FicWad

When Ray had finally finished with me, I stayed lying on my side with my arm resting awkwardly underneath me. Everything in my body hurt. My insides felt like they were burning up and getting ready to burst my whole body into flame at any moment. Opening my bleary eyes and seeing that Ray was finally gone, I rested my head on the concrete road and tried to relax myself. Ray was gone and I could now try to recover. Recovering wasn't easy though. Ever time Ray hurt me like this, the father I got from ever recovering. As a matter of fact, I wasn't sure if I would ever completely be normal again. I would always have Ray's image haunting my dreams and I would always have a fear of guys that I would never have had.

I tried blinking my right eye to try to clear my vision. The motion hurt, but my blurry vision became a little clearer. I searched around the ground to see if I could find Ray's gun. If it were lying somewhere around here, I could snatch it up and just end it all. I didn't want to have to endure this ongoing nightmare anymore. Wouldn't it just be better to end the misery and get this over with? My eyes scanned over the ground where the gun had been lying, but now it was nowhere to be seen. Shit, Ray must've taken it with him. I suppose that only made sense though. It would be kind of stupid to just leave a gun out on the ground where anyone could steal it. If I had money, I would go and buy my own gun, but the truth was that I had no money to spare.

Speaking of money, I really needed to get a move on because of my job. Regardless of the fact that I felt like I was burning up in hell, I still had to go to my job. My mother and I would always need money for food and for the rent. Somehow, I managed to stumble to my feet. Looking down at myself, I could see that my stomach was still raw and bleeding and there were a few small cuts above my chest from when Ray had slammed me against the ground. Trying to ignore those ugly marks, I concentrated on pulling on my jeans and T-shirt. As soon as I was dressed, I straightened my shoulders and tried to clear my thoughts. Once I rolled back my shoulders and tilted my chin up, I stepped out of the alley and hurried as quickly as I could to the drug store.

Even though I felt like I was walking fast, it took a really long time to reach the store. My legs were shaking and it was hard to make myself move any quicker. Finally, after what seemed like eons, I reached the drug store. Glancing at my watch, I saw I was ten minutes late. That certainly wasn't good. I hadn't had this job for very long and I was already late to it. Hoping that my boss wouldn't be too mad, I stepped through the door and burst into the store.

My eyes wandered around as I looked for the usual woman at the cashier. She was standing behind the counter glancing at the clock nervously. I hurried over to her and apologized breathlessly, "I'm so sorry I'm late! I didn't mean to." The woman looked away from the clock and turned to me with a furious expression. Uh oh! Her expression told me that she either wanted to punch me or cuss me out. I shrank back timidly, waiting for her to speak.

But when her eyes turned on me, her expression changed completely. Her eyes roamed over me, taking in every inch of me from my feet to my head. I shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably while I waited for her to say or do something. I hated awkward silences. They were always worse than screaming and yelling in my opinion.

Finally, the woman spoke, "God, child! What the hell happened to you?" My brow furrowed and I took a step backwards. What did she mean? Was something wrong with me? Then I remembered that I hadn't really bothered to clean up after my episode with Ray. My hair was probably all tangled up and still contained little pieces of stone and gravel in it. Feeling self conscious, I lowered my eyes and apologized, "I'm sorry. I'm sure my hair is hideous. I'll try to find a brush. I'm pretty sure I have one with me." I removed my school bag from my shoulder and unzipped it, trying to find my brush somewhere in its depths.

As my hand closed around my brush and I pulled it out of my bag, the woman shook her head at me and continued, "I didn't just mean your hair. Have you even looked at yourself today? You've got a terrible scrape just below your chin. It's bleeding all over. Didn't you know that? And your right eye is all puffy and swollen. What happened?"

I wished I had a mirror around so I could see just how horrible I looked. I hadn't stopped to think about my eye and how was I suppose to know that my chin was bleeding? It wasn't like I could see what Ray was doing to me. Nervously, I pressed a hand to my chin and pulled it away. When I pulled it away, it came away sticky and covered in crimson. I quickly raised the sleeve of my sweatshirt against the skin right under my chin and tried to wipe the blood away to the best of my ability.

Ignoring the woman's question of what had happened to me, I apologized, "Sorry for showing up like this. I didn't know that I looked so bad. I promise I'll check myself out before coming to work next time." The woman peered at me and moved away from the counter to give me her spot behind the cash register. When she spoke, her voice was caring and compassionate, "It's okay, honey. Let me go see if I can get some ice for your eye and a bandage for your chin."

Shocked by her kindness, I blinked and said quickly, "Oh, you don't have to do that. You're probably in a hurry to get out of here. I've already made you late enough as it is. Don't feel like you have to stick around for me or anything. Really, I'm fine!" To be honest, I was anything but fine, but I didn't want this woman's compassion. Nobody had ever given me compassion before and I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. She would certainly want me to pay her back for her kindness someday.

The woman just waved away my protests and hustled to a room to her right, calling over her shoulder to me, "It's okay. I don't have anywhere to go. Besides, you certainly need some help if you're going to be here for the next five hours!" With that, she disappeared into the back room, leaving me standing shocked behind the cash register. Knowing that there was nothing I could do at this point, I just shrugged and waited for her to return.

I was glad the store wasn't busy at this time of night. I didn't really want customers looking me over or anything. Also, it wasn't exactly like I was feeling all that comfortable around strangers either. Ray had taught me to be suspiciously of anyone who I didn't know. Just when I was thinking all this, the door to the store happened to open. Great. Now I would probably have to ring up someone's stuff in a few minutes. I crossed my fingers that the person wouldn't buy anything.

Still glancing at the door, I waited to see who the person was. To my complete horror, a tall figure with long, curly hair and lightly tanned skinned stepped through the door. I didn't need a second look to figure out that the figure was definitely James. My heart seemed to skip a beat and my mind whirled. Then everything was spinning really fast and blurring all around me. It went faster and faster until I felt myself being swallowed up by a hurricane and I landed in darkness.

~ ~ ~ ~

When I opened my eyes next, I found myself leaning on a hard, wooden chair. Wondering where I was, I looked around to try to get my bearings. Before I could figure anything out, a familiar woman's voice sounded, "Ah, you're awake now. How are you feeling now?" I instantly recognized that the voice belonged to the woman who also worked as a cash register at the drug store. Uh oh, this wasn't a good sign. Had I fallen asleep in the middle of work or something?

"I'm feeling...okay," I lied. My legs were prickling uncomfortably, my neck was stiff, and it hurt to look around because of my right eye. Footsteps sounded as the woman approached and came over to get a good look at me. Feeling a little embarrassed, I asked, "Um...did I fall asleep during work or something?"

"Not exactly," the woman responded, watching me carefully. "When I came back from the back room, you were looking pretty pale. Then you just started trembling like crazy before you toppled over and fainted. I wasn't really sure where you lived or anything, so I just put you on that chair to rest." I instantly felt really bad. So I had made this poor woman work my entire shift because I hadn't been able to stay conscious.

The woman continued on, "Some boy around your age came to the store. He bought something and asked about you. I don't remember his name though. He was tall and had brown eyes. Do you know someone like that?" That was when I remembered that James had come into the store. I must've fainted when I had seen him. God, James had such a strong power over my body that it was not even normal. Somehow, I was going to have to learn to break away from him. I hadn't been doing a very good job on that so far though. Every time I talked to him, the more I found myself thinking about him.

Responding to the woman's previous question, I nodded, "Yeah, I know someone from school like that. I'm so sorry about making you work my shift though. What can I do to make it up to you? Do you want me to work your shift and my shift tomorrow? Or I could pay you if you'd rather do that?"

To my surprise, the woman shook her head almost disgustedly and replied, "Of course you don't need to make this up to me! Honey, you're obviously in no condition to work. I'm happy to work for you anytime. It's clear that you really need the money. Here." The woman stretched out her hand and held out my pay for the day. I stared incredulously at the money in her hand dubiously. She was going to pay me even though I hadn't worked? That wasn't fair at all. She deserved the money; not me.

Protesting, I said, "No, you keep it! I didn't even work. All I did was hold you up." But the woman stayed adamant. She forced my clenched fist open and pressed the money into my hand, saying, "Keep it. You need it much more than I do. Tell me, are you going to be able to make it home okay after this? If you need a ride, I'd be happy to drive you to your home."

"I'm okay. Thanks for the offer though," I answered, heading towards the door. I was feeling pretty light-headed and knew I had to get home fast before something bad happened. I could feel the woman's eyes on the back of my head as I hustled out the door and into the cool breeze of the night. As soon as I had taken five steps out the door, I started feeling really weird. I had this crazy, weird feeling that someone was watching me.

Apprehensively, I whirled my head and looked all around me. There was nobody there. Wishing I had dressed warmer on such a cool night, I wrapped my arms tightly around me and hurried down the sidewalk to my house. As I drew closer to the little shack on the corner of the road, I heard a twig snap behind me.

Figuring that there had to be someone behind me, I spun around to try to see who it was. But when I looked behind me, there was absolutely nothing there. This was getting a little freaky. Either someone was doing a really good job of stalking me, or I was really starting to lose it. The second was the more likely possibility. All this pain was really starting to take a toll on my body and on my soul. Every time I was raped, I felt as if Ray were chipping off a small section of my soul. Everyday it grew smaller. Before long, I would have nothing left. I would just be a living dead girl.

Finally, I reached my house and reached eagerly for the doorknob. But even know, I still felt someone's eyes on me. One last time, I peered over and looked around. Still nothing. Shaking my head at myself, I pushed into the house and slammed the door shut behind me, making sure to lock it tightly just in case someone really was stalking me.

As soon as I was in the house with the door locked, I dropped my book bag unceremoniously onto the ground and hurried to the living room. Knowing there was no way I was going to make it to my bedroom, I hurried to the couch and fell onto it. Within moments, I was sleeping. It wasn't a deep, peaceful sleep though. It was a sleep filled with stalkers and rapists.