And me, stupid and naive, had fallen right into it. Looking back, I could now see how obvious it was that Ray had only wanted my body - not me.

Shuddering, I entered my room and tried to find some heavier clothes that would cover myself up better than my short skirt and tank top from yesterday. After digging in the closet, I managed to come up with a pair of dark jeans and a black sweatshirt. Dressing in dark colors seemed to be a good idea. After stripping of my pajamas and dressing in the new outfit, I moved to the bathroom and contemplated on what to do with my hair. At first, I thought about putting it into a ponytail. But then I realized that doing that would give everyone a good look at my face. That was something I certainly didn't need when my eyes were puffy and bloodshot from crying and my lip trembled spontaneously. Instead, I left my hair down to allow it to fall in my face and obscure my vision. Since it wasn't like I needed to impress anyone at school, I decided not to wear any makeup. After all, the point of makeup was pretty much to draw the guys' attention to you. Right now, I never wanted another guy to lay eyes on me again.

Once I looked as good as I was going to get, I crept downstairs and decided to head to school early. Just as I was rounding the corner and had my hand outstretched towards the doorknob, there was a sharp voice from behind me, "There you are, Olivia! Where have you been? I didn't think you were going to come home last night."

"I...uh...got held up," I stammered, trying to create an excuse in my hand. It wasn't like there was any way I was going to tell my mom about my rape. She squinted at me carefully from across the room and put her hands on her hips. For a moment, I thought she was going to scold me, but instead she just shrugged and started digging through the fridge for a beer bottle.

Before she had time to ask me something else, I turned and slipped out the doorway and into the cool, fall morning. I walked slowly on school for two reasons. Firstly, I was procrastinating being around all those kids from school. I feared all of them now. Who knew what they were capable of doing to me? And secondly, my legs were still weak and were barely supporting me.

As I walked along, I thought about the previous day a little more. My mind was always busy thinking about something or another. It was like my brain never slept. Somehow, my thoughts got turned to James. I'm not sure why I was thinking about him when I should've been thinking of Ray. But nonetheless, his smiling face and golden hair popped into my mind. I had liked James when I had first met him. I had even thought we could be good friends. But now?

I certainly wasn't going to have anything to do with James anymore. I couldn't trust him. No guy could be trusted. After all, James had invited me over to his house and he had even told me that his parents weren't home. Without anyone around, James could do whatever he wanted with me. Most likely, he would've abused me just like Ray had. An icy chill ran down my spine at that thought and I looked up as I reached the school.

As usual, there were the groups of gossipers hanging around by the entrance. Wasting no time, I shuffled quickly through the groups and headed straight to my first class which was Latin. When I came to the door to the Latin classroom, I halted just outside of it and took a deep, steadying breath. What if Ray was in the class? What would I do then?

Thinking of seeing Ray in class made me want to turn around and run right back home. But deep down inside, I knew I couldn't do that. I was just going to have to brave the class whether Ray was in it or not. Keeping my eyes downwards so I couldn't see who was in the class, I crept through the door and walked straight to my usual desk in the way back of the classroom.

Somehow, I made it through that entire class and the next one without even having to look up from my desk. I was really grateful for that. Sometimes the unknown was better than the known. If I had known that Ray had been in my classes, I definitely would've panicked and probably would've ended up doing something really stupid.

When lunch came around, I proceeded to my usual spot in the corner and sat there with my knees pulled up to my chest. In my hurry to escape this morning, I had forgotten to pack lunch again. Since I was so tired and exhausted from last night, I closed my eyes and tried to make myself relax so I could take a nap.

A nap, however, was not in my remote future. As soon as I closed my eyes, a cheery voice said, "Hey Olivia! Do you mind if I sit here?" My eyes flashed open to see James smiling at me as if nothing had happened yesterday. If only he did know what had happened and how my life was now changed. If had had known, things would've been so much different between us.